Caplunar
@Caplunar
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 70 · Topics: 5
Virguy Upset or Disinterested?
You think so? He was the one who made a point to tell me he was communicating with her more. She's a Virgo too. Any who... If he is back with her that's ok with me... I can learn to step back.. I genuinely want him to be happy. However... I still want his friendship.
@Tizani how can I get him to be my friend again?
@Tizani how can I get him to be my friend again?
@? Dayum... That hurts. He means so much to me. Well lesson learned.
Wow, your situation sounds soo familiar what I went through with my Gem guy friend. We never had sex, only kissed and it was amazing 🙂 we would meet up and he insisted upon paying, was a total gentleman. Astrolically we are a lot of similarities. For a loooong time I thought we were supposed to be together, but it never happened and when I spoke to a friend who is into Astrology he mentioned we have a "soul contract" with each other and in each others lives to help in some way. After that it clicked for me and I was able to finally just see him as a good friend whom I care about. I would say this sounds to be the same in your situation... 🙂
@leowww you're right. I know he means what he says.... I can take this step back. But I agree with you... Maybe after some time he will be able to be my friend again. 13 years of friendship is a lot to throw away. I take friendships very seriously... I guess I was too focused on being his friend while he was focused on more.
@zFlavor to be completely transparent I was frustrated he grew distant and I showed more balls than I would've shown sober. The next morning he text me to ask if I was ok... I told him I was and he said he knew that I was tipsy and that he couldn't tell if some of the things I said were true... I asked him what did I say... He said that I was bragging about my first love (from college in which he used to like me but was afraid to approach me because I was with my first love at the time) still tries to get with me. He said that he told me that he didn't care about who is trying to talk to me and then that's when I said we should leave each other alone. He then said I told him I loved him... But I told him drunk or not... I would never tell him that. After I said that comment... He stopped texting the rest of the day. I know it appears I am doing the push and pull thing and I look indecisive but in my head it's like this ( I like him but I don't want to get hurt.... Let me back off a little. But if I back up too much... He will think I'm not interested.. Then I show interest and he backs up? So I get hurt regardless?) Idk... But I guess it doesn't matter now.
@zFlavor to be completely transparent I was frustrated he grew distant and I showed more balls than I would've shown sober. The next morning he text me to ask if I was ok... I told him I was and he said he knew that I was tipsy and that he couldn't tell if some of the things I said were true... I asked him what did I say... He said that I was bragging about my first love (from college in which he used to like me but was afraid to approach me because I was with my first love at the time) still tries to get with me. He said that he told me that he didn't care about who is trying to talk to me and then that's when I said we should leave each other alone. He then said I told him I loved him... But I told him drunk or not... I would never tell him that. After I said that comment... He stopped texting the rest of the day. I know it appears I am doing the push and pull thing and I look indecisive but in my head it's like this ( I like him but I don't want to get hurt.... Let me back off a little. But if I back up too much... He will think I'm not interested.. Then I show interest and he backs up? So I get hurt regardless?) Idk... But I guess it doesn't matter now.
@moonbutter ooh I'm going to look that up! That could be what's going on! The more I read Tizani and zFlavors responses I feel like they are saying he doesn't trust me, I hurt him, and now since he feels like I didn't take him seriously he will no longer waste time investing in me or us in any aspect?
Posted by CaplunarMaybe... But yes look that up as that may be a strong possibility of why you guys havnt been able to get it together after so long. I know for me, my friend and I had a strong connection where it was special and different from any other. I knew when we fulfilled our contracts, and now we have both moved far away... First me, and then he after about 5 months. We are both in happier places in life even though we are not really in each other's lives anymore.
@moonbutter ooh I'm going to look that up! That could be what's going on! The more I read Tizani and zFlavors responses I feel like they are saying he doesn't trust me, I hurt him, and now since he feels like I didn't take him seriously he will no longer waste time investing in me or us in any aspect?
@zFlavor... Your responses remind me so much of him! I will sit and reflect on how to communicate how I really feel about him in person... Umm I'm just scared to ask him to meet me. He may not even respond!
