MsLovelyLibra
@MsLovelyLibra
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 153 · Topics: 5
Just being a 'typical' Virgo or
And Tiki, yes, its ME...How ya been?
Hey woman! Hope your doing good...Glad your still around
Not enough details to really say he's not that into you, maybe the communication style s are different and he prioritizes you in say 3rd place instead of 2nd or first along with his son. I can't say for sure b/c I don't really see a huge problem between the 2 of you unless there is more details that could make things clearer for me but it seems your dating and when people date they typically go slow.
I'm not fond of the dry humping, meaning if your abstinent then don't lead him on, don't appear to want sex and yet dry hump like your 15 years old, it's slightly childish IMO, giving men blue balls can lead to deep resentment for him. He may be taking his frustration out on you by not making you a priority like you would like him to, I dunno if your resentful seems to me more like frustrated but then it appears you both may be frustrated and resentful in different ways.
Men need sex unless he's practicing abstinence as well...If your not going to have sex then why date? This is bound to end up someone getting hurt/disappointed.
Not enough details to really say he's not that into you, maybe the communication style s are different and he prioritizes you in say 3rd place instead of 2nd or first along with his son. I can't say for sure b/c I don't really see a huge problem between the 2 of you unless there is more details that could make things clearer for me but it seems your dating and when people date they typically go slow.
I'm not fond of the dry humping, meaning if your abstinent then don't lead him on, don't appear to want sex and yet dry hump like your 15 years old, it's slightly childish IMO, giving men blue balls can lead to deep resentment for him. He may be taking his frustration out on you by not making you a priority like you would like him to, I dunno if your resentful seems to me more like frustrated but then it appears you both may be frustrated and resentful in different ways.
Men need sex unless he's practicing abstinence as well...If your not going to have sex then why date? This is bound to end up someone getting hurt/disappointed.
Posted by 25thDecan
Sounds like you're in a relationship with a GUY...a pretty typical GUY at that...you know, normal. And, he's a worker and a single father. On one hand you don't want to be the center of attention but on the other you're already making a distinction between how he should spend time/show deference to his child over how he does it with you. Lay it out what it is thuat you want since this seems to be going sooo bad for you that you're ready to leave this guy. Maybe you're better off with another man-virgo or otherwise- and maybe he's better off with someone else. Either way...you sound very resentful towards him. Not good.
I have a life too but I take the time to text and call him, so Im not buying that he's just too busy to not do the same. Also, I would never ask any man to place me above his child(ren) and any man that would, is not a man that Id deal with. Im the one thats on pins and needles when Im at his house considering his son is there and I dont want him walking in on us all hugged up when its not 'official' that we are even together. He's the one that tells me to relax. I understand why its late by the time we do meet up but in between that time, a text or call would be nice.
Me? Resentful because I dont want to be in a one sided 'relationship'? I thought Virgos were supposed to be straight and to the point but it seems with him like I have to read between the lines. Thats whats frustrating to me because Im a straight to the point type person. And trust me, if I was done with him, I would have been long before now. Im just trying to get some insight on how to deal with him considering some of what Ive read about Virgos.
Posted by tiki33
Hey woman! Hope your doing good...Glad your still around
Not enough details to really say he's not that into you, maybe the communication style s are different and he prioritizes you in say 3rd place instead of 2nd or first along with his son. I can't say for sure b/c I don't really see a huge problem between the 2 of you unless there is more details that could make things clearer for me but it seems your dating and when people date they typically go slow.
I'm not fond of the dry humping, meaning if your abstinent then don't lead him on, don't appear to want sex and yet dry hump like your 15 years old, it's slightly childish IMO, giving men blue balls can lead to deep resentment for him. He may be taking his frustration out on you by not making you a priority like you would like him to, I dunno if your resentful seems to me more like frustrated but then it appears you both may be frustrated and resentful in different ways.
Men need sex unless he's practicing abstinence as well...If your not going to have sex then why date? This is bound to end up someone getting hurt/disappointed.
Im doing well. I thought this month would be rough considering its been 2 yrs since I lost my husband but things are going great and Im returning back to school in Jan. Praying that at some point I get into Law school.
I expect him to place his son 1st, job 2nd and then me. I get that. He says he's going to call, then dont but I see where he's on FB asking folks to join him to play video games. That irks me because it makes me feel like an after thought once he does call which is few and far inbetween. Its like he wants me to be the initiator and thats the conflict I see between us or at least from my POV. Is this a characteristic of Virgos?
I have no problems taking it slowly. I want to get to know him but he is not very forthcoming in talking to me about him, even when I ask him questions. He interrogates the hell out of me though..lol. I take that back, he seems interested in whats going on in my life. My plans and such. I guess it's our style of communicating thats throwing me off.
As far as the dry humping. Its not me that initiates that. He has a thing for rubbing my thighs and legs and the last 2 times out of the 3, he has become more passionate, so it ends up with us dry humping. I do know he is going to test me to see how far he can go though. The only
What exactly is your problem though? I may be having one of my severely off days today or not reading enough of what your feeling and thinking so don't get mad at me lol, I just don't see were there is a problem.
