Lanilicious
@Lanilicious
16 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8 · Topics: 2
Virgo female & Virgo Male Rollercoaster SIGH!
If it's not what you want, let it go. Let it go, let it go. The sooner the better.
I wish someone had drilled that into my head at birth, lol.
I wish someone had drilled that into my head at birth, lol.
He doesn't want a full on exclusive committed monogamous relationship with you unless you can accept that on a deep level your going to remain very frustrated.
Sorry I welcome all you comments and just to add I have never asked him what this is... Ive only brought up his lack of calls which lead to these things being said. I dont think ive put pressure on him as we are in Sept and its on and off every week and it cant continue like this...
that being said its easier said then done as we both wont leave each other alone and i can develop some patience but as a VIRGO I analyse everything and hence am not getting much sleep over this.
Ok he may be trying to be honest and say he's not ready but what about the last statement he does have plans thats just cruel to say to someone if you dont mean it. I do plan to have a chat to him but i need to do it without too much emotion as he wont respond well to any drama.
He is selfish as when he wants me its all go and then when he doesnt he backs off but doesnt want me to leave him. I do feel like he is processing everything but if we dont spend good amounts of time togther i fail to see how his emotions are gonna get involved.
I give up.... Im one foot out the door...
that being said its easier said then done as we both wont leave each other alone and i can develop some patience but as a VIRGO I analyse everything and hence am not getting much sleep over this.
Ok he may be trying to be honest and say he's not ready but what about the last statement he does have plans thats just cruel to say to someone if you dont mean it. I do plan to have a chat to him but i need to do it without too much emotion as he wont respond well to any drama.
He is selfish as when he wants me its all go and then when he doesnt he backs off but doesnt want me to leave him. I do feel like he is processing everything but if we dont spend good amounts of time togther i fail to see how his emotions are gonna get involved.
I give up.... Im one foot out the door...
u answered ur own question. he says he's not ready. when a guy tells u this u better heed it! girls will have a tendency to gloss over this stuff and look for hidden meanings. men are simpler than that most of the time.
He told her like it is, she accept his truth or leave. He is not going to be hurried into a full commitment, he enjoy her company, he may give her more in the near future but right now he isn't interested in what she wants. Her all or nothing attitude is a turn off because it really doesn't have to be like that and so he keeps her hanging on with the whole I have plans for us line.
It's not going to work, not like the way it is
It's not going to work, not like the way it is
"An eight-week "hiatus" and he's got no one else in his view? Pppshhaah! With another interest or so, he wouldn't necessarily be wanting or needing sex from her so regularly and thus wouldn't need to make such an "effort."
Strings you just went really hard on your comment LOL
I love reading your post!
I will add this, any man that is in and out has other women that he's dating, IMO this isn't bad or good, it just IS what it is, yes he has hobbies, work, family, friends but he also has other women he's most likely dating and stringing along as well. I encourage women to move on but it's really up to each individual woman to stay or go. If she's dating other men it's easier to let go because inevitably she will bore of the in and out behavior but if she's not dating other men and she relies solely upon that ONE man for her happiness then it can be very problematic for her because she's become dependent upon that one guy that is constantly in and out which in turn is very frustrating for her because she's being put in this needy desperate position by a man she thought would be there for her and by him not being there it only creates more neediness and more desperation in her and that NEEDY DESPERATE vibe will keep a man like him in and out.
Commitment phobic men don't NEED anything from one particular woman because he has many options to choose from and he's getting his need met on a regular whereas the women he dates most likely rely totally on him for her emotional support which can cause a strain on her if he's not around consistently.
If a woman know she wants a solid consistent emotionally available man that can be in a "REAL" relationship then this man that is in and out is not your guy, he will not stick around long enough to be real with you. Only suggestion I can say to the person who posted is move on or get strung along yet if you have to have him in your life get ready to be his fallback girl (the girl he fall's back on when he's bored and needs an ego boost or when he's been rejected by a woman or when he's tired of his other women) and get you a season's pass Six Flag's b/c that rollercoaster ride never ends.
