Chatz
@Chatz
19 Years1,000+ Posts
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Unbelievable!!!
🙂
Chatz, I am so happy for you..I have hope lol..its funny b/c I want to do the same with one Im dealing with that contacts me after bieng MIA for awhile(long distance), he sends me an IM today(which he had stopped doing once he got comf with me)anyways, he was being a flirt, say that when he comes back into town he will look me up so we can hook up..i told him he hadnt bothered to come see visit me. well, i didnt express this, but i got pissed, if he thinks im gonna be a bootie call when he comes to my city..i dont know what he wants, they are so confusing. after disappearing, i think he is trying to test the waters, b/c he doesnt know where i stand. i do want to have the TALK, like u did to clear things up. dont know if it will work for me, but if he does want something he better shape up, if not he is OUT!! NO FWB, long distance for me.
Cappie I think the best policy is to be honest and open. I truly believe that Virgos (well mine anyway) appreciate honesty at all times but saying things in a way in which they dont feel threatened and lets face it, who wants finger pointing and hysterics? not I.
Im just relieved that Virgo and I can keep going where we left off without any awkwardness....so relieved. He has truly shown me a side I did not know he had today and it means a lot.
Im just relieved that Virgo and I can keep going where we left off without any awkwardness....so relieved. He has truly shown me a side I did not know he had today and it means a lot.
*Grins* We're the best 😛
I am glad for you, Chatz. You stood your ground, and so far, things are working out in your favor.
You deserve to be happy. And you have found someone who recognizes and respects your worth, and you his.
You deserve to be happy. And you have found someone who recognizes and respects your worth, and you his.
Its nice to hear a success story. hope all continues to go well with him.
Thank you all.....Im sure there will be ups and downs and I'll be back for advice LOL.
Im still catching up on other threads here coz its interesting to learn more about the Virgo sign 🙂
Im still catching up on other threads here coz its interesting to learn more about the Virgo sign 🙂
Its continuing to go well too....things are quite friendly and we're planning on doing a paragliding course in May/June this year....we both have an interest to do it, as well as travelling so yeah, he seems quite interested.
Still not sure how he feels about me but as silly as this sounds, he sent me a picture text today at lunchtime...(he went out with his friends from work for lunch) of his roast meal....I thought "WTF?" but then I realised that he was just thinking of me and perhaps wished he was doing lunch with me? He's a big food fan, in fact most Virgos I know love their food in a big way.
Anyway Im letting him do most of the work and he seems to be enjoying it too so I realised that I should back off (but still respond in kind when he does make the effort) and allow him to "chase".
He's gone away with the boys this weekend camping/fishing/boozing so he'll have loads of time to chill out, relax and do some of his Virgo thinking....he said he'd send me a picture text of the camp site he's staying at (its a nice place as Ive been there before by the ocean)..why? not sure actually....he's just doing these little things to let me know he is thinking of me even though they seem a tad wierd.
So from Monday night laying my cards on the table and prepared to walk away, Ive got myself a guy who is thinking of me when he's off to lunch with the boys at work....
Yes Im enjoying the attention but yes I also realise its early days and he still has to get over those hurdles re: his wife....He knows Im there though, he knows Im not going anywhere and I know he's not seeing anybody else and he aint going anywhere either.
Its strange coz this time last week I was feeling really sad coz I knew I had to do something about the situation we were in and this week Im on a high....how things can change in a week...bizarre.
Still not sure how he feels about me but as silly as this sounds, he sent me a picture text today at lunchtime...(he went out with his friends from work for lunch) of his roast meal....I thought "WTF?" but then I realised that he was just thinking of me and perhaps wished he was doing lunch with me? He's a big food fan, in fact most Virgos I know love their food in a big way.
Anyway Im letting him do most of the work and he seems to be enjoying it too so I realised that I should back off (but still respond in kind when he does make the effort) and allow him to "chase".
He's gone away with the boys this weekend camping/fishing/boozing so he'll have loads of time to chill out, relax and do some of his Virgo thinking....he said he'd send me a picture text of the camp site he's staying at (its a nice place as Ive been there before by the ocean)..why? not sure actually....he's just doing these little things to let me know he is thinking of me even though they seem a tad wierd.
So from Monday night laying my cards on the table and prepared to walk away, Ive got myself a guy who is thinking of me when he's off to lunch with the boys at work....
