Virgo man.... I know so repetetive. My Apologies..

First,let me say that I have followed several posts on this forum..... Clueless Cancer and a few others. I know that this is a repetetive topic, but since I have created a profile here and have been dating a virgo male for the last 6 weeks, I figured I would try my luck. Okay, first and foremost I do NOT consider myself a game player, but I am a female that does not "chase" men so to speak. In the past, when I was younger I may have chased a little more (mostly when a man pulled away from me and I was confused as to why) Happened with a Pisces (or two) :-) I have learned from experience that I feel better and the man usually does too if he does most of the pursuing (especially in the beginning)Since the Virgo and I have been dating, we talk or text maybe once or twice a week, which has been fine with me (he always initiates) and I always respond at least within an hour or so depending on what I am doing at the time. We have seen eachother every weekend - normally on Saturday/Saturday night for the last 6 weeks, the only exception being 2 weeks ago when he went out of town to visit family. So, he returned last Saturday and called and asked me if I wanted to do something. I of course said yes because I had missed him while he was with family the prior weekend. We had a great date - in fact, I would go so far as to say our best date yet. Lots of laughs and just fun spending time with eachother. He was affectionate (more so than usual)hugging me alot and just pulling me to him and laying my head on his chest. Very sweet... We haven't had any sort of relationship talk - the only thing we have said to eachother is that we care for eachother. We said that to each other on the phone about 2 weeks ago. Anyway, at the end of our time together last Saturday, he said call me later and then he stopped and said or I'll call you later. I smiled and said okay..... we are both people that need space and I kind of thought that maybe he liked the fact that I let him lead our relationship so to speak. He texted me shortly after he left and told me thank you for everything I had done for him and that he owed me one with a text kiss face 😘 He had a car accident the day before he left to go out of town so he was without a car temporarily. I took him to do a couple of errands while he was without a car. I texted back you are very welcome with a :-). I haven't heard from him since then, which is very confusing to me. No, I haven't contacted him, but I will if I don't hear from

him by next week. I guess— I am not sure what to think... Should I wait on him to contact me? If he needs space, I don't want to interfere, but I also don't want him to think that I don't care about him. Not really sure what I should do here.

Wait, so how long has it been since you guys have conversed?

A week..... I am okay with that honestly. It just isn't his typical.

Shoot him a slick text. Make it short and sweet.
Doittoit.

Thanks! I'll give it a try!!

You took him to do a couple of errands, don't rescue him again, that is his position, Virgo's are the nurtures and caretakers in the relationship plus it could be his way of slowing things down.

It's a woman's ACTIONS that tell a man where he stands and if you're already DOING things for him without a title, without a commitment well that could stop a man in his tracks to SLOW you down.

He's busy with his life, don't call him, let him go, he'll be back once he see you are not going to take the lead position and chase him for attention.

Don't put yourself in a disadvantaged position as the pursuer, he may sense you are that type, the kind of woman that will chase a man.

Right now you are wielding a significant amount of control and power which will keep him attracted to you so don't let it go by being needy of him. Your ACTIONS hold more weight than being controlling over his actions.

If he's not calling, he doesn't want to call, that isn't your queue to pick up the ball and run with it. He know you exist, he know you're interested thus if he doesn't call it's because he doesn't want to call you.

Plus driving a man, being in the drivers seat in the pre-relationship stage can send the wrong message IMO eg you're desperate or in love or more smittened than him or why else would you spend your precious time on him.

Men see the kind of behavior you displayed as a negative and think all kinds of things and some of it isn't positive. It was a nice gesture but notice your nice gesture got you ignored, hello.

I know it was just a ride/errands but even doing a nice gesture can reek of desperation, ugh I hate saying that because I used to do the same damn behavior many moons before I got married.

He wants to move at his pace, that's why he changed his mind and said he will call you, instead of u calling him.

Being a virgo, he wants his space back. Let the man come to you.

