Virgo and Cancer Break Up

Hi. This is my first post here, but I've been reading the message boards for a couple of days and would really appreciate some insight. Virgo broke things off with me a couple of days ago, exactly one week before our one year anniversary. I am 20; he is 21. He was my first love, so naturally I am really taking this to heart. This may be a little long, but I am trying to condense 11 months into the Reader's Digest version?

In the beginning of our relationship, he chose to pursue me. I wasn't even considering him for the first couple of weeks, but then we hung out (on Valentine's Day) and really hit it off. We continued to hang out, and fairly soon after our initial ?date?, we were sleeping together. After he had spent the night a few times, I asked him if he thought we were dating. His response was something along the lines of, "Yeah, I think so... What do you think?" After maybe two months, I told him I loved him, and he said it back. We continued to say it to each other until the day before he broke up with me.

Towards the end of the semester, we were discussing our summer plans. We ended up moving into a studio apartment together-- his idea --and had a really fantastic summer. This was when we really fell in love. We were so comfortable with each other--we could even sit around nude post-coitus. I took a class in the mornings and we would spend our time together afterwards. He was working for his dad and flew out of the state for a week at a time, but he called me almost every night. At the end of the summer, he left the country to spend the semester abroad. The night before he left was so hard; I even saw tears in his eyes.

When he got to England, he was really busy adjusting to the new places and people and things to do. The arc of our long-distance relationship can be divided into three parts, I think: the beginning, during which he didn't speak to me very often until I demanded we schedule when we were going to Skype; the middle, during which he wanted to talk to me every single night; and the end of the semester, during which he wasn't so keen on spending his time talking to me. I'm not an extremely jealous person, but having him so far away made me nervous. I only asked him about two situations regarding photos uploaded onto Facebook, and I believe him when he says he was faithful to me the entire time we were apart. While he was away, I sent him a birthday present, two cards, two e-cards, and three dirty e-mails. We e-mailed each other...

...at least every other day.

Upon his return to the States, he called me as soon as he was on the bus, out of the airport. I talked to him almost every night before we got to see each other again, but he told me he would call me on Christmas and did not. I flew up to see him for New Year's, met his parents, and stayed at their house. It was difficult to be as intimate as we wanted to around his parents, but I was not concerned. After spending a week there, we spent a week at my parents' house, where our intimacy was still strained, due to the parental presence. Then we moved back on campus to begin the new semester.
Three days into the new semester, we woke up early and briefly for our post-drinking routine: bathroom, water, etc. I do not usually stoop to such things, but when he left the room to go to the bathroom, my attention was immediately drawn to his cell phone. Something told me to pick it up. I looked at his text messages? and on New Year's Eve, when he had been with me, he had sent a text to his ex-girlfriend that read: ?Happy New Year. I wish I were there to kiss you.? I was floored. Over the course of our entire relationship, I had never truly felt that he would say something so inappropriate to another woman. This ex was an Aquarius, only up for a good time, cheated on him, betrayed him, strung him along. He hasn't seen her in at least a year. She was also his first love. When he returned from the bathroom, I couldn't help but be upset. I had to confront him about it, and I did flip out a little. We have never insulted each other, belittled each other, or even really yelled at each other, but this ?discussion? was passionate and tear-filled (me, of course). He left and I did not hear from him for hours. I cried and cried. He texted me that night: ?I'm sorry. Let me know if you want to talk later.? I arranged to see him the next day.

The next afternoon he came over. The first thing he said was, ?I'm sorry.? I said, ?What does that amount to?? and he told me that he thought that we should end things. Throughout our break up discussion, he apologized twice more, tried to hold me once, and did hold me twice. ?Do you not love me anymore?? I asked, and he replied, ?I can't say that.? What I gathered from our two discussions was that: he felt that we were not ?intimate? anymore; he couldn't give me ?specifics?, but he felt that his relationship with me had changed, but so had his relationships with others. He said that he had not been in conta

[in contact] with his ex throughout our relationship, and while he had residual feelings for her, he probably sent her the text message due to how he was feeling about our relationship at the time. He made vague allusions to the future, but I don't know if he was only saying that to try to make me feel better. He had given me a claddagh ring for Christmas, and I gave it back. He was really upset about that?he reiterated that it was a gift, but I told him I would not be able to wear it for anyone else. We stood in a series of awkward silences until I suggested that he go.

I have not spoken to him since. He has made no attempt to contact me, although he did ask a mutual friend if she had talked to me and seems to care about how I am. Last night we saw each other at a party and made it a point to give each other space. I cannot tell from what he said during our break up what his motivations were? was he shying away from commitment? Did he feel like it was better to give me up than continue our relationship if he still had feelings for his ex? He wouldn't say that he doesn't love me, but he did break up with me, and did say that he felt the relationship had changed. He mentioned that he perceived that we were not as intimate because he was preventing it. In the last days of the relationship, he never initiated the ?I love you?s, and would sometimes look at me as if he wanted to tell me something but wasn't sure how. There were also times when he was really into me and we had a great time, like we had before our semester apart. I wasn't expecting the relationship to be the same after such a long and life-changing semester, but I also wasn't expecting him to break up with me, especially after seeming, for the most part, so ?normal.?

I guess what I'm looking for is some affirmation of what he could be going through right now. I can't help but feel a little used?I waited for him all 4 long months, drove his car around so the battery wouldn't die, picked up his mail because he asked me to. I met his parents. I gave him everything I could and never compromised my standards. I am just hoping that the end of our relationship has him grieving too, even if just in his own Virgo way. Is there any chance of him coming back, once we have both individually resolved what we are each going through? These past few days have been so, so hard for me, but what I want coming out of this is to rediscover the girl I was when he fell in love with me and to have fun.

