siopaowiks
@siopaowiks
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 187 · Topics: 14
Virgo said nothing exclusive but he suddenly became clingy and sweet...I'm confused
Careful girl....
If we say nothing exclusive we assume no matter how lovey dovey we act....u remember wat we said.
Careful!!!!! Protect ur ❤️ 👌🏽👌🏽
If we say nothing exclusive we assume no matter how lovey dovey we act....u remember wat we said.
Careful!!!!! Protect ur ❤️ 👌🏽👌🏽
you're assuming his actions are a sign of him "falling" for you, unless he update that non exclusive thingy, he have an excuse if he meet someone else he kinda likes, so that's the point of saying that in the first place.
also, common it just 2 months, who knows how it's going to end
also, common it just 2 months, who knows how it's going to end
Love stories mmmm, gimme some more. I'll be checking for updates
He's made it clear about what he wants with you and if you respond to him and show up on dates AFTER he's made it clear he doesn't desire exclusivity with you then you're agreeing with him because if you didn't agree with his terms you wouldn't respond to text nor go out on dates. Now that you're on the same page he can freely be affectionate without the pressure of being exclusive with you.
Posted by tiki33
He's made it clear about what he wants with you and if you respond to him and show up on dates AFTER he's made it clear he doesn't desire exclusivity with you then you're agreeing with him because if you didn't agree with his terms you wouldn't respond to text nor go out on dates. Now that you're on the same page he can freely be affectionate without the pressure of being exclusive with you.
This ^^^
I was reading your post and it was going reasonably OK until I got to the 'we slept together' bit...
He told you after a few dates he wasn't looking for anything exclusive. I don't know how you met or what you both said you were looking for but if a man says he's not looking for anything exclusive yet you are looking for an exclusive relationship then it's not a match. The correct action here at this point would have been to thank him for his time thus far and bid him goodbye.
If you're Internet dating then it is helpful to have other options during the initial dating stage. Sort through profiles and messages, respond to the ones who are suitable, continue exchanging messages and find out as much info about them and their intention within a few days before meeting them for a date. Only date the ones who say they are looking for a relationship (if that's what you want too). Bin the ones who do not match what you're looking for. Two dates is normal, three dates let's you really see more about the person plus its a good chance to see if their words are the same as their actions such as if they really do want a relationship or if they were chancing their arm or lying. A good vetting process saves time wasting and heart ache later on.
In your current case, you're accepting the deal he offered you. Just because he asks you out or texts you in the early hours it doesn't meal the terms and conditions have suddenly changed from. You are still on the non exclusive contract, not the girlfriend contract.
What exactly did he mean by his non exclusive? That he didn't want a relationship at all? He wanted to fuck other women while fucking you too? Those are my two guesses. I doubt he meant he wanted to date in order to get to know you with a view of having an exclusive relationship (either with you or someone else). You're a Leo. Don't accept the shit contract in the hope it gets exchanged for a better one. It happens but it's the exception, not the rule.
I would clarify if his 'not looking for exclusivity' has changed. If it hasn't then tell him that as you are looking for a more exclusive relationship that you do not wish to continue with him. If it has changed then it would be a good time to discuss exclusivity etc to ensure you're on the same page.
He told you after a few dates he wasn't looking for anything exclusive. I don't know how you met or what you both said you were looking for but if a man says he's not looking for anything exclusive yet you are looking for an exclusive relationship then it's not a match. The correct action here at this point would have been to thank him for his time thus far and bid him goodbye.
If you're Internet dating then it is helpful to have other options during the initial dating stage. Sort through profiles and messages, respond to the ones who are suitable, continue exchanging messages and find out as much info about them and their intention within a few days before meeting them for a date. Only date the ones who say they are looking for a relationship (if that's what you want too). Bin the ones who do not match what you're looking for. Two dates is normal, three dates let's you really see more about the person plus its a good chance to see if their words are the same as their actions such as if they really do want a relationship or if they were chancing their arm or lying. A good vetting process saves time wasting and heart ache later on.
In your current case, you're accepting the deal he offered you. Just because he asks you out or texts you in the early hours it doesn't meal the terms and conditions have suddenly changed from. You are still on the non exclusive contract, not the girlfriend contract.
What exactly did he mean by his non exclusive? That he didn't want a relationship at all? He wanted to fuck other women while fucking you too? Those are my two guesses. I doubt he meant he wanted to date in order to get to know you with a view of having an exclusive relationship (either with you or someone else). You're a Leo. Don't accept the shit contract in the hope it gets exchanged for a better one. It happens but it's the exception, not the rule.
I would clarify if his 'not looking for exclusivity' has changed. If it hasn't then tell him that as you are looking for a more exclusive relationship that you do not wish to continue with him. If it has changed then it would be a good time to discuss exclusivity etc to ensure you're on the same page.
Posted by Earthy
Careful girl....
If we say nothing exclusive we assume no matter how lovey dovey we act....u remember wat we said.
Careful!!!!! Protect ur ❤️ 👌🏽👌🏽
I see...ok,this makes sense..I just found it weird that after he said that,I didn't bother to txt him and then he kept messaging me and asking me out and doing things couples do..he even saw me first thing when he came back from his vacation..
Posted by Endless
you're assuming his actions are a sign of him "falling" for you, unless he update that non exclusive thingy, he have an excuse if he meet someone else he kinda likes, so that's the point of saying that in the first place.
also, common it just 2 months, who knows how it's going to end
I see..but yeah,he hasn't updated anything yet..and i just didn't expect him to be all lovey dovey all of a sudden..I meant if he said non exclusive then why is he doing things in an exclusive way? It confuses me..like non exclusive means no lovey dovey coz ofcourse one party will eventually give in..
