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Journaling, blogging, posting. Whatever name it falls under it's simply the expression of oneself on the page. Something to incriminate or alienate, or perhaps the reflection of ones soul at one particular pinpoint in time.
This journey has been interesting to say the least. Divorce is not something to be played with, it's heart rending, soul crushing and leaves one in the depths of despair. Like the Phoenix you must rise from the ashes. To let oneself wallow in it would be a crime to oneself I think. Finding oneself, meeting them in the mirror and making them believe again that they are worthy and good is an uphill battle. To call yourself unloveable or unwanted a slanderous lie.
You must make peace with yourself, and love yourself with all masks ripped aside. Come to the root of what's failed and press on knowing in your heart that you've done your best with what you had at the time and BELIEVE it. This is scary and highly life changing. For one such as myself ( a big believer in ruts ) this was a revelation. "All that glisters is not gold", so Shakespeare wrote. And in essence you might have to reflect on past relationship and boil it down to one simple truth. "A gold foil wrapped dog turd is still a dog turd." It wasn't this great, shiny thing. There's alot of ugliness buried deep at the heart of some relationships and so was the case with me.
I think it's my time to fly. Time to cut the crap, listen to good music, keep company of good friends, love my family and to not let my heart stop beating.
It still keeps life intact, faithful and true. The metronome. I still wake up breathing, the seasons come and go as they always have. Spring still holds all its beauty and life and autumn trees still shiver their great colored mantles to the earth below. Winter slumbers, summers hot and drowsy and still time presses on.
Do I hope to find happiness again? Of course I do, to say not would make a liar of me. Hopeless romantic, tactile, lover of music and rumpled bedclothes.
To allow yourself to be open to the possibilites is breathtaking. To touch another soul and have them touch in return is what we all strive for. Don't you?