chatz \ thelibran help please —

chatz \ thelibran

He just called and wants to talk...God, I really don't know what to do.This day was hard enough(feeling hurt,disoriented and have a hangover)

Why are you so scared? Are what he has to say but don't any decisions on the spot

1. I just feel s weak and pathetic at the moment
2. I don't trust myself now...

I hate feeling like this and acting so erratic or maybe crazy is the word.

well, he is outside. picking me up from work.So, I will just have to do this and get it over with.

No you don't.

If you don't want to see him, tell him to f off. Don't be afraid to tell the truth and call him on his crap. It is crap. He will back petal.

He will do it over and over again until you confront him and call him on it.

thanks.don't really know what to say. I have been telling friends that I am done with him everytime he messes up.Then when he calls I am like a love sick puppy.

This time I just need to do it and be strong. I think deep down I realised on monday morning that it is over.

I just hope that I keep to my word this time.And let him go

-------------------------------------------


I don't know your whole story .. however, I read the thread in which you said the above.

You already know, and have for some time, it appears .. that you cannot be with him because he's making you crazy with his push and pull.

The problem at this point, isn't even him .. you've realized that this is the way he is, and will not change, nor should he change. When two people can't make it together, the appropriate course of action is to move on to find a person to whom you are compatible and can relate in a way that satisifies both hearts .. the proper course of action is NOT to continue attempting to relate with somebody in hopes that they will change. People ONLY change at their own discretion.

Einstein said ... insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results .. and he would be correct. Talk to him then, talk to him today, tomorrow .. it's still doing the same thing and expecting something different to happen.

The problem is yourself, which you realize .. you've allowed yourself to be weak in the knees over just several of his personality traits, and perhaps sex (< that's a guess) .. whatever qualities he has which is making you go ga-ga for him, are what you are holding onto with hopes he will change.

You can't change him, you can't fix him, you can't make anything happen for another person .... you can only make life happen for yourself.

If he makes you unhappy, and/or crazy ... then swim. If you don't, and continue to allow him to make you crazy, which it sounds like you are doing to yourself .... then the problem is no longer him.

whoa, my blackberry totally f'd up my post.

Why are you so scared as to what he has to say? You already know he's full of it. See what he has to say but dont' make any decisions. Pick a neutral location and don't let him be in control of this. You know his ways, don't give in to his BS.

It stops when YOU say stop. My ex-libra kept contacting me when he was the one who broke up with me. Everytime he used his charms I fell for for him, but he still didn't want to be EXCLUSIVE again. Finally, I got fed up and stopped picking up his calls and we're done! And I'm happy it's OVER! (Now I'm head over heals about another libra! Ah!)

bella, sorry for the late reply. Chatz is in +10.5 nd me in +8 GMT.

I know you still have a lot of soft corner for him and it would prevent you from doing anything harsh. And on top of that it would upset him if you are not going to sit and have a discussion and explain yourself. So basically you are out of choices. Either you can direct his attention to your previous thread and let him walk through it and comprehend it from there or you will have to sit with him and have a talk. Just be plain honest. Tell him you do like him but you dont see any future with him because his nature doesn't fit your needs. Tell him you have been trying and it haven't worked out for you. Tell him that you may give in again because you do care about him but then ask him if it would be his wish to take advantage of your emotional condition or would he rather keep himself away from you.

if u can put all these in words, that should sort out issues. But then be prepared to give a few weeks for fading time. See him.. casual talks. Hold yourself back. Else you may find it hard to get out of it.
🙂

I think the best approach is to be honest with him as to what you want and if he can't give you what you want after all this time? its time to cut ties for a while (explain to him that it hurts you to keep seeing him in the way you have been)...No Libra WILLINGLY wants to hurt anybody and he will understand.

I would just say to him that in time you'd like to keep the friendship alive but at the moment you are emotionally involved and you need to detach yourself.

Im sorry, there's really no easy way except to just stay very very busy....I found it hard - us Leos are extremely loyal and like LIbras, dont want to hurt anybody but sometimes its best to be cruel to be kind and there's also that issue of self preservation 🙂

Good luck my dear....keep smiling 🙂

I spoke to him.I was honest.I didn't try to manipulate him with my emotions to get an reaction. I spoke to him the way that you are suggesting and believe me it was not easy. I said that I have really intense feelings for him and I thought that I could handle his comming and going as he pleased.I do understand that he is going through a lot right now.But it hurts to much to be in this relationship or whatever is going on between us.And it is not fair what he is doing to me.Everytime,I ask him nicely to let me go.He stays away for a while.Then he comes back as if nothing has happend.And we fall into each other again...