Yes Im enjoying the attention but yes I also realise its early days and he still has to get over those hurdles re: his wife....He knows Im there though, he knows Im not going anywhere and I know he's not seeing anybody else and he aint going anywhere either.
Its strange coz this time last week I was feeling really sad coz I knew I had to do something about the situation we were in and this week Im on a high....how things can change in a week...bizarre.
Chatz, isn't it amazing how wonderful a relationship can be with a Virgo, if you just openly and honestly lay the cards on the table?
This is what you did, and this is what Virgo's like in people ... and it was your confidence in knowing for yourself what you needed to do in your life to make your life worthy for yourself that made the light go off in his head to tell him .... she's real.
Hang in there, and don't freak out if he needs to pull away from time to time to analyze his life in private ... because once a Virgo makes a decision for a life-partner, it's solid, it's for keeps.
I should think that this is going to go very far .... and I wouldn't be surprised if one day he askes you to be his wife.
This is what you did, and this is what Virgo's like in people ... and it was your confidence in knowing for yourself what you needed to do in your life to make your life worthy for yourself that made the light go off in his head to tell him .... she's real.
Hang in there, and don't freak out if he needs to pull away from time to time to analyze his life in private ... because once a Virgo makes a decision for a life-partner, it's solid, it's for keeps.
I should think that this is going to go very far .... and I wouldn't be surprised if one day he askes you to be his wife.
thank you for the words of encouragement. For once in several years I do feel very confident about this man. Ive learnt so much over the past 2 years where, yes, I was one of those women who would sit back and let a man walk all over me in fear he'd just disappear (coming out of a very long term relationship to go back to dating was an eye opener, I didnt realise how many players there are in this world) but this man was different and I knew I could talk to him honestly and I knew he'd make the time. I think in a weird way he was relieved I came out into the open with how i felt.
Anyway, yes I think its going to go further and a day hardly goes by where he doesnt make contact...before our talk he never called, not even a quick one but now? he calls, he sends picture texts of silly things but its his way of showing he's thinking of me without coming across all emotional and Im good with that.
It'll be good for him to spend this weekend away camping and fishing with his friends who are all coupled up with their wives and children....in so many ways it will be good for him....what better way than to sit and try fishing for hours with your own feelings and thoughts?
Thanks again everybody....if he asks me to be his wife in times to come? you're all invited to the wedding - the more the merrier 🙂
Anyway, yes I think its going to go further and a day hardly goes by where he doesnt make contact...before our talk he never called, not even a quick one but now? he calls, he sends picture texts of silly things but its his way of showing he's thinking of me without coming across all emotional and Im good with that.
It'll be good for him to spend this weekend away camping and fishing with his friends who are all coupled up with their wives and children....in so many ways it will be good for him....what better way than to sit and try fishing for hours with your own feelings and thoughts?
Thanks again everybody....if he asks me to be his wife in times to come? you're all invited to the wedding - the more the merrier 🙂
Well today he tells me he is trying to "conquer all of his fears"....Thats what he came back with after his camping trip (which by the way was a bit of a fizzle coz it was so hot and dry and dusty....he didnt enjoy it as much as he'd have liked).
Im thinking that him wanting to conquer his fears includes his problems dealing with what he's been going through re: the wife who passed away and perhaps including me in his life more....well here's hoping anyway.
He's opening up a lot more though....its really nice
Im thinking that him wanting to conquer his fears includes his problems dealing with what he's been going through re: the wife who passed away and perhaps including me in his life more....well here's hoping anyway.
He's opening up a lot more though....its really nice
It is really nice ... a positive move forward for both of you.
Listen, just for you to think about .. a Virgo is very cemented to his attachments when it comes to love. Even when things are going not so good, you'll find them still attached to it.
And it's not a co-dependency thing ... it's more like, shit, it's hard to explain. It's like .. once they bind themselves to another person, they then put complete trust in this security, because they hate feeling vulnerable .. it's like ... feeling secure in a relationship where they know they no longer have to feel uncertain.
My husband, for example, tells me if I ever died (which of course, I have to do one day) .. then he would never marry again, he would never have a commitment again. I tell him this is crazy, of course he will love again. And he says, yeah, he'll love again, and have girlfriends, but, NEVER bind himself to another because that would make him feel insecure because he has to then reveal his vulnerability to her. Of course, his words are different, but, that's what he means.
