ariesfemale1978
@ariesfemale1978
18 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 59 · Topics: 4
Virgo's ex calls, he now needs space...help!
Thanks for this reply... it helped. I'm feeling very 'tender' at the moment... very heartbroken, I guess. I don't know what my 'role' for the next few days should be... should I give him his space and wait until he contacts me? Should I keep communicating, even if it's just through messenger? If so should I keep conversation light or express that I miss him? This is hard 😢
Ariesfemale ... I don't see this situation so cut-and-dry. It appears to me that most people who have responded have focused on only one part of this ... when it seems to me there are several variables to consider.
"for some reason she needed him there with her (she lives 6 hours away) to help her get through this horrible time."
I agree that Virgo's are ones who like to help out in bad times .. however, liking to help, and actually being needed are two different things, entirely. This would depend on how long these two people were together, how close their bond was, the emotional investment. To just serve another, or be there for another IF the emotional bond wasn't strong enough for the Virgo to provide for this ... seems odd. So, in your position, I'd be questioning whether his aiding her emotionally at this time is warranted according to the emotional investment of the relationship.
For a Virgo will indeed, serve .... but, that doesn't mean it's deserving .. it means, they sometimes just feel the need to serve. And this condition in Virgos would be one of my deciding factors, as to whether him going to her side is acceptable.
"... she then said that if he didn't go up there she would come down here to see him after the funeral because she really needed him."
The above is something else that I would consider, in your position, as to whether him aiding her would be acceptable ... for it appears as though he tried to back digress, while she is maintaining that she needs him. Think about that ... perhaps, this Virgo man is interested in you and doesn't want her ... but, she WANTS HIM, she NEEDS HIM. And you know as well as I do that a woman who wants a man will seduce, will manipulate, will do anything to get him.
If she would drive 6 hours to come to him, and he would view it as just being of service .. then he would be prey to being manipulated because would be viewing this from an innocent position, and not expecting to be taken.
" .. he doesn't want to lose me but he realized that there's obviously some stuff he hasn't sorted out to do with his ex and for some reason feels the need to be there for her."
Hasn't sorted stuff out with her yet .....
Think about that .....
If his ties with her are still there because it hasn't been sorted out, and if when she needs him .. he goes to her ... then still present is an emotional attachment.
"for some reason she needed him there with her (she lives 6 hours away) to help her get through this horrible time."
I agree that Virgo's are ones who like to help out in bad times .. however, liking to help, and actually being needed are two different things, entirely. This would depend on how long these two people were together, how close their bond was, the emotional investment. To just serve another, or be there for another IF the emotional bond wasn't strong enough for the Virgo to provide for this ... seems odd. So, in your position, I'd be questioning whether his aiding her emotionally at this time is warranted according to the emotional investment of the relationship.
For a Virgo will indeed, serve .... but, that doesn't mean it's deserving .. it means, they sometimes just feel the need to serve. And this condition in Virgos would be one of my deciding factors, as to whether him going to her side is acceptable.
"... she then said that if he didn't go up there she would come down here to see him after the funeral because she really needed him."
The above is something else that I would consider, in your position, as to whether him aiding her would be acceptable ... for it appears as though he tried to back digress, while she is maintaining that she needs him. Think about that ... perhaps, this Virgo man is interested in you and doesn't want her ... but, she WANTS HIM, she NEEDS HIM. And you know as well as I do that a woman who wants a man will seduce, will manipulate, will do anything to get him.
If she would drive 6 hours to come to him, and he would view it as just being of service .. then he would be prey to being manipulated because would be viewing this from an innocent position, and not expecting to be taken.
" .. he doesn't want to lose me but he realized that there's obviously some stuff he hasn't sorted out to do with his ex and for some reason feels the need to be there for her."
Hasn't sorted stuff out with her yet .....
Think about that .....
If his ties with her are still there because it hasn't been sorted out, and if when she needs him .. he goes to her ... then still present is an emotional attachment.
" .. wants to be fair to me and not have another woman on his mind so he needs to take some time...
For some reason I believe he's sincere .."
I would believe he is sincere, also .. however, you have to look at this from the other side, as well, for it's not just his side that is involved in this scenerio ..... her side is also present, and you don't know her intentions.
A woman who is emotionally distraught will throw herself at a man to whom she thinks is strong enough to catch her, one that she trusts won't drop her and let her spill.