@zFlavor profound
I really like this topic and you seem to carry yourself with self-accountability which we don't get enough on these boards. It seems to me you genuinely care about him, as opposed to a lot of ego driven attitudes of "how can I get him? pls help me game him".
You said you told him you'd like to see where things go after the divorce. If he's a man of character, he'll step back until that is finalized because he wants to respect your wishes and it's not in him to get in between two people. I'd do the same. You don't build your fortune or foundation on another's misfortune or shaky ground. It's not fair and it's not effective.
Had there not been the drunk text part, I would say that's all it is. He's not disinterest in you, he is respecting your wishes.
However, the problem with the drunk text is that...well, Virgos know themselves to be susceptible to manipulation. We trust people and when something unexpected happens...we are thrown off by it.
"Is there an agenda I haven't seen here before? Is there an angle she's playing? Oh she mentioned my ex, that's rich for her to do considering her divorce isn't final. Where is this coming from now?"
I can't capitalize enough how important TRUST is for Virgos. On top of that, it's a text you sent while drunk and that will raise red flags to him as far as your behavior goes because if you can't be counted on to..solid. For us solid is a person who presents themselves as the real them at all times, which is why no excuse of intoxication or whatever will fly with a Virgo.
I do believe you are sincere in your feelings for him and you just got carried away in an insecure moment. Talk it with him, not through a text. Virgos are not unreasonable people, we hear people out. You guys have been friends for 13 years, he gauged your character long ago. Trust in that. It's just...if he holds you in high esteem like we do our friends, it feels like a letdown that you don't know him enough by now to feel the way you feel.
Don't sweep it under the rug out of embarassment. Don't panic either and think this is the end all (I see you're going in that direction and I don't think it's at that point at all). If it were me, and I said we shouldn't communicate, considering what happened, I'd respond favorably to a "Hey, I called you to let you know I was drunk when I sent that and it didn't reflect what I actually think. You don't have to say anything, just wanted to tell you that. "
Focus on the friendship, focus on building something out of positive feelings and no doubts or negativity or plays for attention or insecurity and no matter what the end result is, you guys will be real to each other. Best of luck!
You said you told him you'd like to see where things go after the divorce. If he's a man of character, he'll step back until that is finalized because he wants to respect your wishes and it's not in him to get in between two people. I'd do the same. You don't build your fortune or foundation on another's misfortune or shaky ground. It's not fair and it's not effective.
Had there not been the drunk text part, I would say that's all it is. He's not disinterest in you, he is respecting your wishes.
However, the problem with the drunk text is that...well, Virgos know themselves to be susceptible to manipulation. We trust people and when something unexpected happens...we are thrown off by it.
"Is there an agenda I haven't seen here before? Is there an angle she's playing? Oh she mentioned my ex, that's rich for her to do considering her divorce isn't final. Where is this coming from now?"
I can't capitalize enough how important TRUST is for Virgos. On top of that, it's a text you sent while drunk and that will raise red flags to him as far as your behavior goes because if you can't be counted on to..solid. For us solid is a person who presents themselves as the real them at all times, which is why no excuse of intoxication or whatever will fly with a Virgo.
I do believe you are sincere in your feelings for him and you just got carried away in an insecure moment. Talk it with him, not through a text. Virgos are not unreasonable people, we hear people out. You guys have been friends for 13 years, he gauged your character long ago. Trust in that. It's just...if he holds you in high esteem like we do our friends, it feels like a letdown that you don't know him enough by now to feel the way you feel.
Don't sweep it under the rug out of embarassment. Don't panic either and think this is the end all (I see you're going in that direction and I don't think it's at that point at all). If it were me, and I said we shouldn't communicate, considering what happened, I'd respond favorably to a "Hey, I called you to let you know I was drunk when I sent that and it didn't reflect what I actually think. You don't have to say anything, just wanted to tell you that. "
Focus on the friendship, focus on building something out of positive feelings and no doubts or negativity or plays for attention or insecurity and no matter what the end result is, you guys will be real to each other. Best of luck!