He said non exclusive because of the nature of his work..but I have met his friends and flatmates as well..
I don't know how virgo guys are but he is also opening up about his insecurities..
Posted by tiki33
He's made it clear about what he wants with you and if you respond to him and show up on dates AFTER he's made it clear he doesn't desire exclusivity with you then you're agreeing with him because if you didn't agree with his terms you wouldn't respond to text nor go out on dates. Now that you're on the same page he can freely be affectionate without the pressure of being exclusive with you.
This also made sense..when we had "the talk",he said he didn't want anything exclusive coz of the nature of his work..he travels a lot..and I said i am just going with the flow..and then there was a time when i asked him where he was and if he had plans..and he said he is going to a restaurant so I clarified if it was a date,and he said it was kinda a date..and he mentioned that he saw me active on tinder (yes I know,but not everyone is the same on tinder) but I never was,I just changed my photos but I didn't use it again..so I was shocked that he dated because he assumed I was dating somebody else..but those were a thing of the past coz after the talk,I seldom txt him. And he is the one always initiating the meetup. Ofcourse I will assume he is falling for me..he.is even learning the ukulele now (I'm a music teacher) and he.just makes all these sweet gestures that I didn't expect from a non exclusive situationship 😢
Help with a virgo guy...should I just disappear?
We.met on tinder..after the firdt date he kept messaging me even if I went back to my country for holiday,he was updating me with his life..I didn't think too much and just replied. Whenever I ignore him,he keeps wanting to get my attention. Then he asked me out with his friends,played video games,watched movies etc..and then he thought I was active on tinder so he dated another person (same ethnicity as me) coz he thought I was dsting somebody else..but I wasn't. And he said he was sorry.
And then the talk came so we can clear things out. He said he likes me and my company but the nature of his work he travels and gets.assigned somewhere else after a few months,so that is why he is not looking for anything exclusive and has been single for 3yrs.
After.the talk he became more relaxed and yes,affectionate and I was surprised at this. I did say that I am just.gping with the flow and not expecting anything
But then when I didn't message him anymore coz of what he said (as a leo we can't accept defeat infront of the opponent so I just acted.out cool when he said he aint looking for exclusivity) he suddenly messages me during early hours regarding random stuff,maybe just to get my attention. Is there a way to be in the girlfriend contract for a virgo guy?
He didn't say he didn't want a relationship,he even told me stories of his past that if he weren't traveling for work he might have been married and a dad already. He told me stories of his past which I never asked,even his insecurities and he said he had a huge ego.
Yeah,I would like to confront him about the exclusivity thing but I don't want to ruin on what is happening now..
And then the talk came so we can clear things out. He said he likes me and my company but the nature of his work he travels and gets.assigned somewhere else after a few months,so that is why he is not looking for anything exclusive and has been single for 3yrs.
After.the talk he became more relaxed and yes,affectionate and I was surprised at this. I did say that I am just.gping with the flow and not expecting anything
But then when I didn't message him anymore coz of what he said (as a leo we can't accept defeat infront of the opponent so I just acted.out cool when he said he aint looking for exclusivity) he suddenly messages me during early hours regarding random stuff,maybe just to get my attention. Is there a way to be in the girlfriend contract for a virgo guy?
He didn't say he didn't want a relationship,he even told me stories of his past that if he weren't traveling for work he might have been married and a dad already. He told me stories of his past which I never asked,even his insecurities and he said he had a huge ego.
Yeah,I would like to confront him about the exclusivity thing but I don't want to ruin on what is happening now..
I can see other guys if I want too..but then I don't want too 😢 and also I got scared like what if he assumes again, like what happened last time. I think he said he just saw another girl but didn't really..coz i never had that gut feel that he did.
I am indeed just going with the flow..but after all these lovey dovey stuff,idk..non exclusive couples in my pov doesn't go on dates or long walks,or lay down on sun beds while.looking at the stars. It just doesn't add up...but thank you for your reply..yeah,just go with the flow lol
I am indeed just going with the flow..but after all these lovey dovey stuff,idk..non exclusive couples in my pov doesn't go on dates or long walks,or lay down on sun beds while.looking at the stars. It just doesn't add up...but thank you for your reply..yeah,just go with the flow lol
Thank you all for your response and insights. I think I am falling for him..the fact that I think he is making me fall for him..what I want is him to fall for me and commit to me..but I don't want any pressure that is why I agreed with the mon exclusivity thing..hoping things will change in time and be more exclusive. I let him be,have his own space everytime. I am not clingy,needy or demanding..I am just not used to this lovey dovey sh*t if it was previously discussed that it is non exclusive..
I think your version of non exclusive is different to his version. That's all.
He wants all the trimmings of a loving, communicative, secure relationship... With the ability to leave by using his non exclusive 'card'. This card gives him the full right to leave, whenever he wants, at his decision, and more importantly, without any guilt or emotional mess.
Your version seems to just be sex. Pitch up, be nice to each other, have sex, leave. No hugs or cuddles. Limited contact and only to arrange a mutually convenient hook up. Limited sharing of personal things.
Or something like the above.
So I think that's the first thing. Just different views on the same topic.
The next thing is that I think you need to be very clear with yourself regarding what it is you are looking for right now in your life. This is THE most important thing. It is important because it will help you manoeuvre your way around this situation and other situations.
