Severly Heart Broken by Virgo Man

I'm hurting. I'll make this short as possible.

Him:
rising-aries
sun-virgo/libra cusp
moon-cancer
venus-scorpio

Me:
rising-aries
sun-sagittarius
moon-leo
venus-scorpio

Challenging relationship from the beginning. We met online through a dating website and live in different states but same time zones.

It was love at first sight. We fell hard, heavy, and very fast. Met in May, he came to visit me in June, I went to visit him in August, September he wanted to marry me, October we made plans to meet his family whom he had already told that I was the one he planned to marry. We were going to live in the same state soon.
s
2-3 weeks before our planned trip on October, I could tell he was distant, felt he was not as loving to me as he used to. I was worried and asked him to talk to me...he said he still loved me just said he was tired and busy.

1 week before the trip he breaks up with me and says he is unhappy and does not want to do this anymore, that it is too hard and that we both need to work on ourselves alone.

I tried so hard to understand what went wrong,... how he could love me and want me to be his wife and then cut me off. We had 2 minor arguments but talked thru them. I feel like it was me, I was not sensitive enough, i hurt his feelings, but not on purpose. He held it in and didn't talk to me.
If he would have said "Hey, you hurt my feelings. don't do that" then i would have said, "you're right, im so sorry, i love you so much". I just feel side swiped and was not given an opportunity to make the situation right.

I'm not perfect, I'm human. I was good to him. Honest, loving, transparent, open.

But then I feel like he threw in the towel over something small. Relationships take work and how couples work through them makes them stronger. I feel like he just wanted the honeymoon phase and once stuff got real he bailed. WHY would be even propose to me?? I feel coned, like it was all a big joke on me. Like he chased after me, and once he knew he had my heart completley he tossed it away.

He is still going on the trip to see his family. I bought my plane tickets, but he does not want me there. He said he told his family he would be going alone and that i could not make it. It was like daggers to my heart.


I feel so hurt and soooo stupid. Like I should have guarded my heart better, should have been more cautious. Not so careless. It was like a dream, and I just woke up. I wonder if he really

Unfortunately some men believe if a relationship takes work then it's already broken so why go forward in a relationship that needs to be fixed, talked to death, this can easily kill a mans attraction for a woman.

I wonder what the arguments were about, that could help others help you determine if those arguments were small or trivial or big enough to end it with him but per my own first hand knowledge online relationships are tricky, anything can set it off and send it into oblivion, from the little bit you've shared here with us, I took it more as he changed his mind yet he can use all of the excuses he wants to use but the reality is he just wasn't as into being with you as he led you to feel and believe, somewhere along the way he changed his mind, I'm certain this revelation doesn't make any of the pain go away.

This situation simply seems like a matter of cold feet. You both rushed and now he's realizing that so he's freaking out and taking a large step back to gather his thoughts.

I don't really think it's either one of your fault... It's more painful for you because you invested way deeper emotions than he did, but he's reacting like any normal person would if they feel they haven't really thought it through.

I know. I'm really trying to come to terms with it and accept what has happened. I cannot live in a place of sadness, fear, or guilt. I don't want to be upset anymore, I want to have good feelings and focus all my energy into loving myself. He has ended it. I tried to salvage it, but i cannot change how a person feels. If he doesn't want to work on the relationship, then i guess it was not ment to be. I just want to be positive, calm, and learn from this experience.

The argument:

1.) Me being nervous about meeting the family and wanting to know where we were going to be sleeping. He was so casual about it and said maybe on the floor or couch at his sister's house. I wasn't too keen on that idea but didn't make a fuss because i assumed he spoke with his family and made arrangments for us both.

He then tells me his sister calls him and asks where we were going to stay. I get upset because i trusted him to figure that out, as this is his family. He said his sister suggested we stay in a hotel because she knew we were going to have sex. I felt embarrassed and I over reacted__(at the time i was pmsing emotional/depressed/sleep deprived)____ He then added that his brother called him to ask where we were staying, and then said that we could not stay with him because we were not married. That hurt my feelings and made me feel weird. I felt unwelcomed. I said his family was weird and he said "no weirder than your family" The he said "im sorry i'm so mellow about all of this" and i said "melodramatic" he said "your the one being melodramatic"__ I started crying and hung up on him. I knew i was out of line and needed to sleep. So i hung up and cooled off and texted that i insisted we stay at a hotel just to sleep. That i was not trying to keep him from his family but i just would be more comfortable meeting his parents if we could just sleep in a hotel. Then i went to sleep. I called him the next day and explained and apologized for my behavior. He said my reaction made him angry and to never to it again. We talked about how we could prevent that argumnent from happening. And we were fine. or so i thought.