He's not communicating via text/phone calls enough for you but really how much and how many times do you need to hear from him in a day? Is it not okay that he says he's going to call you yet prioritizes his game time first and then call you later?
If he says he's going to call and doesn't then you have to address it which it seems you have and set a personal boundary around that, like not accept calls after a certain hour as to not encourage the behavior, get back with him later when it's convenient for you.
As for the hugging up with you whilst his son is around, well he's comfortable with the arrangement why can't you be okay with it as well, it's not like he's hiding you from his son, he's just not prioritizing when he's going to formally introduce you as his significant other, I'm sure his son has an idea at this point that daddy is dating, relax.
Try not to make a huge deal out of things, relax and stop making up problems were there are none...Try to focus on what he is doing rather than what he's not doing and before you complain try asking yourself first if it's something you want him to do which is a control issue so you can feel secure or is it really a pathological pattern that is not healthy for the both of you.
I don't really see a problem, well he's a grown ass man playing games online via Facebook which is hmmm a slight turn off imo LOL but hey whatever floats his boat. Maybe this is more of a maturity level/being a man issue and not about him being a virgo at all.
And we can't expect men to be like women, I think way too many of us expect men to abandon his testosterone and behave like women, some things can be expected b/c men aren't women, they can be very forgetful, somewhat selfish with his time, self focused, it's just some things come with the package, accept it or move on to a new man.
He's not communicating via text/phone calls enough for you but really how much and how many times do you need to hear from him in a day? Is it not okay that he says he's going to call you yet prioritizes his game time first and then call you later?
If he says he's going to call and doesn't then you have to address it which it seems you have and set a personal boundary around that, like not accept calls after a certain hour as to not encourage the behavior, get back with him later when it's convenient for you.
As for the hugging up with you whilst his son is around, well he's comfortable with the arrangement why can't you be okay with it as well, it's not like he's hiding you from his son, he's just not prioritizing when he's going to formally introduce you as his significant other, I'm sure his son has an idea at this point that daddy is dating, relax.
Try not to make a huge deal out of things, relax and stop making up problems were there are none...Try to focus on what he is doing rather than what he's not doing and before you complain try asking yourself first if it's something you want him to do which is a control issue so you can feel secure or is it really a pathological pattern that is not healthy for the both of you.
I don't really see a problem, well he's a grown ass man playing games online via Facebook which is hmmm a slight turn off imo LOL but hey whatever floats his boat. Maybe this is more of a maturity level/being a man issue and not about him being a virgo at all.
And we can't expect men to be like women, I think way too many of us expect men to abandon his testosterone and behave like women, some things can be expected b/c men aren't women, they can be very forgetful, somewhat selfish with his time, self focused, it's just some things come with the package, accept it or move on to a new man.
Posted by tiki33
What exactly is your problem though? I may be having one of my severely off days today or not reading enough of what your feeling and thinking so don't get mad at me lol, I just don't see were there is a problem.
He's not communicating via text/phone calls enough for you but really how much and how many times do you need to hear from him in a day? Is it not okay that he says he's going to call you yet prioritizes his game time first and then call you later?
If he says he's going to call and doesn't then you have to address it which it seems you have and set a personal boundary around that, like not accept calls after a certain hour as to not encourage the behavior, get back with him later when it's convenient for you.
As for the hugging up with you whilst his son is around, well he's comfortable with the arrangement why can't you be okay with it as well, it's not like he's hiding you from his son, he's just not prioritizing when he's going to formally introduce you as his significant other, I'm sure his son has an idea at this point that daddy is dating, relax.
Try not to make a huge deal out of things, relax and stop making up problems were there are none...Try to focus on what he is doing rather than what he's not doing and before you complain try asking yourself first if it's something you want him to do which is a control issue so you can feel secure or is it really a pathological pattern that is not healthy for the both of you.
I don't really see a problem, well he's a grown ass man playing games online via Facebook which is hmmm a slight turn off imo LOL but hey whatever floats his boat. Maybe this is more of a maturity level/being a man issue and not about him being a virgo at all.
And we can't expect men to be like women, I think way too many of us expect men to abandon his testosterone and behave like women, some things can be expected b/c men aren't women, they can be very forgetful, somewhat selfish with his time, self focused, it's just some things come with the package, accept it or move on to a new man.
I dont expect him to call or text me every single day but damn, can I get a phone call or text at least 2 or 3x's a week? Is that asking too much? It was brought to his attention last night and he ended up getting all defensive. Oh well. Dont be calling me cause youre now done playing a video game and happened to remember t
I can't comment on the rest of it, and I'm just as mystified by Virgos (and oftentimes, men) as you are, but I WILL say something in his defense in regard to the video game playing.