Posted by purplerain
Anyway, at the end of our time together last Saturday, he said call me later and then he stopped and said or I'll call you later.

I'd say no...don't initiate contact. Wait, for now. U've done too much, don't give more.

Based on my experience, if I show my affection prematurely (didn't feel I was going too fast in that moment) I took 3 steps back and go silent the next day till I feel I'm ready to resume contact/give my attention. I disappeared in my own world to think about how I feel, if I really want him and want it to go further.

Posted by purplerain
him by next week. I guess— I am not sure what to think... Should I wait on him to contact me? If he needs space, I don't want to interfere, but I also don't want him to think that I don't care about him. Not really sure what I should do here.

Been with an aries. I'd to slow him down in the beginning by taking my space, not initiating contact etc. Aries likes to chase and fall fast. Hold that chasing tendency.

Posted by purplerain

... I have followed several posts on this forum..... Clueless Cancer and a few others.

You want insight on the behaviours of a Virgo and so you follow Clueluess Cancer?



lol

Posted by tiki33

.... he'll be back once he see you are not going to take the lead position ....

Also, purplerain, that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is inaccurate counsel.

do that, and you'll lose him forever

Posted by applemint_fv
Been with an aries. I'd to slow him down in the beginning by taking my space, not initiating contact etc. Aries likes to chase and fall fast. Hold that chasing tendency.

Thanks for all your advice Apple. I know what you are saying about the chasing thing, but I have definitely not done that with him. He has initiated at least 95% of all contact. And I ended up not texting him yesterday because I was still contemplating what to do and because I ended up going out with some friends and therefore was too busy to stare at my phone : ) He texted me around 7:30 pm and just asked how I was doing.. I wrote back with a simple "I am great and how are you?" , but it was about 2 hrs later as that is when I saw the message. He hasn't responded as of this morning... but I am not too worried. I like him and I'm pretty sure he likes me,hopefully we can figure this thing out in time.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by purplerain

... I have followed several posts on this forum..... Clueless Cancer and a few others.

You want insight on the behaviours of a Virgo and so you follow Clueluess Cancer?



lol

click to expand

lol P Angel - I found some of the advice given to Clueless Cancer insightful.

Posted by tiki33
You took him to do a couple of errands, don't rescue him again, that is his position, Virgo's are the nurtures and caretakers in the relationship plus it could be his way of slowing things down.

It's a woman's ACTIONS that tell a man where he stands and if you're already DOING things for him without a title, without a commitment well that could stop a man in his tracks to SLOW you down.

He's busy with his life, don't call him, let him go, he'll be back once he see you are not going to take the lead position and chase him for attention.

Don't put yourself in a disadvantaged position as the pursuer, he may sense you are that type, the kind of woman that will chase a man.

Right now you are wielding a significant amount of control and power which will keep him attracted to you so don't let it go by being needy of him. Your ACTIONS hold more weight than being controlling over his actions.

If he's not calling, he doesn't want to call, that isn't your queue to pick up the ball and run with it. He know you exist, he know you're interested thus if he doesn't call it's because he doesn't want to call you.

Plus driving a man, being in the drivers seat in the pre-relationship stage can send the wrong message IMO eg you're desperate or in love or more smittened than him or why else would you spend your precious time on him.

Men see the kind of behavior you displayed as a negative and think all kinds of things and some of it isn't positive. It was a nice gesture but notice your nice gesture got you ignored, hello.

I know it was just a ride/errands but even doing a nice gesture can reek of desperation, ugh I hate saying that because I used to do the same damn behavior many moons before I got married.

Thanks for the advice Tiki. I think you have some valid points and I definitely understand what you are saying. As far as taking him to run the errands,it's the same thing I would have done for any friend especially since he has no family in this city and I do feel that he would do the same for me if the tables were reversed. That was an isolated incident and not typical. He has always been the one to initiate contact/plans... the only issue I have is making sure that he does understand I really do like him without me invading his space or pursuing him. It can be a little tricky and I am trying my best to learn as I go.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by tiki33

.... he'll be back once he see you are not going to take the lead position ....

