Confusing FWB situation with an Aqua male! Help

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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Hi everyone
I've been reading this message board for a few days now and have only come up with half answers to my situation. So I'll just give you a background, I met this guy at a bar on a Friday and we instantly hit it off, flirted and exchanged no.'s we were heading to different spots that night so I did not anticipate seeing him again. I went to the club and there he was, things got heated. We ended up getting it on in public a couple times each time he stopped it saying he wasn't feeling it. We came back to my place. I'm no fool or a stranger to what happens after this kind of encounter and I told him such. He said he wasn't like that and he has my no. and wants to see me again.
He didn't call as he said he would and I wasn't about to. I dropped him a casual 'hey' text on Sunday. I was out living my life and received 2 missed calls and a text saying if i need him just let him know. Well I don't need him so I guess I won't call lol. I responded apologising for the missing the calls etc. and promise to call back. I missed a further 2 calls from him :s. So I call he makes plans with me. We exchange texts and he's overly sweet like those BF type text messages. I sensed something was off. When he came round something made me ask if he had a GF, and he told me he did! SMH. I asked why he was here with me and he said there is something about me (whatever) anyway he got really affectionate and stuff happened. I started getting obsessive texts friday night from him saying he wants me and that he has 'feelings' for me. I freaked out and told him I'd deal with it the next day. He came round knowing nothing sexual could happen and he was drunk, I wasn't amused and he kept bringing up his elusive feelings for me. I ended it the next morning, he seemed slightly taken aback but I could not read his emotions at all.
I changed my mind in a moment of madness a couple days later and we see each other like once a week for about a month. We had one petty argument and he didn't contact me for 4 days. I figured we were done. He called me a bad friend for not contacting him after the little tiff that he started. He came round and it was nice, we just hung out for ages. He spent a lot of the time just staring at me :/. I was mean and trying to keep an emotional distance. He referred to me as 'his woman' in front of his friends, he's overly affectionate and he always sleeps over which has got me confused. Is he just playing me or is there more to this? I'm a leo if it mat
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Ninjagirl
@Ninjagirl
14 Years500+ PostsSagittarius

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Hey girlie,

Firstly he's got a girlfriend, he was honest with you about that. Can't knock him for that. It may be wise to take a step back and evaluate the situation, he obviously wants a casual set-up with you...is that what you want? If it is, continue with him but know that you won't fully have him, he'll be swinging back and forth as much as you'll let him. You can roll around with him in your insatiable romantic bubble he's created but the reality is...he's taken.

Thing with the aqua men they can lay it on thick in the beginning, you feel like you're the only one when your with them and it's all magical and wonderful....the words they tell you, vibes they give off...it's hard to pull back when your in with em, but *sigh*

Take a step back and see things for what they really are.

Good Luck!
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Hey Ninjagirl
Thanks for responding. I only wanted a casual set-up and it's him that has been blurring the lines from the very beginning. I'm not sure if it's the Leo in me that starting to form some kind of attachment but it's driving me nuts. I told him that he can't be doing these things because I would like to remain unattached. Yet he continues, it's almost like he's doing it on purpose! He has told me he wants to get me pregnant a couple of times!!! Which is the last thing I want. When we first hung out after he told me about his gf I asked him what it is he wanted from me and he said a relationship but that can't work now because I know about his gf. In the end he said we should be friends and I asked with or without benefits and he said either (we both knew that there would have to be benefits).
I have basically been stepping back and I don't initiate contact with him, ever! I'm polite and friendly but I don't share too much about myself with him. He doesn't share much at all, it's bite sized pieces of information. I'm going home for the holidays and have no set date for when I return, he asked when I was leaving and told me he would like to see me when I got back. When I asked 'why?' he simply replied 'Why not?'
I think the trip home will provide me with some much needed clarity. I can't deal with his hot and coldness, I'm very much used to getting my way and being in control of a situation and if I like someone I'm used to showing it. I'm being detached and aloof (possibly my Aquarius moon) which is conflicting with how I normally behave but I really don't want to get too involved because I really don't want to burned in what is clearly a delicate situation.
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Ninjagirl
@Ninjagirl
14 Years500+ PostsSagittarius

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Your situation is almost idential to the same set-up I have with my Aqua on the casual front. He's also said about getting me preggers too lol just have to laugh sometimes, although he said he was serious :/

The lines do get blurred...this is true. I had to call mine out on some of the thngs he has said because I was like do you actually mean all this stuff you're telling me? Or is this bollox talk?

I also have an aqua moon so I know what u mean about detaching - I often back off when I'm unsure about how things are going and I'm very cautious on the relationship front but it's good because you can take a step back and observe his actions to see if it matches what he's telling you. When I go all distant...boy do all his messages come flying in, lol.

