relationship with divorced virgo man

so i was friends with this older virgo man for awhile. i was moving from las vegas to los angeles to be with my daughter and he offered to let me live with him under the condition that i would be with him as his girlfriend. we do this and things are fine for awhile. he made it very clear he wanted to be with me. then his ex wife starts calling and he decides he wants to get back together with her and wants me to leave. i got upset and started crying and being kind of cold to him(i am a cancer/gemini cusp) and he freaks out. we decide that i am going to leave the next morning. the next morning, he tells me that he was sorry and that i didn't have to leave until i figured something out. so i ask him if he wants me to stay and he says he feels bad. he wants me to have all my stuff in a suitcase so that if his ex wife comes over or his kids, then all evidence of me being there is basically erased. so i agree because i have fallen for him and i need a place to land while i figure out housing and employment here in this new city(which was originally our agreement in the first place). his ex wife doesn't want to have sex with him and hasn't actually said that she wants to get back together with him, he's just super hopeful that they are going to get back together because she agreed to go out with him and their children for dinner. i do not think she is going to get back together with him and i have told him that. he keeps referring to me as his good friend yet we are still having sex. it's been kind of awkward since we had our blow up but we still had sex today. he doesn't kiss me very often, and when i asked him how he felt about me he said that i was his good friend. i am confused because he insisted before i got on my flight that i tell him that we were together and that i was not getting back together with my ex. the first few nights he was all over me. he is pulling away from me and i don't know what to do. i was the one who was initially reluctant to agree to being in a relationship with him and now he is telling me that he wants his ex wife. can i turn this around? i am so distraught right now and hurt over this.

not sure what the wow means. yeah i was on here five years ago. i come by and look at the information fairly often, i just don't post as much. i know he thinks i am a fwb now, i guess what i am confused about is the fact that he begged me to come and live with him, forces me to say that we are together, then decides he's getting back together with his ex wife after telling me that he is not going to get back together with her. it is very confusing to me. i realize it may make me look bad by admitting this to strangers, but i needed advice. last time i got advice here,my maturity level wasn't as high but now i am more mature and i can take the advice that is given to me. any and all insight would be greatly appreciated.

His ex wife has him wrapped around her pretty little finger. And what's worse is that he has you wrapped around his. His heart is totally with her, while his body is with you.

You are holding on to this emotionally unavailable man because he's a challenge & you want to "save" him. Plus you feel you've put in lots of dedication. You're hoping one day it will pay off. You're waiting for her to be out the picture so you can have him all to yourself one day.

Here's the reality....it won't happen.

This man is :
??going to tell you to stay.
??get back with the Ex.
??dump you.
??the ex will get sick of him.
??dump him.
??he feels like "the bad guy"
??returns to you.
??sleeps with you.
??won't kiss you nor claim you.

Then the cycle repeats itself. He is holding on to you for only his convenience. You're his emotional & sexual crutch.

The biggest difference between you & her is that she puts her foot down. She most likely respects herself. She basically throws him away whenever she feels like it. The result, he can't let her go! Humans tend to want what they can't have. So you jumping whenever he says jump doesn't make you irresistible at all.

Let this man recover from his divorce. It's going to take months! Don't hang around for him to "fall" for you my friend!

Raye this is one of those situations where you love him but you love you MORE.

If you stay in that situation he has no choice but to treat you like a piece of furniture/something convenient for sex but inconvenient in his whole world.

If his heart is with his ex no matter if she wants him back or not she is the ONE and there is no amount of being a sexual doormat that will change his mind.

The longer you stay the less powerful you will feel over your situation including your own life situation which makes it very hard to do what's in your own best interest.

Find a shelter if you have to. Go back home if you have to. Do something other than sit there and have sex and watch him pine and dine and fall in love all over again with his ex wife.

Dignity is needed. Pull yourself up so you can discontinue disrespecting yourself for one sided situation. There is no love in that home.

Once a man says "you're a good friend" it's a done deal anyway. He's just waiting for you to get fed up and leave without him having to be the asshole and kick you out.

He's saving face to save his own ass so you won't throw it back up in his face that he's complete jerk assclown which gives you a little bit of leverage and power over the situation, he is treading lightly, he know this will come back and bite him if he throw you out on the streets.

There are a lot of things I would do to him if I where you but give him sex is not one of em...

^^^ that's real truth.

You're an idiot

And don't feel like you're being put into a category all by yourself .... there are many in there with you.

so i thought i would share the end of my sad story. after reading the posts here and thinking long and hard on the subject, on monday i called my friend who lived in a city nearby this dude and asked her if she could come and get me. she said she could come and pick me up on thursday. i told my virguy this and he was surprised but seemed okay with it. so the days went by and every night he would get drunk and beg for me to stay. i would always say no because i knew he would change his mind in the morning. then on weds night, we went over to his neighbors house who we liked to hang out with as a goodbye party for me. the whole time we are all over each other and he was all over me as much as i was all over him. we were having a great time. then his dumb ex wife calls and he goes and talks to her outside for almost 45 minutes. he comes back in the house super angry and saying to me that i don't care because i am leaving tomorrow. i told him that it wasn't my choice that it was his because he can't chose between me or his wife. we start arguing(in front of his friend)about our "relationship" even though he claims we don't have one, then he talks about how he wants me to respect our "relationship" i told him he was completely confusing. so we go back to his house completely smashed and he calls his ex and they argue again. then he talks to me and basically tells me that i have to cut out my ex and he will cut out his ex and we are together, that he will call my friend himself and tell her not to come. that he wants me with him. we go to bed, have a great night together and when i wake up in the morning, he starts off with "When is your friend coming?" it was like five thirty in the morning when he said this. he then proceeds to tell me all the ways i'm awful and why he can't be with me and why i have to leave. while i sat there listening to him, he taunts me by calling me a cry baby and calling me weak. then he tells me that i don't know him and can't handle him. just a bunch of verbally and emotionally abusive bs. when i try to talk back, he tells me i cannot argue with him. it was ridiculous. then he tells me not to speak to him at all. so his friend from the night before comes by to see how we were and my virguy goes into the other room with him and proceeds to talk major shit. i'm sitting on the couch crying because i don't understand why he is so angry with me. i never did anything to him. he comes out and tells me to get out o