It may very well be that his only intentions are to set things right with her, to sort out a final break-up once and for all, to put the old feelings into perspective, so he can carry on with his life ..... but, what about her?
She is a woman in emotional need ...
Can he handle it if she crumbles, without falling prey to be manipulated into being her hero?
For some reason I believe he's sincere .."
I would believe he is sincere, also .. however, you have to look at this from the other side, as well, for it's not just his side that is involved in this scenerio ..... her side is also present, and you don't know her intentions.
A woman who is emotionally distraught will throw herself at a man to whom she thinks is strong enough to catch her, one that she trusts won't drop her and let her spill.
It may very well be that his only intentions are to set things right with her, to sort out a final break-up once and for all, to put the old feelings into perspective, so he can carry on with his life ..... but, what about her?
She is a woman in emotional need ...
Can he handle it if she crumbles, without falling prey to be manipulated into being her hero?
Thanks for the comments! I really needed them at this time. Yesterday I went to bed extra early and slept until 9am, lol... about 12 hours... so I feel completely refreshed. I needed to do that because I've been so used to him being here every night till about 3am!
I will take the advice given and will not call him... I truly want him to sort out his feelings and figure out what he wants. I'm just going to keep busy. It helps that I'm moving in a week so I'll be busy with that.
Keep the wonderful advice and comments coming! I appreciate it greatly!!! I will keep you posted on what happens.
I will take the advice given and will not call him... I truly want him to sort out his feelings and figure out what he wants. I'm just going to keep busy. It helps that I'm moving in a week so I'll be busy with that.
Keep the wonderful advice and comments coming! I appreciate it greatly!!! I will keep you posted on what happens.
You should be leary of this, ariesfemale ..... very.
In your position, I would encourage him not to go, and have her come to him. If he goes to her, and she attempts to emotionally persuade him into giving her another chance, then he has nobody to turn to when he needs a reality check of his new life with you. If she becomes overwhelmed with emotions and he needs to get away, to have his new love by his side to remind him of what he has .... then will he fall?
If she came to him, and you were available for him for a reality check when he needs space away from her emotional distress (if she attempts to capture him) .... then he would have you as his safety net, he would have you in his sights to keep him strong and not give in to her if she fires all her guns.
Just like with anything in life when we are need of insight, or a support system ..... this support has to be present, if it's not present when we are facing something stressful, then we become victims of our own weakness. That's being human.
You have to think about this as if it were you .... if you were broken up with a man, and the relationship was over, and you had a disturbing event happen in your life to where you needed emotional support ... would you go to an ex to whom you no longer loved?
Of course not ... who would go to a person they did not love at a time like this? She still loves him, ariesfemale.
Think about that ......
She is a woman who loves your man .... if she didn't, she wouldn't need him right now to console her.
In your position, I would encourage him not to go, and have her come to him. If he goes to her, and she attempts to emotionally persuade him into giving her another chance, then he has nobody to turn to when he needs a reality check of his new life with you. If she becomes overwhelmed with emotions and he needs to get away, to have his new love by his side to remind him of what he has .... then will he fall?
If she came to him, and you were available for him for a reality check when he needs space away from her emotional distress (if she attempts to capture him) .... then he would have you as his safety net, he would have you in his sights to keep him strong and not give in to her if she fires all her guns.
Just like with anything in life when we are need of insight, or a support system ..... this support has to be present, if it's not present when we are facing something stressful, then we become victims of our own weakness. That's being human.
You have to think about this as if it were you .... if you were broken up with a man, and the relationship was over, and you had a disturbing event happen in your life to where you needed emotional support ... would you go to an ex to whom you no longer loved?
Of course not ... who would go to a person they did not love at a time like this? She still loves him, ariesfemale.
Think about that ......
She is a woman who loves your man .... if she didn't, she wouldn't need him right now to console her.
ariesfemale .... just keep in mind ... Virgo's are easily manipulated than any other sign because they view their deeds from a position of providing to another. Oftentimes, we hear in here where Virgos speak about people taking advantage of their good and caring natures ... and the reason for this is because they don't comprehend motives of another person .. they only comprehend that their hearts are pure, and their own motives are to help, in which SHOULD be appreciated ... so when the other takes them, they never see it coming.
If this woman means to take him, and she's good at it .... he might fall prey.
What is her sun sign, do you know?