Strings you just went really hard on your comment LOL
I love reading your post!
I will add this, any man that is in and out has other women that he's dating, IMO this isn't bad or good, it just IS what it is, yes he has hobbies, work, family, friends but he also has other women he's most likely dating and stringing along as well. I encourage women to move on but it's really up to each individual woman to stay or go. If she's dating other men it's easier to let go because inevitably she will bore of the in and out behavior but if she's not dating other men and she relies solely upon that ONE man for her happiness then it can be very problematic for her because she's become dependent upon that one guy that is constantly in and out which in turn is very frustrating for her because she's being put in this needy desperate position by a man she thought would be there for her and by him not being there it only creates more neediness and more desperation in her and that NEEDY DESPERATE vibe will keep a man like him in and out.
Commitment phobic men don't NEED anything from one particular woman because he has many options to choose from and he's getting his need met on a regular whereas the women he dates most likely rely totally on him for her emotional support which can cause a strain on her if he's not around consistently.
If a woman know she wants a solid consistent emotionally available man that can be in a "REAL" relationship then this man that is in and out is not your guy, he will not stick around long enough to be real with you. Only suggestion I can say to the person who posted is move on or get strung along yet if you have to have him in your life get ready to be his fallback girl (the girl he fall's back on when he's bored and needs an ego boost or when he's been rejected by a woman or when he's tired of his other women) and get you a season's pass Six Flag's b/c that rollercoaster ride never ends.
Her words were to him as of April she told him in April I didn't want casual he said he knows just be cool and anything that has ever been serious for him has taken time. Its SEPT 09 and I have no title.
He had every opportunity to bow out, yet most likely because the sex was good and convenient he misled her into believing he would eventually give her what she wanted, so the one foot in one foot out pattern appears, he can't leave but he can't seem to stay either.
Count from April to Sept, that was enough time to bow out completely by saying we want different things thanks it's been fun and he move on yet instead he chose a typical commitment phobic pattern to STALL (8 weeks stalling pattern), his stall technique is the push pull dynamic, it's also a way to distort reality, distract and confuse the opponent and it works.
Commitment phobic men have this emotional thermometer and if he goes too far he will feel hot, uncomfortable, panicky, agitated, even angry and he will disappear to get the temperature back at a comfortable level, he thus will return weeks later as if nothing happened only to leave when that emotional thermometer goes up again ( this usually happens when she's asking for a title, he can feel her expectations, she wants to talk about the relationship, she wants to know why everything is on his terms, she needs reassurance) there are a number of things that create this panic and discomfort...a woman will go through this up and down crap through out the entire relationship
He had every opportunity to bow out, yet most likely because the sex was good and convenient he misled her into believing he would eventually give her what she wanted, so the one foot in one foot out pattern appears, he can't leave but he can't seem to stay either.
Count from April to Sept, that was enough time to bow out completely by saying we want different things thanks it's been fun and he move on yet instead he chose a typical commitment phobic pattern to STALL (8 weeks stalling pattern), his stall technique is the push pull dynamic, it's also a way to distort reality, distract and confuse the opponent and it works.
Commitment phobic men have this emotional thermometer and if he goes too far he will feel hot, uncomfortable, panicky, agitated, even angry and he will disappear to get the temperature back at a comfortable level, he thus will return weeks later as if nothing happened only to leave when that emotional thermometer goes up again ( this usually happens when she's asking for a title, he can feel her expectations, she wants to talk about the relationship, she wants to know why everything is on his terms, she needs reassurance) there are a number of things that create this panic and discomfort...a woman will go through this up and down crap through out the entire relationship
Women that have been with stone cold hardcore commitment phobic men KNOW the signs of commitment phobia, it's not about projecting, it's about knowing. This guy clearly lacks the attachment gene, he clearly doesn't see how his behavior effects women and that alone would be enough for me to get out, don't waste time and energy on men that have issues like this.