He said that he was sorry, he didn't meant to hurt me.He "likes me a lot", but he doesn't want a relationship(WFT)...I lost my cool and I told him that I did not ask for a relationship. I am asking him to stay away from me. I don't want to be friends.I don't want him in my life.I don't want him calling or comming by to see how I am doing.I didn't mean to cry...

He held me then he tried kissing me and wanted to go to bed(WFT).I asked him to leave.He just sat there.then I said can you please leave.Then he wanted me to walk him out. I said why you know where the door is. He wasn't moving so , i got up and open the door.then he asked if he couls hug me. I said no please leave. no movement. So, I allowed him to hug me.He hugged me and tried to kiss me,when that was not happening he kissed me on my forehead. and he left. I closed the door.But he was still outside for a good 20 mins before I heard his car leaving.

I don't think he takes me seriously.and he will be back sooner rather then later.


thelibran,I would like to know your thoughts on the above mentioned behaviour —

you guys...

I just have to share.I swear the universe is playing a trick on me.
My ex(capricon. he had cancer so we brokeup) called. He got back from London,LAST NIGHT. He misses me and wants to go to dinner. I said no .Have to to finish some stuff for school.

He said that his doctor's told him that he is clear now. Im really happy for him.So, we are having dinner sunday evening.

please don't get me wrong. Capricon didn't say he wants to try again. And I also don't want him back. He is someone that I cared about and when he had cancer and I was going through stuff with libra, we were there for eachother.I am not going out to dinner to be spiteful. We always meet up(have dinner) when he is in town.

Capricon, is a lot older then Iam.

Libra, knows about your friendship.

((thelibran,I would like to know your thoughts on the above mentioned behaviour —))

He probably might have felt that you were just being emotional and everything you said was bcoz of your emotional outburst. Its quite important to keep a straight face and a twinkle in your eyes when reasoning with a libra.

((Its quite important to keep a straight face and a twinkle in your eyes when reasoning with a libra.))

OK.I was not emotionally from the start.I got upset because here I was telling him what I was feeling and the only thing he could say is "I like you and don't want a relationship". It was like he wasn't hearing what I was saying.

I started crying because,I felt fustrated...

I really hope that he stays away and don't think that I was emotional , when I said I don't want him anymore.And he is waiting for me to calm down before he pitches up again...

I really don't think handle another... I DON"T WANT YOU SESSION.IT IS GETTING OLD AND BORING.

Well, he is probably just as frustrated as you are. You keep wanting a relationship and he keeps saying the same thing, he doesn't want one. You are both talking in circles cause you just don't get each other.

You guys don't want the same thing furthermore your lack the ability to communicate with each other effectively. It will just lead to further power struggles and frustrations. He ain't your guy. This is all ego struggle. (My guess is you are a water sign? cancer? total gut thing here.)

If he bothers you again, tell him you will file a restraining order on him if he continues.

I am a Leo.

((If he bothers you again, tell him you will file a restraining order on him if he continues.)) I said this...then ,I had to hear how he has always treated me with courtesy and respect. Now he sees that I was just using him...

((You are both talking in circles cause you just don't get each other.))
That's why I started crying. because I said that want to end things... But he hears I want a relationship.

((Bella))1st let me say that I understand EXACTLY what your saying & I too have been through this back & forth game. Your Libra sounds a lot like my Libra.

"He said that he was sorry, he didn't meant to hurt me.He "likes me a lot", but he doesn't want a relationship(WFT)...I lost my cool and I told him that I did not ask for a relationship. I am asking him to stay away from me. I don't want to be friends.I don't want him in my life.I don't want him calling or coming by to see how I am doing."

I have had this same exact convo, his response was...." I'm not saying I don't want you, your perfect for me, just not right now, you never know what the future holds" This caused my jaw to drop, did he NOT just hear everything I said? BUT here's the thing.... He heard what I was saying.....That I cared, that he hurt me, that I couldn't take the coming & going. All of this told him that I DID want a relationship, one that he wasn't willing to give.

I decided that my Libra kept coming back & saying what I wanted to hear for one reason & one reason alone.......ATTENTION, a stroke of the ego, because it's nice to know your wanted. That is the only explanation that works for me, it's not because he wanted to be friends, it's not because he really cared because if that were the case, he wouldn't have continued to come back, knowing that he was going to hurt me.