Thank y

[Thank yo]u so much for taking the time to read all of this. I am really struggling and could use some constructive advice.

Thank you for your reply! In your opinion, why does he feel this shame? I guess I just can't wrap my mind around the paradox of him still having feelings for me but ending our relationship. I'm starting to realize that I do deserve better than what he could give me.

furryleo: When he first got over there, I waited for him to contact me. He did not do so as often as he said he was going to, and I told him that if we did not communicate, we did not have a relationship. He downloaded Skype and often initiated scheduling our chats. I know for certain that he has gone through personal changes over the course of the semester, as I completed the exact study abroad program the year prior. I know that he is having trouble re-assimilating now that he is back, but even though he knows I went through the same thing when I came back, he did not talk to me about it while we were still a couple. He told his roommate that he was faithful to me while he was abroad, and I believe him.

I doubt very seriously that he feels any kind of shame .. there really doesn't appear to be a reason for shame or guilt.


When he got home, you really didn't see him until you flew to him on New Years ... so at this point, you and him had no quality time alone for a while, and during the holidays, you say your intimate time was strained. Three days into actually having time alone with him, you knew that something was amiss .. for it caused you to look in his cell phone.

So, it may be shocking to you that he texted another woman .. in reality, you actually suspected foul play, or you wouldn't have snooped into his phone.

He told you that this has changed ... he has changed, cancir chic .. people who have changed aren't going to feel guilt or shame for soemthing like this. Even when you ask him about his loving feelings, he becomes elusive.

If his feelings have changed for you, and they have ... then what is there to feel guilty about?

People change, this is life. Your whole life long, people will change.

Why would you want him to come back? To come back to you to be the way he was would mean a de-evloving ... what you want is for him to be the way he was, and he cannot .. he's not that man anymore.

I would suggest you implant your happiest moments you've had with him into your memory, so everytime you think back on your life, which you will do your whole life long, you will have fondness and happiness to relish ..... take from this why you loved, rather than why you shouldn't have .... and carry it forward.

lol, ^^^^^^^ you really have no shame yourself, when making yourself look like a fool.


Are you going to stomp your feet also, shouting .. "listen to me, to me, to me .. not HER"


You have enough sense to have the initial thought of .. "cancerchick is smart enough to deduce herself who she should really listen to and why" .. but, seriously lacking in enough wisdom to have thought beyond what that initial thought means.

lol, that even makes it funnier ..... because it only goes to prove that he's got some immaturity going on there, while claiming otherwise.

"I'm starting to realize that I do deserve better than what he could give me."


Cancer Chic ... I beg to differ with that above statement. It's a matter of perspective, it's a matter of how you value what you've had, what you appreciate and why.

During the course of the time you and him loved each other, and especially the time before he went abroad and you two had a very special bond ... you felt loved.

It's not until hindsight, as you view back are you changing your view to think differently .. and this change of view is coming from resentment. Yet, while you were actuallly living it .... you felt love.


Do you not deserve love?


To be loved for a moment in time is worth everything .. everything.

It's not about a time-frame, it's not about forever .. it's about what you felt while experiencing it. And while experiencing it, you felt love.


How can that be wrong? How can you allow yourself to believe that you didn't deserve that?

P-Angel: you nuts bitch!

P an Evan = two parents about to divorce trying to convince their child to go with one of them

ME = the judge ... this child belongs to the custody of the state

Would you like to help her, Mister?

Or just make remarks about Shaka and me?


Him being a wanker lover up the arse has been present since his arrival at dxp and no divorce will help him now.

However, this Cancer lady has asked for insight ... does this mean you have none?

I am rather emotional these days so i don't think i will give anything of substance

P-Angel: Thank you for your input.

The relationship that this Virgo and I shared was the most serious relationship he had ever been in; in reality, even the relationship he had with his Aqua ex was based more on sex and selfishness on both sides than any sort of mutual respect or commitment. Prior to his leaving to study abroad, he started dressing better and became more mature via his relationship with me. He made these changes completely on his own. In the contact I had with him after he returned, I and his friends observed that he had sort of slipped back into the way he had been. So in a way, he possibly DEVOLVED back into bachelor mode while spending time away from me. As to why I would want him back? We were a very compatible couple; we had many things in common and we knew how to take care of each other. We never fought. Even though he was acting a little ?off? when he got back, I felt as though we had much more to explore within our relationship. Apparently, he did not feel the same way. However, I do not exclusively yearn for what he was before; I was very interested in getting to know the ?new? him as well.

Re: checking his text messages? As a Cancer, I have long learned to listen to my intuition. I cannot pretend that there may not have been some confusion as to why he was acting the way he was, but I was not suspicious of his being in contact with another woman.

I do cherish the time we spent together, but for me not to think that I deserve better would not give me any incentive to get over him. Right now I am focusing on what is good for me, and if he did not feel that he could be with me, I should not pretend that I do not deserve someone who does.

As you can probably tell, my head and heart are not quite yet in agreement. It has only been four days since the incident occurred.

yes give yourself time and fall in love again....the key to it though, is give yourself time to be you and to enjoy life again. 🙂

furryleo: There were certainly times when we had differing opinions on things, but instead of resorting to yelling we always had a pretty rational discussion.

furryleo: There were certainly times when we had differing opinions on things, but instead of resorting to yelling we always had a pretty rational discussion.