Also, purplerain, that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is inaccurate counsel.

do that, and you'll lose him forever

click to expand

So, what is your advice then P Angel? As I stated above in response to Tiki, I have no problem giving him space and keeping myself busy with my own life. I just don't want to go too far in that direction and make him think I could care less. That's the tricky part.. finding a good balance.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by tiki33

.... he'll be back once he see you are not going to take the lead position ....

Also, purplerain, that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is inaccurate counsel.

do that, and you'll lose him forever

click to expand

Old hag if she take your advice she'll definitely lose.

"So, what is your advice then P Angel? As I stated above in response to Tiki, I have no problem giving him space and keeping myself busy with my own life. I just don't want to go too far in that direction and make him think I could care less. That's the tricky part.. finding a good balance.

Go as far as he goes with it. He know you exist thus if he is not contacting you it's because he's not contacting you. This is why he's gone, you are already revolving yourself AROUND HIM, so stop doing that, stop worrying about going too far in that direction because doing that puts in a negative space.

You have a history of chasing a man right? You're chasing him mentally and it's not attractive so chill out, go do you and he'll be back to his normal self and if not, shrugs.

"aking him to run the errands,it's the same thing I would have done for any friend "

WRONG!! You are attracted to him right, you deem him as sexy lover material right? THEN DON'T TREAT HIM LIKE A FRIEND. Why? Men don't want to be a friend, seen as a friend, no, he want to know you desire him so much more than that. Bleh friend, a real man want to know you crave his ass in a good way.

That friendly bs will get you kicked to the curb which is why he's gone so let him go and the next time he comes back don't do that. He's a grown able bodied man, let him find the way, he won't balk at that challenge at all.

You screwed up, although he liked the positive from getting a ride eg getting errands done and yet it didn't make him feel more desire for you, he felt LESS which is why he's been gone for a week. So let him go, he need to get a car, get transportation, focus on himself so don't make it worse by worrying the dude with a whooo hooo I still exist text/call, he know you still exist so chill.

He know you like him or why else would you be his personal gofer for the day, stop worrying, he know, he know, he know.

Thanks Tiki... I agree. He definitely does know I exist and I def have not chased him at all and don't plan on it. As far as the past, not my typical behavior to chase any man. In my post, I refer to an incident when I was younger that was with a Pisces I had gotten into a relationship with too quickly and he fell off the face of the earth. Then, I did chase him trying to figure out what happened etc etc. I have grown in many ways since then, and definitely would not repeat that behavior. Do I wonder what men are thinking sometimes? Yes, most definitely. But, I don't let them know that I am wondering that. Hence the reason why I am here asking advice instead of asking him. **** He did text me yesterday evening... completely on his own. I did NOT text him first. It was a short text just asking how I was. I was out with some of my girlfriends and didn't see the text for a couple of hours, but I did casually answer after I saw it.**** Thanks for your insight.

Posted by tiki33
"So, what is your advice then P Angel? As I stated above in response to Tiki, I have no problem giving him space and keeping myself busy with my own life. I just don't want to go too far in that direction and make him think I could care less. That's the tricky part.. finding a good balance.

Go as far as he goes with it. He know you exist thus if he is not contacting you it's because he's not contacting you. This is why he's gone, you are already revolving yourself AROUND HIM, so stop doing that, stop worrying about going too far in that direction because doing that puts in a negative space.

You have a history of chasing a man right? You're chasing him mentally and it's not attractive so chill out, go do you and he'll be back to his normal self and if not, shrugs.

Chasing him mentally? How so? I am curious what you mean by that...
Also, I don't treat him as a friend.. I just meant that he needed some help in that instance so I tried to be there for him. I am a giving person, but I don't allow myself to be taken advantage of.

