How can I cope with this!

Hello,

I need to vent this frustration out. I've been on and off with this Gemini guy for over 3 years now. ON AND OFF, I never thought in a million years that I would be in this sort of relationship 3 years ago. We broke up a week ago and this time I know we're making a conscious effort to stay broken up.

The hardest part of it all, I want this to be over so bad and it is over but because of the on and off thing. I sincerely hope for both of our sakes this is truly ended and done with. I love him so much but I'm not in love with him and I know it's the same case for him.

I need to hear your feedback. I'm a Libra and he's a Gemini, any of you have experienced this and did you overcome it?

Thanks

Posted by thatlibralife

Cut off the communication...simple as that...

It’s NOT simple! Unless you re-focus on someone else.

If it’s simple it means you haven’t love this person to begin with. 😓

a lot of it is just habit.

you're used to him. you're used to what you have. it's like giving up smoking. at first it's incredibly difficult and all you can think about is the good times.

understand that this your brain's reaction to breaking an addiction. you need to go through the process. the longer you stay away, the less your brain will fire up those receptors and staying broken up becomes easier.

go back and you start at square 1 all over again.

stop concentrating on the feeling and focus on the reasons to stay away and why as long as you are going back and forth you are wasting time to find something better. you're either going to break up now or break up in a few years. by that point, you lost the years you spent messing around with this guy.

Ive been through this with 2 Gemini’s. The first was easy because he became waaay to controlling so I “escaped” him. My recent ex, was much harder to get over because I was in love and wanted a future with him. I just knew (as you know your situation) that he was not “the one” and tried to make it work even though it clearly wasn’t.

I actually started detaching mentally, which led to emotionally and physically. I think as I was detaching I realized just how toxic the relationship was and it confirmed my decision. I didn’t have a rebound, in fact I didn’t date anyone else until at least a year later. Now I’m with someone, another Gem 😆 that is the right one. Just keep telling yourself to move on, because the longer you drag this out the more toxic it will become. You got this 💪

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by thatlibralife

Cut off the communication...simple as that...

It’s NOT simple! Unless you re-focus on someone else.

If it’s simple it means you haven’t love this person to begin with. 😓

click to expand

I love him as a person or maybe it's just a habit, you're right. He would make a fabulous friend but I shouldn't have got romantically involved with him.

Posted by jeane

a lot of it is just habit.

you're used to him. you're used to what you have. it's like giving up smoking. at first it's incredibly difficult and all you can think about is the good times.

understand that this your brain's reaction to breaking an addiction. you need to go through the process. the longer you stay away, the less your brain will fire up those receptors and staying broken up becomes easier.

go back and you start at square 1 all over again.

stop concentrating on the feeling and focus on the reasons to stay away and why as long as you are going back and forth you are wasting time to find something better. you're either going to break up now or break up in a few years. by that point, you lost the years you spent messing around with this guy.

I couldn't agree with you more, I looked back every 6 months and I'm like we're wasting each other's time that's why It's time now. I feel good about it this time. I had enough you know.

Posted by seraph

Posted by LibraJackson

Hello,

I need to vent this frustration out. I've been on and off with this Gemini guy for over 3 years now. ON AND OFF, I never thought in a million years that I would be in this sort of relationship 3 years ago. We broke up a week ago and this time I know we're making a conscious effort to stay broken up.

The hardest part of it all, I want this to be over so bad and it is over but because of the on and off thing. I sincerely hope for both of our sakes this is truly ended and done with. I love him so much but I'm not in love with him and I know it's the same case for him.

I need to hear your feedback. I'm a Libra and he's a Gemini, any of you have experienced this and did you overcome it?

Thanks

Well you’ve broken up. You overcome the on/off situation by staying broken up. If you stay broken up then there will be no on/off situation. And by “if you stay broken up” I mean YOU. No matter what the other party tries to say or do, just politely (or not) have nothing to do with it.

You handle it by being disciplined about it until it all just fizzles out and you no longer care. Avoidance and strict boundaries will turn into a simple lack of interest; what you don’t care to pursue, you won’t. It will be a non-issue.

