Aqua guy turned very mean when I broke up with him

Dating Aqua guy for a month, but basically we were seeing each other almost every day, so I think we grew much closer than what one would normally expect out of a month dating. We are both 38, I have a teenage son and the Aqua guy is never married, no children, but he had one LTR of 10 years, that ended 4 years ago. When my son was at my place (every other week), the Aqua guy insisted to pass by even if it is for a quick coffee in a nearby caf?, or a short 30 minutes walk around the house. I did not introduce him to my son, thought it would be too early.

So, the Aqua volunteered some information about himself that I found disturbing- smoking weed, a history of sleeping around. Once I visited his place and it was a mess.

It took me a week to think it over, mostly if I would be OK to have a man that smokes weed around my teenage son, if one day I choose to introduce him to my lad. The answer was clearly no, I was afraid that this man would be bad influence on my son. Surprise, surprise, this Aqua guy works in a centre for refugees and deals with a lot of teenagers.

SO, 10 days ago I broke up with him and explained my reasons-generally told him, I disapprove of his life style and I think he will be bad influence on my son and me too. He kept his cool and asked me to re-think and that he will call me in a week time. I did not hear from him at all for a week, and then last Friday he called me out of the blue. I confirmed that I do not want anything to do with a guy who smokes weed, has a history of sleeping around and he should be ashamed of what he does given his profession of a mentor to young refugees. Then he really exploded and absolutely lost it. He said many hurtful, cynical things to me, I was shocked. I thought an Aqua guy would just shrug it off and move on, and just let me be. After all it was just a month of seeing each other.

I am pissed off about the insults and I feel disrespected. I have not contacted him since, but I would like to know how I could possibly get my revenge if he contacts me again. What would hurt Aqua the most?

He's that upset after only a month? Red flag! I think that proves you did the right thing!

I once dated a Cancer with a very similar life style . Didn't want that around my son either. Broke it off after 1 1/2 - 2 months. He was mean and accusing to me too. Reinforced that I made the right decision.

I was going to ask you his chart, but I think that's not necessary.

We Aquas have quite an EGO. We are proud invidividuals, even if we don't want to admit it. The break up probably hurt his feelings, but he didn't raged because of that. The reason you broke up with him was what pissed him off. You bashed him and his life style so he reacted with anger. Not necessarily the right thing, but the natural thing to do.

He probably won't bother you and your son anymore. But judging by his late reaction, he may not. It doesn't matter, though. Cut him off of your life. Don't seek revenge, you have a son to take care of. Be mature and move on.

*may not leave you alone

Good for you You have a code you live by and placed your son before someone that you didn't approve of his life style .. Why did he say what he said Who cares good riddance to him.. There's plenty of men out there that will treat you and your son properly without the drug use. Just keep looking .If he causes any problems after this nip it in the bud quikly.. Don't take any crap from this guy at all. Don't seek revenge just file a complaint with the cops

Thank you, guys, I do appreciate the encouragement and the info on the big Aqua EGO, as explained by BlueSandCacoon. I do believe his verbally abuse was due to hurt ego (his moon is in Leo too), I cannot imagine any deeper feelings after only a month of dating, though we were seeing each other quite often.

I did need your feed-back, because honestly the Aqua guy made me feel sorry for him, by complaining that I have used the information he volunteered, against him. He said he could have just hidden it and it would have taken years for me to find out about the weed. I thanked him for his honesty, but also explained that the facts remain unchanged-he smokes weed and he himself acknowledges that he is a flirt. He was the first Aqua man I was dating and I was honestly at a loss of wits as to how someone could be so open about his vices and then insist that he should be "accepted for who he is"; and that I even owe him admirations for his spilling out the truth!

Well, to give him some credit, after the week of silence he proposed a deal-that he will never smoke weed at my house, or when my son is around, only when with his friends (guys from good families, but pot-heads too). I said that I am not willing to make a compromise because this is a very serious issue to me and that he has to quit completely and for sustained period of time for me to trust him. I know I come across as inflexible (have some strong taurus/capricorn elements in my chart)and when family is at stake (my asc in Cancer) I will not bargain and accept half-made solutions. A talk a lot against drugs with my son, and I also felt that I would be a hypocrite by condemn drugs and drug user one minute and then go out with a drug user the other minute.

May be you are all right, I'd better not respond if he contacts me again, although I have to tell you that my anger is still brewing and I have even drafted a couple of insulting messages to be sent in case he dares to rear his Aqua head again.

There are situations when we need to repress our anger and this is one of them, imho. Having control over your own anger may be difficult, but having to deal with the consequences after you let your anger control you may be too much to handle. And remember: this is not about only you, it's about your son as well. You did all of that for him as well. Don't let your efforts be in vain because of your emotions. It's all in your head, you have the control.