Don't help a man that's NOT YOUR MAN. Help, giving help can wound a mans ego, let him DO it, he's a big boy, he's a real man then surely he can find his own way without help. There is a thing called a cab, bus. Until you've become a true significant other there is no need to give.

Chasing him mentally is when you're in constant think mode about him and his behavior, you're thinking about behaviors that led up to it, thinking about how much you like him and want it to work. NO, don't do that, thinking about how to fix it, thinking about contacting him because you can't stop thinking about him and hope he hasn't forgot you already. That is a form of chasing a man and it's desperate thinking.

If you know in your soul that your worth it then there is no reason to worry about him, no need to worry about what he's doing and why he's doing it, that's called being confident so be confident.

Stop giving to men, they don't require that to be in your life, least not in the beginning and it doesn't help you get further with a man, if anything he's out the door, giving (giving too much) stops feeling good and turns into a negative so let it be a long time before you give him anything else.

Think about all the times you were the giving one in the dynamic and think about the outcome. Did he leave you despite your giving good nature? Most likely he left anyway so don't keep doing something that doesn't work and doesn't have a long term positive effect on a man.

Did he ask for a ride? Did you volunteer to take him? Did he offer you gas or offer to cook a nice dinner in return? In other words did he add balance to your giving by reciprocating?

+1 applemint

tiki has never gotten, much less kept a Virgo

Clueless cannot even get a Virgo

You have failed at keeping a Virgo




Here's your advice .... keep listening to them, and take their advice on how to get and keep the Virgo



:::: shakes head ::::


Stupid fucking people irritate the fuck out of me

Well P Angel.... I don't think I've failed yet and hopefully I won't. I appreciate everyone's input, but in the end I guess I have to do
what I feel is right and keep respect for myself and him as well. I would appreciate any insight that you may have.
I dont think I'm a stupid treetrunking person 😛

I said something like it before but a Virgo man will typically not make a move as long as there is room for doubt.

I feel that this is one of the most important things that anyone who wants to get close to a Virgo needs to know.

Posted by P-Angel
tiki has never gotten, much less kept a Virgo

Clueless cannot even get a Virgo

You have failed at keeping a Virgo




Here's your advice .... keep listening to them, and take their advice on how to get and keep the Virgo



:::: shakes head ::::


Stupid fucking people irritate the fuck out of me

The minion assclown has spoken.

Hell no. Don't call him. Like you said he does 95% of the initiation, continue to allow him to take the lead at your pace & if he asks you to take him anywhere else, tell him you're busy. Also when he contacts you again, however long it is, return the contact within the same time frame.

If you hear from him a week or so later, don't return his contact for a week or so, & just continue to do you. How ever long he takes to contact you back, take that long to return it. That's how you keep the balance in your relationship. Mirror him to the fullest & you'll never feel slighted.

It won't be easy either, but keep busy with other things & you won't think about it as much.

You've known him for 6 weeks, he contacts you most of the time (95% ) and you're worried?

Posted by tiki33
Don't help a man that's NOT YOUR MAN. Help, giving help can wound a mans ego, let him DO it, he's a big boy, he's a real man then surely he can find his own way without help. There is a thing called a cab, bus. Until you've become a true significant other there is no need to give.

Chasing him mentally is when you're in constant think mode about him and his behavior, you're thinking about behaviors that led up to it, thinking about how much you like him and want it to work. NO, don't do that, thinking about how to fix it, thinking about contacting him because you can't stop thinking about him and hope he hasn't forgot you already. That is a form of chasing a man and it's desperate thinking.

If you know in your soul that your worth it then there is no reason to worry about him, no need to worry about what he's doing and why he's doing it, that's called being confident so be confident.

Stop giving to men, they don't require that to be in your life, least not in the beginning and it doesn't help you get further with a man, if anything he's out the door, giving (giving too much) stops feeling good and turns into a negative so let it be a long time before you give him anything else.