So, to loop this around to you ... his fear that he is talking about, Chatz, is this very opening up to you to share with you his weaknesses. Until you came along, he was likely keeping securely locked inside his wife's grave .. his human weakness.
Have you ever noticed how Virgo's like to diefy themselves, like they are proud, above humanity? People misinterpret this to think that they have some sort of unrealistic self-image of being better than other people .. and this is so untrue. It's a defense mechanism in place because it frightens the hell of out them that someone might see their human weaknesses. We all have fears.
This is what he is afraid of. If he becomes one with you, then it means you are going to see he is just a man in there, who falters, who errs, who is human.
I see this all the time with my own Virgo man .. your man is afraid that if he shares his vulnerabilities with you, then you might see him as less than a man. I'm telling you .. I live this everyday with mine.
He has put into his wife, his emotional trust .. she is his safety net so he doesn't have to fear his imperfection of being human.
This is where you need to focus with him, so he KNOWS that his feelings are safe with you .. that you won't view him in a lessor light because of how he feels.
It sounds like he is starting to realize this with you because he is telling you that the fear exists. 🙂
Listen, just for you to think about .. a Virgo is very cemented to his attachments when it comes to love. Even when things are going not so good, you'll find them still attached to it.
And it's not a co-dependency thing ... it's more like, shit, it's hard to explain. It's like .. once they bind themselves to another person, they then put complete trust in this security, because they hate feeling vulnerable .. it's like ... feeling secure in a relationship where they know they no longer have to feel uncertain.
My husband, for example, tells me if I ever died (which of course, I have to do one day) .. then he would never marry again, he would never have a commitment again. I tell him this is crazy, of course he will love again. And he says, yeah, he'll love again, and have girlfriends, but, NEVER bind himself to another because that would make him feel insecure because he has to then reveal his vulnerability to her. Of course, his words are different, but, that's what he means.
So, to loop this around to you ... his fear that he is talking about, Chatz, is this very opening up to you to share with you his weaknesses. Until you came along, he was likely keeping securely locked inside his wife's grave .. his human weakness.
Have you ever noticed how Virgo's like to diefy themselves, like they are proud, above humanity? People misinterpret this to think that they have some sort of unrealistic self-image of being better than other people .. and this is so untrue. It's a defense mechanism in place because it frightens the hell of out them that someone might see their human weaknesses. We all have fears.
This is what he is afraid of. If he becomes one with you, then it means you are going to see he is just a man in there, who falters, who errs, who is human.
I see this all the time with my own Virgo man .. your man is afraid that if he shares his vulnerabilities with you, then you might see him as less than a man. I'm telling you .. I live this everyday with mine.
He has put into his wife, his emotional trust .. she is his safety net so he doesn't have to fear his imperfection of being human.
This is where you need to focus with him, so he KNOWS that his feelings are safe with you .. that you won't view him in a lessor light because of how he feels.
It sounds like he is starting to realize this with you because he is telling you that the fear exists. 🙂
"He has put into his wife, his emotional trust .. she is his safety net so he doesn't have to fear his imperfection of being human."
letting go emotionally is the hardest part for virgo and once we find someone who makes it so easy for us it's literally like finding a new religion man .. a wonderful feeling that comes close to having an orgasm
letting go emotionally is the hardest part for virgo and once we find someone who makes it so easy for us it's literally like finding a new religion man .. a wonderful feeling that comes close to having an orgasm
Yeah I understand that and can relate to it - the thing is I find it so hard to become that very close to somebody and our friendship has evolved over time. I guess the fact that I didnt become distant/nasty, etc when I came to him with my cards on the table has helped him a lot.
He probably thought it would go the other way but we chat and laugh and carry on like nothing ever happened last week....its quite bizarre....as if we both needed to get stuff out so we could move forward. He was quite adamant that he wants me to come along to a BBQ on Saturday evening and would be sad if I didnt come along......slowly but surely he's coming out again and Im so relieved.
Im only sitting back and watching him evolve of his own accord, I let him come to me and am just being myself when he does. I think thats the safest thing to do right now.....its really quite cute actually coz as soon as he got into work this morning he messaged me and throughout the day he just chats away about silly stuff and he's starting to get a little flirty again.....didnt take long eh?? LOL
I dunno but its like a fairytale...Its not like I have the man in my arms or he's sweeping me off my feet at the moment (although he has in the past), but its something deeper, something more meaningful because we got through the first hurdle with no real scars.....unlike so many past relationships Ive been in where friendship isnt even an option.
