Virgo Ex Returns After 2 Years

My ex-Virgo has been contacting my bestfriend and asking her about me. Even goes as far as asking her to reconnect us. He's called her numerous times when he's out and inebriated, begging her to ask me to talk to him. I've even eavesdropped in one of their conversations when he called my bestfriend while he was drunk and she asked him, "Why do you want to talk to her after all this time?" His response was, "I just want to tell her I'm sorry for everything. And let her know I love her and I miss her." I've been ignoring his advances for 1.5 months. It's not my nature to be resentful and hateful so I know I'm not ignoring him for the sake of seeing him suffer, I'm simply still hurt by what he did and it still makes me tear up whenever I think about it. I do want to talk to him at some point when my conscience is clear and I'm not so emotionally charged... But in the meantime, I am just trying to understand why out of the blue, he's had a revelation -- he even went as far as getting a girlfriend shortly after we ended and made me feel like our relationship was so insignificant and he could easily move on. He was so cold. It's been 2 years of COMPLETE silence. ZERO contact whatsoever. Now this...

What are your guys' (gals') thoughts? What is going through his mind?

Honestly I most likely just got dumped... I am sorry I know that is not what you wanted to hear... but he could be maturing and understand that you where maybe a better fit... but also he could or would just more reaching out to feel the hole that just got shot though his chest...

AKA I bet he just got out of a relationship...

Virgos are very logical creatures... often they will call ex's because they are less work to get with... then putting in the time and effort of finding another...

I don't believer you should give him a second chance...

I will say that you obviously still have feelings for him if you still have so much emotion about it... it is only when we can look at someone we once dated and know it just was not right and wish them the best... mean it and even if they did something like cheat...

You excepted the karma or path of that relationship.

If you have your full chart... love or a good new relationship should show in a transit.

PM

@piscesmoon1

Yes, of course I still love him; there's no denying that at all. We were together for a little over two years and really thought we were going to marry.

I know he didn't cheat while we were together but, I'm certain that when I moved far away for work he had come across this cute new girl (I still remember a post she made on his FB when we were nearing the end of our wits, and she said, "Hey, it was nice bumping into you. We should catch up sometime. 😉" Mind you, in the two years we were together noone had ever left comments like that on his FB because everyone knew we were very serious. I remember her comment so well for those reasons and because I sensed she was being flirty with him. I asked him about it in which he denied.

Anyway, we did have a blow up eventually and things ended. In hindsight, I think he took the opportunity to go date her after our heated argument instead of working things out with me because he thought he could easily move on with a cute new beau. And he did. Although he didn't cheat, his immediate new interest broke my heart like a betrayal. There's a lot more to this which explains why I stopped all contact with him. But basically, I was so hurt by his actions I went cold turkey and cut all connections with him.

He went ahead and dated her. Since we had a lot of mutual friends, I often heard stories about their relationship. People who DID know her well would tell me how different she and I are. It always baffled me why and how he could date her after dating me. She loved to party, she's drunkenly sloppy when she's out, crude, and dramatic. I'm like the quintessential opposite - I prefer the outdoors and physical activities over the party scene, I am pretty much prim and proper in social settings (a little uptight, I'll admit), and I'm often not around enough crowds or people to be involved with drama because I prefer small groups with close friends. I think in the height of his excitement, her personality was a reprieve from what he knew with me. So he was drawn and tempted by a different, shiny, new toy. But in the end, I heard that things ended between them because he said they didn't want the same things in life and that they just had too many different views and interests.

I suspect his experience with her made him realize what he missed and valued in me... Hence, the sudden desperation to get back in touch.

I do at some point want to reconnect with him, be civil on one level or another. But

until I understand where my heart truly stands in the matter and my logic is not clouded by my emotions, I'm going to keep him at bay. However, it's also nice to hear from different perspectives and insights... It helps keep my mind clear and in check.

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
My ex-Virgo has been contacting my bestfriend and asking her about me. Even goes as far as asking her to reconnect us. He's called her numerous times when he's out and inebriated, begging her to ask me to talk to him. I've even eavesdropped in one of their conversations when he called my bestfriend while he was drunk and she asked him, "Why do you want to talk to her after all this time?" His response was, "I just want to tell her I'm sorry for everything. And let her know I love her and I miss her."