He's charming, they say all the right things at the right time, they make you feel so damn good inside, they seem to know exactly what you need to create a very strong bond and POOF he's gone, she's clinging and he's running.
they love to chase yet the down slope of chasing is he grows bored after chasing so he's done, he's out, he's ready to move on for awhile until the passion heats up again which is usually through distancing himself again and again and again. The woman fails to understand and realize just because he's chasing doesn't mean he wants to stay with her, marry her, be her boyfriend, he's chasing a feeling, a thrill, it has little to do with her.
He's charming, they say all the right things at the right time, they make you feel so damn good inside, they seem to know exactly what you need to create a very strong bond and POOF he's gone, she's clinging and he's running.
they love to chase yet the down slope of chasing is he grows bored after chasing so he's done, he's out, he's ready to move on for awhile until the passion heats up again which is usually through distancing himself again and again and again. The woman fails to understand and realize just because he's chasing doesn't mean he wants to stay with her, marry her, be her boyfriend, he's chasing a feeling, a thrill, it has little to do with her.
Posted by StringsAttached
I think Dy said it best, but if she has any doubt remaining, I think she just needs to sit VirDawg down, recount what she told him in April, recount his (varying) responses to her, and lay it on the table: "Johny, you in or you out? 'Cause I want a one-on-one relationship." If he can't give her one-on-one in the relationship, she shouldn't give him one-on-one in the bedroom.
They are clearly wanting different things. Lanilicious, if you're concerned, make him tell you exactly where he stands. No grey zones. If he can't tell you, you're wasting your time and consenting to being vainly used. And like I tell every woman involved with a CP, you get what you deserve after that.
He may tell her strings but there is a huge possibility that he will just stall more and more, she will be there another 6 months or longer waiting on a direct answer, I wish her luck and I hope she gets one. I think his behavior speaks volumes, even if he said okay I'm in, he would go right back into the same shady behavior patterns.
It's not so much as his commitment phobia that is the problem, he is what he is....it's her enabling him to be commitment phobic with her.
Stop enabling the phobia, he's in or he's out, if he can't say he's in then you have your answer....that's your que to stop waiting around and walk it out...kick rocks...let it go
Stop enabling the phobia, he's in or he's out, if he can't say he's in then you have your answer....that's your que to stop waiting around and walk it out...kick rocks...let it go
Morning,
I have read the posts and i dont really know where to start its hard to condense 8 months of a relationship into words. Anywways there few things I want to clear up. the age thing he and and I are both thirty his bday was 2 weeks ago mine is next monday. so he is not a child he should know what he is doing. The 8 week things was started by me I just simply stopped calling him, didnt go to a party he invited me to and he didnt call me either. When we started talking again he said he hadnt been with anyone else.( I didnt even ask)
Im not sticking up for him as i agree with alot of the comments posted here it just hasnt been that clear cut. He doesnt booty call me as he knows my ass would not come to his house at no late damn time of the night as i do have some pride here. we have not slept togther in about a month at this point. He asked me to lunch on fri as an apology for cancelling last week and I said Nope and went out friday night with someone else. (might i add i travel for work every other month so im quite busy too) - he blames this sometimes.
I might add I have was seeing someone else in the beginning who I let go off to concentrate on this. Then relaised he has displaying a pattern of foolish behaviour. I agree with srings attached when i said i dont want anything casual this was the point when he should of said something he never indicated a prob with seeing if this would be a relationship.. and agreed to work on the calls when we had the first chat. It is a long story and i apologise if im not giving you a clear picture.
when he called thur to apologise about last week and i told him i couldnt talk i was busy he asked me to call him later and i didnt. He'll then say whenever i ask you to call me you dont. We have a constant power struggle and both want things our way. However i do agree it need to be over for now SIGH!