Now that may seem obvious but in your posts you started off with not being so fussed with this guy but I would rewind a little and go back to the reason you joined Tinder in the first place? If you joined to 'see what happens' then this is what you're going to attract. That's fine, except now it has gone from a 'i'll join to see what happens' to a 'I'm not so fussed with this Virgo guy but I'll text him back to see what happens' to 'I'll meet up with Virgo guy just to see what happens' to 'he seemed OK, I'll meet him again just to see what happens' followed by 'I know he said he didn't want an exclusive relationship due to his work but I'll continue to invest my time into him just to see what happens!' ending in 'I know I just went along with this guy to see what happens and I wasn't really bothered about him but now I've invested my time into him, I really like him, plus he seems to really like me despite his non exclusive terms but maybe if I just see what happens some more then maybe he'll change his mind... '
That's how I think this situation has run.
Now I'm not saying he won't change his mind. However, he cited work and travel as his main reason for not wanting commitment. Those are fair reasons. Unless he's going to give up his job in order to start a relationship with you, which he's not going to do, then I think you're out of luck.
Plus, he's been single for three years so he's used to his situation. He knows what he can offer and what he cannot offer someone. He's been straight with you and can only offer short term, non committal company.
At the moment, if you are happy 'seeing what happens' by investing more time and more of yourself into this then that is OK... BUT... do not do this in the hope of furthering your plight with him. Not being clear or honest with yourself regarding what you want because you felt you should just see what happens... Will lead to a broken heart, and I'm sure a Leo with a broken heart is not a good thing!
So to recap: be clear with what you want in life. If you want an exclusive, commuted relationship with this guy but he's only offering short term, non committal then I'm afraid it'd not a match. If you pursue this it is unlikely to make you happy. Why? Because you're not getting what you want from him. I'd suggest getting back on Tinder or wherever else and finding a guy who can give you what you want. There's 8 billion people on the planet, not just this Virgo.
He wants all the trimmings of a loving, communicative, secure relationship... With the ability to leave by using his non exclusive 'card'. This card gives him the full right to leave, whenever he wants, at his decision, and more importantly, without any guilt or emotional mess.
Your version seems to just be sex. Pitch up, be nice to each other, have sex, leave. No hugs or cuddles. Limited contact and only to arrange a mutually convenient hook up. Limited sharing of personal things.
Or something like the above.
So I think that's the first thing. Just different views on the same topic.
The next thing is that I think you need to be very clear with yourself regarding what it is you are looking for right now in your life. This is THE most important thing. It is important because it will help you manoeuvre your way around this situation and other situations.
Now that may seem obvious but in your posts you started off with not being so fussed with this guy but I would rewind a little and go back to the reason you joined Tinder in the first place? If you joined to 'see what happens' then this is what you're going to attract. That's fine, except now it has gone from a 'i'll join to see what happens' to a 'I'm not so fussed with this Virgo guy but I'll text him back to see what happens' to 'I'll meet up with Virgo guy just to see what happens' to 'he seemed OK, I'll meet him again just to see what happens' followed by 'I know he said he didn't want an exclusive relationship due to his work but I'll continue to invest my time into him just to see what happens!' ending in 'I know I just went along with this guy to see what happens and I wasn't really bothered about him but now I've invested my time into him, I really like him, plus he seems to really like me despite his non exclusive terms but maybe if I just see what happens some more then maybe he'll change his mind... '
That's how I think this situation has run.
Now I'm not saying he won't change his mind. However, he cited work and travel as his main reason for not wanting commitment. Those are fair reasons. Unless he's going to give up his job in order to start a relationship with you, which he's not going to do, then I think you're out of luck.
Plus, he's been single for three years so he's used to his situation. He knows what he can offer and what he cannot offer someone. He's been straight with you and can only offer short term, non committal company.
At the moment, if you are happy 'seeing what happens' by investing more time and more of yourself into this then that is OK... BUT... do not do this in the hope of furthering your plight with him. Not being clear or honest with yourself regarding what you want because you felt you should just see what happens... Will lead to a broken heart, and I'm sure a Leo with a broken heart is not a good thing!
So to recap: be clear with what you want in life. If you want an exclusive, commuted relationship with this guy but he's only offering short term, non committal then I'm afraid it'd not a match. If you pursue this it is unlikely to make you happy. Why? Because you're not getting what you want from him. I'd suggest getting back on Tinder or wherever else and finding a guy who can give you what you want. There's 8 billion people on the planet, not just this Virgo.
@agentp911 I like how you explain things.
@agentP911
Wow! Thank you for this very well.thought response. I have never been on a non exclusive relationship tbh so I am not used to the "norms" of it. He is french and i am asian btw.
Yes he is indeed sweet and funny whenever we are together. He kinda lay lowed on txting,unlike before that he txts all the time. After the talk,he just txts when he doesn't hear from me and would send random stuff just to start a conversation. I on the other hand is not just about sex..am just guarding my heart but still being sweet and caring for him but ofcourse with boundaries. I would say he is more emotional when we are together,more loving and sweet. I just go with the flow and letting him take the lead. Ofcourse it is not just abt sex for me..I want a commitment. He doesn't need to give up his job because.he can literally just work anywhere he wants,its just that the company decides where the next destination is.
You are correct that maybe our way of defining non exclusive is really different. But if so,then why did he react and assumed I was seeing another guy...
"Plus, he's been single for three years so he's used to his situation. He knows what he can offer and what he cannot offer someone. He's been straight with you and can only offer short term, non committal company."-------yeah,but why does he need to be lovey dovey...I appreciate it dont get me wrong,but its like he wants me to fall for him.or he is already falling for me :/ the way he hugged me early morning yeterday was like one of those hugs you receive when somebody missed you so bad! And then he pulled back,maybe got conscious of his emotions or something.