If this woman means to take him, and she's good at it .... he might fall prey.
What is her sun sign, do you know?
"because she insisted he more than likely felt the desire to help her, this does not mean he is still interested in his ex, as people have commented"
Well, my comments are more focused around her interest in him ... and because his desire comes from a position of innocence, it might make him vulnerable to being manipulated.
This is an issue in which Virgo's are faced ... and many threads have been created in here, where Virog's address this very thing. They have a desire to aid, and though it comes from a good place inside of them, it also makes them vulnerable, and easy prey.
I would be very concerned about that .... if this woman would drive 6 hours to be with him because she needs him to support her emotionally, then she still has feelings for him, and if she still has feelings for him, while putting the feeling in her heart that he is rescuing her from this emotional distress ... then this support he is going to offer her might turn into more than he realizes.
A woman in emotional distress ...... a man who goes to her side to comfort will be burdened, and this is a lot of baggage to carry. From a woman's perspective, once he displays a desire to help her carry it for her .... she dumps more onto him.
This isn't going to be just easy .... this isn't about helping somebody move a refrigerator, or hang siding .... this is about a woman who is going to dump all her anguish onto a man who is only viewing this from a position to be of service.
Well, my comments are more focused around her interest in him ... and because his desire comes from a position of innocence, it might make him vulnerable to being manipulated.
This is an issue in which Virgo's are faced ... and many threads have been created in here, where Virog's address this very thing. They have a desire to aid, and though it comes from a good place inside of them, it also makes them vulnerable, and easy prey.
I would be very concerned about that .... if this woman would drive 6 hours to be with him because she needs him to support her emotionally, then she still has feelings for him, and if she still has feelings for him, while putting the feeling in her heart that he is rescuing her from this emotional distress ... then this support he is going to offer her might turn into more than he realizes.
A woman in emotional distress ...... a man who goes to her side to comfort will be burdened, and this is a lot of baggage to carry. From a woman's perspective, once he displays a desire to help her carry it for her .... she dumps more onto him.
This isn't going to be just easy .... this isn't about helping somebody move a refrigerator, or hang siding .... this is about a woman who is going to dump all her anguish onto a man who is only viewing this from a position to be of service.
I do see it from both sides... That's where the 'worry' and heartbreak came from... I know she is obviously still in love with him and knowing what he's like I don't blame her. I also truly feel that his feelings for me are true... but we do not share the history that he shares with his ex and I don't know too many details about that relationship to assess whether or not it is something to be very concerned about.
I've been missing him like crazy and it's only been one day, lol. This weekend we were supposed to finish packing up my place and he was going to stay here all weekend to help me start moving stuff... **sigh**... this really sucks.
In a way I'm thankful that it came up now because I could totally see myself falling in love with him and I would have been deeply hurt if this had come up at a later date. I'm a single mother and he is a single father and we had talked about meeting eachother's children very soon. That would have been even harder to deal with, especially since I've never introduced a man to my children.
I'm actually optimistic that he'll come back, I hope it's not just wishful thinking. I went through a very similar situation last year with a Libra... same thing happened and that didn't work out at all but this time I feel it's different.
I'm glad I have this board to talk about this since all I want to do is call him and tell him I miss him, lol... so you'll be hearing a lot from me!! haha
Oh, and I don't know anything about his ex so I have no idea what her sun sign is 😢
I've been missing him like crazy and it's only been one day, lol. This weekend we were supposed to finish packing up my place and he was going to stay here all weekend to help me start moving stuff... **sigh**... this really sucks.
In a way I'm thankful that it came up now because I could totally see myself falling in love with him and I would have been deeply hurt if this had come up at a later date. I'm a single mother and he is a single father and we had talked about meeting eachother's children very soon. That would have been even harder to deal with, especially since I've never introduced a man to my children.
I'm actually optimistic that he'll come back, I hope it's not just wishful thinking. I went through a very similar situation last year with a Libra... same thing happened and that didn't work out at all but this time I feel it's different.
