my ex libra is at it again with the games

Okay I am separated from my ex libra we were married. well we have 3 kids together. I told he I was done with him I sent him a very long text. He calls the kids pretty much every sunday around 800pm. I am on the east coast he is on the west coast. well He texts me this morning and told me he would be calling the kids tomorrow at 800. I think he did this expecting me to text something back. But I didnt. So he calls the kids at 500pm here and I gave them the phone. now my question is why .. he never for one calls this early on a sunday and why did he even waste his time sending me a text saying he would call tomorrow and called today anyway.. then he called at a time that is waaaay off. I just dont wanna play games. i know this is really no big deal... feel free to speak.plz

lol ..


Damned if you do .. damned if you don't


Perhaps, he had a change in his personal life, and was trying to be considerate by informing you of his change in routine ... then something came up and he had to suddenly change his plans again.

People aren't robots, you know .. life happens.


You should be fucking thankful that he cares enough about his children to attempt to keep contact with them on a regular basis = recognize and be grateful that he wants to keep his kids in his life .... and quit bitching about what he doesn't do to suit you.


His contact to your home is about his kids, you know ... NOT YOU

lol. I laugh at comments like this. I am not lucky about anything these are kids he should want and always to make sure he maintain a relationshp with them. ha I am lucky wow!!!!. You have no idea. see this is my phone he calls I make it possible for him to talk to his kids. I could be like any other women and make it impossible for him to talk to them. you dont know the details so how dare you get on here and act like you do. when he comes sees them I let him stay at my house becaus he decided to spend up all his money on other women and garbage. so by the time he wants to see them he is broke.you fuck off. I mean that in the most respectful way. good day.

"I let him stay at my house becaus he decided to spend up all his money on other women and garbage"


Oh, I get your bitterness towards him now .. because this issue about a phone call and him wanting to talk to his kids really has nothing to do with the above justification .. yet, you felt compelled to throw this in as if it means something to the mental and emotional well-being for the children.

Interesting .....

So, your attitude is because you are a woman scorned and this is why you cannot accept what love for his kids he has to offer in any kind of geniune and sincere feelings on his side, rather, can only view it as if it's his duty to do = like a job in which you grant him the opportunity.



I truly hope for your kids emotional well-being that you don't have this attitude about the children's father in their presence .......

it has all to do with it. he plays games . I am not mad at him he did what he flt he had to do. but he plays many games. maybe it is my fault for looking tomuch into this ever I never know ith him. I have never and will never deny his rights as a father. he calls when he want and nope i dont talk bad to my kids about their father. Hell no I am not lucky because he calls his kids he should and ery much obligated to what makes him different from me. Nobody in this world is gonna pat me on my back and say your kids are lucky to have you take care of them nope they look at me and say thats what u are suppose to be doing.. so lame of you to think I or my kids are lucky to have him call.Love does not spend up their money b4 it time to see their kids and then blames me if I dont let him stay at my house.... nope that is not love. Love does not only call on sundays and if I have somewhere to go at 800 get mad because I was not there to answer the phone for the kids. there is 6 other days in the week why only on sunday.... you dont know... but you talk plz keep talking ill have an answer everytime.

"so lame of you to think I or my kids are lucky to have him call"

"you talk plz keep talking ill have an answer everytime"



Yes, I fully recognize that you are full of talk, with no walk, and so have no choice except to have answers of arguement ... for if you had actual walk then you would have enough sensibility to comprehend what I am saying to you for your benefit.

Perhaps I worded it wrong when I said you are lucky ... your kids are lucky. I also fully recognize that you don't comprehend what I mean by that because you think it's his duty and he should give to his kids ...... and I also fully recognize that this is because you've never seen a child suffer with being without it, so therefore have no point of reference in which to empathsize.

Many men out there walk away from their children, never to acknowledge their existence again = tears their little children hearts to shreds.

You SHOULD be grateful that their little hearts aren't being tormented by his abandoning them, even IF his contact is miminal in comparison to your contact with them ..... you make yourself sound like their little hearts are expendable, for thier care sounds like it's only a duty to you ..........

"Nobody in this world is gonna pat me on my back and say your kids are lucky to have you take care of them nope they look at me and say thats what u are suppose to be doing".

So, in other words ..... you are only doing for them because this is what you are supposed to be doing?

A person this emotionally cold should NOT be raising little ones alone ..

"Love does not spend up their money b4 it time to see their kids and then blames me if I dont let him stay at my house.... nope that is not love. Love does not only call on sundays and if I have somewhere to go at 800 get mad because I was not there to answer the phone for the kids."



You don't get it, and there's no way a person can make you get it if you choose not to .... this isn't about money being spent, it isn't about sleeping on your couch because he's broke, this isn't about any inconvenience he's caused you, or being pissed at you ........ though, it is clearly recongized here that YOU think this, and him is about YOU.



It's about ... if he chose to abandon his children, he would. And no matter what time he calls, even if he sleeps in the garbage pail outside of your garage .... he is contacting his children because he WANTS to, because he LOVES them. But, you can't see that, you think he's doing it because he HAS to .. because you do for your children because you HAVE to.