You can also make yourself busy and try focusing on other things. What are your Sun, Moon, Venus and Mars signs?

I also think you were kind of attacking his life style . You chose to make your decisions on him by his past actions and a few activities he partakes in/doesn't partake in. My Aquarius smokes (regular cigarettes) and I hate smoking. The smell of it makes me sick. He told me upfront how many relationships he's been in and how many people he's had sex with it. It wasn't a small number. He is also very messy and I end up having to clean the room every day or two. But, I love his personality. And that's all that matters. His actions don't define him as a person. He's limited his smoking because of me, he's loyal, and he tries to clean up after himself. That may have been what you found with that Aqua if you hadn't shoved him out of your life because of your own beliefs. But hey, if you feel you made the right decision, then you probably did, for you. There's plenty of other guys out there.

Posted by East
Dating Aqua guy for a month, but basically we were seeing each other almost every day, so I think we grew much closer than what one would normally expect out of a month dating. We are both 38, I have a teenage son and the Aqua guy is never married, no children, but he had one LTR of 10 years, that ended 4 years ago. When my son was at my place (every other week), the Aqua guy insisted to pass by even if it is for a quick coffee in a nearby caf?, or a short 30 minutes walk around the house. I did not introduce him to my son, thought it would be too early.

So, the Aqua volunteered some information about himself that I found disturbing- smoking weed, a history of sleeping around. Once I visited his place and it was a mess.

It took me a week to think it over, mostly if I would be OK to have a man that smokes weed around my teenage son, if one day I choose to introduce him to my lad. The answer was clearly no, I was afraid that this man would be bad influence on my son. Surprise, surprise, this Aqua guy works in a centre for refugees and deals with a lot of teenagers.

SO, 10 days ago I broke up with him and explained my reasons-generally told him, I disapprove of his life style and I think he will be bad influence on my son and me too. He kept his cool and asked me to re-think and that he will call me in a week time. I did not hear from him at all for a week, and then last Friday he called me out of the blue. I confirmed that I do not want anything to do with a guy who smokes weed, has a history of sleeping around and he should be ashamed of what he does given his profession of a mentor to young refugees. Then he really exploded and absolutely lost it. He said many hurtful, cynical things to me, I was shocked. I thought an Aqua guy would just shrug it off and move on, and just let me be. After all it was just a month of seeing each other.

I am pissed off about the insults and I feel disrespected. I have not contacted him since, but I would like to know how I could possibly get my revenge if he contacts me again. What would hurt Aqua the most?

Two wrongs dont make a right, but i think he flipped out because you berated him about his past and his pot smoking. You want a potential mate to be honest about there past which is what he did but if they are gonna do that you shouldnt judge them. You determined you two werent a match and thats cool but i w

Posted by East
Dating Aqua guy for a month, but basically we were seeing each other almost every day, so I think we grew much closer than what one would normally expect out of a month dating. We are both 38, I have a teenage son and the Aqua guy is never married, no children, but he had one LTR of 10 years, that ended 4 years ago. When my son was at my place (every other week), the Aqua guy insisted to pass by even if it is for a quick coffee in a nearby caf?, or a short 30 minutes walk around the house. I did not introduce him to my son, thought it would be too early.

So, the Aqua volunteered some information about himself that I found disturbing- smoking weed, a history of sleeping around. Once I visited his place and it was a mess.

It took me a week to think it over, mostly if I would be OK to have a man that smokes weed around my teenage son, if one day I choose to introduce him to my lad. The answer was clearly no, I was afraid that this man would be bad influence on my son. Surprise, surprise, this Aqua guy works in a centre for refugees and deals with a lot of teenagers.

SO, 10 days ago I broke up with him and explained my reasons-generally told him, I disapprove of his life style and I think he will be bad influence on my son and me too. He kept his cool and asked me to re-think and that he will call me in a week time. I did not hear from him at all for a week, and then last Friday he called me out of the blue. I confirmed that I do not want anything to do with a guy who smokes weed, has a history of sleeping around and he should be ashamed of what he does given his profession of a mentor to young refugees. Then he really exploded and absolutely lost it. He said many hurtful, cynical things to me, I was shocked. I thought an Aqua guy would just shrug it off and move on, and just let me be. After all it was just a month of seeing each other.

I am pissed off about the insults and I feel disrespected. I have not contacted him since, but I would like to know how I could possibly get my revenge if he contacts me again. What would hurt Aqua the most?