I'm glad I have this board to talk about this since all I want to do is call him and tell him I miss him, lol... so you'll be hearing a lot from me!! haha
Oh, and I don't know anything about his ex so I have no idea what her sun sign is 😢
I've received some advice from friends and wanted to see what you all think... They're telling me to stop being so 'understanding' and tell him to look at the reality of the situation and to not let her come in between us. They said to basically 'go after your man' and let him know that he is being an idiot because this ex is just coming to him now because she's vulnerable and wants to manipulate him for her benefit for now but then she'll go back home and he'll be left here alone without her and without me... so they're saying just tell him to avoid it altogether and tell her he's moved on with me and she can't come here at all. I don't know that I can be so harsh but today I've been feeling angry about it and may possibly be able to come up with something similar... I don't know if you all think it's a smart move, though. Last year when the same thing happened I was very understanding (like I've been this time as well) but it didn't work out to my benefit and he ended up getting very hurt by his ex and in the end no one ended up happy... that's probably the reason I'm even considering taking the approach my friends are telling me to take... Please give me your thoughts and advice on this one!!! Thanks!!!
I can see your friends side of this, also .... and they would have a better understanding of you, and how your heart works, and would know what should or should be acceptable for you than any of us would know.
There are clearly two sides to this ...
1. You should be understanding, of all people, who have private issues in which they need to sort out ... we should all be understanding in this aspect of other people, and we all would be selfish if we demanded that other people don't have a right to sort out thier own issues.
And to step aside and allow another person to deal with their private life without interference would be the respectful thing to do.
2. An ex is just that, which means, once the partner of an ex has formed an emotional bond with another person ... then to go to the side of the ex to give support is emotional cheating.
For a partner of an ex to do this shows a lack of respect for their current partner, since what really bonds two people are the emotional aspects of a union.
ariesfemale ... there likely isn't a woman alive who wouldn't feel threatened by her mans ex, if her man went to her side to aid her emotionally.
There's something you need to understand here ... Virgo men really suck at understanding the emotional needs of a female. This doesn't mean they suck as men, they just don't own the ability to understand how emotions truly effect a woman .. therefore, they will do something as you described here without any thought about how this is going to effect their woman ..... they don't realize how sharp and deep it cuts.
From his perspective, he is likely thinking that he is being kind, he's being considerate to a person who is in need ... and probably has no thoughts whatsoever about how badly this might hurt you. That doesn't make it a right thing to do you .. but, it's probably not a deliberate act on his part to fuck with your feelings.
There's really nothing you can do about this ... if he means to emotionally comfort her during her time of need, then if you protest and appear to be emotionally needy to him .... then it might turn his heart away from you rather than towards you. Your intent at this time should be to show him that you aren't a needy female, so he can have clear vision to keep him strong when he deals with her emotional baggage in which is too heavy of a burden to carry.
Think about that ... she is being a burden to him, you don't want him to view you this way also, do you?
There are clearly two sides to this ...
1. You should be understanding, of all people, who have private issues in which they need to sort out ... we should all be understanding in this aspect of other people, and we all would be selfish if we demanded that other people don't have a right to sort out thier own issues.
And to step aside and allow another person to deal with their private life without interference would be the respectful thing to do.
2. An ex is just that, which means, once the partner of an ex has formed an emotional bond with another person ... then to go to the side of the ex to give support is emotional cheating.
For a partner of an ex to do this shows a lack of respect for their current partner, since what really bonds two people are the emotional aspects of a union.
ariesfemale ... there likely isn't a woman alive who wouldn't feel threatened by her mans ex, if her man went to her side to aid her emotionally.
There's something you need to understand here ... Virgo men really suck at understanding the emotional needs of a female. This doesn't mean they suck as men, they just don't own the ability to understand how emotions truly effect a woman .. therefore, they will do something as you described here without any thought about how this is going to effect their woman ..... they don't realize how sharp and deep it cuts.
From his perspective, he is likely thinking that he is being kind, he's being considerate to a person who is in need ... and probably has no thoughts whatsoever about how badly this might hurt you. That doesn't make it a right thing to do you .. but, it's probably not a deliberate act on his part to fuck with your feelings.
There's really nothing you can do about this ... if he means to emotionally comfort her during her time of need, then if you protest and appear to be emotionally needy to him .... then it might turn his heart away from you rather than towards you. Your intent at this time should be to show him that you aren't a needy female, so he can have clear vision to keep him strong when he deals with her emotional baggage in which is too heavy of a burden to carry.
Think about that ... she is being a burden to him, you don't want him to view you this way also, do you?
Well, I called and left a message on Friday night... still did not hear back from him. He doesn't have a cell phone, just a house phone... I have a strong feeling he either went up there to see her or she is down here with him and that's why I haven't heard anything from him.