@Damnata
Thank you for your response and seeing that my feelings for him are sincere. I truly believe we all fall short but we can't improve without taking accountability of those flaws. I would never try to use game on him or play with him... I'm sure he's probably starting to feel like I'm playing with him, but I'm not. ... He's not perfect but honestly he's perfect for me... I even like his flaws (as cheesy as that sounds).Anyway thank you for your advice.
Thank you for your response and seeing that my feelings for him are sincere. I truly believe we all fall short but we can't improve without taking accountability of those flaws. I would never try to use game on him or play with him... I'm sure he's probably starting to feel like I'm playing with him, but I'm not. ... He's not perfect but honestly he's perfect for me... I even like his flaws (as cheesy as that sounds).Anyway thank you for your advice.
OP you are going to have to make yourself emotionally vulnerable in order to get him. You doomed yourself by showing your inability to commit. Trust and commitment are the two most important elements with getting a Virgo to be serious without. If i was a friend to someone for 13 years, they told me they dont know if they could tell me they love PLUS was exiting a relationship via divorce. I would be extremely hesitant with committing myself to that person. You should put all your feelings on the line and let him know you want to fully commit and take things serious. If you cant realistically commit yourself to him, then let him go.
Posted by Caplunar
and tell him how I felt... Which is that I really like him
Well after I said that he kind of grew distant and I'm thinking "wtf is wrong with him"?
When he expresses his feelings to you ..... you ignore him.
then you turn around and expect him to cater to your insecurities?
lol ... he put you where you belong, which is ..... out of his mind.
You used him, and toyed with him. You don't deserve respect from him.
Posted by Caplunar
So I get upset and to add to it I was drunk and texted him that maybe we should leave each other alone because I don't enjoy being toyed with or the thought of him still communicating with his ex.click to expand
You're seriously this ridiculous?
You are the one who used his feelings against him by ignoring his heart when he was trying to pour it out to you. Then you turn around and scold him for not sucking up your ass?
good for him that he saw your true colors and stepped away from you ... you're not genuine, and he saw it.
Kudos to him
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Well after I said that he kind of grew distant and I'm thinking "wtf is wrong with him"?! After months of him and I really bonding and spending a lot of time together...and weeks of him dropping hints about wanting more... When I finally reciprocate he backs off! So I get upset and to add to it I was drunk and texted him that maybe we should leave each other alone because I don't enjoy being toyed with or the thought of him still communicating with his ex. He didn't respond back that night but he responded the next morning stating he agrees that we would be better off not communicating anymore. I felt like I was going to cry. Above all I've known him for 13 years... We are amazing friends and he's been really supportive since I decided to separate from my soon to be ex. I didn't expect to be as hurt as I was by his reaction. This was yesterday... We didn't talk all day yesterday and I text him once today to congratulate him on a radio interview and he text back thanking me and saying he's happy I heard it. Maybe he and I wouldn't work well together as a couple but would be great friends but he wants nothing to do with me I feel.. He was so cold and aloof and I never got that from him before!
Do you think he may still be interested?
Do you think he's behaving this way because him and his ex may be back together?
Do you think he's just fed up with me for some reason I'm unsure of?
Or is he trying to protect himself from getting hurt?
How can I get him to be my sweet friend again!
Please shed light on this for me! We never had sex...but have kissed and it was amazing... When we hang out with each other he always pays and treats me like a lady! I would ask him myself, but he did say we shouldn't communicate.
I'm an Aqua Sun/ Cap Moon&Venus/ Scorpio Mars/ Taurus Rising
He's a Virgo Sun/ Libra Moon/ Leo Venus/ Virgo Mars/Scorp Rising
I did a compatibility natal chart on us and it was actually VERY positive... All positive aspects except for one.
The Secret Language of Birthdays said we'd be good for marriage based on our birthdays. I thought Virgos and Aquas were a bad combo though?