Two wrongs dont make a right, but i think he flipped out because you berated him about his past and his pot smoking. You want a potential mate to be honest about there past which is what he did but if they are gonna do that you shouldnt judge them. You determined you two werent a match and thats cool but i w

Cont. You determined you two werent a match and thats cool but i would save the judgement next time and just move on gracefully absent the soap box.

Everyone has a deal breaker. If that's hers, she should stick her ground.

If thats something you cant deal with then that's perfectly fine, however theres was no need to tell him what he should be ashamed of. He's an adult living the life style he wants. Either you can or cant deal, but I see why he flipped after the mention of his work. At that point you're not only disapproving but trying to make him feel bad about it.

Dont take revenge its not necessary. If he hqas this weed thing as a regular habit then he might not give it up and you were questioning his morals as a mentor and you may have criticized his dirty place or whatever but you can try to be friends with him. Do you love him? Try and be friends but if you are just cautious and critical I dont know where things could go, mabe nowhere.

I hear you, people. All of you hold a little piece of the truth. And when we put all the pieces together-then we have the whole puzzle. Thanks for your time and effort.

To answer some specific comments and to try to put the puzzle together:

1) Is the weed smokin crossing my personal boundaries-yes, it is. And I will hold my ground. I have never tried this stuff, nor being in the same social circle with people that smoke weed. Call me Mother Theresa, call me sterile, whatever you want. But I am like that.I am horrified by drugs, to me this is the end of the world.

You are most certainly right that sooner or later my son will be exposed to people doing weed or (God forbid) harder drugs. And I hope my lad will be able to say NO to this shit. At least until my son lives under my roof, he will NOT be exposed to any drugs or people doing drugs. Period. I invest all my energy to raise a good man, no matter that my boy comes from a broken home. Even if I have to stay and cook well after midnight, I manage to feed my son with healthy home made food (no pizzas, please), the bills are payed in time, the house is spotless and on top of that I am on friendly terms with my son's father, only for the sake of my son. I am proud that I do not use my son as a weapon against my ex-husband as most divorced people do.

And Of, course I work full day. So, I am not going to jeopardise all this effort to raise a decent man, just for some mister Aqua pot head.

2) was I judgemental and critical-I am affraid yes. And I realise this was a mistake. I know the quickest way to make a man/woman shut off, is to judge them and tell them how bad they are. I did this with the Aqua guy an I did it where it hurts him the most-his job, because he is really proud of his job and he told me that all these abandoned teenagers that he has to put on the right path in life, he sees them as a replacement of the children he never had. He also told me that he likes me a lot because I am a good mom. He was patient when I didn't have the time to chat with him on the phone for longer than 5 minutes, because I was busy with the boy or the house.So, why did I make excatly this remark, that he is not worthy to teach young people because of his life style . To hurt him?-No, Not really. In fact I wanted to give him a wake up call and used the strongest argument against his weakest spot. Unfortunately it all backfired on me, and instaed of making my point, I got verbally abused.

Now anyway too many hard words have been said on both sides and I do not think that any of us will forgive. I certainly won't, I am the type who holds grudges.

Anyway, the bone of contemtion is still there- he smokes weed and this deal to not do it around my boy and in my house is not good enough for me.

Cheers everyone.

Take care, East.

😄

Metoo, i seems to me that you project your own case onto my story. You defend the Aqua guy because you yourself smoke weed. I do not think your opinion is really objective as it is natural that you would defend a person who made the same choices as you. To me these choices are wrong, as I am for the traditional values-my grand parents and parents lived a happy life and this without smoking weed. You call me narrow minded, but I see myself as rather traditional. Be prepared you yourself to lose good women that are not willing to tolerate your weed smoking.

Of course that I researched on the internet and I know that the weed is a plant used for some diseases to alleviate pain. But when the person is in good health, I do not see why they have to smoke this crap. If something is missing in your life-go get it, do not resort to escapist behavior like doing drugs. Because this is the bottom line. And all of the rest of the excuses-it is a plant, it is used in medicine-is to justify a bad choice.

Let me tell you (if you do know it)that the weed has detrimental effects on the brain by killing your short-term memory. I saw this on the Aqua guy. Like, one day he passed by my place and left his keys on the table. Then some half an hour later he was looking around and to save his life he could not remember where he had put the keys. Of course, I was happy to "lend" him a piece of my undamaged brain and point out that I saw him put his keys on the table. So, next to each pot head you need a normal brain person to remember for them where they put their stuff. I would say thank you, but no, thank you!

And you are telling me that only because he has open his heart, I will have to tolerate his vices. He-he, that was the joke of the day. :-)

Take care, man, and do take note of where you put things.

I wasn't going to say anything else to this, butttt....