The analogy of the tinder thing is kinda true..but I am just going with the flow and now the flow is too overwhelming for me..I'm a leo,too emotional..he is a virgo,too logical..sigh
Lately he has been investing more time and effort than me,tbh..I just wait for his txts..I seldom initiate stuff..but i think he feels it when I lose interest and just chases me..
Its like I am inbetween of feeling "I want to disappear,and I want to see what happens"
I assure you though that i am not clingy or needy in any form. It takes me hours before I reply to his messages,and he replies instantly.
Is it possible that he maybe torn between his decision of non exclusive? And why did he tell me his itinerary for today without me asking for it..like he told he is just gonna stay at home etc..so when I txted him and said,if he wants,we can meetup within the week,and he said,"sure,we will see 🙂"
Ughhhhh
Wow! Thank you for this very well.thought response. I have never been on a non exclusive relationship tbh so I am not used to the "norms" of it. He is french and i am asian btw.
Yes he is indeed sweet and funny whenever we are together. He kinda lay lowed on txting,unlike before that he txts all the time. After the talk,he just txts when he doesn't hear from me and would send random stuff just to start a conversation. I on the other hand is not just about sex..am just guarding my heart but still being sweet and caring for him but ofcourse with boundaries. I would say he is more emotional when we are together,more loving and sweet. I just go with the flow and letting him take the lead. Ofcourse it is not just abt sex for me..I want a commitment. He doesn't need to give up his job because.he can literally just work anywhere he wants,its just that the company decides where the next destination is.
You are correct that maybe our way of defining non exclusive is really different. But if so,then why did he react and assumed I was seeing another guy...
"Plus, he's been single for three years so he's used to his situation. He knows what he can offer and what he cannot offer someone. He's been straight with you and can only offer short term, non committal company."-------yeah,but why does he need to be lovey dovey...I appreciate it dont get me wrong,but its like he wants me to fall for him.or he is already falling for me :/ the way he hugged me early morning yeterday was like one of those hugs you receive when somebody missed you so bad! And then he pulled back,maybe got conscious of his emotions or something.
The analogy of the tinder thing is kinda true..but I am just going with the flow and now the flow is too overwhelming for me..I'm a leo,too emotional..he is a virgo,too logical..sigh
Lately he has been investing more time and effort than me,tbh..I just wait for his txts..I seldom initiate stuff..but i think he feels it when I lose interest and just chases me..
Its like I am inbetween of feeling "I want to disappear,and I want to see what happens"
I assure you though that i am not clingy or needy in any form. It takes me hours before I reply to his messages,and he replies instantly.
Is it possible that he maybe torn between his decision of non exclusive? And why did he tell me his itinerary for today without me asking for it..like he told he is just gonna stay at home etc..so when I txted him and said,if he wants,we can meetup within the week,and he said,"sure,we will see 🙂"
Ughhhhh
Replies below:
Wow! Thank you for this very well.thought response.
*You're welcome. I think I have far too much time on my hands at the moment so lucky you and this forum!!
I have never been on a non exclusive relationship tbh so I am not used to the "norms" of it. He is french and i am asian btw.
*Fair enough, I'm sure there is not a set check list out there for non exclusive relationships but I do think there are certain things to watch out for, some of which I have already pointed out. In your case, they are more important to be aware of especially since they are unknown territory.
Yes he is indeed sweet and funny whenever we are together.
*He probably is lovely. Most people are especially when putting their best foot forward and being on their most charming and best behaviour. It's unlikely he'd be an arse hole because that's not exactly going to endear him to you or get him what he wants. Also, a lot of people on dating websites are not honest about what they want. At least this guy has been honest. He wants sex and trimmings. Most guys say they want a relationship when they really just want sex. Far easier of they just say they want sex then we can decide if that's a match for us.
He kinda lay lowed on txting,unlike before that he txts all the time. After the talk,he just txts when he doesn't hear from me and would send random stuff just to start a conversation.
*It's not abnormal for contact to settle down after the initial buzz of meeting. There's usually a flurry of communication prior to first meeting and a little after that but after a while there's only so much 'hi, how was your day?' that people can stomach. The other thing is that because this is just a go with the flow thing the communication might feel a little empty or pointless. Pleasant but what's the point? It's not going anywhere. If both of you were looking for a committed relationship, potentially with each other, then there'd be a point to continue regular contact, most of which would have a point. Whether to arrange the next meet up, to share about your lives from the mundane shit to more personal things. All of which help to build a picture of the other person and see how they might continue to fit in with your life and you into theirs. Topics such as marriage and kids, hopes, dreams, aspirations, life goals down to what you're having for dinner or what XYZ said at work the other day. Without a point it's just two people being pen pal's. I feel like that's how you might feel as you said he's the one initiating small talk and although you're responding I think you don't see the point (again, his version Vs your version of non committed).
I on the other hand is not just about sex..am just guarding my heart but still being sweet and caring for him but ofcourse with boundaries.
*There's no reason not to be nice. I think it's sensible for anyone dating anyone to proceed with suitable caution especially during the early stages, say the first three months. That doesn't mean you can't share, laugh, be a closed book etc but a healthy dose of realism is always helpful. After all, this is the time you are learning about someone, and they are showing and telling you who they are with words and actions. You are showing them too. I'm not sure what boundaries you have put in place though?
I would say he is more emotional when we are together,more loving and sweet. I just go with the flow and letting him take the lead.
*Yeah, women are usually surprised men can be emotional too. My fella (Taurus Sun/Leo moon) is way more emotional than me (Scorp Sun/Pisces moon). He makes his decisions based on emotions. I make mine based on logic and reasoning. You can probably tell that from my writing!
Of course it is not just abt sex for me..I want a commitment.