I have fallen for him but i do actively go out with out men e.t.c but he was the one i wanted. Bottom line ive started the process of leaving and when he calls we will have it out and im sure he'll talk some crap he thinks i want to hear when really he should have just been honest from the get go I BLOODY WAS
I have read the posts and i dont really know where to start its hard to condense 8 months of a relationship into words. Anywways there few things I want to clear up. the age thing he and and I are both thirty his bday was 2 weeks ago mine is next monday. so he is not a child he should know what he is doing. The 8 week things was started by me I just simply stopped calling him, didnt go to a party he invited me to and he didnt call me either. When we started talking again he said he hadnt been with anyone else.( I didnt even ask)
Im not sticking up for him as i agree with alot of the comments posted here it just hasnt been that clear cut. He doesnt booty call me as he knows my ass would not come to his house at no late damn time of the night as i do have some pride here. we have not slept togther in about a month at this point. He asked me to lunch on fri as an apology for cancelling last week and I said Nope and went out friday night with someone else. (might i add i travel for work every other month so im quite busy too) - he blames this sometimes.
I might add I have was seeing someone else in the beginning who I let go off to concentrate on this. Then relaised he has displaying a pattern of foolish behaviour. I agree with srings attached when i said i dont want anything casual this was the point when he should of said something he never indicated a prob with seeing if this would be a relationship.. and agreed to work on the calls when we had the first chat. It is a long story and i apologise if im not giving you a clear picture.
when he called thur to apologise about last week and i told him i couldnt talk i was busy he asked me to call him later and i didnt. He'll then say whenever i ask you to call me you dont. We have a constant power struggle and both want things our way. However i do agree it need to be over for now SIGH!
I have fallen for him but i do actively go out with out men e.t.c but he was the one i wanted. Bottom line ive started the process of leaving and when he calls we will have it out and im sure he'll talk some crap he thinks i want to hear when really he should have just been honest from the get go I BLOODY WAS
Sorry confused myself the 8 week thing was us not seeing each other we didnt talk 10day out of that 8 week and he went to vegas in this time and me to barcelona and ghana . I simply stopped calling him and 10 days pasted , I cant remember exactly what he did , think i just thought about the situation to long got pissed off and thought screw it.
He is acting like a twat not but i think its because he see how much i like him. In the beginning he wasnt saying things or behaving like this. The calls chat we had was after we had slept togther might I add and he agreed to work on it and said just be cool its all about how u approach things with him I said im cool, i dont mind seeing him once or twice a week as i have a life too. but being cool seems to have led to him taking the mick here.
And as for the length of time it took to sleep woth him well talkingon fb from sept - dec, dates until march slept together end of March im only human!!
and i wish i had waited longer but hey ho... it happened now.
i do agree though he just focused on doing what he wants and it cant be like.... i dont need all or nothing but i do need bloody something. I havent thought long term as I wouldnt do that until we were in it and i saw how that worked im just a firm believer that u dont see the real someone until u are in a relationship and nobodies minding there p's and q's.
I dunno anyways I give up with him but if he calls ill confront him cant arsed to call him got a bday party to plan which I havent invited him to...
He is acting like a twat not but i think its because he see how much i like him. In the beginning he wasnt saying things or behaving like this. The calls chat we had was after we had slept togther might I add and he agreed to work on it and said just be cool its all about how u approach things with him I said im cool, i dont mind seeing him once or twice a week as i have a life too. but being cool seems to have led to him taking the mick here.
And as for the length of time it took to sleep woth him well talkingon fb from sept - dec, dates until march slept together end of March im only human!!
and i wish i had waited longer but hey ho... it happened now.
i do agree though he just focused on doing what he wants and it cant be like.... i dont need all or nothing but i do need bloody something. I havent thought long term as I wouldnt do that until we were in it and i saw how that worked im just a firm believer that u dont see the real someone until u are in a relationship and nobodies minding there p's and q's.
I dunno anyways I give up with him but if he calls ill confront him cant arsed to call him got a bday party to plan which I havent invited him to...
P.s I apologise for the spelling and grammar its absolutely appalling by VIRGO standard... but its early sun morning. 😉
Lani you can be with this man if you want him but your going to have to stop giving him all your energy and attention and accept that he's not ready for a real relationship, accepting that he's not ready means you stop caring about his behavior, you accept because he's not ready for something real with you he's going to be in and out, unsure, putting other things ahead of you.
