moondream
@moondream
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 77 · Topics: 8
Virguy and defining relationships
lol
Posted by moondream
And I want him to say these things because he cares genuinely and wants to say those things. I do get insecure at times that we have not defined anything. I am a Leo and I do need to feel I am loved. It makes me insecure to think that he doesn't need to define our relationship -- makes me feel that I am not that important somehow. We have great non-verbal communication -- and usually I know he cares through his actions, his eye contact and all the passion between us.
You just want to hear the words ... actually having the love isn't enough
Show some initiative, sounds like you need to weed out his confidence.
if he's with you..he's WITH YOU. I lived with my virgo and he called me 'the maid' one time to one of his workers who came to the house. LOL..cause he's a dork. But with others and when we're out, I'm his girlfriend.
I say 'lived' because I now have my own place...right down the street from him. Had nothing to do with him but with my child who has issues with him and me being with someone other than her dad.
I say 'lived' because I now have my own place...right down the street from him. Had nothing to do with him but with my child who has issues with him and me being with someone other than her dad.
Break the stalemate and be the first to say I love you! You will get the answer to your question and also slice through that tension in the air :-)!
Posted by P-AngelPosted by moondreamYou just want to hear the words ... actually having the love isn't enoughclick to expand
Fair enough. Good thing for me to think about I suppose... Not sure why those words matter to me. Somehow would just solidify things I suppose.
Posted by McVirgo
Break the stalemate and be the first to say I love you! You will get the answer to your question and also slice through that tension in the air :-)!
Hmmmm... I guess the reason why I haven't done this is because if it were up to me I would have said it long ago! I express myself quite easily -- but my Virgo moves slow -- and I have been trying to respect that by attempting to let him make the first move at times. Ultimately, it does seem like I'm patient until I just can't take it anymore and then I do or say something to move the ball forward a bit. And he always looks at me with a twinkle in his eye, which shows me he's happy and delighted with my romantic or sentimental gestures... I just don't want to always be the one dominating or leading in the relationship. Not because I don't feel comfortable with that -- mostly because I feel like it is bombastic and rude. Gotta let him make some moves in his own time too, right? Or no? Very confused. He's such a planner, that maybe he has some romantic gesture planned out and I would be ruining something? I dunno.
And then going pack to what P-Angel said -- yeah, the thought constantly crosses my mind: "What does it matter? It doesn't change the richness of our experience together."
Honestly I think you're better off taking the lead on this one. Virgos can and will take the second spot in situations where they are unsure of things or how to proceed. He may know what he wants to say but fear may be preventing him from making it known to you. But as it stands all you have is the twinkle in his eye which could mean many things other than what you're hoping for. That uncertainty will probably drive you crazy. Find out for sure in case he's on a different track than you are.
I think you are in a loveless marriage miss mouse. Are you overweight? you seem like you sit on the computer all day perusing these message boards looking to get ppl upset. You need to go get a job or take a class.
^^^or maybe you do... P said nothing out of sorts, she's just trying to get the girl to open her eyes and listen, not with her ears but her heart.
If you have to lead the relationship into love all by yourself well you could be misinterpreting the whole entire relationship, no matter his sign, if he's into you and he see you in his life long term he'll have no problem demonstrating not only verbally but physically to you and to everyone else and if he's not doing that then it's possibly you're the only one in the relationship falling in love and that can't be all that great for you I'm sure.
There is a chance he could be associating friendship onto you and you could be associating love onto him and this is something I think a lot of women do, we confuse friendship with love. Some men can actually separate sex friendship and love versus some women lump it altogether only to get hurt and disappointed when he says I love you and your my "FRIEND", if he says that you're a "friend" then that's what you are..A friend
Your mind and heart see love but it could be you're projecting how YOU FEEL onto him and not really listening to what he's saying and he said "FRIEND" and when a man says friend that means he like being with you for now but he's still holding out for the ONE and if you were the one he most definitely wouldn't call you friend.
I suggest you start listening to HIM and stop listening to everything you think you see and hear through romantic gestures that YOU INTERPRET, what you interpret is coming from YOU NOT HIM. Get your feet on the ground and start really listening to what he says and if he says you're a friend then most likely you've moved the relationship forward in your own heart but that isn't the real reality of what's going on.
You are hormonally attached to him so for you everything is real x's100...
There is a chance he could be associating friendship onto you and you could be associating love onto him and this is something I think a lot of women do, we confuse friendship with love. Some men can actually separate sex friendship and love versus some women lump it altogether only to get hurt and disappointed when he says I love you and your my "FRIEND", if he says that you're a "friend" then that's what you are..A friend
Your mind and heart see love but it could be you're projecting how YOU FEEL onto him and not really listening to what he's saying and he said "FRIEND" and when a man says friend that means he like being with you for now but he's still holding out for the ONE and if you were the one he most definitely wouldn't call you friend.