Think about all the times you were the giving one in the dynamic and think about the outcome. Did he leave you despite your giving good nature? Most likely he left anyway so don't keep doing something that doesn't work and doesn't have a long term positive effect on a man.

Did he ask for a ride? Did you volunteer to take him? Did he offer you gas or offer to cook a nice dinner in return? In other words did he add balance to your giving by reciprocating?

Thanks Tikki, this is what I need now.
What should I do to stop chasing someone mentally? I can't control my mind those I know this is not good...😢 does it work by avoiding him?

Posted by RealTalk
It won't be easy either, but keep busy with other things & you won't think about it as much.

Thanks Real. That's what I'm doing now....

Posted by applemint_fv
You've known him for 6 weeks, he contacts you most of the time (95% ) and you're worried?

Apple, I'm not worried. I honestly have no issue with giving him space as I am a person that also needs space at times. He also has had several things going
on in his life. It just threw me a little when I didnt hear from
him for a week because that is not his normal behavior. My question was mostly just wondering if
he was maybe testing me to see if I'd contact him. Anyway, I have decided to just continue to step back
and let him lead things as that is what feels comfortable to
me. Thanks for your input!

Posted by VirgoFlirt
@purplerain if it's been a few days since you have sent a text to him or called him and if you want him, you had better call or forget him. He want have one bit of respect left for you because he will know you can not handle any situation at all by your self. If he needed space I'm sure he would inform you of rather nicely.

😉

Virgo Flirt,

We have an established pattern since we have
been dating. He initiates calls/texts/planning dates.
That's just my nature. I am always responsive to him/happy
to hear from and see him. He 100% knows that I am interested in
him, but I would never feel comfortable trying to be the pursuer.
I have to be true to myself or it will never work between us anyway.
Thanks for your advice! 🙂

Posted by Amandus
I said something like it before but a Virgo man will typically not make a move as long as there is room for doubt.

I feel that this is one of the most important things that anyone who wants to get close to a Virgo needs to know.

Thanks Amandus. I am positive he has no doubts
as far as me being interested in him. I have shown him in many ways....

Posted by VirgoFlirt

Posted by purplerain

Posted by VirgoFlirt
@purplerain if it's been a few days since you have sent a text to him or called him and if you want him, you had better call or forget him. He want have one bit of respect left for you because he will know you can not handle any situation at all by your self. If he needed space I'm sure he would inform you of rather nicely.

😉

Virgo Flirt,

We have an established pattern since we have
been dating. He initiates calls/texts/planning dates.
That's just my nature. I am always responsive to him/happy
to hear from and see him. He 100% knows that I am interested in
him, but I would never feel comfortable trying to be the pursuer.
I have to be true to myself or it will never work between us anyway.
Thanks for your advice! 🙂

Yea, noted. But don't wait no whole week here is my point. More than that and he's gone wander. More than 6 or 7 days and im a goner.
---

Side note; all virgos are different but if I did not here nothing from you in 3 days I would be gone. What it really means to me if you did not call is this; You can not be a leader in life and you just sit back and let others take control of your life and can not take up for your self. I do not want a basket case. Your thinking this sounds harsh and mean but if im not around to do something or take care of something important then your no good to me or yourself not to mention or kids if we had any.

click to expand

Yes, I totally understand that as a man you wouldn't
want a woman that can't function in this world and take care of herself
or matters that come up in daily life. He knows me well enough to
know that I am a self sufficient person that has no trouble
navigating my way through life's problems. Sure, I may stumble
now and again, but I always pick up and keep going.
One thing; I also need a strong man and a man that realizes
my worth because I do realize his. We are still testing the
waters with eachother so to speak so if we aren't the right
ones for eachother, this would be the time to find out.
Although, I like to think he cares enough to not let
me go just yet :-)

Posted by purplerain

Thanks Amandus. I am positive he has no doubts
as far as me being interested in him. I have shown him in many ways....