*This here, is the part where you need to put emotions aside and use your head. So you know you want an exclusive commitment, a relationship, with this man. The next question is, what does that look like to you? As in, aside from him saying he doesn't want one and also travelling a lot, on a day to day, week to week basis, how will that work? I don't know his work situation as well as you do but if he says OK let's be in a relationship and then the next week he buggers off for work for three months and you can't see each other, you only have Skype and text for company, would you be happy with that? Is that what you want? Would that make you happy? Practicalities in relationships are very important yet are seldom thought of. Years ago I spent time travelling for work, often at very short notice, for unspecified periods of time. It really fucked my social life and despite trying to date, it was unsuccessful. A date would be booked in for the weekend then I'd be told I need to be on a plane, possibly away for a week, could be three weeks. Understandably, the guys were not willing to wait for me no matter how lovely I was! Quite right too. People don't want to be messed around or have their plans constantly change, especially not when they can pick from plenty of other people in their area. Worse still, you embark on this romance, invest a year of your life and then he needs to move elsewhere for a few years. What then? Break up? You move with him? Can you? Would you want to leave your life for him? Again, there's little point requesting commitment when he has already told you he cannot or does not want to give it to you. He probably doesn't want to get involved because he's already weighed the situation up. Did you say you live in separate countries? How will this work? Cultural and religious differences are also important to understand too. French and Asian. I won't know your exact differences but its reasonable to believe there will be some which can cause problems in relationships. The same goes for political differences, beliefs in marriage/kids, ages, food and eating habits, class status, income - there's a whole spectrum of things but cultural differences is a big one. He sounds more Liberal. You seem more Conservative.
He doesn't need to give up his job because.he can literally just work anywhere he wants,its just that the company decides where the next destination is.
You are correct that maybe our way of defining non exclusive is really different. But if so,then why did he react and assumed I was seeing another guy...
*Guys are territorial. They also have double standards to which they operate to. Don't read into his reaction as some sign. In his world, it's OK for him to offer you a non exclusive, non committed sexual relationship whereby he can put his dick into whoever he choses but woe betide you if you want to even look at another man let alone date or even have sex with them. One rule for him, another for you. The worst thing you could do in this situation is to apologies for breathing in the direction of another man and say you only have eyes for Virgo. Especially since he's offered you the shit contract. Plus, people have different views and expectations of all kinds of things. This area is no different to me loving the colour red and you absolutely hating it.
"Plus, he's been single for three years so he's used to his situation. He knows what he can offer and what he cannot offer someone. He's been straight with you and can only offer short term, non committal company."-------yeah,but why does he need to be lovey dovey...I appreciate it dont get me wrong,but its like he wants me to fall for him
*He probably does want you to fall for him. To be blunt, it means you'll be more agreeable and compliant to his terms.
or he is already falling for me :/ the way he hugged me early morning yeterday was like one of those hugs you receive when somebody missed you so bad! And then he pulled back,maybe got conscious of his emotions or something.
*I think this is subjective. You may have thought it was a hug of a lifetime. He may have just been a bit cold! I wouldn't read into subjective things. A hug is a hug. Men really aren't that complicated and they are not afraid of their emotions unless they have major issues!
The analogy of the tinder thing is kinda true..but I am just going with the flow and now the flow is too overwhelming for me..I'm a leo,too emotional..he is a virgo,too logical..sigh
*Yeah, but that's what you get when you chose not to define what you actually want and you chose to go with the flow. It's no different to getting a job. You know you need a job so you go look for one. If you're a Baker you don't apply for a Butcher. Why? Because it's not a match. If you're an office administrator, you don't search the Internet for firefighter jobs or deep sea diving. Equally, if you put your CV out there with the philosophy of just seeing what happens you'll be less likely to find something suitable than if you applied directly for suitable jobs. If you were invited to an interview and were asked why you applied for the job, and if you said yeah well, you know, I just thought I'd see what happens... You know they're not going to give you the bloody job! Anyway...
Lately he has been investing more time and effort than me,tbh..I just wait for his txts..I seldom initiate stuff..but i think he feels it when I lose interest and just chases me..
*Again, he's a man. It's what they do.
Its like I am inbetween of feeling "I want to disappear,and I want to see what happens"
I assure you though that i am not clingy or needy in any form. It takes me hours before I reply to his messages,and he replies instantly.
Is it possible that he maybe torn between his decision of non exclusive? And why did he tell me his itinerary for today without me asking for it..like he told he is just gonna stay at home etc..so when I txted him and said,if he wants,we can meetup within the week,and he said,"sure,we will see smile"
*He told you because he hoped you'd take the bait and suggest a meet up.
I think you just need to ask him if his stance has changed. It's the only way to know.
Wow! Thank you for this very well.thought response.
*You're welcome. I think I have far too much time on my hands at the moment so lucky you and this forum!!
I have never been on a non exclusive relationship tbh so I am not used to the "norms" of it. He is french and i am asian btw.
*Fair enough, I'm sure there is not a set check list out there for non exclusive relationships but I do think there are certain things to watch out for, some of which I have already pointed out. In your case, they are more important to be aware of especially since they are unknown territory.
Yes he is indeed sweet and funny whenever we are together.
*He probably is lovely. Most people are especially when putting their best foot forward and being on their most charming and best behaviour. It's unlikely he'd be an arse hole because that's not exactly going to endear him to you or get him what he wants. Also, a lot of people on dating websites are not honest about what they want. At least this guy has been honest. He wants sex and trimmings. Most guys say they want a relationship when they really just want sex. Far easier of they just say they want sex then we can decide if that's a match for us.