I suggest you start listening to HIM and stop listening to everything you think you see and hear through romantic gestures that YOU INTERPRET, what you interpret is coming from YOU NOT HIM. Get your feet on the ground and start really listening to what he says and if he says you're a friend then most likely you've moved the relationship forward in your own heart but that isn't the real reality of what's going on.
You are hormonally attached to him so for you everything is real x's100...
If you're strong enough try this speech, I found this online I forget by whom but when I remember I'll give the person credit for a great speech.
—Can we talk for a minute? I??ve noticed that sometimes I'm feeling really uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I'm misinterpreting our relationship. I'm starting to feel hormonally all attached to you, and I can't help wondering what it is that's going on for you. I only know that — —I'm not looking for a boyfriend, here, and I don't want to be in a —friendship?? with sex. Sex is important to me, and I don't want to get all hormonally involved with a —friend.?? I feel really good with you, and I don't want to put pressure on this to become some kind of serious, or even exclusive relationship, so I'm not sure what to do. What do you think?
He may not KNOW what he feels, but at least the conversation will get started — and, for the first time, he??ll know how YOU feel. Knowing how you feel and hearing you speak it in a Feeling-Message way will bring him in closer no matter WHAT he's feeling.
—Can we talk for a minute? I??ve noticed that sometimes I'm feeling really uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I'm misinterpreting our relationship. I'm starting to feel hormonally all attached to you, and I can't help wondering what it is that's going on for you. I only know that — —I'm not looking for a boyfriend, here, and I don't want to be in a —friendship?? with sex. Sex is important to me, and I don't want to get all hormonally involved with a —friend.?? I feel really good with you, and I don't want to put pressure on this to become some kind of serious, or even exclusive relationship, so I'm not sure what to do. What do you think?
He may not KNOW what he feels, but at least the conversation will get started — and, for the first time, he??ll know how YOU feel. Knowing how you feel and hearing you speak it in a Feeling-Message way will bring him in closer no matter WHAT he's feeling.
Posted by tiki33
He may not KNOW what he feels, but at least the conversation will get started — and, for the first time, he??ll know how YOU feel. Knowing how you feel and hearing you speak it in a Feeling-Message way will bring him in closer no matter WHAT he's feeling.
I appreciate the perspective Tiki -- but I know the hesitation was more because we haven't officially given each other the title of BF/GF. And we were friends for 3+ years before we started dating... I think it is natural for him to pause and say it like that. I know he doesn't just see me as a friend. He stated early on that he didn't just "date" that he took relationships very seriously. From everything I know to be true of him, and everything I read about Virgo's, he isn't just casually dating me. I guess if he didn't pause at all and just casually called me his friend then that would certainly be different. It is interesting though that maybe I needed to hear someone say that for me to find out in my own heart that I know he loves me. The bottom line is that maybe he is just being shy and careful -- still being cautious. Which it sounds like I have been, too!
Maybe I've just answered my own question and it's time to tell him how I feel without holding back (like McVirgo suggested). If you are right Tiki, then it will surely scare hime away! But, if things go the way I think they will -- everything will be okay -- it may even be better than okay!! I guess I'm just as nervous as the next person to pour open my soul....!!!
Anyway, thanks for all the insight! And, I couldn't agree more with those last lines...
Wish me luck!
_gulp_
Time only means something to YOU, it may not mean that much to him, he may have not got in touch with his own REAL feelings because it's fun and casual and drama free being with you.
IMO you're displaying how you feel onto him and building EXPECTATIONS around those feelings and deciding he must feel the way you feel but a lot of times we get it wrong.
You are making EXCUSES when you say things like "I think it is natural for him to pause and say it like that." the reality is you may be equating love with your own ideas about love and what love looks like to you but the reality is you don't know if he see you as more than a friend, you are assuming you know but if he said to someone you're a friend, well you're a friend.
He may take relationships seriously but that doesn't mean he see you as a long term girlfriend, it just means he can date you seriously without the titles and strings attached. He's not only casually dating you he's calling you a friend and you're in DENIAL about that which is understandable, who wants to admit that she's stringing herself along, I sure wouldn't want to if I were you.
If you feel you're right then be patient and allow things to unfold naturally and then either way if I'm right or wrong you'll have your answer.
I wish you all the luck and I hope he can inevitably come clean and provide with you direct answers and give you the clarity you deserve.