If he says he wants a relationship with you, thats ok, but he actually needs to action this. It's not a complicated situation unless you make it. The both of you are on a casual thing...keep it that way.

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Ninjagirl
@Ninjagirl
14 Years500+ PostsSagittarius

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Oh, and the sharing thing...that will come in time. Right at the beginning my aqua was quiet and hardly said anything about himself, I felt like I was bothering him with all my questions so I stopped... then volia! He started opening up! Gotta be patient.

Now I can't get him to shut up, but it's all good (:

You've been clear about things which is good. Just try not to let him make you fall at the wrong time if that makes sense. I'm tired so sorry if this is all nonsense.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Thanks for your message. It's really helped a lot. I'm kind of in a confused place about how I feel towards him, i'm not sure if i'm starting to like him more or if I'm just flattered by how he is with me and some of the things he says. So in a way kind of tricking me into feeling things. Very annoying. I do enjoy spending time with him we don't really talk but we don't just do the nasty sometimes we just kind of sit in a kind of peaceful silence where we both a clearly thinking about things. The chemistry is intense as well as in between the sheets so that makes me reluctant to just walk away. I'll see how I feel when I get back around him. However I'm just gonna keep backing off and see where this ends up.
Oh the relationship is not something I want at all right now (just got out of a 5 yr one not really in a hurry to jump back into that) plus I wouldn't with him because I couldn't trust him to be faithful. After all if he can cheat with me he can cheat on me.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Yeah the GF issue was a big deal then it kinda stopped being an issue for me. We had plans for wednesday which he mysteriously cancelled then i didn't hear from him until today. I leave the country tomorrow so I did expect to hear from him. They were friendly messages nothing special, I asked if he was going out tonight and he casually told me he's going out with his gf. I just had to laugh because this just goes with everything I have read. I didn't get as emotional as I thought I would. It didn't even really hurt I was more just taken aback that he mentioned it. I'm so used to his bare faced lies that this flash of honesty was unexpected. Nevertheless I realised that maybe I should be FWB with someone that is single and as big of a commitment-phobe as me. I don't really like being in competition with other people for a man I don't even see a future with's attention.
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exam
@exam
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Get out while you can. Leo likes competition so if you keep going with this, you will end up wanting to posses him as a prize but you will hurt yourself in the process of doing this. In the end, it will become an infatuation that only leaves bitter taste in your mouth for a long time. I think you're not just having love feeling towards him but also some resentment that you don't want to admit yourself. Yes, the guy is possibly enigmatic to you because he challenges you mentally by giving you little bit of this and that about himself in a very unusual way. His inconsistency also hurts your ego a bit. Time to move along.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Some cold hard facts there Aquaj. I appreciate it. Whilst I suffer no illusions about this situation. I will admit that exam is kind of right a part of me wants to just attain him as a prize but I think it's more of the chase and the fact he's unavailable excites me slightly. I really do not want a relationship with him at all. I mean he is STUNNING but no it just can't work. I think I have truly met my match because I seem to have an effect on the men in my life where they all are drawn to me and love me in their own special ways. Easy to take advantage of but he is different and that is intriguing and I already know that my usual charms will not work on him but I would like to figure him out. But as you guys have said this is not a challenge worth taking up.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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1urbanicblue I know there is some moral code that I am violating and I know that I am doing something wrong but the blame has to be placed proportionately. He has a gf not me I did not cheat on anyone nor did I make a commitment to anyone. I am not saying I'm blameless but if he calls me and wants to 'hang' and I want it too then I'm going to get mine, I have needs. So I'm sorry for being selfish but I am single and can pretty much do as I please. Wouldn't touch a married man, I don't deal with adultery! I'm not so fussed about cheating I think people should be free to do as they please no-one owns anyone. If you get married it's different then cheating becomes adultery which is a sin and I'm not messing with the 10 commandments. (Only slightly Christian, but adultery is one thing I feel passionately about.)
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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This topic is just not the point. I am aware of my role in this. I maybe rationalising but thats what helps me sleep at night. I'm not chasing him down or asking him to come round I don't initiate anything and that makes me feel slightly better about this situation. I honestly could not care less what my Bf does behind my back as long as it stays behind my back and I don't know about it. If I knew it would be a simple break up. These things are not complicated. I can't love someone if I don't feel they love me back. I've been in his position so i'll probably get a double dose of karma. Or nothing at all...