I will tell you that I am highly against drugs of any kind, myself. I was also highly against smoking and never thought I could accept someone who partakes in those activities into my life. However, I realized that smoking, drinking, doing drugs, etc, does not equal the person. Even though I hate it and am highly against it, I love my boyfriend and I can allow him to do those things if he wishes because it does not make him any less of a person. So, is my opinion objective? As someone who once thought like you? In fact, funny thing is, I almost dropped my friends because they started smoking weed. I was mad. Then I realized, they're still the same people and I didn't become friends with them for anything trivial enough to drop them because of something they enjoy or want to do. That would be a very intolerant and self-centered way of thinking.

And, honestly, I can have something in my hands and I will ask someone if they know where the item is. Does that mean my brain is damaged? I don't think so. Never smoked or did drugs in my life. While doing drugs does eventually harm your brain, I don't think that is why he forgot where his keys were. It happens to everyone. And, if you can't look past his health issues or future health issues or something he enjoys that you happen to be against, then I would say what you look for in a partner or person are superficial/trivial things.

Intolerance is a major factor in a lot of the world's problems. You're only feeding that with your high views and delusions. While I accept you can have whatever view you want, I also accept that I can tell you that I think your beliefs are total bs. Intolerance is one thing that drives me absolutely insane because of how needless and self-centered it is. Intolerance also is a prime showcase of people thinking they're superior over another. I imagine you would not agree with that, because who does want to admit the bad parts of themselves? Anyway, I apologize for being overly mean, but I will not take back anything I have said here.

Hey, Scenic, you must be really young to write what you wrote 😉 I guess the difference of opinions is due to the age gap between us and the lack of life experience in your case. What you call intolerance, in my book is put as "having healthy boundaries". But OK, I know you can't understand me know, it is too early for you. I only hope that in 10 years from now and after you'd possibly having dated a drug addict (because your tolerance looks limitless), who would steal from you to buy him drugs (because you should know that drug addicts will do ANYTHING to get his stuff); then you may probably remember the old fashionned East and find some value in what I have to say.

I hope over time you will learn to establish your boundaries and make people respect them, or else you may end up doing some very painful compromises for the sake of the so called tolerance and love. Not to play the devil's advocate, but I would turn the question the other way around-if your boyfriend really loved you, why wouldn't he quit doing things that he knows you find disgusting, eh? Are his cigarrets more important than his girfriend?

No need to be rude to each other, people, we are just discussing here on the board, and some basic civility would not hurt.

Cheers everyone.

Posted by East
Hey, Scenic, you must be really young to write what you wrote 😉 I guess the difference of opinions is due to the age gap between us and the lack of life experience in your case. What you call intolerance, in my book is put as "having healthy boundaries". But OK, I know you can't understand me know, it is too early for you. I only hope that in 10 years from now and after you'd possibly having dated a drug addict (because your tolerance looks limitless), who would steal from you to buy him drugs (because you should know that drug addicts will do ANYTHING to get his stuff); then you may probably remember the old fashionned East and find some value in what I have to say.

I hope over time you will learn to establish your boundaries and make people respect them, or else you may end up doing some very painful compromises for the sake of the so called tolerance and love. Not to play the devil's advocate, but I would turn the question the other way around-if your boyfriend really loved you, why wouldn't he quit doing things that he knows you find disgusting, eh? Are his cigarrets more important than his girfriend?

No need to be rude to each other, people, we are just discussing here on the board, and some basic civility would not hurt.

Cheers everyone.

Do you have friends that drink? Do you have friends that take prescription drugs? Do you have friends that take over the counter drugs? Do you have friends that abuse any of these? The only clear difference would be the legality, the morality of them can be debated til your blue in the face. It really is about the impact it has on the persons behavior and health which will vary from person to person. I respect your decisions but still dont understand the logic.

Well people, I would like to remind you that my original post was for me to better understand the Aqua guy reaction, that in my view was somewhat exaggerated. Thankfully to your input, I now understand that somehow I managed to hurt his ego with the remark of him not being good enough to teach young people. This was not necessary and I had to bite my tongue, lesson learned. If I have to dump another Aqua guy in the future, I will do it more gracefully, promised 😉

As for if I was right or not to dump the guy-this question was never put on the table of discussion, nonetheless, most comments revolve around this issue. I did it for my own reasons, it is my decision, it is definite, so there is nothing for you to discuss about it.

I hope the Aqua guy will find some more "modern" woman and they both will happily smoke a happy hour weed. I personally would prefer a cold beer with some french fries, or a glass of Merlot to accompany a good stake. My Taurus moon appreciates the traditional pleasures. I guess we were not really made for each other.