"Nobody in this world is gonna pat me on my back and say your kids are lucky to have you take care of them nope they look at me and say thats what u are suppose to be doing"

dont question what i do 4 my kids. i am great mother. I do for them because I love them. . I work hard and go to school all for my kids.if i didnt do it for love I would give them up for adoption . or send them with there father. you just dont get it..bum

yep maybe sometime I do let my emotions get in the way.. yep sometimes i feel he owes me.


i will say when it comes to talking to his children I never refuse that. when he wants to see them I let him stay here. I dont have tolet hime stay here. i cant be his excuse of why he cant have a relationship. but I will not be used. if its important he would put in more effort.

I lost out on a relationship because how important it was for me to have my kids father in their life. you have no idea.. I want nothing more then for him to be with his children. but he tries to make me feel Like its on me and its no. I dont have to be in the house at 500 every sunday to wait arond for his call. however I have done that. for my kids sake.

Oh I get it, alright .. I live with a Virgo.

You are doing what all Virgos do when they are bitter ... you are begruding what is isn't doing, rather than appreciating what he is doing ... and it's all based around thinking it's all about YOU, for you are only recognizing your own inconveniences and feelings of disgruntlement.

He called his children .. you handed them the phone and came here to bitch about it, with absolutely no awareness as to how fortunate these little ones are for it.

I understand all that .... so, how does he pay his child support if he's broke?

why does it matter how he pay child support he pays... he still broke. just because he pays child support does not mean i have to let him stay at my house.

Well, if he pays support for 3 children, and of course he has to maintain his phone so he can be to call his little ones, and he has to eat ... so that pretty much takes up the majority of a persons money.

So, now we throw into the mix that he comes to see them broke and needs a place to sleep .. wonder how much plane fare was? He saved enough money for that, didn't he? So, he could come and see his kids.

No appreciation for how he feels for his children ... only bitterness for your own personal feelings and what happened in the relationship to make you this way.

It doesn't matter how many games he played with you while you were together Virgo83 ... because it's about the children now. And if you make his efforts in contacting his children about you and your personal feelings .. then in essence, you are forsaking them because their hearts are going to love their daddy no matter what, and they deserve to have these little hearts embraced for this very love .. so they won't grow up being cold emotional robots.

you know what you are right ; however , what if he has still playing games even while we have been separated. sometimes he wants me to play the role of his wife his friend and then only his childrens mother. I cant be all 3. its not like we separated and that was it. he has played many games and I emotionnally drained I dont know how to take some of his comments. So I agree maybe my problems and issues gets in the way of the best intrest of my kids..I have started counseling to work on that. So since you have all the the answers what do you suggest and I am being serious not trying to sound rude or smart. I want us to be at least friends. how do you separate the pain. how do you move on and focus on something other then that, I cant just x out what he has done..

its funny when I ask you for advice .you cant give it to me . but u can put up an argument..

"So since you have all the the answers what do you suggest and I am being serious not trying to sound rude or smart. I want us to be at least friends. how do you separate the pain. how do you move on and focus on something other then that, I cant just x out what he has done"


All the answers? lol ... my focus was merely for the benefit of the children, and that any mother should be appreciative and thankful for all the love their children recieve from their fathers, and if aiding in the childrens NEED to have this love from their father means that the mother has to sacrifice herself and her own personal feelings towards the babies dad .. then sobeit, because her personal feelings aren't as important as the little ones who don't know yet how to put emotions into perspective for a healthy emotional well-being.

I cannot instruct you on how to want this for your children, as it being a priority over your own feelings so you can put it into perspective for their benefit ... I can only tell you that thier hearts are tender and impressionable and do not know how to seperate between their parents disgruntlements with each other from their own naive and pure hearts to be loved by both equally.

To put aside your own bitterness of pain .. I suspect the only thing you would need to have is a desire for them to have love from their father outwieghing your need for vindication.

P-angel you need to be smacked with the bitch stick, all your replies were totally uncalled for. you couldn't of tried to beat down on her harder with the hate club.

virgo83, i'm completely too young and inexperienced in family/heartbreak to help you with your dilemma, other than to give my point of view on it.

and that's to just tell him straight up, "be a dad, not my husband. be my friend, not my lover." or whatever witty one-liner would fit best to your particular dilemma.

But for what you're doing for your kids, you're a great mother. I can tell you right now you're grade A mother material, and i'd hurt anyone who would try to spit on that obvious quality.

So P-angel, i have no idea what your problem is, but it's obvious you don't like virgos, or at least won't give them ANY room to prove themself.

i really don't think you have the necessary qualities to be advising anyone on the Virgo-anything. Mostly because you're a biased virgo-basher.

lol, the school bell is ringing .... scoot along

school's out for the summer.

just an F.Y.I.

I dont need to get approval from any1 .I know what I do for my kids. it does not fall on me . All i need to do is make them available to him. as long as i dont deny him of his rights as a father then anything else is his problem.