He's a single dad, and he works. When he has some downtime, perhaps he doesn't want to spend that time playing host to another person or having to be on his best behavior during a conversation with somebody that he hopes will maintain the thought that he is flawless. Cut him some slack. I don't even have children, and I know for a fact that at the end of a long day, I don't want to deal with anything or anyone. I don't want to sit and have a conversation with friends or even send a text that will probably result in 20 more texts back and forth that will divert my attention away from doing what I want to do most, which is RELAX. I know it's off-putting to feel like you're coming in behind a video game, but you may not be reasoning it out far enough beyond "They're coming before me".
Maybe you don't need the same kind of alone-time that others need in order to decompress, but different strokes. Even for me, getting online to shoot the hell out of some 15-year-old kid in a video game, while cursing him out and talkin' 'bout his momma is a GREAT way for me to not be concerned about the feelings or whims of another person, while chilling out. It could be the same for him.
He's a single dad, and he works. When he has some downtime, perhaps he doesn't want to spend that time playing host to another person or having to be on his best behavior during a conversation with somebody that he hopes will maintain the thought that he is flawless. Cut him some slack. I don't even have children, and I know for a fact that at the end of a long day, I don't want to deal with anything or anyone. I don't want to sit and have a conversation with friends or even send a text that will probably result in 20 more texts back and forth that will divert my attention away from doing what I want to do most, which is RELAX. I know it's off-putting to feel like you're coming in behind a video game, but you may not be reasoning it out far enough beyond "They're coming before me".
Maybe you don't need the same kind of alone-time that others need in order to decompress, but different strokes. Even for me, getting online to shoot the hell out of some 15-year-old kid in a video game, while cursing him out and talkin' 'bout his momma is a GREAT way for me to not be concerned about the feelings or whims of another person, while chilling out. It could be the same for him.
Posted by spaggiescorp
what I want to do most, which is RELAX. I know it's off-putting to feel like you're coming in behind a video game, but you may not be reasoning it out far enough beyond "They're coming before me".
Bingo.
I work 2 jobs and when I get home, all I want to do is relax.
Just go online and shoot people in the face.
Virgos need alone time, lots of it.
Posted by spaggiescorp
I can't comment on the rest of it, and I'm just as mystified by Virgos (and oftentimes, men) as you are, but I WILL say something in his defense in regard to the video game playing.
He's a single dad, and he works. When he has some downtime, perhaps he doesn't want to spend that time playing host to another person or having to be on his best behavior during a conversation with somebody that he hopes will maintain the thought that he is flawless. Cut him some slack. I don't even have children, and I know for a fact that at the end of a long day, I don't want to deal with anything or anyone. I don't want to sit and have a conversation with friends or even send a text that will probably result in 20 more texts back and forth that will divert my attention away from doing what I want to do most, which is RELAX. I know it's off-putting to feel like you're coming in behind a video game, but you may not be reasoning it out far enough beyond "They're coming before me".
Maybe you don't need the same kind of alone-time that others need in order to decompress, but different strokes. Even for me, getting online to shoot the hell out of some 15-year-old kid in a video game, while cursing him out and talkin' 'bout his momma is a GREAT way for me to not be concerned about the feelings or whims of another person, while chilling out. It could be the same for him.
I know all about needing downtime after a hetic day. I take all of that into consideration. I do not feel Im being unreasonable to ask that he meet me half way. I dont have a child to take care of but I do have an elderly mother I take care of on top of everything else thats going on in my life and yet, I find the time to shoot a quick text, a quick phone call or message via FB since I know he gets on there. Ive asked him about it and his response is...why dont you call me? Boy stop! Its like he wants me to make all the first move and I will to a certain degree. Im a Southern woman and there are just things Im not going to get a way from simply to say I have a man. Hell naw!!
Posted by CajunspiritPosted by spaggiescorp
what I want to do most, which is RELAX. I know it's off-putting to feel like you're coming in behind a video game, but you may not be reasoning it out far enough beyond "They're coming before me".
Bingo.
I work 2 jobs and when I get home, all I want to do is relax.
Just go online and shoot people in the face.
Virgos need alone time, lots of it.click to expand
Im bout ready to cyber fight you Cajun...lol
Posted by 25thDecan
I'm with tiki on this. I don't see the actual problem. I DO see resentment...because you've brought up breaking up with him over this as if he's constantly doing this in the entire relationship. And why must women in this forum hear this over and over and NOT GET IT? Stopv looking at a zodiac template and expecting a)for that to be the total man and b)expecting the template to DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT IT TO DO WHEN U WANT IT TO
My my my..just forget him being a complete person. His vorgoness you read about needs to come out so things can smoothly be as you expected and not a normal, loving relationship....sigh.
I have NO resentment towards him. I see ONE sideness and thats what irks me. So its I who has to decide if Im willing to put up with it. I also dont rely solely on someones zodiac sign because some of what Ive read about us Libra's are far off cause Im nothing like some of what Ive read.