Argument #2

2.) Next week, we talk about our insecurities. Jobs, life goals, i said something i should not have and pushed a sensitive button of his. I was sick and scared immediately after i said it. But I don't think i apologized right away. I got scared. It caused me to take a really deep look at myself and question why i would say something unnecessary that would hurt him.

I never wanted to hurt him. I wanted the complete opposite. I wanted to love him so much. But, i think there is something wrong with me, that maybe i am not happy with who i am and say things that i do not mean, carelessly to people that hurt their feelings. I really don't want to be that way. I don't want to hurt others. I want to be a good, loving person.

I mean, I'm really trying to gain some clarity about the whole situation and not beat/ loathe myself so much.

Perhaps, this was a dangerous roller coaster ride. The risk you take for falling utterly and completely inlove. I just think, I need to work on my self, and learn from this. I know relationships are hard, and take work. I am a very hard worker and not a quitter. Which can be a good trait at times, but not when you are beating a dead horse. I've stayed in really bad relationships, crappy jobs, a very challenging degree. I take accountability for my wrongs, and try to make them right. I told him, i was not perfect from the beginning and was totally honest.

Our last conversaton, he was giving me so many exuses like "its not you, its me"...."i'm not happy, i need to be alone to sort it out"....."i lost trust in you, because you keep saying you dont like ur job, but you're still there." I mean, i do not work at a place that i can just quit and then apply the job next door. It takes time to work on resume's and look for the right jobs that fit my degree.

I love him still. I don't want to ever have negative feelings towards him. I just want to heal my wounds and be a stronger person. Maybe a little more cautious when trusting another with my heart.

Please forgive all of my spelling errors! :/

Posted by sagibot


Our last conversaton, he was giving me so many exuses like "its not you, its me"...."i'm not happy, i need to be alone to sort it out"....."i lost trust in you"

Really? Does it take so many words?? Hear him for what he's saying.... they aren't excuses (as you put it), they're fact, how he really feels. In other words, quite pining and move on!

Well being a bit blunt is a Saggi trait. In this case though, maybe there was a little self sabotage there since it wasnt your intention, and also since you recognize you need to work on yourself.

It doesnt sound as if he has hard feelings, which is a good thing, and who knows. Maybe after you figure things out with you, the two of you can meet again.

easier said than done lildol. Healing takes time. You're right, they are not exuses. It's how he feels.

see this is the danger of online dating. It is not a cure all. You must learn that computers open doors but they cannot keep them open. You can say one thing in person and it work out just fine it is a totally different thing to say things over the phone or through chat.

No matter how advanced we become with technology our brains are wired for face to face interaction.

Now as to the matter of him being a Virgo I think he is a true virgo in the respect that he really fell hard and wanted to commit to you wholeheartedly. Your insecurities and distance did you in. Why? Because us virgo men will analyze our relationships to the nth degree. You were too far away and he had time to be alone and think it through. when he stopped thinking about it he was in his space safe and alone. If you were closer then you could have been more apart of the equation.

You should have been slower to the alter and said one step at a time. And my sincere advice is work on yourself I don't care what sign you are healthy people are way more attractive and get to stay in relationships way longer.

Sigh, I'm just heart broken and needed a place to vent. I'm not trying to say anything bad about him. Only that I am hurting.

He told me I was his one, his true love. He proposed to me. We made future plans. But then he changed his mind.

I don't want to have feelings of resentment, or anger. I want to feel peace.

Perhaps posting all of my junk on an astrology board is not the best. This is first time in my life i have ever felt this kind of love and this would be my first experience with a Virgo/libra cusp man.

It was wonderful, and even though i am still in pain from the breakup. I am greatful that I had the opportunity to experience and learn from this kind of innocent love.

If he changed his mind regarding your permanent love together, then I know it's easy for me to say, but you are blessed. Imagine if he changed his mind after the wedding?! A life of misery? That's not what you or anyone wants.

For me, it doesn't sound like he knows what he wants, which is unusual for a Virgo, but it happens but when it happens to a Virgo, usually it's related to an overflow of what they knew all along, which is that this is not what they want. I'm so sorry to be blunt with such a sensitive area but, Let Him Go. There are plenty of men out there who will bring you flowers and court you properly; get to know you and make a long-term commitment. This dude? No, no matter what he says and I'm a Virgo and I've said lots of stupid stuff.

we were complex indivduals with our own baggage. Perhaps foolishly hoping we could save each other.

