My Virgo man disappeares out of blue

Dear Readers,

I have really big issue with a man who is a Virgo. He constantly disappears mostly for no reason (or at least I cant see this reason at all...).

Our relationship is kinda bumpy. We met in the wrong time because we both were quite busy and stressed with our schools. But we kept seeing each other, then we became a couple. He had always limited time for me. Was always busy with his life, studies, mates. When we met we had really great time together, he seemed to be falling in love with me slowly... then he had to go abroad for half year and before that journey he broke up with me. before that breakup he disappeared however we supposed to spent that time before his leave together. then he emailed me being abroad and said that it will be better if we stop being together, that he is not ready for serious relationship and so on. he mentioned that maybe we could try again once he is back but that he doesnt think i should wait for him. But i decided to do that. of course he didnt know that. i stopped contacting him for 2 months, i emailed him finally for his birthday. i sent him literally one sentence saying: happy bday old man" and in return he sent me really long message. reading it i almost felt how much he missed me and how happy he was i finally contacted him and that i still wanted to stay in touch. since that day we started contacting again. i did my best to be sound friendly and not to show him that i still cared. he did the same however in every email he said how much he missed his life in my country. i knew that writing that he also meant that he missed me too but didnt want to express it directly. of course i received emails from him very seldom, once in a few weeks mostly. i knew he was busy plus he always was bad at such way of communication. but i never complained about it, i was always patient.
I knew he wasnt that good at remembering dates so when finally our anniversary (a year since the first date) was close i mentioned it in one of my messages to him. he said nothing about it in his reply so i got a bit sad that the fact that we met doesnt mean anything to him anymore and... in my another email i said something like: well i wrote u about a year since our first meeting but it seems that its not that important anymore..." on the day of our anniversary i git an email from him saying: happy anniversary, i waited to the exact day to message u, dont think i wanted to let you down".

After Christmas we finally talked via skype. He opened up to me and told me that he wants to fix things between us, that he wants to be with me again, that during his studies abroad he missed me alot and thought of me. He said he barley talked to any other girl because he still thought of me etc. During every conversation he said things like: Im sure we will get along just fine etc. I started feeling secure again and it was the first time when i was totally honest with him about my feelings for him, about that that i waited for him all this time long. 2 weeks ago we had little quarrel via skype but it wasnt anything serious. we kept talking still. Later I sent him such email:

"im not under stress, i graduated from one major, im having great job and i get paid well, i have fantastic friends, im meeting new people, im moving abroad in a couple of months and in general this year is going to be the best year of my life in which all my dreams and wishes will come true. so you also dont have to worry about me! Im doing great and that that sometimes i get sad is natural, im a bit melancholic person, im a thinker and a daydreamer and i have very rich inner life and a deep heart. thats why it is sometimes hard for me to keep all my emotions under full control and thats why i overthink some stuff from time to time too. but you know what? im happy i was created by God exactly this way. With such a big heart full of emotions im far better than all these pretty but shallow lasses 🙂 (...)
Cant wait to cuddle up to you! Miss you so so much! Hopefully its only one week more and then we will finally meet! there 6 months were very difficult to both of us. but like i said before, a new year has come and this year will be ideal for me. im sure for you too! 🙂
Lots of love,
P.s. I am happy. But still someone is missing in my life so i could be 100% happy. And yes, that person who is missing is you".

He responded to this message saying: "im glad you are happy....and maybe im the 1 last missing piece to the puzzle 🙂" and then added: "im hoping to book my flight within the next day or two. the weather seems to be freezing. i hope you are keeping warm".

It was the last message from him, i got it on 5th of Feb. And till now complete silence. I have no idea what happened, if he came back or not. Im sad because was hoping to spend Valentines day with him and he knew that.

I have no idea what to do and how to act now...

How do these Virgo males in Love manage to always remember to disappear??

When I was one, I never remembered to disappear. I mean, id get away to make space but that lasted a few hours. I never went "missing", I must have been using the wrong Virgo male in love manual or something.

@wgamador:without intention to generalize,i'd like to ask you as a virgo male and based on your experiense and your knowledge about other virgos in real life:is the dissapearing not an expression of the internal desire"i want my freedom"?
sometimes i think if it's not a taking the easier path,because building on a partnership would mean compromising with your nature?