Wow...so not only is this guy unable to contact you directly, but the worst part being you are all worked up over the dude who only does this when he's drunk off his ass eh? A drunk coward is at the top of your list for men? Sad..very sad.

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9

I suspect his experience with her made him realize what he missed and valued in me... Hence, the sudden desperation to get back in touch.

Drunk, desperate and a coward. That's what you want? No good men in your area I take it?

LOL LetItB... I think you're blowing it out of proportion a bit.

Let me clarify, he contacts my bestfriend regularly because I have his number blocked on my phone so there's no way he can get a hold of me. And since I have his number blocked, he has to go through her. Hence, he wants her to three-way me in. But the real emotional stuff only comes up when he's drunk, that's when small chit chat becomes the pleading and begging for her to connect us. And to clarify again, he's not a drunk--. But I assume his bestfriends have been taking him out, maybe to help him cope with his heartache (who knows?), he's called her every weekend drunk and emotional.

But yes, he is certainly a coward for what he did; there's no denying that. In reference to your latter insult, there are plenty of amazing, kind, successful and educated men in my area. It's not a matter of want, it's a matter of readiness.

@CluelessCancer

They're a VERY insecure sign. Mainly because they always feel like they don't measure up, which is such a shame because they're so good at what they do when they do it yet, they never feel satisfied or adequate.

@Nebulous_Cloud9:

This guy is a fixer-upper and someone figure him out and dump him.
Do you really want to be with an insecure guy? You want to spend the rest of your life assuring him. Who will love you and be there for you then? An insecure person like him can't love anyone.
What happen when he regain his sense of security? When he hops to another "cute" girl on FB, what would you do then?
Don't you think you can do better?

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
@CluelessCancer

They're a VERY insecure sign. Mainly because they always feel like they don't measure up, which is such a shame because they're so good at what they do when they do it yet, they never feel satisfied or adequate.

ANY sign can be insecure at times. We are all human after all. His problem is not in his sign.

@VirgoDragirl

I don't get back with someone that easily. It takes 100x more effort to win/convince me to give someone a chance a second time around. I've only ever given a second chance to one ex in my 29 yrs of life--it took him 4 years to rebuild the trust he lost with me. However, I do believe in second chances, if, and only if, I can see that you've matured and learned from your mistakes.

I never used to give second chances before because I didn't believe people were capable of changing. I was brutally independent and cold in relationships and always thought I was incapable of developing anything deep for anyone. Noone could ever get to my heart so I truly believed that I would always be emotionally absent. Then I had a really significant year when I was 23 yrs old, almost overnight, I changed. I learned to be more sensitive, to open up my heart for love, and to just be a better significant other. So since then, I believe in second chances because I believe people are capable of changing (I'm proof of it) if they seek it and they're open to learning.

But no, I wouldn't get back with my ex because I don't know who he is now. I don't know if he's changed, if he's matured, or if I can trust him at all again. If he's anything like he was two years ago, there's just no way in heaven or hell would I give him a second chance. Maybe someday when I have truly forgiven him and I'm capable of being civil with him, I would like to talk to him and get to know him as a person again. Whether we get back together or not, I'll be fine either way.

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
LOL LetItB... I think you're blowing it out of proportion a bit.

Let me clarify, he contacts my bestfriend regularly because I have his number blocked on my phone so there's no way he can get a hold of me. And since I have his number blocked, he has to go through her. Hence, he wants her to three-way me in. But the real emotional stuff only comes up when he's drunk, that's when small chit chat becomes the pleading and begging for her to connect us. And to clarify again, he's not a drunk--. But I assume his bestfriends have been taking him out, maybe to help him cope with his heartache (who knows?), he's called her every weekend drunk and emotional.

But yes, he is certainly a coward for what he did; there's no denying that. In reference to your latter insult, there are plenty of amazing, kind, successful and educated men in my area. It's not a matter of want, it's a matter of readiness.

I did not say anything insulting. I simply tried to open your eyes which obviously didn't work. Your response is justifying his bad behavior. The revealing part of you justifying this is...you have him blocked. Yet you fail to have your girlfriend block him. Why is that? Yep..no insults, no blowing anything out of proportion, just the truth. Angers people sometimes...but you can't hide from it. It's staring you in the face.