Again, my life is busy too and yet I make time for him, so I do not find it unreasonable to want the same from him. If you had read what I wrote, I have asked him why he doesnt call or text more. He turned it around and asked why I wasnt doing the same. Huh? I have been. Its like he needs some kind of reassurance from me that Im interested in him.
Mslibra I have seen you nit pick men LOL, I don't know if this is just part of your personality or is it stemming from your past but it's like you pick the men and then you complain which tells me your moving way too fast when it comes to selecting a proper mate.
I don't see the one sidedness but I do see your expectations and how it's potentially going to destroy a possible connection/relationship, you expect him to do something because your doing it but it doesn't work like that with men, just b/c you choose to behave a certain way doesn't mean people/men will reciprocate, maybe his level of interest or lack thereof makes you feel insecure so you want more than he's willing to give right now....
You know if it was one sided I would be the first to tell you it is but in this situation I'm not seeing it, I'm trying to see it but I can't unless there is more to the story because right now you seem pretty nit picky and naggy needy-ish.
You said you spend time together so how is he not making time for you? Help us understand were your coming from. If he's not calling/texting enough why not just match his level of communication effort and leave it at that so you won't feel like your doing more than him, if he's not initiating/calling/texting then why not accept that he's not doing that and leave it alone because you can only do your part and if he's not doing his then there is no real potential to get very far, 2 people must do his/her part or someone is going to feel resentful and taken for granted, if he's not giving equal reciprocation that's your que to exit the situation/relationship not much else to discuss.
I don't see the one sidedness but I do see your expectations and how it's potentially going to destroy a possible connection/relationship, you expect him to do something because your doing it but it doesn't work like that with men, just b/c you choose to behave a certain way doesn't mean people/men will reciprocate, maybe his level of interest or lack thereof makes you feel insecure so you want more than he's willing to give right now....
You know if it was one sided I would be the first to tell you it is but in this situation I'm not seeing it, I'm trying to see it but I can't unless there is more to the story because right now you seem pretty nit picky and naggy needy-ish.
You said you spend time together so how is he not making time for you? Help us understand were your coming from. If he's not calling/texting enough why not just match his level of communication effort and leave it at that so you won't feel like your doing more than him, if he's not initiating/calling/texting then why not accept that he's not doing that and leave it alone because you can only do your part and if he's not doing his then there is no real potential to get very far, 2 people must do his/her part or someone is going to feel resentful and taken for granted, if he's not giving equal reciprocation that's your que to exit the situation/relationship not much else to discuss.
Oh no Tiki. Trust me. That time has come and gone. I hadnt dated anyone since you and I last spoke (I think that was about 5 months ago) because I needed to deal with my own issues which had been my need to be so strong willed. I was dealing with the whole not knowing how to be vulnerable with a man, thang. And every man, which had only been 3 that I discussed about on here, when I nit picked, analyzed, etc. I was dead on about them and their behavior/character...lol. Not to mention they were all long distant relationships.
I do feel that what I need and want, I cant and wont get from him. Plain and simple. Thats something I have to come to grips with as much as I do like him. As I stated before, Im not expecting him to call or text me every single day but more then what he does. I have a lot going on in my life which he knows about, so it would be nice to hear from him more often just to say hey or Im thinking about you. If that makes me seem needy or clingy, then so be it. It has never been easy for me to say I NEED anyone, so for me to step out my comfort zone...Ive been with him 3x's in the last 2 months, even though we live less then 30 minutes away from each other.
I do feel that what I need and want, I cant and wont get from him. Plain and simple. Thats something I have to come to grips with as much as I do like him. As I stated before, Im not expecting him to call or text me every single day but more then what he does. I have a lot going on in my life which he knows about, so it would be nice to hear from him more often just to say hey or Im thinking about you. If that makes me seem needy or clingy, then so be it. It has never been easy for me to say I NEED anyone, so for me to step out my comfort zone...Ive been with him 3x's in the last 2 months, even though we live less then 30 minutes away from each other.
And let me add that BEFORE we met face to face for the first time, he called, texted and bothered the hell out of me, ALL THE TIME, when he saw me online via FB. Its sort of like...ok, I have her now, so I dont need to do all of that stuff now.
Be patient.....Relationships take time to cultivate, you don't have to not date him, just try leaving your dating options open, if you enjoy his company then give yourself permission to enjoy that without all the other stuff your dragging into the mix. Your moving too fast and it's building up your level of expectations and when he falls short you become disappointed and disillusioned and feel like he's not reciprocating and most likely he is it's just that you need more, by you putting all your eggs in one basket (his basket) you are coming up short/disappointed.
I kinda feel your 10 steps ahead of him, already ready to get married, it's supposed to be FUN, dating should be fun and not have so many damn limitations on it.
Instead of caring if he calls/text/introduce you to his son just let it flow the way it's going to flow and go do you, live your life, go out on a date with someone else....lighten up
A man will do his part if you lean back and leave space for him to do it, he may not do it right away but if you show him you are okay no matter what they tend to step up at some point...The pressure will make a man pump his brakes real fast.