Not sure where its heading but Im staying positive and just relaxing and letting him come out....Just enjoying the attention he is giving 🙂
Thanks again and yeah, neither of us have brought up the conversation of last Monday but we've just moved forward in a better way, I think we understand eachother better and most of all, appreciate the honesty we've got between us 🙂
He probably thought it would go the other way but we chat and laugh and carry on like nothing ever happened last week....its quite bizarre....as if we both needed to get stuff out so we could move forward. He was quite adamant that he wants me to come along to a BBQ on Saturday evening and would be sad if I didnt come along......slowly but surely he's coming out again and Im so relieved.
Im only sitting back and watching him evolve of his own accord, I let him come to me and am just being myself when he does. I think thats the safest thing to do right now.....its really quite cute actually coz as soon as he got into work this morning he messaged me and throughout the day he just chats away about silly stuff and he's starting to get a little flirty again.....didnt take long eh?? LOL
I dunno but its like a fairytale...Its not like I have the man in my arms or he's sweeping me off my feet at the moment (although he has in the past), but its something deeper, something more meaningful because we got through the first hurdle with no real scars.....unlike so many past relationships Ive been in where friendship isnt even an option.
Not sure where its heading but Im staying positive and just relaxing and letting him come out....Just enjoying the attention he is giving 🙂
Thanks again and yeah, neither of us have brought up the conversation of last Monday but we've just moved forward in a better way, I think we understand eachother better and most of all, appreciate the honesty we've got between us 🙂
lol@close to orgasm....mmmmmm LOL
Great news chatz, glad he woke up in time to get you back. Good luck, but dont be too hard on him when he lapses into memory spells.
ahhh yes thank you - its all going well still....Im letting him come to me and he does each and every day....I think something in his head clicked!!! Guess he would have had to live with losing me and he didnt like that idea at all....but its weird how QUICK he changed, like it took 24 hours!!!
Anyway, he's just adorable and trying so hard....yes Im going to show a lot of patience when he does fall again coz he will, time and time again - this I know but him saying this the other day:..."IM TRYING TO CONQUER ALL MY FEARS" I believe was a hint that he wants me to stick around and who am I to argue with that?
Im hoping the fairytale will continue....this guy gets me and I seem to get him otherwise he spends all day chatting and flirting with me coz he's bored?? LOL. Somehow I doubt a Virgo would spend all that time on somebody they didnt want to be around.
If only somebody could take this heat away from us....we are in a record heat wave at the moment with no end in sight...blah!!!
Anyway, he's just adorable and trying so hard....yes Im going to show a lot of patience when he does fall again coz he will, time and time again - this I know but him saying this the other day:..."IM TRYING TO CONQUER ALL MY FEARS" I believe was a hint that he wants me to stick around and who am I to argue with that?
Im hoping the fairytale will continue....this guy gets me and I seem to get him otherwise he spends all day chatting and flirting with me coz he's bored?? LOL. Somehow I doubt a Virgo would spend all that time on somebody they didnt want to be around.
If only somebody could take this heat away from us....we are in a record heat wave at the moment with no end in sight...blah!!!
Soooo happy for you that he woke up and it will be great for him too in order to heal more quickly. Just as well you're patient and "forgiving" ALL the BEST. 🙂
OK its been a while since Ive been here on the message boards but just reporting in that even though there have been moments where Ive thought its all too hard with the distance taking thing, I can honestly say that things are looking really good.
Although Virgo didnt do anything as such for Valentines Day he went out of his way to buy chocolates (both our favourites) on the Friday before after work and then proceeded to tell me about having chocolates making their way into his refrigerator over the weekend....he must be like me and doesnt particularly like the hype of things such as Valentines Day (and I must say I was a tad relieved he didnt go all mushy) but he wanted to wait til it was over (perhaps to see how I took it?? LOL).
He's being doing such sweet little things lately and I can see that he's as smitten with me as I am with him, its just a slower process than I am used to and of course he has a big task ahead getting over his wife who passed away a few years back but like he said to me a few weeks ago "Im trying to conquer all my fears" and he is 🙂
All well.....we've got a very open, honest and friendly relationship going on and I can be happier.....its certainly had its moments though where I thought whats the point but OMG Im totally shocked that its all going so well.