IMO you're displaying how you feel onto him and building EXPECTATIONS around those feelings and deciding he must feel the way you feel but a lot of times we get it wrong.
You are making EXCUSES when you say things like "I think it is natural for him to pause and say it like that." the reality is you may be equating love with your own ideas about love and what love looks like to you but the reality is you don't know if he see you as more than a friend, you are assuming you know but if he said to someone you're a friend, well you're a friend.
He may take relationships seriously but that doesn't mean he see you as a long term girlfriend, it just means he can date you seriously without the titles and strings attached. He's not only casually dating you he's calling you a friend and you're in DENIAL about that which is understandable, who wants to admit that she's stringing herself along, I sure wouldn't want to if I were you.
If you feel you're right then be patient and allow things to unfold naturally and then either way if I'm right or wrong you'll have your answer.
I wish you all the luck and I hope he can inevitably come clean and provide with you direct answers and give you the clarity you deserve.
Wait...what? She is dating him for 5 months and she is putting expectations on him? Is he having sex with her? Are they going out together and doing "couple" things? He sure as hell should know by now how he feels about her. Why does he not realize by how "good" they are together that she would want him to declare her his lady? His girl, his sweetie...WTF is this guy waiting for? Maybe another guy to come and take her away? He should step up and tell her or give her the chance to find someone who will.
Posted by TheLadySagittarius
Wait...what? She is dating him for 5 months and she is putting expectations on him? Is he having sex with her? Are they going out together and doing "couple" things? He sure as hell should know by now how he feels about her. Why does he not realize by how "good" they are together that she would want him to declare her his lady? His girl, his sweetie...WTF is this guy waiting for? Maybe another guy to come and take her away? He should step up and tell her or give her the chance to find someone who will.
Man you ladies are asking some great questions and bringing great insight, I love this stuff!
I feel it's her life, her happiness shouldn't come from if he love her or not, she's responsible for her happiness not him. If she took a relationship from him on his terms well he's not doing anything wrong IMO. She went into it without a label, without her own terms so she get what she got.
If she feel she need clarity then it's her responsibility to get clarity or move on to someone whose willing to not string her along and give her so much hope only to position himself as a friend, admitting he only feels friendly feelings toward her with a touch of love, I don't think that would cut it for her.
His timeline is completely separate from her relationship timeline, he's doing things on his term and on his own timeline, not understanding this could make her feel deeply disappointed, not understanding that his relationship needs, ideas, timeline are separate and different could potentially end this relationship quickly.
I wish I could get a Virgo guy to weigh in on this -- because I really feel like the point is being lost slightly. I KNOW he loves me. I KNOW he cares. He is subtle. He shows me subtly and with few words. It's who he is. I am confident in this.
I appreciate what you are saying TheLadySagittarius; and I agree, I would definitely love for him to make it official. But yes, this is a monogamous relationship, that was made clear only a few weeks in by him. He has also referred to us as a couple several times. He calls me "honey" on occasion, which always makes me happy. And there hasn't been many opportunities to introduce me "as" anything so it's not like he is always calling me his friend. He is an individual and sees me as one too. I respect and admire this about him greatly.
BUT; I would like to clear the air -- for my own sake -- because it is what I want, it is how I operate when in love. And to your point Tiki, yes, I want to know just to prevent any potential misunderstanding. Not because I think he may just think of me as a friend; because we have clearly moved past that -- but because I see this relationship as being something very serious. And I would like to know more about the depths of his feelings for me. It could certainly be that it is fun and casual and easy for now -- but not worth much more than that? I absolutely have tendencies to give too much or to get too attached; and this leaves me wide open for being taken advantage of. So, yes, absolutely it is extremely important for me to maintain my sense of independence and this perspective is always an excellent one for me to hear...
I appreciate what you are saying TheLadySagittarius; and I agree, I would definitely love for him to make it official. But yes, this is a monogamous relationship, that was made clear only a few weeks in by him. He has also referred to us as a couple several times. He calls me "honey" on occasion, which always makes me happy. And there hasn't been many opportunities to introduce me "as" anything so it's not like he is always calling me his friend. He is an individual and sees me as one too. I respect and admire this about him greatly.
BUT; I would like to clear the air -- for my own sake -- because it is what I want, it is how I operate when in love. And to your point Tiki, yes, I want to know just to prevent any potential misunderstanding. Not because I think he may just think of me as a friend; because we have clearly moved past that -- but because I see this relationship as being something very serious. And I would like to know more about the depths of his feelings for me. It could certainly be that it is fun and casual and easy for now -- but not worth much more than that? I absolutely have tendencies to give too much or to get too attached; and this leaves me wide open for being taken advantage of. So, yes, absolutely it is extremely important for me to maintain my sense of independence and this perspective is always an excellent one for me to hear...