If he's disappearing he isn't that into you. It's common sense, if you take OUT your emotions (if that's possible) and really look at the behavior logically then you'll know it's true. Men that love you, care about you, want you, desire you, is in love with you WILL NOT DISAPPEAR. If he's disappearing he's not that into you, yes you may share a connection, share some type of chemistry and attraction but it's not enough, it's not enough to keep him there, it's not enough to keep him involved, to make him want to throw away his freedom and cleave to you. It's a harsh truth, it hurts when the man you love isn't IN IT enough so nothing ever gets off the ground.

Only he know why he's not making the effort and the sad reality is, you can't make a man not disappear, you can chase him and he may even stick around because it feels good to be chased and paid attention to but inevitably differences come into play, the chemistry wanes and he's gone again.

It's the women that have to stop the cycle, if you allow him to disappear and come back then YOU MUST KNOW he's going to disappear again and you risk getting hurt over and over again because the in and out disappearing act will pretty much be the pattern through the connection you share with him. If you reach out to him and he never disappears again then most likely it can work but the cycle has to stop for it to work.

Some men disappear and never leave gain but if he leaves again let him stay gone UNLESS you're okay with his disappearing act, some women, some women feel somethings better than nothing.

Posted by Lawenda

I have no idea what to do and how to act now...

Looks like your playing on his feelings didn't work to your advantage like you had hoped .. that is why you don't know what to do.

I guess you'll have to look for a different "act" ...


If you fail again .. you could try being real.

,,I guess you'll have to look for a different "act" ...
If you fail again .. you could try being real."


I was real, i was honest with him. I really said what i felt. so what else i can do now? im not trying to play with his feelings. i do love him and want him to love me too.

so what should i do? keep ignoring him? not telling him how much i like him and how much i care?

Posted by tiki33
If he's disappearing he isn't that into you.

the thing is that we never really had time to fully fall in love with each other. it supposed to be different this time but... he is not talking to me now and i dont know what to do. he wanted to fix everything and in the same time he stopped contacting me....

Posted by Lawenda

.... he seemed to be falling in love with me ...

.. i knew that writing that he also meant that he missed me too but didnt want to express it ...

.... so i got a bit sad that the fact that we met doesnt mean anything to him anymore

You make presumptions about how he feels ... and then proceed to "act" on them as if they are real.


Again, when you continue to fail due to playing on his feelings .. you could try being real.

You make presumptions about how he feels ... and then proceed to "act" on them as if they are real.




but when we talked on skype he told me that he wants to fix this relationship and that he wants to be back with me, he said it openly. oh and yes, he also told me that when we were dating before he left, he felt he was in love. so its not just my presumption...

Posted by wgamador2
How do these Virgo males in Love manage to always remember to disappear??

When I was one, I never remembered to disappear. I mean, id get away to make space but that lasted a few hours. I never went "missing", I must have been using the wrong Virgo male in love manual or something.

How dare you read the wrong manual....lol😉

Its still early..he waited till the last minute to wish you a Happy Anniversary, he may be doing the same for V-D...don't lose hope, he may still be coming to see you. Aside from that, if he is still MIA by tomorrow then you should move on and
let him be...Tiki is right..when a man loves you or cares about you he doesn't go anywhere...

Posted by Lawenda

Posted by tiki33
If he's disappearing he isn't that into you.

the thing is that we never really had time to fully fall in love with each other. it supposed to be different this time but... he is not talking to me now and i dont know what to do. he wanted to fix everything and in the same time he stopped contacting me....

click to expand

But does it look like he's trying to fix it Lawenda? Be honest with yourself right now because if you hold onto his words and ignore his actions then yes you'll stay stuck in this space, feeling rejected and unsure.

I hope he comes to visit you and set this right with you but if he fails to show up then he's not trying to fix it with you no matter how much he says he's going to fix it.