@LetItB There you go... Assuming things again. My bestfriend has been a good friend of his since they were 14 yrs old - before she and I even met. I would NEVER make a person choose sides, whether it's a bestfriend or a family. That is childish and selfish.

And NO, I am NOT justifying his behavior whatsoever. If I was, I would be talking to him right now. If you comprehended anything at all, which you seem completely incapable of, you would have understood that from the first post when I said I am not ready to forgive him; although I would like to at some point when I'm confident that I won't be affected by it. I don't want to hold onto this hurt, whether he's a good or a bad person or that he's hurt me so terribly, I simply want to forgive him someday and feel okay to talk to him again because I don't want to live a life holding grudges--it's not for him, it's for me. As I mentioned, I don't want to talk to him right now because I know I still love him and I don't want to be blinded by my love for him and make questionable choices as a result, hence I still "keep him at bay."

Look, lady, girl. Whoever you are. If you have NO constructive feedback or insight on what you think is going through his head and you prerogative is to throw unnecessary blurbs and sharing your incompetency, please leave the thread.

Scorpios... Go figure. Queen of assumptions and delusions.

I've read this thread and think Nebulous makes a good account of herself and situation.

I don't have anything valuable or insightful to add here about your situation. Just wanted to say it was a good read and it can be annoying when people jump on the band wagon or assume stuff but then that's just how it is, rough with smooth.

I wouldn't trust my Virgo ex with my heart again. Couldn't go through that crap again but that's probably not down to astrology. I just think of the good times now and have a little smile to myself about the crap situation he still finds himself in... I'm a Scorpio, you gotta have a little sweet revenge occasionally 😉

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
@LetItB There you go... Assuming things again. My bestfriend has been a good friend of his since they were 14 yrs old - before she and I even met.

Funny, how you left that out and choose to spin it into the conversation now.

Here...

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
My ex-Virgo has been contacting my bestfriend and asking her about me.

and here

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
LOL LetItB... I think you're blowing it out of proportion a bit.

Let me clarify, he contacts my bestfriend regularly because I have his number blocked on my phone so there's no way he can get a hold of me.

click to expand

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9

And NO, I am NOT justifying his behavior whatsoever. If I was, I would be talking to him right now. I don't want to talk to him right now because I know I still love him and I don't want to be blinded by my love for him and make questionable choices as a result, hence I still "keep him at bay.

So let's say it's believed with your newly added information that you can't ask your best friend to block his calls, because she's now best friends with him, you can certainly tell her to NOT TELL YOU when he calls and pulls this cowardly stuff, don't you think? You know instead of sitting there listening in while she's on the phone with him like 12 year olds with a boy who clearly is screwed up.
Truth is a pain in the ass, I know. It's like a metal shovel that just scoops the horseshit to the side leaving nothing but what's left of the truth.

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9

Look, lady, girl. Whoever you are. If you have NO constructive feedback or insight on what you think is going through his head and you prerogative is to throw unnecessary blurbs and sharing your incompetency, please leave the thread.

My feedback was to protect you. It wasn't the advice you were looking for because you are looking for approval. You won't get that from me because you are setting yourself up for epic failure..again. I know this..how? You admit you've been clinging to his drunken words through another person now for 1.5 months. When someone has hurt someone else so badly (as you state throughout), then cowardly comes back DRUNK saying he wants you back, it speaks volumes as to your supposed "uncertainty". You don't want to speak to him..(you say this throughout), but it's ok to hear him talk shit while drunk?
Yea..ok, anything for a small ego boost I suppose. It's very clear where this is headed when the dramatics are removed. Big red flag flapping in your face...your eyes are closed, you can't see it because you are listening & hanging onto a drunk boys words. Good luck with that.

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
Scorpios... Go figure. Queen of assumptions and delusions.

I understand ^^^^that is due to the fact that I'm not telling you what you want to hear. But since you bring it up... Talk about assumptions and delusions..this is most likely WHY you are in the situation you are:

Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
I'm certain that when I moved far away for work he had come across this cute new girl (I still remember a post she made on his FB when we were nearing the end of our wits, and she said, "Hey, it was nice bumping into you. We should catch up sometime.