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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I am full of heart. Maybe it's my Aqua moon. I'm not cold when I first found out about the gf which was after stuff had already happened between us. I chose to end it, true I did change my mind but there was already the forming of some kind of attachment. I've only been able to reign in my emotions and feelings in the last couple of weeks. I've said a couple times in this thread that it is in my best interest to leave him alone. And when I return in a little over a month I probably won't be contacting him again. I don't know what more you want from me. If you want me to feel guilty I don't and I probably won't because I am not cheating on anyone.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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What happened to no judgement— I felt guilty at first but I can't feel things for people I don't know, there is more to this gf situation that I don't know and I don't care to ask. I'm not sure why you're treating me like some evil villain. Generally people want things they can't have. This is not unique to me. Fact is I don't see a future with this guy It was fun he was good looking and I was very much attracted to him in many ways. Easily seduced? Maybe. Am I weak? Possibly. I wouldn't change what happened, I enjoyed our time together if that makes me a bad person then so be it. Whats been done is done. I am getting out of the situation and thats that. Nothing more to it. I'm not gonna fear karma or anything else. You have no clue who I am or what I'm about so you have no right to judge me. My views are somewhat unorthodox to some but the fact of the matter is people will always do what they want and there is nothing you or I can do about it. Do I wish I left it at a one night stand? Yes everyday. But it didn't work out that way I would have preferred to not have been in this situation but I am. And all I was trying to do was figure out what was happening.
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exam
@exam
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Good to hear that you're moving on. Yes, I was thinking about you're turn on by his unavailability as well. It is shown by him not revealing his whole self to you but bits and bobs. I think it isn't entirely fair to blame your Aqua moon. True, the moon can get you fixated on things ( yup, detach but fixed, confused you?) but it's more likely your sun sign represents your ego , your Venus in love, your mars in lust and your rising sign explained the way you think appropriate to go for. This guy is different than others because he's "occupied" elsewhere so his attention is not fully on you, it's kind of exciting and hurtful because Leo likes to be adored and spoiled a bit (not too much or you'll be bored!). Yes, I also believe that very soon you' ll find this sort of unavailable love isn't that exciting once you taste all its negative sides and the drama to boost. Good luck!
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exam
@exam
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This is what you wrote " it's more of the chase and the fact he's unavailable excites me slightly. I really do not want a relationship with him at all" . I think the chase and the fact that he's unavailable makes you feel excited suggests that you're turn on by his unavailability.I'm just trying to explain the influence of your moon so you don't put such heavy analysis on its responsibility in your situation. Look more into the sun sign when your ego is bruised and more into your Venus when you're having feeling for someone and how you acts and wants in love, more into your mars when you're attracted to someone and the house your mars in. It's necessary to compare his Venus with your mars and your mars to his Venus as well to see the full picture of love and lust. I'm not judging. Only said what I see.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Ugh sigh, it is just really not that serious. I'm not crossing his what it's with my whats it's because honestly I don't even like him that much, I'm 100% certain there are no love feelings, there is chemistry and physical attraction. If I think there is no chance I can have something I won't put much effort into trying to get it. He told me he can't break up with her so thats that. Something that I find exciting is not the same as something that turns me on. The two are not synonymous to me and I said 'excites me slightly' which basically told you it's not a whole bunch. All I came on here to find out was is this fwb thing going in a direction to looked to be more serious (like is he trying to get feelings involved) based on his signs characteristics and traits.
Honestly 1urbanicblue I'm so over reading your comments because you are throwing all kinds of words at me and I'm not interested in reading them anymore. I don't expect to know what other people are feeling I wanted an open honest discussion about whether this guy was trying to get feelings involved or if he was just being friendly. If I wanted a debate about the morals of the situation the title of this thread would be something very different. Only you seem to be dragging up the moral side of this issue which is not the topic.
Exam I am no astrologer I only recent got a birth chart half of it is gibberish to me whilst it was interesting to read I'm not in a place where I can fully grasp what it all means. The only reason I mentioned the moon was because I think it influences my ability to detach from him and that is based on what I read from various sources. By detaching from him I meant I'm not driven to call text or really initiate any kind of contact with him, which is not typically how I behave if I at least like someone or consider them a friend. I wasn't trying to make it seem like a bigger influence than it was nor was I intentionally trying to blame it for anything. So I apologise for the misunderstanding.
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RealTalk
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^^^And yet you seek advice from people you don't know on a blog about a guy you "don't care about/or like that much". Why do care about what people say if it's not that serious? Because they're not telling you what you want to hear? It's bullshit. I think you care more for him than you're letting on. But what do I know right? You ONLY made a thread dedicated to what you think he may be feeling for you. Haha.
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Morgan89
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13 Years

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Posted by AliCar15
Here's my take, based on my past, my steady relationship with my Aqua, the fact that I'm a fire sign, that I have dated several Leo and have several Leo best friends- one of which who is a Leo/Aqua moon: I think you like this man because your competitive and like a challenge. You're a fire sign- it's part of who you are. You enjoy the chase and you view yourself in competition with his girlfriend. Because this man is still contacting you, it means you are gaining some victory over his girlfriend, giving you some sick twisted sense of satisfaction. This boost to your ego makes you even more attracted to this unavailable man. The fact that you are "winning" in your battle vs. his girlfriend (in your mind) makes this all the more exciting and addicting.