I understand, maybe 69virgo will show up and/or Cajun will come out of hiding, their are a few virgo males on the board, hopefully they won't leave you hanging (:
Honestly if you know sure he's in love with you and he love you and if you know for sure he's serious about you then I don't really see why you are stressing out, I guess the "friend" comment is getting to you, give him the benefit of the doubt, be secure in your relationship.
Honestly if you know sure he's in love with you and he love you and if you know for sure he's serious about you then I don't really see why you are stressing out, I guess the "friend" comment is getting to you, give him the benefit of the doubt, be secure in your relationship.
Lol..I am sorry I came on so negative! Its just that some guys don't know when they have it good and then whine when they lose it... also, Cajun did comment and he knows his stuff! So Moondream, let us know what happens when you tell him you love him!
Sometimes taking the lead in telling the Virguy about your true feelings does do wonders! May be he'll open up his heart, after you do 🙂
You can be friends with a man forever but once it goes to the next level, things do change and it does not mean a relationship can work. I know all too well. I was friends for 3 years with a pisces/aqua and a relationship was a disaster.
Vitgo friend of 13 years i'm with now too has its challenges. You will have to take the lead. And i would without hesitation tell him how you feel and what you need. He will either feel the same or he won't. YOU don't loose in either scenerio because you will know and have peace of mind on how you want to proceed next.
Vitgo friend of 13 years i'm with now too has its challenges. You will have to take the lead. And i would without hesitation tell him how you feel and what you need. He will either feel the same or he won't. YOU don't loose in either scenerio because you will know and have peace of mind on how you want to proceed next.
Just thought I'd give a follow-up in case anyone is interested:
Long story short; telling him how I felt was a very good thing. BUT; I will warn anyone considering doing the same: he was pretty taken aback by me at first. He saw it as me doubting him and our love and that I didn't trust our non-verbal communication or the passion between us. He thinks words cheapen the experience and, of course, words do not describe accurately the intensity of emotion.
BUT; I say it was a good thing -- because whether he admits it or not; now I know, that at least he knows, how I feel. And although he hasn't said ILY back to me; his whole attitude towards me shows me that he is very committed to our relationship together. I am kicking myself for doubting him in the first place. I know he takes relationships in general very seriously, so I understand why he takes his time. Glad I did tell him though -- it was important for me to get those feelings off my chest.
Long story short; telling him how I felt was a very good thing. BUT; I will warn anyone considering doing the same: he was pretty taken aback by me at first. He saw it as me doubting him and our love and that I didn't trust our non-verbal communication or the passion between us. He thinks words cheapen the experience and, of course, words do not describe accurately the intensity of emotion.
BUT; I say it was a good thing -- because whether he admits it or not; now I know, that at least he knows, how I feel. And although he hasn't said ILY back to me; his whole attitude towards me shows me that he is very committed to our relationship together. I am kicking myself for doubting him in the first place. I know he takes relationships in general very seriously, so I understand why he takes his time. Glad I did tell him though -- it was important for me to get those feelings off my chest.
Glad it worked well and yall are continuing to learn more about one another. More than we could ever suppose 🙂
Posted by Let*It*Be
This Virgo has told you and SHOWN you with actions his deep care for you. It's only been 5 months. Why do women feel the need to rush and ignore these actions and demand to hear it? Ever hear "actions speak for it's words"— Damn. He's doing everything right too. I just don't get it.
Just let it be right? Lol...
No disrespect Moon but you appear to still be in the same place you began in when you opened this thread. Did he reciprocate how much he adore and love you back verbally? Did he say to you directly that he's in some kind of exclusive monogamous relationship with you? It almost feel like you didn't get any real confirmation besides him being shocked that you challenged him on his behavior or am I completely reading this all wrong?
Words don't cheapen love, liars cheapen love so I'm interested in his real motivation for holding out on you.
This will be interesting to observe since all the power is in his hands right now, hopefully he won't string you along in this wordless dynamic....
Keep us updated
Words don't cheapen love, liars cheapen love so I'm interested in his real motivation for holding out on you.
This will be interesting to observe since all the power is in his hands right now, hopefully he won't string you along in this wordless dynamic....
Keep us updated
heyy im new on this forum and i was just wondering how long have u known ur bf?
Because right now i know this virguy and hes really awesome but reallyyyy busy (practically a workaholic) and we dont text much and he doesnt call (cuz he said he doesnt like talking on the phone)
I know that he is physically attracted to me but im not sure if its because hes a typical virgo (non communicative, doesnt show much emotions, analytical etc) or is he just not interested in dating me at all?