He kinda lay lowed on txting,unlike before that he txts all the time. After the talk,he just txts when he doesn't hear from me and would send random stuff just to start a conversation.
*It's not abnormal for contact to settle down after the initial buzz of meeting. There's usually a flurry of communication prior to first meeting and a little after that but after a while there's only so much 'hi, how was your day?' that people can stomach. The other thing is that because this is just a go with the flow thing the communication might feel a little empty or pointless. Pleasant but what's the point? It's not going anywhere. If both of you were looking for a committed relationship, potentially with each other, then there'd be a point to continue regular contact, most of which would have a point. Whether to arrange the next meet up, to share about your lives from the mundane shit to more personal things. All of which help to build a picture of the other person and see how they might continue to fit in with your life and you into theirs. Topics such as marriage and kids, hopes, dreams, aspirations, life goals down to what you're having for dinner or what XYZ said at work the other day. Without a point it's just two people being pen pal's. I feel like that's how you might feel as you said he's the one initiating small talk and although you're responding I think you don't see the point (again, his version Vs your version of non committed).
I on the other hand is not just about sex..am just guarding my heart but still being sweet and caring for him but ofcourse with boundaries.
*There's no reason not to be nice. I think it's sensible for anyone dating anyone to proceed with suitable caution especially during the early stages, say the first three months. That doesn't mean you can't share, laugh, be a closed book etc but a healthy dose of realism is always helpful. After all, this is the time you are learning about someone, and they are showing and telling you who they are with words and actions. You are showing them too. I'm not sure what boundaries you have put in place though?
I would say he is more emotional when we are together,more loving and sweet. I just go with the flow and letting him take the lead.
*Yeah, women are usually surprised men can be emotional too. My fella (Taurus Sun/Leo moon) is way more emotional than me (Scorp Sun/Pisces moon). He makes his decisions based on emotions. I make mine based on logic and reasoning. You can probably tell that from my writing!
Of course it is not just abt sex for me..I want a commitment.
*This here, is the part where you need to put emotions aside and use your head. So you know you want an exclusive commitment, a relationship, with this man. The next question is, what does that look like to you? As in, aside from him saying he doesn't want one and also travelling a lot, on a day to day, week to week basis, how will that work? I don't know his work situation as well as you do but if he says OK let's be in a relationship and then the next week he buggers off for work for three months and you can't see each other, you only have Skype and text for company, would you be happy with that? Is that what you want? Would that make you happy? Practicalities in relationships are very important yet are seldom thought of. Years ago I spent time travelling for work, often at very short notice, for unspecified periods of time. It really fucked my social life and despite trying to date, it was unsuccessful. A date would be booked in for the weekend then I'd be told I need to be on a plane, possibly away for a week, could be three weeks. Understandably, the guys were not willing to wait for me no matter how lovely I was! Quite right too. People don't want to be messed around or have their plans constantly change, especially not when they can pick from plenty of other people in their area. Worse still, you embark on this romance, invest a year of your life and then he needs to move elsewhere for a few years. What then? Break up? You move with him? Can you? Would you want to leave your life for him? Again, there's little point requesting commitment when he has already told you he cannot or does not want to give it to you. He probably doesn't want to get involved because he's already weighed the situation up. Did you say you live in separate countries? How will this work? Cultural and religious differences are also important to understand too. French and Asian. I won't know your exact differences but its reasonable to believe there will be some which can cause problems in relationships. The same goes for political differences, beliefs in marriage/kids, ages, food and eating habits, class status, income - there's a whole spectrum of things but cultural differences is a big one. He sounds more Liberal. You seem more Conservative.
He doesn't need to give up his job because.he can literally just work anywhere he wants,its just that the company decides where the next destination is.
You are correct that maybe our way of defining non exclusive is really different. But if so,then why did he react and assumed I was seeing another guy...
*Guys are territorial. They also have double standards to which they operate to. Don't read into his reaction as some sign. In his world, it's OK for him to offer you a non exclusive, non committed sexual relationship whereby he can put his dick into whoever he choses but woe betide you if you want to even look at another man let alone date or even have sex with them. One rule for him, another for you. The worst thing you could do in this situation is to apologies for breathing in the direction of another man and say you only have eyes for Virgo. Especially since he's offered you the shit contract. Plus, people have different views and expectations of all kinds of things. This area is no different to me loving the colour red and you absolutely hating it.
"Plus, he's been single for three years so he's used to his situation. He knows what he can offer and what he cannot offer someone. He's been straight with you and can only offer short term, non committal company."-------yeah,but why does he need to be lovey dovey...I appreciate it dont get me wrong,but its like he wants me to fall for him
*He probably does want you to fall for him. To be blunt, it means you'll be more agreeable and compliant to his terms.
or he is already falling for me :/ the way he hugged me early morning yeterday was like one of those hugs you receive when somebody missed you so bad! And then he pulled back,maybe got conscious of his emotions or something.
*I think this is subjective. You may have thought it was a hug of a lifetime. He may have just been a bit cold! I wouldn't read into subjective things. A hug is a hug. Men really aren't that complicated and they are not afraid of their emotions unless they have major issues!
The analogy of the tinder thing is kinda true..but I am just going with the flow and now the flow is too overwhelming for me..I'm a leo,too emotional..he is a virgo,too logical..sigh
*Yeah, but that's what you get when you chose not to define what you actually want and you chose to go with the flow. It's no different to getting a job. You know you need a job so you go look for one. If you're a Baker you don't apply for a Butcher. Why? Because it's not a match. If you're an office administrator, you don't search the Internet for firefighter jobs or deep sea diving. Equally, if you put your CV out there with the philosophy of just seeing what happens you'll be less likely to find something suitable than if you applied directly for suitable jobs. If you were invited to an interview and were asked why you applied for the job, and if you said yeah well, you know, I just thought I'd see what happens... You know they're not going to give you the bloody job! Anyway...