I don't know if I could be ok with either outcome. Even if he decides to deal with all of this and in the end comes back to me I'll still feel betrayed and hurt because he left me like this in the first place... I don't think I'd be able to pick up from where we left off because of the negative feelings that were created in between... I've been thinking about it a lot and I really think I'm just going to let this one go for good... *sigh*...
I don't know if I could be ok with either outcome. Even if he decides to deal with all of this and in the end comes back to me I'll still feel betrayed and hurt because he left me like this in the first place... I don't think I'd be able to pick up from where we left off because of the negative feelings that were created in between... I've been thinking about it a lot and I really think I'm just going to let this one go for good... *sigh*...
Hmm ... why is it that with every Virgo, its the same thing. This is a disturbing trend ...
Maybe we are women need to do something different, these men seem to be getting away with murder (:
Maybe we are women need to do something different, these men seem to be getting away with murder (:
Wow... I had to update you on what's happened so far...
He contacted me on Tuesday and I asked him if these last few days were beneficial... he said yes. I did not pressure him at all with details and he asked me what I was up to... I told him I was about to load up my van and move some stuff over to my new house...he asked if he could come over and help me...I said sure. He came over and I kept the conversation light and we got right to work on loading my van. Once we were done unpacking the boxes he grabbed me and kissed me in the most passionate way... and told me he missed me like crazy... then we talked about his ex and he told me that he was still confused but not about his feelings for me... after that we came back to my house and my sister was here and they talked for a bit and he told her he thought i was amazing and did not want to hurt me in any way and wanted to be honest about everything with me...
The next day I decided to just be there for him in a positive way without bringing this up at all anymore and enjoy our time together again... he's been here every night since, lol... and last night he told me that he cares about me so much that it scares him because he's amazed that i can like him so much and thought in the past that one day i'd 'wake up' and move on to someone else... i told him not to worry about that because i care for him just as much... and now i'm sitting here waiting for him to come over again. He's also helping me move on the weekend.
Just wanted to update you on what's happened... i'll keep updating this as my story unfolds. any thoughts??
He contacted me on Tuesday and I asked him if these last few days were beneficial... he said yes. I did not pressure him at all with details and he asked me what I was up to... I told him I was about to load up my van and move some stuff over to my new house...he asked if he could come over and help me...I said sure. He came over and I kept the conversation light and we got right to work on loading my van. Once we were done unpacking the boxes he grabbed me and kissed me in the most passionate way... and told me he missed me like crazy... then we talked about his ex and he told me that he was still confused but not about his feelings for me... after that we came back to my house and my sister was here and they talked for a bit and he told her he thought i was amazing and did not want to hurt me in any way and wanted to be honest about everything with me...
The next day I decided to just be there for him in a positive way without bringing this up at all anymore and enjoy our time together again... he's been here every night since, lol... and last night he told me that he cares about me so much that it scares him because he's amazed that i can like him so much and thought in the past that one day i'd 'wake up' and move on to someone else... i told him not to worry about that because i care for him just as much... and now i'm sitting here waiting for him to come over again. He's also helping me move on the weekend.
Just wanted to update you on what's happened... i'll keep updating this as my story unfolds. any thoughts??
I just got my internet hooked up again after moving... and wanted to update you...
You were right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He came back to me and we've been inseparable again ever since. He confessed he loved me, and shows me daily. He definitely makes up for the mishap and I'm so happy with him. He now comes here every evening with his daughter... He's amazing with my childrenand amazing with me. He apologized sincerely for that 'incident' and told me I never have to worry about anything like that ever again...
By the way, he never ended up going up to see her and he ended up telling her about me and told her not to come down here... I just needed to give him a few days to figure it out and I'm so glad I did... and I'm very thankful for the advice I received on this board!!!!!!!! Thanks again everyone.
You were right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He came back to me and we've been inseparable again ever since. He confessed he loved me, and shows me daily. He definitely makes up for the mishap and I'm so happy with him. He now comes here every evening with his daughter... He's amazing with my childrenand amazing with me. He apologized sincerely for that 'incident' and told me I never have to worry about anything like that ever again...
By the way, he never ended up going up to see her and he ended up telling her about me and told her not to come down here... I just needed to give him a few days to figure it out and I'm so glad I did... and I'm very thankful for the advice I received on this board!!!!!!!! Thanks again everyone.
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