He did say that since hes starting up a new company and managing his current job (he's vice president) and taking care of a puppy (11 months) takes up a lot of his time, plus he has to make time for his friends and family.
Im fine with waiting for him but im just not sure if he is worth the wait since i have no idea if he is interested in dating me at all and yea i asked him and he said hes just too busy for a relationship right now and im fine with that
So should i wait for him? Btw, we've only known each other for under 3 weeks (not a long time >
Because right now i know this virguy and hes really awesome but reallyyyy busy (practically a workaholic) and we dont text much and he doesnt call (cuz he said he doesnt like talking on the phone)
I know that he is physically attracted to me but im not sure if its because hes a typical virgo (non communicative, doesnt show much emotions, analytical etc) or is he just not interested in dating me at all?
He did say that since hes starting up a new company and managing his current job (he's vice president) and taking care of a puppy (11 months) takes up a lot of his time, plus he has to make time for his friends and family.
Im fine with waiting for him but im just not sure if he is worth the wait since i have no idea if he is interested in dating me at all and yea i asked him and he said hes just too busy for a relationship right now and im fine with that
So should i wait for him? Btw, we've only known each other for under 3 weeks (not a long time >
Posted by tiki33
No disrespect Moon but you appear to still be in the same place you began in when you opened this thread. Did he reciprocate how much he adore and love you back verbally? Did he say to you directly that he's in some kind of exclusive monogamous relationship with you? It almost feel like you didn't get any real confirmation besides him being shocked that you challenged him on his behavior or am I completely reading this all wrong?
Words don't cheapen love, liars cheapen love so I'm interested in his real motivation for holding out on you.
This will be interesting to observe since all the power is in his hands right now, hopefully he won't string you along in this wordless dynamic....
Keep us updated
I'm going to have to refer to Let*It*Be here on this one. In fact; I think it is the tiki33 in me that gets insecure and/or righteous and decides I am owed something. Some sort of definition or title. When in fact the love is there, why the need to define it? It is what it is. And things are going extremely well. I know that communication and expression are our issues and I am completely willing to work in these areas and he has proven to me that he is too. I have started just being blunt with him when I have an issue, I discuss it. And he answers me honestly and then we understand each other more completely. No relationship is easy. But the parts of this relationship that work effortlessly are magical and worth any bit of effort in the understanding department. With time; I can see how we are only growing together in a very healthy way.
Last week he told me he was "completely committed" to me. Nuff said.
Virgo's are really and truly just amazing.
The more I understand him, the more I fall in love with who he is and his ideals.
Sorry tiki -- not that I don't appreciate your advice, and outlook -- I truly do; otherwise I wouldn't be on this message board. It always helps to get opinions to sift through and see which ones gel and which ones don't. You could have very easily been correct -- lucky for me, this time you aren't...! That's all!
🙂
🙂
I had also called my ex-gf a "friend" when talking to others, even though she clearly wasn't. It might have to do with privacy and it being no one elses business.
If you say ILY, he might reply and not really mean it. I think for virguys it's easier to express feelings by letters or texts, he probably has the ability to do that.
In most ways, we are messed up creatures.
If you say ILY, he might reply and not really mean it. I think for virguys it's easier to express feelings by letters or texts, he probably has the ability to do that.
In most ways, we are messed up creatures.
^^^ But awful cute too...^^^
I don't believe you are owed something. I get this vibe you are settling because you HOPE some day, one day he will give you what you want, a pretty powerless position to be in but if that's what you feel you deserve then by all means, it's your prerogative. You decide your value not me or anyone else.
What does completely committed to you mean? Do you know what that means? Have you asked him what that means? It can mean a lot of things and it might not mean what you think it means. Clarity. It's like he says something and you fill in the blanks, everything he say can be misinterpreted and maybe this is your way of hanging on and not rocking the boat.
The title is never really all that important but it doesn't mean you shouldn't desire/want that for yourself. If you're happy in your relationship, if you are completely honest with yourself and you truly are happy well it doesn't matter what anyone else believes.
I'm content with being wrong, I never thought I should be right all the time.
What does completely committed to you mean? Do you know what that means? Have you asked him what that means? It can mean a lot of things and it might not mean what you think it means. Clarity. It's like he says something and you fill in the blanks, everything he say can be misinterpreted and maybe this is your way of hanging on and not rocking the boat.
The title is never really all that important but it doesn't mean you shouldn't desire/want that for yourself. If you're happy in your relationship, if you are completely honest with yourself and you truly are happy well it doesn't matter what anyone else believes.
I'm content with being wrong, I never thought I should be right all the time.
*Rolls eyes*
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