Lately he has been investing more time and effort than me,tbh..I just wait for his txts..I seldom initiate stuff..but i think he feels it when I lose interest and just chases me..
*Again, he's a man. It's what they do.
Its like I am inbetween of feeling "I want to disappear,and I want to see what happens"
I assure you though that i am not clingy or needy in any form. It takes me hours before I reply to his messages,and he replies instantly.
Is it possible that he maybe torn between his decision of non exclusive? And why did he tell me his itinerary for today without me asking for it..like he told he is just gonna stay at home etc..so when I txted him and said,if he wants,we can meetup within the week,and he said,"sure,we will see smile"
*He told you because he hoped you'd take the bait and suggest a meet up.
I think you just need to ask him if his stance has changed. It's the only way to know.
Posted by Cg2016Thank you. 😊👍
@agentp911 I like how you explain things.
Thank you again for that well written response..but is it possible to go from non exclusive to being exclusive by just going with the flow? Ofcourse i want to be exclusive..but idk how virgos mind or heart works..
It's possible but I'd say unlikely. You're taking a gambled which may or may not pay off.
Why not ask him if his stance has changed?
It always surprises me that people can jump in and have sex with others, the most intimate act between two people, without much concern for their emotional well being yet are too scared or shy to ask a simple question due to fear of the answer.
Why not ask him if his stance has changed?
It always surprises me that people can jump in and have sex with others, the most intimate act between two people, without much concern for their emotional well being yet are too scared or shy to ask a simple question due to fear of the answer.
@Agent P911
I sent you a dm😁
Because I am too scared of rejection and i just want to enjoy with what is happening now..
Yes it is a gamble,and I am proud of myself that with this experience,I am learning more about myself and my limitations.
The only thing I can think of is to just slowly walk away and focus on myself and save my sanity and that non exclusive doesn't really work for me
I sent you a dm😁
Because I am too scared of rejection and i just want to enjoy with what is happening now..
Yes it is a gamble,and I am proud of myself that with this experience,I am learning more about myself and my limitations.
The only thing I can think of is to just slowly walk away and focus on myself and save my sanity and that non exclusive doesn't really work for me
Posted by siopaowiksYeah, it usually comes down to not wanting to be rejected but you just need to look at it in a different way. Be bold and asking for what you want, sticking to your well defined goals and principles.
@Agent P911
I sent you a dm😁
Because I am too scared of rejection and i just want to enjoy with what is happening now..
Yes it is a gamble,and I am proud of myself that with this experience,I am learning more about myself and my limitations.
The only thing I can think of is to just slowly walk away and focus on myself and save my sanity and that non exclusive doesn't really work for me
Well you've weighed up both the positives and potential negatives of the situation. Neither is more right or wrong. Every action has a consequence. I think it depends who you are and how you deal with things. It won't kill you and what doesn't kill you will make you stronger or at least it will give you more indication about what does and doesn't work for you. We are all built differently and we can't change who we are so easily.
I'll look at DM now.
Posted by perperunaPosted by siopaowiksPosted by Endless
you're assuming his actions are a sign of him "falling" for you, unless he update that non exclusive thingy, he have an excuse if he meet someone else he kinda likes, so that's the point of saying that in the first place.
also, common it just 2 months, who knows how it's going to end
I see..but yeah,he hasn't updated anything yet..and i just didn't expect him to be all lovey dovey all of a sudden..I meant if he said non exclusive then why is he doing things in an exclusive way? It confuses me..like non exclusive means no lovey dovey coz ofcourse one party will eventually give in..
He said non exclusive because of the nature of his work..but I have met his friends and flatmates as well..
I don't know how virgo guys are but he is also opening up about his insecurities..
click to expand
Because he just wants sex click to expandclick to expandclick to expandclick to expand
This. You're expecting too much from someone who has said he doesn't want to be exclusive...doesn't mean he can't be sweet and communicative with you! Just enjoy it for what it is at this time...
he can make up his mind virgo's always have a strong first impression if they think you are easy or it will be nothing serious he will say that but later might regret is and maybe think different once you guys get close it can also be to test you if he needs to chase you and you are more hard to get he will like it more but he does want something in return probably
Posted by siopaowiksHe will fall for you i am asian currently with a Frenchman they can claim you hahaha the thing is i as a virgo said i wanna lay it low that i was not ready for commitment but later on i changed my mind and said let's build things up slow and see eventually i did fall for him and in 4 months i asked him to be in a relationship with me since i told him i need things to happen in my own speed
@agentP911
Wow! Thank you for this very well.thought response. I have never been on a non exclusive relationship tbh so I am not used to the "norms" of it. He is french and i am asian btw.
Yes he is indeed sweet and funny whenever we are together. He kinda lay lowed on txting,unlike before that he txts all the time. After the talk,he just txts when he doesn't hear from me and would send random stuff just to start a conversation. I on the other hand is not just about sex..am just guarding my heart but still being sweet and caring for him but ofcourse with boundaries. I would say he is more emotional when we are together,more loving and sweet. I just go with the flow and letting him take the lead. Ofcourse it is not just abt sex for me..I want a commitment. He doesn't need to give up his job because.he can literally just work anywhere he wants,its just that the company decides where the next destination is.
You are correct that maybe our way of defining non exclusive is really different. But if so,then why did he react and assumed I was seeing another guy...