I will always have good feelings towards him. I read somewhere they are like angels, to damsels in distress. I was in a distressed state when we found each other. He was my miracle, my angel. He picked me up and gently carried to me to a warm, calm, safe place. It was all so innocent and sweet.... then turned into a really deep and fast intense love.

I really don't want to pine for him anymore. I will soon fully accept it is over. I want to be strong and understand that relationships take work. If someone wants to be with you they must accept you for who you are, and love through the highs and lows. No one is perfect, No one is without baggage. Communication is key. It takes two, and if one doesn't want in, then you must let go. Let go....let go....

Ugh, but the pain sucks soo bad, like a shotgun blast through my stomach. The breakup was last week. And my emotions are still very raw.



Thank you for your wisdom BeachMama.

1.you attacked his family
2.then you had another argument about job, priorities, etc or what-not
3. you got emotional

3 things not to do with a virgo unless/until you do it the right way(which is not attack) or you have known each other longer. Seriously. I know from expereience. It's ok for them to attack yours but never theirs. They can be wishy-washy about their job, etc but you never can be. Doesn't sound fair does it? It isn't, but its how they are.

Oh and btw..I am Sag moon and Cap/aqua cusp. Yes, he has told me I am blunt and sound mean sometimes the way I come across. But you know what, so is he. But its ok for him(insert eye roll here) My answer to him is..I don't beat around any bushes and I'll give it to you straight what i think or feel! He is a scorpio rising and aqua moon..so maybe for him he can 'get that' about me and be ok with it, I don't know.

@ Let*it*be

He did not make me miserable. I loved him truely. I still do.

I gave him his space and now he wants me back. He apologized and said he was afraid to say what was on his mind, and afraid of losing me?

In the time since i first post, I've been dealing with my broken heart by taking care of myself. Now, i'm scared and confused by all of this.

I understand we both have personal issues. But this hurt me so bad, and things did not have to play out the way they did.

I don't know how to approach this and am really afraid he is just feeling guilty for breaking up with me?

A dude who can't take flak from his woman for screwing up their accommodation arrangements when you're going to meet HIS family should grow a pair ASAP. Are you serious in saying you're in love with someone who is as whiny as that? Good lord...

Women pretty much snivel as they place themselves underfoot.

And why exactly would a man find this attractive?




I know, that's a question you cannot answer due to you not even realizing that it's douchebaggery, and believing that it's an honorable ....



:::: shakes head ::::



This is like the Taurus who defends her position in staying with an abusive man ... and damn proud of it.

Posted by starlover
""WHY would be even propose to me?? I feel coned, like it was all a big joke on me. Like he chased after me, and once he knew he had my heart completley he tossed it away"".


This is the third time i have heard this in the last few months and all the stories involve VIRGO men! I asked my Virgo ex about this and he said "Virgo men (and most other men) dont really want committment". I think what happens is they get carried away (probably chasing the woman, having her sexually etc) and then get either a) scared or b) bored. Either way he is a big wimp and will probably never be strong enough for you

Tell him to feck off and pray he will never do this to other women (which he more than likely will)

Jeeez, what happened to all the strong men??

Strong men pick smart women, that's what happened. If a woman picks a douchebag as her mate she can't be all that great herself therefore strong men won't touch her with a barge pole. Every woman I have picked in my life would burn a guy who even considered stepping on them.

Posted by incandescentcancer

Strong men pick smart women ... strong men won't touch her with a barge pole.

Agreed

Strong men want a confident woman, not a woman who hangs on to his shoes and doesn't even comprehend that who is suppose to own her.

Thanks ninjafish.

He came to visit me. To prove his love and win my heart back. Told him my heart is different, because everything he says now does not sound the same as before. I don't regret what happened because i have grown a lot from this pain. I'm just really cautious now.

We talked a lot about what happened and we both see where the other was comming from. We've both learned from this experience.

Although, he does say he's really sorry and this is all his fault and that he feels really bad for everything. That he never wants to be with out me.

I've told him that he should not try to get back with me if he is feeling guilty. That would only make matters worse for the both of us. That its ok if i'm not the one for him, because breakups are uncomfortable but we will both be fine. I don't want someone to be with me because they feel guilty. Our situation, in regards to the distance, its too difficult to make work if you have any doubts. It's easier just to move on.

But he is persistent and determined to make this work. So I say, if this is to work, then we both need counseling. I cannot trust he won't freak out and push me away again. He is open to this idea and is now attending counseling as am I.

I don't really know where this relationship is heading towards now. The "honey moon" phase is over and I'm not sure what the next phase is called.

I guess we will contue to work on ourselves and become stronger individuals apart. I care deeply for him and only want the best for both of us.