I kinda feel your 10 steps ahead of him, already ready to get married, it's supposed to be FUN, dating should be fun and not have so many damn limitations on it.
Instead of caring if he calls/text/introduce you to his son just let it flow the way it's going to flow and go do you, live your life, go out on a date with someone else....lighten up
A man will do his part if you lean back and leave space for him to do it, he may not do it right away but if you show him you are okay no matter what they tend to step up at some point...The pressure will make a man pump his brakes real fast.
Posted by tiki33
Be patient.....Relationships take time to cultivate, you don't have to not date him, just try leaving your dating options open, if you enjoy his company then give yourself permission to enjoy that without all the other stuff your dragging into the mix. Your moving too fast and it's building up your level of expectations and when he falls short you become disappointed and disillusioned and feel like he's not reciprocating and most likely he is it's just that you need more, by you putting all your eggs in one basket (his basket) you are coming up short/disappointed.
I kinda feel your 10 steps ahead of him, already ready to get married, it's supposed to be FUN, dating should be fun and not have so many damn limitations on it.
Instead of caring if he calls/text/introduce you to his son just let it flow the way it's going to flow and go do you, live your life, go out on a date with someone else....lighten up
A man will do his part if you lean back and leave space for him to do it, he may not do it right away but if you show him you are okay no matter what they tend to step up at some point...The pressure will make a man pump his brakes real fast.
See, this is what I mean. I am NOT trying to rush into anything with him. I want to take things slowly. I want to get to know him, have fun with him. I was cool until he started not doing what he said he'd do. I expect people to do as they say regardless as to whether youre my man, friend, family, etc. That ish irks me. And yeah, I know not everyone thinks and feels the way I do but I be damned if Im going to let anyone make me feel a certain way. If Im feeling a certain way, its for a reason and if I bring it to your attention more then once and youre still on that bullish, then that shows lack of respect towards how I feel and again, I need to decide if Im willing to waste my time with him or not. I also havent been putting my eggs into one bag cause I go out and have fun outside of the seriousness in my life, which is why the last time we met, it was after hanging out with my girlfriends. I learned a long time ago to not allow my life to revolve around a man. I was just wanting insight on this situation because sometimes those that dont have an objective, can maybe see things that youre doing or not doing, or see things that you may not.
You may not be trying to rush but it "FEELS" that way...Suggestion, lean back, cool out, chunk out the expectations and you will know which way to go and if what your feeling actually a problem or if your just needing more validation b/c of your own insecurities, although you may not agree, I sense your being insecure, please don't get mad okay but I sense it and if I sense it he does too.
Also not every person is going to do as they say, that's life, it's so different out here today, I too am like you but I had to wake up and realize people are not going to play by my rules. If this man isn't doing what he says he's going to do then that's your que to exit.
I'm seeing what your doing and not doing but as always you debate it...If you could sit back and listen with a level of understanding instead of trying to be right and being stuck in your own feelings then maybe you could grasp were I'm coming from and were 25th is coming from.
You might be right but is right really that important to you, being right and alone is the goal or not the goal? Try being flexible, first way of being flexible is understanding and accepting a man's comfort zone, accepting and understanding his limitations and threshold for intimacy and communication.
Although you say you have a fun life outside of him, sure doesn't seem that way...You really seem like you have this control issue, you have to be right, you have to do it my way or it's wrong and you have to reassure me that I'm important or I'm going to make you miserable.
I'm not devaluing your feelings, I'm really asking you to dig deeper and find out why you "NEED" his validation and attention to feel secure, sometimes a woman is going through stress, she's lonely, she's horny, she's hormonal, she's unhappy with her current situation and status in life and that can spill over onto our men, just make sure you know the source of your frustration, is it him or something else first before blaming him for why things aren't working.
Also not every person is going to do as they say, that's life, it's so different out here today, I too am like you but I had to wake up and realize people are not going to play by my rules. If this man isn't doing what he says he's going to do then that's your que to exit.
I'm seeing what your doing and not doing but as always you debate it...If you could sit back and listen with a level of understanding instead of trying to be right and being stuck in your own feelings then maybe you could grasp were I'm coming from and were 25th is coming from.
You might be right but is right really that important to you, being right and alone is the goal or not the goal? Try being flexible, first way of being flexible is understanding and accepting a man's comfort zone, accepting and understanding his limitations and threshold for intimacy and communication.
Although you say you have a fun life outside of him, sure doesn't seem that way...You really seem like you have this control issue, you have to be right, you have to do it my way or it's wrong and you have to reassure me that I'm important or I'm going to make you miserable.
I'm not devaluing your feelings, I'm really asking you to dig deeper and find out why you "NEED" his validation and attention to feel secure, sometimes a woman is going through stress, she's lonely, she's horny, she's hormonal, she's unhappy with her current situation and status in life and that can spill over onto our men, just make sure you know the source of your frustration, is it him or something else first before blaming him for why things aren't working.