If he stopped contact then he's not being honest with you. I don't have to tell you this because I'm sure you know this already, love is blind but it's time you get out of denial and hold him accountable for his behavior, he's misleading you if he says he wants to fix it only to turn around and stop contact. Is he deliberately trying to mislead you? Probably not, maybe he meant it when he said it but after he said it he felt differently about it and disappeared on you but whatever the case it's time you stop holding onto this guy.

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS or this is how men will treat you, treat you like you don't matter or you're not worth the energy and effort, get off that ride NOW while you still can.

If he comes back to prove he's really in it then give him the opportunity to fix it but if he comes back and does nothing to fix things with you, it's time you move on before you get your feelings hurt.

Lawenda,

As tiki said, if he comes back to "fix things" let him and if not move on. I had to do that with my ex Virgo--move on because he didn't feel the same as I did/do. It's hard but you can't make someone feel something that they don't. If your man was into you he definitely would not disappear. He would make sure you knew he wanted you and wanted the relationship. There'd be no guessing involved; you'd know. Don't contact him; let him contact you and try to "fix" things if that's what he's going to do.

Sometimes I wish the Virgo in my life would disappear too 😛
j/k not really, careful what I wish for, I know!

If a virgo guy disappears then it's because he is just not that much into you. I feel like doing that often because I do need my freedom and to focus on myself but I don't do that out of respect. I disappeared for 3 hours with an aquarius girl and my god, the problems that arose from that.

If he has not contacted you already I must say he is not into you..I don't know but I pick up on things pretty quick..If Virgo is used to being one way and all of a sudden he stops and is acting another way...hhmm that is a red flag for me..Maybe Im still learing about those Virgos ways..But I bail out pretty quick...The change is due to something else in his life..something has changed...so he is not calling, emailing or texting like before(RED FLAG) NOT INTO YOU AS MUCH ANYMORE.
If he goes MIA then that means 3 RED FLAGS AND HE IS REALY NOT INTO YOU AT ALL ANYMORE.

I don't stick around and ask questions..maybe If I really care Ill ask why..but if he is still acting the same way after I brought up the subject to him, then Im gone.That's when I put up my walls and I disappear.

I have a Virgo 'friend' in my life. He does that disappearing act too.. only thing is.. he isn't mine and when i met him.. he told me he had a girlfriend. Im a Taurus so im slow on decisions...weighing wrong from right and so we just didn't get together. However he kissed me unexpectedly... but before that he disappeared for about 3 weeks. He made me aware that his feelings had gone deep and because i wasn't opening up to him(wasn't being predictable)he didn't know if the feelings were mutual. When he came back and explained that to me.. i told him how i felt. that's the time he kissed me by telling me he had something to tell me.. we kissed twice that day.. But ma conscience got the better of me and i told him id rather to be loved as his friend than hated as his ex or side-chick(cuz he had a gf) he said i was making him mad(crazy) and that i wasn't ready n stuff. so i said, since i cant make u happy and im not ready for the type of love ur supposedly ready to give.. let's just forget about the past. He asked me if that's what i wanted.. i said yh. then he kept asking how he could make me happy. I told him he already had, by just being there. He disappeared for like a week and then called me out of the blues. i cant understand him.. but i know interest is there.. the way he looks at me, treats me and the hints he gives me... my best bet is not to get involved until he leaves his gf on HIS own... that if he wants US. So i make him come n go whenever he feels like. After all we are just friends who just have that attraction for each other.

Posted by wgamador2
How do these Virgo males in Love manage to always remember to disappear??

When I was one, I never remembered to disappear. I mean, id get away to make space but that lasted a few hours. I never went "missing", I must have been using the wrong Virgo male in love manual or something.

They don't. if they love you. if they want to be with you. if they are committed to you. They don't disappear. They may ask for some space to go off and do their own thing, same as any other sign> but they don't just disappear. if they do, something is wrong. it really is that simple.

wow ... the volume of women who come into dxp to talk about how they are making theirselves available (even chasing) another woman's man .... is mind boggling.


And not only are they doing it ... they appear to have no awareness that this is inappropriate

he has made mistakes TOO many times now, you must understand we say this as women who have experience and want to help you, also us virgo women truly care. If he ever comes back I would with my whole heart advice you to reject him with a simple NO all until he eventually does enough serious ass kissing to prove hes really into you.