There is only one way to resolve this, CUT HIM OFF. You have the power to do that, I know it's not easy when you have feelings invested but it's the only way. You have to do it because he never will. I erased my Libras # out of my phone, I erased his e-mail, I deleted him out of my social networking site, I stopped going over to my best friends house (he's her brother/they live together) No it's not easy but continuing to be played is even worse. Now he's pissed, denying everything that ever took place between us, telling everyone I was "clingy" LOL I find that funny considering I'm the one who ended it & he's the one still talking about it........who's being clingy now? LOL but the reality is, he's only pissed because he lost his biggest fan. I wish you well Bella, I do understand

CanTaur..Glad you are in a good spot now and realize the situation for what it is...I also believe in my situation it was stroking his ego as well..We are still friends and he still tries to get under my skin, he called me yesterday and told me his divorce is final and who knows what will happen in the future..I do not give him any reaction, I told him that I am happy with the man that I am currently dating and only see him as a friend now... Bella 79 will also realize in time, and my god it takes a lot of time, due to the games tha Libra men play, pulling you in and then pushing you away...Very hurtful and such a waste of time because they (Libra Man) know the outcome from the beginning...

CanTaur, thanks thats exactly what I needed to hear.And that eactly what he is doing.I am sure that he only heard what he wanted.

Well, am busy typing up my assignment for school which is due on wednesday. Just want to get it done today and mail it through to my lecturer.

Thanks everyone for your advice and have a great weekend.

Thanks Hurt, Glad to hear you've moved on too 🙂 I'm highly doubting that my Libra & I will ever be friends again & I'm fine with that because I've seen a whole new side to him & it's not very pretty.

"my god it takes a lot of time, due to the games tha Libra men play, pulling you in and then pushing you away...Very hurtful and such a waste of time because they (Libra Man) know the outcome from the beginning..."

I agree, Sure I think they go back & forth in their minds, trying to figure out if your the right one for them but it doesn't take that long, I think they know MUCH sooner then they let on. Lesson learned: If you lay all your cards out on the table & they still don't know.....pick up your cards & move on! Solve the puzzle for them & say..."YOU are not the one for ME" 🙂

* That I cared, that he hurt me, that I couldn't take the coming & going. All of this told him that I DID want a relationship, one that he wasn't willing to give.

pretty much. that is what you really ARE saying. YOU just don't hear it yourself.

* Now he's pissed, denying everything that ever took place between us, telling everyone I was "clingy" LOL

all that emotional talks and emotional upsets and you constantly wanting more *IS* clingy.

These guys just make you crazy. Crazy-making men do not make us women folk happy. Find someone with whom it is all easy. You'll thank me later.

🙂

* Sure I think they go back & forth in their minds, trying to figure out if your the right one for them but it doesn't take that long,

We know. We usually know right away. It is when we really, really, REALLY like you and want to feel more but don't that the trouble starts.

Little_ Sparrow

We know. We usually know right away. It is when we really, really, REALLY like you and want to feel more but don't that the trouble starts.

Do you mean that your feelings will not turn into love— Even though you really like a person..

Little_ Sparrow

We know. We usually know right away. It is when we really, really, REALLY like you and want to feel more but don't that the trouble starts.

Do you mean that your feelings will not turn into love— Even though you really like a person..

Yep...concentrate on YOUR life and not that of the Libra, you see you say that you want him to go away but you are spending more of your time than you should worrying about when he will come back...dont open the door for him, dont answer the phone, dont write to him, dont answer emails...CUT HIM OFF.

I heard all the same crap from my Libra ex..."timing is all wrong for us", then 2 minutes later "It'll be interesting to see where we both are in a year from now"....yada yada yada....Im certainly not waiting around for the year, I dont care if the timing was wrong for him, why put yourself out there if you're not ready to be in a r/ship? why cling on to somebody for the ego stroking? that's just manipulative and cruel.

With the Cappy? hmmm well I have learnt that Cappys make better friends for Leo than r/ship material - it is the one combination in astrology that just doesnt get a look in - dont go there for your own sake....if you've been driven crazy by a Libra and go back to a Cappy? OMG it will drain the life out of you.