of his house and i leave. i waited for my friend for two hours in the sun. he drove by twice and didn't even look at me. so that was that. i don't know why he was so angry and my heart is hurting bad. i don't think i will ever speak with him again. i don't think he wants to speak with me again. so oh well. thanks again for the great advice everyone.

How stupid can you possibly be?

Like seriously here ... you know full well that you mean NOTHING to him, and then you turn around and put all of your feelings into his hands to carry them for you with a belief that he will take care of these feelings.

I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit if he decided to call you again with a nice voice ... you'd be right back there again, blind while expecting him to be good to you.

Seriously .... you don't even know how stupid you are do you? You actually believe you're an innocent victim being taken advantage of, don't you?


:::: shakes head ::::

Where is your daughter and why are you even worrying about this dumb guy? You moved somewhere to be with her, right? So make her your priority, not this stupid guy. Why do people get all caught up in "relationships" and ignore those who really need them? Who is taking care of your daughter? Who is making sure she eats the right foods, and has clothes that fit her, and that she brushes her teeth at night? All the while you're screwing around with this guy and getting drunk at the neighbor's house? Get it together lady, you're a mother FIRST.

i realize i got carried away and i am going to focus on my daughter like i have been. it's embarrassing to me but i guess i was just writing it all out right after it happened. i don't think i'm stupid, i think i was in a bad relationship for a long time and this guy was very loving. not my best moment in life that is for sure. i think constructive criticism is different than rudeness but maybe that is just me. the person with the mouse as their profile pic needs an attitude readjustment. i'm sure you don't mean to be so ugly and rude, but your comments come across as callous and rude. i will not be going back to him because of the way he treated me, and i wasn't getting anything done while i was there. but others are right, i need to be a mother first. i wholeheartedly agree with that.

I don't believe in kicking a person when they're down, and I do believe you're down. But you need to get your priorities straight. Because apparently someone else has been caring for your daughter, and that is YOUR JOB. You brought her into this world, and she is your responsibility, no one else's. It also sounds like you don't have a car or employment, so why are you putting all your emotional efforts and time into this dumb guy just so he can kick you out every time his ex calls? Really? Get a job, a car, and your own place, so that you can be a mother and a role model to your child. THAT is important.

Posted by FieryBullette
Where is your daughter and why are you even worrying about this dumb guy? You moved somewhere to be with her, right? So make her your priority, not this stupid guy. Why do people get all caught up in "relationships" and ignore those who really need them? Who is taking care of your daughter? Who is making sure she eats the right foods, and has clothes that fit her, and that she brushes her teeth at night? All the while you're screwing around with this guy and getting drunk at the neighbor's house? Get it together lady, you're a mother FIRST.

Yep..another innocent child thrown into a dumpster by a selfish low-life parent. Sterilization should be legal for people like this.

I'm confused..if you were moving from Las Vegas to LA..where were you going to live in LA if you're now without a place to stay? Your story is very sad & I hope your initial move wasn't for this guy. So many females make the mistake of leaving everything they built over the years to be with some guy they barely know. In the end they have to start over (rebuild their careers, etc) cause things didn't turn out like they hoped.

Give yourself a break from relationships & focus on building a happier future for you & your child. Men are NOT the only source of happiness, so the fact that you say he gave you attention (after a bad relationship) & that made you move in with him..it is not healthy. You need time alone & find that inner strength. You need to know that it is okay to be without a man. You also need to know that just because a person is nice to you doesn't mean you have to date them. Were you a housewife before or married young? I've seen your type of behaviour from people who married young, or were housewives..they don't know how to take care of themselves once the marriage ends & seem to always be on the lookout for yet another man to take care for them.

Posted by P-Angel

You're an idiot

Wow genius I'm sure that helped her quite a bit...

Wow I was going to ask about the daughter but someone else already did. THAT's where your focus should be. You have proven to the dude that you are weak and will fall for anything. He knows he can probably have you back on a whim and has absolutely no respect for you. Move on get some self respect and pleaseeeeeeeeee make your daughter your priority. And while you're at it teach her not to take shit from a man like her mother. Not being mean I'm just trying to help you not to repeat this same thing again.

Posted by GemStar05
You have proven to the dude that you are weak and will fall for anything. He knows he can probably have you back on a whim and has absolutely no respect for you.

Exactly. No normal, decent guy is going to be able to take you seriously right now. You really need to completely forget about men and focus on yourself and your daughter. Believe me when I say, she is all you really need. Nothing has brought me such joy and contentment as being a mother to my son, and providing for his needs. Always put them first!