Posted by tiki33
You may not be trying to rush but it "FEELS" that way...Suggestion, lean back, cool out, chunk out the expectations and you will know which way to go and if what your feeling actually a problem or if your just needing more validation b/c of your own insecurities, although you may not agree, I sense your being insecure, please don't get mad okay but I sense it and if I sense it he does too.
Also not every person is going to do as they say, that's life, it's so different out here today, I too am like you but I had to wake up and realize people are not going to play by my rules. If this man isn't doing what he says he's going to do then that's your que to exit.
I'm seeing what your doing and not doing but as always you debate it...If you could sit back and listen with a level of understanding instead of trying to be right and being stuck in your own feelings then maybe you could grasp were I'm coming from and were 25th is coming from.
You might be right but is right really that important to you, being right and alone is the goal or not the goal? Try being flexible, first way of being flexible is understanding and accepting a man's comfort zone, accepting and understanding his limitations and threshold for intimacy and communication.
Although you say you have a fun life outside of him, sure doesn't seem that way...You really seem like you have this control issue, you have to be right, you have to do it my way or it's wrong and you have to reassure me that I'm important or I'm going to make you miserable.
I'm not devaluing your feelings, I'm really asking you to dig deeper and find out why you "NEED" his validation and attention to feel secure, sometimes a woman is going through stress, she's lonely, she's horny, she's hormonal, she's unhappy with her current situation and status in life and that can spill over onto our men, just make sure you know the source of your frustration, is it him or something else first before blaming him for why things aren't working.
What person doesnt want reassurance from the person they are "dating"? I dont think that has anything to do with being insecure because Im not. If anything it seems to be him that needs the reassuring which is why when we do talk, he's always asking why I dont call or text more then I already do.
I do have control issues, has nothing to do with being right all the time though, and Im
Continued....
Im VERY upfront about that though. I have let go of the reigns a bit cause if the old me comes out, Id kick his ass to the curb and call it a day. Im trying to see this from his side. Im trying to see that this is not just about me but at the same time, I have standards and expectations and if you cant live up to em...and Im sure he'd be doing the same thing.
The one thing I have learned is how to be single and happy. While its nice having someone to love, yada, yada, yada...Im not about to deal with bullish just to say I have a man. So yeah, if Im stepping up to the plate, I expect the other person to as well and if he cant, then hey, holla at me from time to time and we're cool. I will step back and let this play out.
Im VERY upfront about that though. I have let go of the reigns a bit cause if the old me comes out, Id kick his ass to the curb and call it a day. Im trying to see this from his side. Im trying to see that this is not just about me but at the same time, I have standards and expectations and if you cant live up to em...and Im sure he'd be doing the same thing.
The one thing I have learned is how to be single and happy. While its nice having someone to love, yada, yada, yada...Im not about to deal with bullish just to say I have a man. So yeah, if Im stepping up to the plate, I expect the other person to as well and if he cant, then hey, holla at me from time to time and we're cool. I will step back and let this play out.
You have the right attitude, now you if you could apply that to the right man for you well you would be on your way to something more serious. I don't think nor feel what you want is wrong or is asking for too much but I do think you choose a certain a man that is emotionally limited, introverted, self involved and you place standards that are impossible for him to reach given his limitations he has with giving back, being emotionally available and open.
I think 25th and I were attempting to give you his side but b/c his side differs from yours well you put up your defenses and will not absorb any of it, at least not enough to find a new level of understanding.
You don't have to be alone, you just have to be more discerning about the men you choose to tie yourself up with, find out who he is first before investing so much of yourself, learn his limitations with women first and then you can decide if he's someone you can accept as he is or make the decision to move on, knowledge is power, the more you know about a man the better you can temper yourself around him, match his emotional capacity and connect better which makes a man want to give more when a connection is established beyond physical attraction, when a man feels understood he will give more if he can and knowing what he's capable of or incapable of lessens anxiety and expectations and you probably won't spend too much time on any one man at any given time unless you chose to do so.
I think 25th and I were attempting to give you his side but b/c his side differs from yours well you put up your defenses and will not absorb any of it, at least not enough to find a new level of understanding.
You don't have to be alone, you just have to be more discerning about the men you choose to tie yourself up with, find out who he is first before investing so much of yourself, learn his limitations with women first and then you can decide if he's someone you can accept as he is or make the decision to move on, knowledge is power, the more you know about a man the better you can temper yourself around him, match his emotional capacity and connect better which makes a man want to give more when a connection is established beyond physical attraction, when a man feels understood he will give more if he can and knowing what he's capable of or incapable of lessens anxiety and expectations and you probably won't spend too much time on any one man at any given time unless you chose to do so.
Posted by tiki33
You have the right attitude, now you if you could apply that to the right man for you well you would be on your way to something more serious. I don't think nor feel what you want is wrong or is asking for too much but I do think you choose a certain a man that is emotionally limited, introverted, self involved and you place standards that are impossible for him to reach given his limitations he has with giving back, being emotionally available and open.