Live your life, drag your friends out and have an amazing life, and be thankful that you got rid of Libra.....I wouldnt look to replace the guy right away - heal, spoil yourself and above all, dont look back 🙂

Oh and if he treated you the way you described? You asked him to leave and then he hung around and wouldnt go and tried to kiss you? after saying he understood yet he didnt want a r/ship? He is being a selfish so and so and he is playing a dangerous game.

When you ask somebody to leave they should leave, especially under those circumstances....dont allow him back for your own sanity sake and stop playing the victim, because YOU are in control of YOUR life, not him

"Live your life, drag your friends out and have an amazing life, and be thankful that you got rid of Libra.....I wouldnt look to replace the guy right away - heal, spoil yourself and above all, dont look back"

OR....

do what I do and use him at your own convenience, shit they do it....

cut off all emotional ties, and use him for sex 😉 I'm startin to think thats what SOME of the guy libra's are good for anyway...

LMFAO!!! That's quite funny and may have some substance to it *giggles*

*** shakes head ***


One side of the mouths tells him ... "I have intense feelings for you"

While the other side says ... "I want you to leave me alone"



And you are seriously wondering why this guy is so confused?


Really? Like for real, you don't "get" why he's confused?

Hi All

Just had to chill and think about things. Yes, I am not a victim.And I do have a lot going on in my life right now. studying for my MBA, pottery etc.

I do know that I will get over him(Libra). right now it just hurts...I am sure that I just need to give myself some time.

I know it shouldn't matter but ex(libra) was in a realtionship with another woman all this time.They live together.So, that BS about needing me and him wanting me to comfort him on mothers day was just a lot of BS on his part... long story

Right now I just want to take sometime of and relax.Date with Cappy went well.We had dinner , we talked.I went home.

Im sorry you had to go through this and learn of the :other woman".....some of these guys truly are jerks

thanks, Chatz

It's his loss...I just can believe what he is saying.He told her about me. That I was a fling and we were not in a relationship... Ag, what's the piont.

I just need to "ride" this out and I will be fine.

Well if she accepts his lies and deception, more fool her...at least he has been honest with her (well so he says anyway).

You are better off as you already know....life does go on - it will take time to ride it out and I know everybody will say STAY BUSY but its so true....I was stuck on my Libra (even though he caused so much damage) until fate (work, friends, and a new man) took over and made me get over him....I realised he wasnt as great as I kept telling myself...I look back now and think OMG what was I thinking...clearly I wasn't....LOL

You will get through it just fine and you're right, its his loss coz if this is how he behaves? he cant feel too good about himself or life nor the so called r/ship he's in...what a loser and there are plenty of them

Its really sad to read so many stories on here that end like this (including my own) because I do know that they can make the most amazing friends. It would seem that the libra men have the most difficulty in keeping a healthy r/ship....their wondering eye and constant search for "the one" even when in a r/ship? sad, sad, sad....but I have been told they are not all the same.

the only success story on here is HP and her man from what I can see....Libras, I love you dearly but man you guys have a lot to answer for....look at all these broken hearts...sheesh *scrunches up nose*

If only it could be different *sigh*

thats silly as hell

...maybe for u...

works for me...

Bella79 - I know you dig Libra and the sex is amazing, however girl .....don't you believe you deserve better than this? My aqua GF also fallen for a Libra and he does the same thing .....flowers her with attention and than leaves for days no words ....nothing and comes waltzing back like nothing happened. I told her sweetie either you need to accept him for who he is or you need to change the situation. I see things so black and white.

So good for you telling him to leave. I do understand .....one minute it is easy to fall into his hands like silly puddy because of all the attention they give you and the next they are so distant and cold. Too much of a mind trick.

I saw this with Libra I was having casual fling with .....I confessed to him that I was digging him wayyyyyyy too much more than I planned. I told him I did not want to be the transition chick and wished him well and told him I hope things keep going his way. My emotions for him were not his issue they were mine to own. He never promised me a rose garden. He needed to finish his business with his GF he was breaking up with, I knew I did not want to get myself in that mess. So Libra and I had a short affair .....wild and fun .....but over. 😢

oooooo it is not the week for libras. Get this my Libra friend (not FWB) Got dumped by the cappy I posted about on another board. I will say this with Libras it seems the worst you treat them .....the more they come flocking. He is a mess over this woman. It is so sad.

My libra's ex chose her family in Portland OR over her husband here in Colorado. He cannot move to OR because of his health. Long story. She could not cut apron strings to her family. I kept telling my Libra, your woman does not know what she has.