Thought Id keep you in the loop
Although Virgo didnt do anything as such for Valentines Day he went out of his way to buy chocolates (both our favourites) on the Friday before after work and then proceeded to tell me about having chocolates making their way into his refrigerator over the weekend....he must be like me and doesnt particularly like the hype of things such as Valentines Day (and I must say I was a tad relieved he didnt go all mushy) but he wanted to wait til it was over (perhaps to see how I took it?? LOL).
He's being doing such sweet little things lately and I can see that he's as smitten with me as I am with him, its just a slower process than I am used to and of course he has a big task ahead getting over his wife who passed away a few years back but like he said to me a few weeks ago "Im trying to conquer all my fears" and he is 🙂
All well.....we've got a very open, honest and friendly relationship going on and I can be happier.....its certainly had its moments though where I thought whats the point but OMG Im totally shocked that its all going so well.
Thought Id keep you in the loop
Kudos chatz 🙂 So good to hear good things! I agree w/theskys it will be worth it, "yall" r worth it, right!
yep...its all worth it 🙂
Last night we did the exclusive talk (well he did LOL) right on the 3 month mark - I am on cloud 9. He's been doing the most sweetest of things lately, just little things like buying me not only 1 of the Cadbury Creme eggs I love so much but 4, the chicken chips I really like, he's burnt DVD's of movies I might like to watch, he hooked up my internet (wireless thingy) because he wanted to help, he bought us tickets to watch a comedy act in mid March (he's thinking ahead) and already booked dinner out that night...just little things that are adding up to a bigger picture. I know that you probably all think thats so silly, those things dont mean much at all, anybody can do that but you know what? Ive known some real A $ $ holes that wouldnt have spent a cent more than they had to so it means so very much to me. He wants to cook for me, still wants to take me for that motorbike ride but its been so unbelievably hot here and the list goes on.
All that patience really did pay off and I have a great guy Im enjoying my time with - sorry all, just had to get it all out - im so happy 🙂
Last night we did the exclusive talk (well he did LOL) right on the 3 month mark - I am on cloud 9. He's been doing the most sweetest of things lately, just little things like buying me not only 1 of the Cadbury Creme eggs I love so much but 4, the chicken chips I really like, he's burnt DVD's of movies I might like to watch, he hooked up my internet (wireless thingy) because he wanted to help, he bought us tickets to watch a comedy act in mid March (he's thinking ahead) and already booked dinner out that night...just little things that are adding up to a bigger picture. I know that you probably all think thats so silly, those things dont mean much at all, anybody can do that but you know what? Ive known some real A $ $ holes that wouldnt have spent a cent more than they had to so it means so very much to me. He wants to cook for me, still wants to take me for that motorbike ride but its been so unbelievably hot here and the list goes on.
All that patience really did pay off and I have a great guy Im enjoying my time with - sorry all, just had to get it all out - im so happy 🙂
awwww chatz your such a beautiful cuddly leo, who wouldn't want you...
I guess the difference I see with you and some of the other women is that he's there with you and not pulling the hot and cold disappearing for days come back act and I know it feels really good when a man is pulling his side of the relationship, it just feels balanced and more easy...I say holding out for a man that chooses to be in your life is so much more worth it than being on the edge of your seat never knowing day to day if he's in or if he's out Auf Wiedersehen...just a thought
I guess the difference I see with you and some of the other women is that he's there with you and not pulling the hot and cold disappearing for days come back act and I know it feels really good when a man is pulling his side of the relationship, it just feels balanced and more easy...I say holding out for a man that chooses to be in your life is so much more worth it than being on the edge of your seat never knowing day to day if he's in or if he's out Auf Wiedersehen...just a thought
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WTF—
Today he showed his vulnerable side like Ive never seen before, he opened up and wants to have me in his life but wants to take it slow...(like he wasnt before LOL)....I can do slow as long as I know he's interested.
He wants me over and wants to cook for me, that bike ride in the hills, going to check out wineries will become a reality but next week he has invited me for a night in watching DVD's, some red wine and cheeses (we both loooooove cheeses) to enjoy.
Yes Im in utter disbelief...I was totally honeset with what I wanted and he's come back with this? Im over the moon!!!
He said although he's still struggling with his own demons, he doesnt want me to feel that he doesnt care for me, that he's keen on rebuilding his life and hopes I'll be patient during his evolvement.
OMG, OMG, OMG!!!