I think 25th and I were attempting to give you his side but b/c his side differs from yours well you put up your defenses and will not absorb any of it, at least not enough to find a new level of understanding.
You don't have to be alone, you just have to be more discerning about the men you choose to tie yourself up with, find out who he is first before investing so much of yourself, learn his limitations with women first and then you can decide if he's someone you can accept as he is or make the decision to move on, knowledge is power, the more you know about a man the better you can temper yourself around him, match his emotional capacity and connect better which makes a man want to give more when a connection is established beyond physical attraction, when a man feels understood he will give more if he can and knowing what he's capable of or incapable of lessens anxiety and expectations and you probably won't spend too much time on any one man at any given time unless you chose to do so.
This makes sense. I must admit, sometimes, ok, ALL the time, if I feel like youre coming at me the wrong way, I will catch an attitude. Its like Im trying to be told what to do and thats the WRONG way to approach me...lol. Ok, and maybe when I look at it that way, it has to do with the whole nuturing thing us Libras are known for. I feel at my best when I am caring for others which is why Im back and forth between the legal field and social work. I want a man thats going to let me "baby him" when he's hurting or something is wrong with him without feeling the need to hold back cause men just arent supposed to get emotional BUT I also want him to be "the" man. Does that make any sense? I guess thats why Im also getting frustrated with Mr Virgo because I know he's going through some things but he just will not open up. Dont ask me how I know *smiles*
"This makes sense. I must admit, sometimes, ok, ALL the time, if I feel like youre coming at me the wrong way, I will catch an attitude. Its like Im trying to be told what to do and thats the WRONG way to approach me."
LMAO!! Funny and yeah I know all too well your attitude but I'm okay with it...Your a sweetheart
"I feel at my best when I am caring for others which is why Im back and forth between the legal field and social work. I want a man thats going to let me "baby him" when he's hurting or something is wrong with him without feeling the need to hold back cause men just arent supposed to get emotional BUT I also want him to be "the" man."
It makes sense but it's 2 opposing in nature. Nurturing a man makes him feel weak, unable to take care of himself. A real man don't want to be babied, he actually wants to baby and nurture you with limits of course but men feel good being needed, not needed in a needy clingy way but in a healthy way. Your asking a man to go against his nature, to be somebody he doesn't know how to be, something like show how hurt he is and run to mama uh hell no that's just not going to happen and if he does do it, you will have a man-boy that won't lift a finger in the relationship, you will do his part and your part and that's most likely why your constantly dealing with the lack of reciprocation.
It's emasculating, understand who men are and if you want to baby someone get a dog, a cat, open up a baby sitting business, that nurturing behavior will not work with a man (real man), a loser, a player, a lazy man, a man that is sick and infirm will allow you to baby him, a confident, self sufficient powerful masculine man that stands on his own 2 feet will feel threatened and become distant or run off altogether.
You should respect that he's dealing with his feelings and his issues on his own, wanting to help a man is YOUR ISSUE and it feels smothering especially if he's not asking for help, also believe it or not your behavior screams co-dependent, co-dependents need to identify THROUGH his/her partner to feel validated and that kind of behavior literally ruins relationships, literally run the relationship into the ground and poof he's gone.
You have to date and explore and seek out that kind of men, a man that will respond positively to your love language and not feel threatened or smothered by it and won't take you for granted and make you do all of the work...Tall order but if you keep dating inevitably you will
LMAO!! Funny and yeah I know all too well your attitude but I'm okay with it...Your a sweetheart
"I feel at my best when I am caring for others which is why Im back and forth between the legal field and social work. I want a man thats going to let me "baby him" when he's hurting or something is wrong with him without feeling the need to hold back cause men just arent supposed to get emotional BUT I also want him to be "the" man."
It makes sense but it's 2 opposing in nature. Nurturing a man makes him feel weak, unable to take care of himself. A real man don't want to be babied, he actually wants to baby and nurture you with limits of course but men feel good being needed, not needed in a needy clingy way but in a healthy way. Your asking a man to go against his nature, to be somebody he doesn't know how to be, something like show how hurt he is and run to mama uh hell no that's just not going to happen and if he does do it, you will have a man-boy that won't lift a finger in the relationship, you will do his part and your part and that's most likely why your constantly dealing with the lack of reciprocation.
It's emasculating, understand who men are and if you want to baby someone get a dog, a cat, open up a baby sitting business, that nurturing behavior will not work with a man (real man), a loser, a player, a lazy man, a man that is sick and infirm will allow you to baby him, a confident, self sufficient powerful masculine man that stands on his own 2 feet will feel threatened and become distant or run off altogether.
You should respect that he's dealing with his feelings and his issues on his own, wanting to help a man is YOUR ISSUE and it feels smothering especially if he's not asking for help, also believe it or not your behavior screams co-dependent, co-dependents need to identify THROUGH his/her partner to feel validated and that kind of behavior literally ruins relationships, literally run the relationship into the ground and poof he's gone.