Well .....better luck those combating the Libra hold.

We are suckers for your attention and charm.

PD

Thanks...

I know that I deserve better.I thought that I was inlove with him and that he felt the same way.I am just going through the emotions(withdrawal symptoms)now.

My friends tell me that I am to hard on myself.And I should stop beating myself up over this guy.He is still calling and wanting to know how I am doing. I have another number(cell)for after work hours now.

The only thing that I can do now is give myself time to get him out of my system.

PD

you are right they(libra) hold on or is ga-ga over women that treat them badly. My ex- libra kept talking about his ex-girlfriend a german girl.They were suppose to get married. She went to Germany to tell the parents.After 3 months he went to germany and she was 2 months pregnant.This happend when he was 28 and he is almost 37.And he is still hanged up over her.

Ag, you know I will always have a soft-spot for him. But it really is time to move on.

you guys

I really feel like I am going "NUTS". I think I am fine and dealing with it.Then someone tells me about him and I feel like I am back at step 1.

Was having breakfast with a friend. Then his best friend's girlfriend(scorpion)came over and filled me in on him.

First she ask me how he is. to which I responded I have not seen him in a while.So, I really wouldn't know. Then she informs me that he came over to her place the past weekend for a chat.(they all have been friends for +-10 years now)

So,I said how is he doing.Then she says he is a big boy and can get himself out of the sh*t he puts himself into. I said OK. I am sure that he will and me and my friend left.

really wish there was a pill to take my little phycotic episodes...LOL.

Number 1 rule:.....get away from those who associate with him for a while until you are strong enough....the more people tell you about him, the worse it will be and of course you're going to want to know right>? I mean why ask "how is he"....do yourself a favour, and cut your strings from him....you need to ride those waves with dignity.

Keep busy, and there is no pill LOL....but you will be stronger on the other side and you will NEVER let another man treat you like this again...You will be in charge - trust me, it will get better 🙂

Thanks, My problem is that I don't have patience.And this whole thing with Libra makes me feel so emotionally unstable.

Everyone thinks that I am so confident and in control. If they only knew.

I have a girls night out tonight and I am going away to the coast this 2morow morning.

Cappy is so nice and kind but I don't want him as more as a friend.Atually, right now I don't want a relationship...

have to run client waiting

Tbats because you are emotionally unstable and its understandable......Im glad that you dont want Cappy to fill that void (just between you and me and the board? he will never be able to achieve that but they do make good friends)....the best thing to do is enjoy the girls night out, and the trip and spend some time just going through all the good things that Libra did and then the bad (trust me there will be a huge bad list in comparison to the good list)...THAT should help a lot

You will be fine again - it took me forever but I did it and Im happy now and there's absolutely no way I'd let Libra back into my life other than perhaps an odd email. He drained the life out of me for such a long time and then acted as though he was the victim in the end....I have heard Libras are great but Ive not heard of any success stories either..not on here (except for HP and her man) but that's it....they must all be hiding LOL.

You will get through it just fine 🙂

We're a success story? lol

I suppose we are, so far. 🙂

I have learned when dealing with my ex libra. he does not like when I tell him the truth. as along as I am downing my self and feeling bad about the relationship he is fine. but when I took my self out of the marriage and seen him for who he was. being the virgo I started calling him on his crap. its like he couldnt stand it. I was not doing it to be mean but because Iloved him and I know he was capable of so much better.I am no saint but the libra man I speak of can be so cruel. he hides behind text msg. I am so sad for my ex libra because i Know he is not happy. but when I did tell him the bloody truth about himself . I was relieved because I never done that b4.I always let me use me as an excuse and I just cant do it any more.

yeah chatz. they always act like the victim. I am sooo happy I found this forum because I actually thought i was the crazy one. he would call me crazy.. I had to start getting counseling. I mean I already had some issues b4 him. but he has really drained me. if we didnt have 3 kids together I would have cut my looses long ago. the thing is I really dont think he knows his wrong. i do hear alot of people say they dont like conflict but thats not true. I think they love it. they just dont want others on the outside know that side of them.so they pretend.. I cant speak on all libra. My ex Libra was undercover. If u didnt know me and knew him and I told you my story you would think I was a liar.

one moe thing. I am sorry.. I just am happy I found this. its also like when I talk to my ex libra he takes me out of my character. I hate this.

You let him stay— argghhh

messed up, I know.I have been beating myself up all morning.

like I said I did a stupid thing...