Finding someone else as a stopgap measure may or may not work, but it usually isn’t recommended. Your continual weakness for breadcrumb fulfilment from the on/off relationship reveals your over-dependence on the externals for comfort and validation, that is, in your case, other people. You don’t need romantic intimacy for happiness. Figure out the fulfilment inherent in you just being with yourself. Learn to be satisfied with your own company. If you think that isn’t enough, that’s fine, but understand that you’ve been conditioned to want stuff in the form of person/place/thing in order to feel whole, loved and complete. You’ve gotten used to this. When we get used to external stimulation of this kind, what happens? We diminish our ability to self-fulfill. Problem is, these external things are variables—they are mostly changeful and they rarely last. So it’s really a double whammy.

Learn to rely on yourself first, and then enjoy others. Go into relationships already not needing them. Imagine just enjoying them for what they are, rather than because they keep giving you the feelings you crave. It’s all just optional.

As for coping strategies to get you over this on/off relationship, set a goal of a week, then do it again. It will get easier. If no contact helps, do that. If you can manage polite communication but with clear boundaries, then do that. Under no circumstances should you cave in to a long argument or debate with the other party. You don’t owe them that, and you especially don’t owe it to yourself.

Best wishes!

click to expand

Thank you for taking the time to type this out, genuinely reading this it made so much sense not to keep in touch with him.

With gemini men, it’s always off and on, they love doing it, make them feel more exciting about the relationship.

I feel you, believe me, I do, in my case I start to act like crazy angry, because I know he does not like it, I just want him to leave me alone, because the relationship is so fking hard🤕



I pray to god, that I don’t get involved with another gemini, ah I can’t handle it anymore.

Posted by emeraldgem

Hi @Moonbutter - I'm kinda loving these Cancer/Gem couples! 💕

It’s like the ultimate 🧠 vs ❤️ but when merged properly it’s 💕

Posted by Haruuka

With gemini men, it’s always off and on, they love doing it, make them feel more exciting about the relationship.

I feel you, believe me, I do, in my case I start to act like crazy angry, because I know he does not like it, I just want him to leave me alone, because the relationship is so fking hard🤕



I pray to god, that I don’t get involved with another gemini, ah I can’t handle it anymore.

I’ve been through this with Gems, I think the complimentary placements and timing have a lot to do with it... what are your and his placements if you don’t mind?

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by Haruuka

With gemini men, it’s always off and on, they love doing it, make them feel more exciting about the relationship.

I feel you, believe me, I do, in my case I start to act like crazy angry, because I know he does not like it, I just want him to leave me alone, because the relationship is so fking hard🤕



I pray to god, that I don’t get involved with another gemini, ah I can’t handle it anymore.

I’ve been through this with Gems, I think the complimentary placements and timing have a lot to do with it... what are your and his placements if you don’t mind?

click to expand

I’m sag with gemini moon and jupiter

Mercury and venus in scorpio

Mars in aries

Aquarius rising

He is gemini with sag moon

Gemini mercury and jupiter and his venus in cancer

Leo mars

Pisces rising



💔😭

Posted by Haruuka

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by Haruuka

With gemini men, it’s always off and on, they love doing it, make them feel more exciting about the relationship.

I feel you, believe me, I do, in my case I start to act like crazy angry, because I know he does not like it, I just want him to leave me alone, because the relationship is so fking hard🤕



I pray to god, that I don’t get involved with another gemini, ah I can’t handle it anymore.

I’ve been through this with Gems, I think the complimentary placements and timing have a lot to do with it... what are your and his placements if you don’t mind?

I’m sag with gemini moon and jupiter

Mercury and venus in scorpio

Mars in aries

Aquarius rising

He is gemini with sag moon

Gemini mercury and jupiter and his venus in cancer

Leo mars

Pisces rising



💔😭

click to expand

Oh girl, it’s that Sag moon... I have it and one of my gem guy friend has it as well. We are always trying to tame the restlessness. I know I still struggle with consistency and my friend refuses to have a gf because he is a sensitive soul(cancer Venus) and he likes his freedom. Is that what you feel from your bf like he’s not 💯