You have to date and explore and seek out that kind of men, a man that will respond positively to your love language and not feel threatened or smothered by it and won't take you for granted and make you do all of the work...Tall order but if you keep dating inevitably you will
Posted by 25thDecan
I AM trying to tell you what to do...I have this leather belt, right.....
LOL! Go on, details
leather belt ....
damn it ...
damn it ...
You want a man and you want a baby...You want a man-baby and you want your man baby to be a man sometimes and be a man sometimes...
How confusing is that, no wonder you are bumping heads and at odds with the men in your life. Your level of expectation is high and you have that expectation for every man, and not every man is going to be able to meet that man-baby criteria so then what?
What you would like to experience with a man is a great in theory as a concept but it's not logical when it comes to playing it out in real life, most likely is very confusing for a man, you want him to be strong and confident and be a real man and you won't him to be a girl as well and show his feelings and discuss his heart, that's virtually impossible, those are some pretty high standards you have, your doomed to fail, I don't think there is a man that's this christ-like on earth. You gotta try to find some flexibility, acceptance and respect for men.
How confusing is that, no wonder you are bumping heads and at odds with the men in your life. Your level of expectation is high and you have that expectation for every man, and not every man is going to be able to meet that man-baby criteria so then what?
What you would like to experience with a man is a great in theory as a concept but it's not logical when it comes to playing it out in real life, most likely is very confusing for a man, you want him to be strong and confident and be a real man and you won't him to be a girl as well and show his feelings and discuss his heart, that's virtually impossible, those are some pretty high standards you have, your doomed to fail, I don't think there is a man that's this christ-like on earth. You gotta try to find some flexibility, acceptance and respect for men.
Posted by 25thDecanPosted by cappysweetie
leather belt ....
damn it ...
I have a set of oils for you...methinks you're more into the sensual than the spanking. Yes tiki...I like to spank...during something.....🙂click to expand
It's getting hot in here...oh lord I'ma leave this one alone lol
Posted by 25thDecanPosted by cappysweetie
leather belt ....
damn it ...
I have a set of oils for you...methinks you're more into the sensual than the spanking. Yes tiki...I like to spank...during something.....🙂click to expand
*raises eyebrow*
How did you know?
lol, well ... you are right lol
Posted by tiki33Posted by 25thDecanPosted by cappysweetie
leather belt ....
damn it ...
I have a set of oils for you...methinks you're more into the sensual than the spanking. Yes tiki...I like to spank...during something.....🙂
It's getting hot in here...oh lord I'ma leave this one alone lolclick to expand
Lady OMG, this dude 😉 ....
I'll leave you two alone LOL!
He might start yelling at me xD
I come in peace. So I will make like a banana and split 😛
Maybe what I was trying to say didnt come out right..Simplified version...lol. I want a man thats not afraid to show his emotions without feeling like he is less of a man because he does so.
And man, yall need to go get a cyber room...My virginal eyes cannot handle this *smirks*
Posted by 25thDecan
I AM trying to tell you what to do...I have this leather belt, right.....
LMAO...oh wow...No comment.
Posted by MsLovelyLibra
Maybe what I was trying to say didnt come out right..Simplified version...lol. I want a man thats not afraid to show his emotions without feeling like he is less of a man because he does so.
Same thing...Your expectation for a man to be this way is demanding and too high...Men are not raised to show emotions and feelings, they are told not to and so now your asking him to go against the mancode and show his vulnerable side and he may not even know what that is, what that looks like, men typically distance themselves when they feel deeply emotional and overwhelmed with feelings and here you are asking him to do something very uncomfortable for a man, trust you with his heart, his feelings...Why? Why should he do that? He doesn't know you well enough and if he did do it he would fear you, fear you may use those feelings against him? Your asking a man to do something that will have a profound effect on his psyche/life.
You are asking for the holy grail. Make it easy on yourself...Chunk it...Start from scratch and learn how a man is, how he is, what motivates him, what makes him tick, what makes him be the man that he is etc etc and you will feel much more connected and you won't feel so much anxiety about needing to feel validated b/c you will know his love language, his limitations on an emotional level and what his level of comfort is with a woman.
Flow with it instead of against it and you will have a much better result, once he feels understood by you a deeper level of connection and trust will happen all on its own and he will expose more of the things you want him to expose but a level of trust and understanding has to be established and it can't be forced and he can't feel judged as wrong because of who he is.
:O!!!!!!
LOL!
Tiki!!! Where are you, don't leave me alone xD
You have to stick around, I don't know how to respond xD
LOL!
Tiki!!! Where are you, don't leave me alone xD
You have to stick around, I don't know how to respond xD
*GULP* LOL
911..Call Tyrone...
That's the first thing to came to my mind
oh and
I love banana's (:
911..Call Tyrone...
That's the first thing to came to my mind
oh and
I love banana's (:
ooooooooh lawrd....
I ain't touching that lol
I ain't touching that lol
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