Being so sure about the feelings of others is a mistake we commit everyday.

Posted by Amandus

Posted by purplerain

Thanks Amandus. I am positive he has no doubts
as far as me being interested in him. I have shown him in many ways....

Being so sure about the feelings of others is a mistake we commit everyday.

click to expand

:-/ Yes, you do have a point there. I guess I should
say I think he knows I care about him. He seems to
understand me pretty well.

When I date, I move really fast in the beginning.. I just want to be in the moment, be happy, have fun and not afraid of getting hurt. Then it's when I start to have feelings for him that I go "Wo wo wo wait a minute" and pull back. I know that if this doesn't happen at any time, it shows that I have no special feelings for the man.

My Virgo was the same I noticed, full force in the beginning then bamm pulled back, distant (but he was still responsive, just didn't initiate to have his space to figure out/analyze whatever he had to). I didn't panic and gave space/time, he's back to 'normal' now. He has venus in scorpio so the fear of getting hurt is there and opening up the heart for a new person won't be fast.


I also pull back when I am no longer interested/interest is lukewarm and I don't know if I should move forward or not. I hope yours is something +ve.

Thank you applemint. I am staying positive
about him and about life. I believe that things will work out
one way or another for the best. Best case scenario, things
will work between he and I. I appreciate all your advice and
I can relate, I am also a person that pulls away
from a relationship if I need time to think or I'm unsure.
Thanks again!

Have you heard from your virguy?

OP, you have about a 30% chance of success with him. AW + VM catches fire, then burns out. Lots of initial interest - not all of it sexual - and we like how straightforward AW's can be, but that's simply not enough to sustain an LTR.

Sorry, but those are facts - and the odds.

Posted by P-Angel
tiki has never gotten, much less kept a Virgo

Clueless cannot even get a Virgo

You have failed at keeping a Virgo




Here's your advice .... keep listening to them, and take their advice on how to get and keep the Virgo



:::: shakes head ::::


Stupid fucking people irritate the fuck out of me

As if I ever desired to get a Virgo but that does not make anyone else unqualified to speak.

Virgo troll, you have to hog the whole damn Virgo forum as if you own the place. You feel so damn small don't you.

You have to DIMINISH what others say just so you can appear credible and you're anything but credible.

You appear to be the stupid one if you have to diminish what I and others say to appear relevant.

Stand on your own 4 legs why don't you and then you may appear to know what the fuck you're talking about.

Be irritated on that unintelligent Bitch.

"Thanks Tikki, this is what I need now.
What should I do to stop chasing someone mentally? I can't control my mind those I know this is not good...😢 does it work by avoiding him?"

My question to you would be. What's going on in your life that's so bad that you need to pay attention to someone whose not paying attention to you?

Posted by ShakenNotStirred

OP, you have about a 30% chance of success with him. AW + VM catches fire, then burns out. Lots of initial interest - not all of it sexual - and we like how straightforward AW's can be, but that's simply not enough to sustain an LTR.

Sorry, but those are facts - and the odds.

Hummmm. I dont believe that you can be that certain
just because of our sun signs. There are many other
aspects of our personalities. And my ascendant sign is
actually Virgo, so we do have many similarities.
We are going into our 3rd month now and things
get better every day. You are entitled to your opinion,
but I for one, hope you are wrong!! 😛

@purplerain - Good on you! I'm in a pretty similar situation with a virguy so it's good to know that things are getting better between u and your Virgo man. Keep us updated!

Basically, just ignore everything tiki33 said and you'll be fine.
Nothing wrong with girls being the active ones as with VMs it's often necessary but don't overdo it, let him come to you sometimes.

Posted by sv
Basically, just ignore everything tiki33 said and you'll be fine.
Nothing wrong with girls being the active ones as with VMs it's often necessary but don't overdo it, let him come to you 99.999999% of the time.

Fixed. 😄