Anyway, thanks to you all for the input, I learned something.

Cheers, everyone.

"although I have to tell you that my anger is still brewing and I have even drafted a couple of insulting messages to be sent in case he dares to rear his Aqua head again."

WOW O_o .. If you don`t agree with weed, try a chill pill 🙂 .... Live love!

My age nor lack of experience has nothing to do with my beliefs. It's called being a different person. When I am 50 I am positive that I will still have the same freedom and equality based beliefs as I do now. And, I just told you, I used to be just like you. I can understand you, to a degree. While I didn't grow up in a 'traditional' family, I still have felt the same aversion and disgust towards drugs and the like. If I become like you are describing, then I would only be regressing as a moral human being. Let me tell you one thing: Tolerance does not equal stupidity or weakness. I would let someone walk all over me and steal my money because I'm tolerant? Funniest thing I've heard in a while. I also do not think I would put up with someone who would cost me damages like that. Which, is different from you, because you are intolerant to the point of not wanting anything to do with someone because of what they do on their own, while I am just not being a doormat to a user or abuser or a morally bad person. You are what society would also like to call an 'elitist'. What really bothers me is that you think anyone who does something against your views is a bad person. 'He'll steal from you because he's addicted.' Your previous comment about how 'he couldn't find his keys. His brain must be damaged' was also the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 'He does drugs, so obviously his brain is damaged which is clearly the reason for not being able to remember where his keys were'. You are unable to see the real person. You can only see their actions. The nicest guy in the world could be standing in front of you, but you judge him because he's smoking pot. Meanwhile, he was abused as a kid and made the mistake of turning to drugs. He regrets it, and is still the nicest person in the world, but since he's still doing it and can't stop, he's not good enough for you. A corporate leader that is desperately trying to help make the world green and who also donates almost all he has to charity could really strike a cord within you. But, since, when he was younger, slept around a lot, without cheating, etc, simply because teenagers are experimental or because in his mind, there are more important things, like true love, he will not be good enough for you. He doesn't do it anymore and would have always been loyal in a relationship, but it doesn't matter to you.

What the fuck, internet?


Anyway, As for your second paragraph, once again, tolerance does not equal being a doormat or that everyone is for me. I do what is best for me, however, having a boyfriend who smokes is not detrimental to my health or being in the slightest, so why should I care what he does? If he wants to do it, do it. He isn't me and I can't control him. Since I love him, I don't really care, either. I can look past that. And, for your info, he is trying to quit, because he knows I don't like it, however, I would NEVER ask/tell a person they need to change something about themselves to be with me. That is disgusting. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. Since I love him, I can respect anything he wishes to do, as long as it doesn't hurt me or is legally wrong.

I am being pretty civil, actually. If you can't take another's honest opinion, that is not my fault.

... Or a banana, good for the seretones, they`re legal.. HRT? (Scenic, you wont understand, you are not old enough right? 😉 and given that in 10 years time you will have a boyfriend on drugs anyway, so hey! he may be open minded enough to share his, Why pay for a prescription when you get it for free).. GOLLY! :O

"So, next to each pot head you need a normal brain person to remember for them where they put their stuff."

And next to each young refugee needs a person who is compassionate, non prejudice, altruistic and shows EMPATHY towards others, You are right, I doubt he is your every day Joe NORMAL person, DONT judge him as, that would be criminal!!!.. regardless of their background, someone like that is rare and its only usually someone with these qualities that can work with young people in such circumstances.. and you know what as long as professional boundaries are in place when working with these young people then this guys own experiences can help him relate to others where he can step in their shoes and have that empathy and understanding. If a young person decides to take drugs then thats what they will choose and no ammount of telling them drugs are bad for you will make a scrap of difference, BUT offering them an INFORMED choice based on knowledge gained from experience COULD make a big difference and ensure that if they are going to do it they do it safely.

See? it can still be debated with an open mind...

Although I dont smoke weed, would it be fair to judge someones character because of it—

I think everyone alive on this planet has at least once lost their keys have they not? I guess most NORMAL people do this once in a while no?

Posted by Theultra79


Seems like some of the responders won't let up til East rolls and lights one up herself. Dag.

May be I will...in my next reincarnation, lol!

Let the youngsters scribble, they have too much time on their hands. I have more important things to do-like raising a son and work hard.

Take care everyone.

Have fun looking down on people because you think you're so much better and hardworking than they are! : ) See ya!

East, I respect that you are sticking to your values.

talk about a hardheaded couple. 😕

You two would probably end up skewering each other like bbq

*whew* thank goodness one less couple to worry about that won't go to the Asylum.

Peace and smoke one metaphorically. 🙂