I remember her comment so well for those reasons and because I sensed she was being flirty with him. I asked him about it in which he denied.

click to expand

^^Read it again..yep, now that would be the proper description of assumption and delusion. You assumed because someone (the opposite sex..) wants to catch up with him, that he is up to no good and choose to call him on it. Ever hear the saying "Assumptions are the Termites of All Relationships"— Not to mention when you move far away from someone, it puts a damper in the relationship and causes insecurities.

You can attempt to knock me all you want, however, it's not helping with your little problem you have going on. You may want to fix yourself first before you attempt to throw shit at people, you'll find it bounces right back like a boomerang.

What's in the water where everyone is—

Everyone seems to be at everyone's throats. I've just had a load of bullshit thrown at me on my 'home' board of Scorpio because I dared to give my account and view of some astrological traits!

Everyone always competing to be correct in what they say, no one is allowed to share their view without it being picked apart!

Not having a go at anyone in particular, it's just become apparent over the last few days...

LetitB,

That advice is completely fair. If I didn't feel that his actions were questionable, I wouldn't have sought for a third party's opinion.

I'm a good judge of character and can usually detect a person's motivation right away. However, your intuition is only as good as the emotional state you're in. I was already suspicious, but my suspicions were wrought with emotions... That is the whole point of the post, I wanted opinions from an outsider's perspective who is not affected by emotions to tell me what his motivations are. Not what you assumed you thought that I was thinking or doing. I'm not irrational nor am I an idiot. So don't worry about me... I just want to know what's going through his head.

In any case, I do want to reach a point where he and I can be civil no matter the circumstances. I don't believe in holding grudges if he is genuinely sorry and wants to be amicable. I believe in forgiveness... But obviously, not at the expense of my well-being.

AgentP911,

That's the problem with a lot of online forums. Too many misperceptions. More importantly, just too many people with too little intelligence who try to be Dr. Phil. My rule of thumb is to stick to the facts and answer the question(s) asked. It's Not constructive nor is it helpful when you start making fallacious assumptions beyond the content given.

So...you posted back the end of Septemeber you had been entertaining yourself since August his drunken calls to your best friend. Are you still swooning over his calls three months later or did you realize you deserve something better than that?

Oh how funny .... so let me get this straight ... you have a dude who only calls you when he is drunk, and you're all giddy about it.


You even sit with baited-breath while you bring your supposed best friend into the drama of your desperation in wanting a dude who has to get drunk to think about you.



lol ... dxp is such entertainment.

Absolutely. They expect nothing but the truth. Would you like some pointers on that?

Main ingredient...REALITY.

Are you moot, P-Angel?

Uhh... You are dense as a rock and stupid beyond belief. If you don't have basic analytic skills, do not respond. The world didn't coin alcohol as the "truth serum" for no apparent reason -- but that's besides the point. I cannot deal with senior folks who are uneducated and ignorant.

And yes, I DO want to talk to him at some point. This, I have made VERY obvious so don't ask me again. I WANT to be amicable with this human being--. Do I have to reiterate it again? I WANT to reach a point where I can be CIVIL, FRIENDLY, COMMUNICATIVE, CORDIAL, BENEVOLENT, GENIAL -- pick one that you most understand -- because I don't want to hate him and I don't want to hold grudges! And YES, I LOVE... LOOOVEEE this person -- and I still do! He was my bestfriend and was the love of my life so NO, I don't think it's unreasonable to feel that there is something to salvage.

Which is the MAIN reason for the post. I understand this is where my kryptonite is; because I still have these feelings for him I am afraid he will take advantage of me without me realizing it -- blinded by my love for him.

So if you don't have any feedback on his actions and insight into what his motives are (i.e. Is he genuinely sorry?), kindly shut the f... up.

LetItB,

Thank you. He's on my block list. I don't think I am emotionally strong enough to deal with him. As of now, I have too many questions and speculations and my feelings are too ambiguous to make the right assessment and determine the right approach. I don't want to slip through the cracks and screw up the progress I've made over the years. I will reach out to him when I'm absolutely certain that there's nothing he could do or say to affect me in any way possible. And if he chooses to take me for granted even then, that's fine; I know I will find comfort in the fact that I have done all that I can -- as a lover and as a friend. Till then, silence is my security.

Hotbeefy,

Yes. This is currently where I stand in the matter and this will certainly be my approach. It's the safest one. I've never been a fan of "gray areas"--heavy Taurus influence--so I won't proceed foolishly.

And, Happy Thanksgiving!