P_angel.. who is she? UMMMM. nobody to me. she spends half of her time posting on this board. giving everybody "good" advice.I wonder how much of this advice she implements in her life.. lol.

I gave my kids father 600 $ because his bank account was overdrawn. because I want him to be apart of their lives soo much. so now Ill just wait and see if he will come to his kids. since he said he couldnt come because of money. So we will see.

I am good I am great!!!!!!!!!!

thank you greemo kid.

lol, you were singing a different tune before ... I've heard everything you've said about this man and situation on the Libra board.


Nobody to you and that's fine because nobody really is a person to Virgo, people are just opportunities to Virgos .. we all know this.

At any rate, whether you are resentful towards me along with all the other people who are voices of reason, or not, is irrelevant ... what is is that you are cooperating with him being in the kids life, if he loves them.

*****Nobody to you and that's fine because nobody really is a person to Virgo, people are just opportunities to Virgos .. we all know this


everybody uses people in life. that just the way it is. some people u talk to. cause they listen. some people u party with. some people are really just a good friend.that just the way it is. nobody shares the same relationship.


i am not resentful.I ma great!!! I know who I am..

we will see. its different when you cooperate and just being a doormate. but we will see.

if he loves them. thats the problem u dont know until after u waste time pushing and giving then they still never come around. then what?...

he left.this is our life. he has to figure out his own way to fit in. I dont need to squeeze him in. its up to me if i want to help. but i am not obligated to...

"and that's to just tell him straight up, "be a dad, not my husband. be my friend, not my lover." or whatever witty one-liner would fit best to your particular dilemma."


lol .... when you get older, kid, and have real-life experiences with SO's you will learn that it's these very witty one-liners coming from Virgo in which actually CAUSES the person you are relating to .. to defy against you indignantly. A person wants another to be forthcoming with effort, or reasoning in finding resolution with a life issue ... not some terse retort that has a nice ring to it. That only confirms within your partner that you don't really want to "work" at the problem.



Actually, Mr. Nice has it right, Virgo83 .. so long as you are responding to his games, he will continue.

It only thunders when it's raining.

Probably the most prudent road to take at this time, since he continues to play you .. is NOT to accept it by reacting to it. Everytime you have a come-back (which you've outlined in your first response to me that you always have answers to shoot back) .. then this is the breeding ground for him to continue getting your goat. It is these very witty one-liners, or any arguement, or any expression at all to indicate to him that you are actually accepting his game .. by means of reacting through a defense.

The answer is to NOT accept it any longer, by completely ignoring that the game is taking place. There's a fine line between being confident and being insecure. Confidence doesn't need to defend itself, but, insecurity does and it will. He has you feeling insecure BECAUSE of these very games .... and you respond to them, which only breeds more contempt.

Hypo:

Him: Why weren't you home when I called? It's your fault that I didn't get to talk to the kids.

(don't fucking ARGUE WITH HIM, don't fucking defend yourself with this game)

You: The scheduled time to call is 5:00, and you didn't. At 5:00 tomorrow, the kids will be home should you decide to call.

******** and hang up the phone ***********

If he calls back, don't answer ....... tomorrow at 5:00, answer the phone if he calls.


If you acknowledge his game .. he will play it.

P angel you are right.


I through my fits.everytime he plays his "game" .. I need to verify with actions and not words.

I just had a 4 day bitch fit that was not even called for. I expressed through words and not my actions. I can be negative. very onesided. . I am learning.. I will all ways have something to say its just me. I say what I have to say.

I am trying to work with my kids father, my kids need their father but it seems things are always personal from both sides.he wants me to work with him. but he does not talk to me. I can only asssume things..I only know what he tells me. but anyways. blah blah.He thinks as long has he just keeps sending mone then i should just be happy with that. I am ahappy with that. but it just takes more then money to be a father... he is coming to visit the kids next month.

It's not easy to keep your mouth shut when someone has defied, or betrayed you, or attempted to do you wrong in some fashion ... but, it's the only way.

When my son was young, he got bullied alot because he was a book-worm, so he was The Nerd. And every time he got targeted ... he responded. Every time he responded .. he got targeted even harder.

It took him awhile to wrap this concept around his head ... because he was being insulted, attacked .. and he felt the need to defend himself. But, you know .. the day he finally learned to just ignore those boys, was the day it all stopped ... and he was never targeting again.

When people do that .. when I do it, when you do it, when your ex does it, when anybody does it ... the ONLY thing they are looking for is for you to respond with an indication that they 'gottcha'.

It's not easy, and especially not easy for a Virgo is emotionally reflective ... but, it's the only way to STOP him from doing it.

A game player finds pleasure in playing you ... if you don't play then it's no longer any fun, and since this is their pleasure, and you won't play .. they will move on to another.

Just try .. just try to keep your mouth shut no matter how much your inner voice is screaming out. In his presence, don't flinch if he says something, don't roll your eyes, don't slam the cabinet door .... try to not acknowledge him at all, unless he's talking sense, or about the children.

I agree. thanks much.

I am excited for my kids.....

thanks p angel ur not soo bad...lol.