"Plus, he's been single for three years so he's used to his situation. He knows what he can offer and what he cannot offer someone. He's been straight with you and can only offer short term, non committal company."-------yeah,but why does he need to be lovey dovey...I appreciate it dont get me wrong,but its like he wants me to fall for him.or he is already falling for me :/ the way he hugged me early morning yeterday was like one of those hugs you receive when somebody missed you so bad! And then he pulled back,maybe got conscious of his emotions or something.
The analogy of the tinder thing is kinda true..but I am just going with the flow and now the flow is too overwhelming for me..I'm a leo,too emotional..he is a virgo,too logical..sigh
Lately he has been investing more time and effort than me,tbh..I just wait for his txts..I seldom initiate stuff..but i think he feels it when I lose interest and just chases me..
Its like I am inbetween of feeling "I want to disappear,and I want to see what happens"
I assure you though that i am not clingy or needy in any form. It takes me hours before I reply to his messages,and he replies instantly.
Is it possible that he maybe torn between his decision of non exclusive? And why did he tell me his itinerary for today without me asking for it..like he told he is just gonna stay at home etc..so when I txted him and said,if he wants,we can meetup within the week,and he said,"sure,we will see "
Ughhhhh
@dewiklaessen26
Thanks for your reply and input of a virgo. The first dates we had I really didn't bother that much,rejected him a couple of times and he just kept chasing. Later on became lie low but more intense especially when we are together. He is like an onion,slowly peeling his layers. Telling me personal things,stories/experiences from the past,insecurities that I didn't expect he had. Either he is insecure,low self esteem or just fishing. He also said last time whenever I praise his intelligence,good looks etc that I should stop manipulating him. I said I am not manipulating and I was just appreciating him and his talents. I was even surprised he was insecure abt his flatmate right now,who is also his colleague and friend since highschool.
I mean,if sex is all he wants,then why go through all this length if he already knows he's gonna get it at the end of the day. Like who does that? And why did he even see me first when he came back from holidays if I didn't mean something to him,right?
Thanks for your reply and input of a virgo. The first dates we had I really didn't bother that much,rejected him a couple of times and he just kept chasing. Later on became lie low but more intense especially when we are together. He is like an onion,slowly peeling his layers. Telling me personal things,stories/experiences from the past,insecurities that I didn't expect he had. Either he is insecure,low self esteem or just fishing. He also said last time whenever I praise his intelligence,good looks etc that I should stop manipulating him. I said I am not manipulating and I was just appreciating him and his talents. I was even surprised he was insecure abt his flatmate right now,who is also his colleague and friend since highschool.
I mean,if sex is all he wants,then why go through all this length if he already knows he's gonna get it at the end of the day. Like who does that? And why did he even see me first when he came back from holidays if I didn't mean something to him,right?
@dewiklaessen26
Oh hello.there fellow asian! Haha glad you and your french are doing fine 🙂 how did you think that he will fall for me? Well I can feel that he is falling for me,especially when we are together,he is more showy than me,I am pretty laid back and just mirrors what he does,but mostly he is the one more touchy and sweet. But when we are not together,we don't really txt that often,compared to the first few dates..
What do you mean,they can claim me? How did yours start? And when did you realize that you wanted to change your mind and get into a relationship?
With mine,in the first few stages,he was always clingy,wanted to see me,possesive etc,then after he assumed that I was active on tinder (which he never really confronted me,he just assumed) he went on a date (which I think didn't really happen and he just wants me to feel guilty,he even said he went on a date with the same nationality as mine,I was like,yeah right🙄 )
When he drunk txted me one time,I ignored it and didn't even bother to ask, then he explained himself that he was drunk when he sent the message (I was like,who explains like that)
Glad you had the courage and honesty to change your mind and everything went well with it 🙂
With my virgo,its like he is making me fall for him so I think he is also falling for me..like imagine the first few dates,he is prim and proper (typical french) then I met with his friends and he was relaxed,then later on became more relaxed and slowly showing me who he truly is. How he eats,take care of the house etc
During dinner I set up the table and after i cleaned it up. On the first few dates when.I do that,he would always say,just leave it there you are not the cleaning lady. And later on he suddenly said, I am here I will do it,you don't need to do everything by yourself. This was something new for me..like he was saying he is there to help out..and he did.
Oh hello.there fellow asian! Haha glad you and your french are doing fine 🙂 how did you think that he will fall for me? Well I can feel that he is falling for me,especially when we are together,he is more showy than me,I am pretty laid back and just mirrors what he does,but mostly he is the one more touchy and sweet. But when we are not together,we don't really txt that often,compared to the first few dates..
What do you mean,they can claim me? How did yours start? And when did you realize that you wanted to change your mind and get into a relationship?
With mine,in the first few stages,he was always clingy,wanted to see me,possesive etc,then after he assumed that I was active on tinder (which he never really confronted me,he just assumed) he went on a date (which I think didn't really happen and he just wants me to feel guilty,he even said he went on a date with the same nationality as mine,I was like,yeah right🙄 )
When he drunk txted me one time,I ignored it and didn't even bother to ask, then he explained himself that he was drunk when he sent the message (I was like,who explains like that)
Glad you had the courage and honesty to change your mind and everything went well with it 🙂
With my virgo,its like he is making me fall for him so I think he is also falling for me..like imagine the first few dates,he is prim and proper (typical french) then I met with his friends and he was relaxed,then later on became more relaxed and slowly showing me who he truly is. How he eats,take care of the house etc
During dinner I set up the table and after i cleaned it up. On the first few dates when.I do that,he would always say,just leave it there you are not the cleaning lady. And later on he suddenly said, I am here I will do it,you don't need to do everything by yourself. This was something new for me..like he was saying he is there to help out..and he did.
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