If you have other men around that are equally attractive to you, you have hobbies, friends, work, things you love to do and people you love to be around other than him then who cares if he's dragging his feet, let him drag his feet and stall all he wants, just make sure your not actively waiting around for him, make sure your not making him a big priority, your not stopping your life when he decides to come around, just make sure your not giving him any energy and you won't be bitter nor angry over his lack of attention, you will actually be able to enjoy him when he does come around and let him go when he's out of your life without all the drama....
He's in and he's out, so what, who cares and that is the attitude you must adjust to having or you will not be able to be with this kind of man, it's a lot of emotional work when your completely focused on a man that doesn't want nor need nor want that kind of attention from a woman. If you treat him like a friend, a guy that you occasionally date then you can continue to date him if you choose to but you have to take him off this pedestal, put your hopes and dreamy ideas aside and see this situation realistically and stop giving him all this power over your happiness.
If you have other men around that are equally attractive to you, you have hobbies, friends, work, things you love to do and people you love to be around other than him then who cares if he's dragging his feet, let him drag his feet and stall all he wants, just make sure your not actively waiting around for him, make sure your not making him a big priority, your not stopping your life when he decides to come around, just make sure your not giving him any energy and you won't be bitter nor angry over his lack of attention, you will actually be able to enjoy him when he does come around and let him go when he's out of your life without all the drama....
He's in and he's out, so what, who cares and that is the attitude you must adjust to having or you will not be able to be with this kind of man, it's a lot of emotional work when your completely focused on a man that doesn't want nor need nor want that kind of attention from a woman. If you treat him like a friend, a guy that you occasionally date then you can continue to date him if you choose to but you have to take him off this pedestal, put your hopes and dreamy ideas aside and see this situation realistically and stop giving him all this power over your happiness.
lol
Haven't read anything past the OP .. and the only response I have is to laugh at you out loud.
Haven't read anything past the OP .. and the only response I have is to laugh at you out loud.
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My virguy chased me for most of 08 giving me his no and me not calling. Eventually he contacted me on Facebook sept08 as I didn't fancy him I chatted to him until Dec 08 then I realised he was really funny and charming so we exchanged numbers and arranged drinks. And so begins the ride.
He had scheduling probs with our first date which annoyed me so I acted like a biatch as he said he would have to leave early. We had stern convo re our second date as he wanted to see me then go out after and was all quality over quantity of time which annoyed me, But we met had a cool time and things really kicked off March 09. Virgo??s live to please their partner in bed and so TWO Virgos together means the sex is amazing and this part has no probs. So now ive gone from not fancying him to falling for him. Not to bore you but here's what ive been dealing with since
- Told him in April I didn't want casual he said he knows just be cool and anything that has ever been serious for him has taken time. Its SEPT 09 and I have no title.
- I like most have had to deal with the disappearing acts as im a Virgo too I would back off too and on the worst occasion we hadn't seen each other for 8 weeks the longest we haven't spoke is about 10 days.
- He tells me all the time how amazing I look and cant keep his hands off me when were together and will arrange a next date before the one we are on ends but im the meantime I hardly hear from him. He says he is not a phone person but I as a Virgo cannot let go and call someone who doesn't seem to call me as much
- we I pulled him up on phone call we had a row followed by a mutual disappearance then we resurfaced and he said he think im putting pressure on things and just be cool as he doesn't have a plan right now. WHAT IM A VIRGO PLANNING IS MY LIFE.
- He seems very selfish with his time and football, squash and clubbing seem to be high on his priorities and lately over the months there have been occasions where he has cancelled me on the day but thinks as long as he says sorry and leaves plenty of time it ok.
- When we reconnected after the 8 week he said he wasn't ready but likes me and wants to find a middle ground but feels like it all or nothing with me. Then 2 weeks later he said he does has plans for us...but he still won't let us progress past this point.
What the hell is going on..