The Smokin' LO_AK Cafe

DB

you lazy dough...

okay- I will decorate tomorrow- but guys better help...

Oh I'll come up with some awesome puffed pastries! Filled with tons of warm cream! You wait and see!

Everyone is leaving. Are you going too Schoen?

*makes a few quick calls to have a hottub installed in the far corner of the cafe*

hi-is the hottub connection?
uh huh
wha?
you can't come til tom.?
whaddya mean you don't do nightime installations!!!
this is an EMERGENCY!
wha?
you guys actually HAVE hottub emergencies—
o_O
okay whatever- I will be here...
between 11 and 6—
thats like the whole fecking day!!
ya
ya
well I have a life you know...
ya I KNOW I'm on DXP!!! ERRRR- SMARTASS!!!
okay
fine
fine
yeahyeah I'll be here...

*hangs up phone and walks off thread*

tub-(*)_(*)=😢

okay


good thing -_- let the hottub guys in cause I was sleeping...

but I WAS here!!! I WAS!!!

OMG

*gasp*

DB it is soooo- so-so clean?

*pulls out water hose and finagles sewer line into hottub hook-up*

that should help...

he is PERFECT!!! thanks bling 🙂

hmmm chocoliscious!

just the way I like eeeet

*schoene suddenly realizes that she is surrounded by crickets and they have that we're-going-to -attack-w/o-reason-or-mercy-prepare-for-a-bloody-death look in their eyes*

well-actually itis just a reddish glow...I-I was being dramatic...you know us scorps and the dra-ah ah AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

MY FLESH

MY EYES- NOOO NOT THE EYES!!!!!!!!

hm...I swear that cigar smokin alcoholic baby was a blood-thirsty cricket just a minute ago....

that crackhigh lil carcASS monkey is NOT a koalacabras!!!!

koalacabras are CUTE!!!!!

didn't you know that diint you youooooo wittle siwwwy HEAD have another cigarywary- wha- you wan yer bwanky? I got yer binky wite hew
my wittle ickle babekins $ _ $

OMG

WHAHAAAA
LMAO


that looks traumatic...


WAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH that kid is scarred fof Li-ife that kid is scarred for li-ife HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*whipes away spit up $ _ $ *

thew you gooo

*prepares "sick-in -a-bottle" (TM) for $ _ $ *

witil babies need thew stwength!

*submerges baby into hottob water*

awwww int that CUTE!!! look at how he struggles!!!!!

*endearing look*

his lungs are gonna look like bubblegum after this 😉

when he stops kicking it means it's nappy time...

*reaches for swaddlings/"corpse-wrap (TM)"

*in infomercial voice* this new corpse-wrap is great! It serves ALL my death-related NEEDS!

o_O


*cradles nappy time baby in arms*

why so stiff little one??

o_O o_O o_O o_O o_O o_@ O_(@)


(@)_(@)


OMG


NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*gasp*

what have I done?

*makes perfect vertical incision along chest cavity*

what?

we can't let them go to waste...

o_O

*extracts lungs with the delicate sensitivity of a surgeon's hand*

*places lungs on a dish beside a chunk of hubbabubba stawberry bublegum*

now for the side by side taste comparison!

o_O

hmmm

chewwwy...

berryliscious...

wow!

I really can't tell!

*in infomercial voice* I can't believe itsnot strawberry bubblgum!

hey...

blingayyy

you missed v101 last night...

******************************PAGE 15************************

***************************DIRTY WATER*********************

p15=-_- x (@_@) or x_x

WAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAH

mmmm

the trowel works better for applying cover-up actually...run of the mill stock standard shalack is great for filling in those gaping pores too- hardens with a nice finish but ya still gotta file it down a little...

you brits and yer damn fancy shmancy tea time

sipping english breaky and munching on yer lil babylung biscuits...

*shakes head*

*sticks rest of baby in blender after removing the eyeballs-save those for sb-picky picky*

I'm making a smoothie for lunch...ya want one?

yup yup

*adds ice to blender...ooohooo o_O no need for yogurt I see✨

when -_- gets a whiff of this freshly dismembered and coarsly blended baby...he will come RUNNING! I better save some...

*pours stawberry baby schlop into pint glass*

AHHHHH

*relaxes into hottub and feels the squish of an old soggy tampon between toes*

huh ?? what the- oh o_O

could this day GET anybetter??

o_O>*>*>*>*>*>*>*>**>*>****(-_-)

o_O (o_-)


(-_-) goes back to sleep

o_O************?_?

o_O+-_-=?_?

(@_@)

damn

slowdough

😢

okay I gotta go

it better be posted the next time I check back!!!

they are on to you -_- and your dxpslackness...

you should feel like this on the inside o_O

*a dark shadow falls over DB's computer screen- he freezes and turns around slowly...but there is nothing there*

*runs in with dark red bikini on and a towel*

*sees that no one is around*

*gets into the jacuzzi anyhow and waits*

*submerges herself to see how long she can hold her breath*

Are you going to let me die Bling?

You look very nice in a speedo. 😉

*coughing up water*

They couldn't handle it darling.

I think it got sacked because of that picture I posted.

Especially something so gorgeous like you.

Nothing I just missed you yesterday. That's all.

I don't understand this you are the only Scorpio who isn't mean to me.

Join me in the jacuzzi while the others are away. 😉

*chews on fingernail and rocks on heels*

but I'm a scorpio and I'm not mean to you 101...

*batts eyelashes*

And I think I will have to cross of Scorpios off of my hit list.

*Gives Bling a back massage*

Ms. Schoenetanz it is a proven fact that over 79% of Scorpian females are envious of Virgin women.

Strange but true fact I had to give out.

Mr. Bread why do you hate me. I thought you forgave me. 😢

Hitting me is what you call nice? Are you molding a bit Mr. Bread—

*Stops massage and pushes Bling head first into the water.*

I'm tired of doing all of the work in this relationship.

Do you think you can get me that easily?

*Feels robotic again*

Bling do you just think of me and sex together?

I shall return later.

I feel like I am not wanted.