Is he an un-evolved Aries or is he just toxic?

My Chart: Sag rising, cap sun/moon/mercury, Aquarius Venus, libra mars

His Chart: gemini rising, Aries sun, gemini moon, pisces mercury, Aries Venus, taurus mars

I am a Capricorn woman (23) dating an Aries man (22), let’s call him B. I’ll preface by saying I am a bit of a hopeless romantic, and have definitely fallen in love with him over the past 7 months of dating. Coincidentally the only other person I’ve fallen in love with was also an Aries who shared some of the same attributes, but B was much more expressive with his feelings and affectionate with me, which was a huge part of what I was missing in the previous relationship (ended in 2020). When we first started dating we were inseparable, he lived one city over and would often visit for days at a time. He had a husky that he would sometimes leave at home for days at a time (always rubbed me the wrong way, ill get to that). He treated me very well, listened to me, spoiled me, seemed like a genuinely good guy who was interested in me.. was pretty much just the person I’d always wanted to date. We got on so well and never stopped laughing. However, my friends created some drama when they basically banned both of us from outings because B wasn’t their cup of tea. He’s definitely on the quieter more reserved side around people, almost appearing cold or angry even. I definitely tried to make things with my friends work because I’d known them for 10 years vs B for a few months, but when other people around me started to agree that these friendships I was fighting for were toxic, I cut them off. It took me a long time to do that and I put B through a lot beforehand, including trying to get him to apologize to them. I’ve apologized a lot for this since, but I do think he holds some resentment for it, which I dont blame him for. I was blind to their toxicity.

He eventually moved to my city, and gave his dog to a family who lived on a farm. The dog ended up put down by this family. B had also just changed to a high stress job, that wasn’t paying him what they owed him, which he eventually quit. He is also fairly estranged from his family, and has a small circle of friends. There was a lot going on for him and he was stressed. I tried to support him in any way I could, including financially. For about 2 months I was almost entirely supporting him financially except for his rent, and he is paying some of it back, but it definitely took a toll on our relationship. I felt like he was often ungrateful and didn’t recognize how much I did. I’d clean the apartment, buy everything, be there for him when he was down. To be fair, before he moved he supported me through a lot, as I had had an injured back and couldn’t do much for myself. But I felt like B started to get a bit more angry, hurtful with his words, expectant of my help, etc. I figured he was just in a rut. This caused several fights between us, almost at one point approaching a break up. I wanted to hold on because of what I had seen in him for the first few months. It wasn’t all bad, he had his moments of being so loving and kind, a great listener, caring. But I’ve always felt this resentment and anger from him, as if I made him move and give up his dog, that I brought him drama with friends, etc., which he has hinted at.

I’ve always felt he gets angry when I’m having fun without him. He has often commented on my choice of friends, my interests, my drinking (which is funny because he definitely drinks more). He doesn’t like when I go out drinking, something I’ve done maybe twice in the relationship and he’s done several times. He is very judgemental, and I often expect him to react negatively to things or people. He has never been accepting of any guys in my life, and claims “they want to sleep with me” and that “I have a bad judge of character” which makes him question his trust for me. Recently, I had drinks with a few girls and my younger brother and his friends at home, and B sent me a text saying “I’m scared of what I’ve gotten myself into… the kind of life style surrounding me , the kind of people around your life… that you have to change everything(emo night, going night, your guy friends) I don’t want you to change shit but I’m scared you’re not ready to like grow up at some point”. He’s had on and off moments since of being sweet and loving and wanting to be around to me back to this kind of cryptic stuff.

I basically decided to give him a gentle ultimatum. I explained that I need more positivity from him, more recognition/appreciation, more respect in terms of how he talks to me (he often mocks and swears at me in arguments), and for him to be more trusting of me and the fact that I am dedicated to our relationship. I told him I needed these things from him to gain more comfort and safety in our relationship so that I could hopefully move in with him by the end of the year (something he has been pressuring me to do since he moved here). He seemed to be understanding, until last night when he invited me over. He was immediately grumpy when I came in, and made some comment about how I didn’t have a brain for answering his text after I said my Uber driver was scary. I tried to talk to him about a movie I had just seen, but he was very dismissive, saying he doesn’t want to hear about it and he wouldn’t like it. I asked why he had invited me over only to be like that, and I eventually said I’d like to go home because I didn’t want him to be angry with me. He has previously mentioned he doesn’t like when I just “walk out”, so I stuck around for a bit to see if maybe he’d realize how he was acting. I was sending a friend voice notes in his living room, and from his room I heard him say “either shut the fuck up or get out”. I went to his room and said I’d be leaving, gave him a kiss on the forehead and left. When I left, I received a text from B saying “I just dont trust you, idk why.. sorry”. This frustrated me because while I was working and then at the movies with a friend, he had been out drinking with a bunch of people, something he doesnt trust me around and doesnt like when I do. I told him I felt like despite him agreeing with my “ultimatum” , I felt like he hadn’t even tried to attempt anything I’d mentioned. I told him that I was willing to stick around and fix it but he was ultimately too mean. He replied “I don’t know what to do anymore! But I do want to try one thing! I really think we need some space for a bit. Take your space and I’ll take mine. I think it’s my turn to say i need time. To figure my shit out. You’re free to do literally anything you want! Hall pass!” And that I could “do anything” and he wasn’t expecting me to wait. It felt like some kind of fucked up way that I could ‘prove’ to him that I was serious about us if I was loyal during this time apart. We ended the conversation shortly after and haven’t talked. since. I can’t help but hope it’s a weird phase or mood, but I also dont want to keep putting myself through this.

Overall, I do want things to work, and maybe that’s dumb of me, but he does have so many qualities I admire, and I know he’s capable of a love that I want in my life and hope to reciprocate. He had a really hard upbringing, no real examples of love or family, and is definitely very prideful and difficult to get to open up. I know he’s really been going through it since he moved, and has often made comments about how low he’s feeling and I can’t help but feel this is the source of all of this moodiness and anger. I am at such a loss that I’m now asking for strangers opinions on forums.. I feel almost embarrassed talking to friends about this. Is it doomed? Am I doing something wrong in the way I’m supporting him?