The relationship is also attractive to you because your getting the ego boost you so desperately crave (Leo sun) without the commitment that you so truly fear (Aqua moon). You're cold and lacking in empathy (Aqua Moon) and are too fixated on what you want (Fixed signs- Leo sun/Aqua moon) to fully grasp- or even care about the consequences of you actions.

Sadly, you are so incredibly stubborn (Leo sun/Aqua moon, immaturity) that my post, this thread, the opinions of friends or anything else will not even touch you. You'll do what you want when you want without caring about any collateral damage you've caused.



I think you may have nailed this situation, Generally I'm not an emotional person and I am frequently confused about what it is I feel or think about things which results in me ignoring them completely. I know something is going on with me otherwise I wouldn't have made the thread but at the same time I can never quite figure out what it is. Honestly I am soooo very aware of my role and how much I am to blame in this situation, you are not the first people I came to about this I have heard all of what has been said before and I have taken that into account and I have tried (very poorly) to end it hence me never contacting him etc. However he has some power over me that makes me respond when he contacts me and that part is on me. I am only being argumentative because it was going off topic. I want to walk away and I will continue to try, like I said I left the country so it's not exactly gonna be difficult for me to leave him alone when I come back after a month. And AliCar you are wrong I do not l
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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...lack empathy I have considered what it must be like for her. I have stopped physical things happening with him because he has a gf. After a little while she was never bought up and it quickly became an out of sight out of mind type thing. You are right though that I am stubborn and I can easily get caught up in what I want. I am guilty of letting him come over and I am guilty for engaging in what we do. After the first few comments on this thread came up and people said what they had to say, which were very honest and hard to read truths about the situation I said it was not that serious for me and that it is not worth me getting involved with this man further. I have not seen him since this thread was created and there has been next to no contact. I am not walking away for fear of karma or because there is a risk I will get hurt. I am walking away because he has a girlfriend and as much as I may supposedly enjoy this competition with her I do not want him as my boyfriend nor do I want any kind of emotionally significant relationship with him so I will leave him alone. The moment I stepped on the plane the 'relationship' was over for me. I am just getting frustrated with the posts because true, I don't like being judged, no-one does. And people are giving me hard time about my role in this after I said numerous times very early on in the thread that I will not continue this 'relationship'.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Posted by RealTalk
^^^And yet you seek advice from people you don't know on a blog about a guy you "don't care about/or like that much". Why do care about what people say if it's not that serious? Because they're not telling you what you want to hear? It's bullshit. I think you care more for him than you're letting on. But what do I know right? You ONLY made a thread dedicated to what you think he may be feeling for you. Haha.



It wasn't about what I thought he may be feeling for me. I am no stranger to playing games. I wanted to know if he was having feelings or trying to manipulate me into having feelings because he thinks that is what I want or at least what I want to hear. I only asked because I only sought a NSA FWB type of relationship that would be uncomplicated and it was becoming complicated. I know these Aqua men can be universally friendly so I just wanted some clarity into that as I have a tendency to over analyse and read to much into situations. Possibly because of my Virgo rising and Venus in Virgo. Correct me if I'm wrong.
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tbird
@tbird
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I agree with the ladies on this thread. I'm not going to go into what I think about this situation. But yeah.... people are going to have their opinions if you didn't want to hear others opinion about a scandalous situation then you may want to keep it to yourself. You know messing with a man that already has a woman is wrong no matter if he's married or just in a bf/gf relationship. Karma is a blessing and a hard core bitch. You may feel like it's no biggie but you will meet a man fall madly in love with him and karma will sneak in and he will cheat on you. Then you will know how if feels to be the woman who has a man that steps out and the other woman will rationalize just as you are and say he's the one in the relationship not me and will have that out of sight out of mind mentality with you and just don't give a flying piece.

May God have mercy on you....karma will not my dear. Be prepared.
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spica
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Posted by aquaj
I don't actually believe in karma. From my observation, the most ruthless people are the most successful.



Yes they have channeled the devil.. the devil promises power and almost instant results.. but you don't know how much is taken away.. ruthless people suffer silently and have no souls. They are unable to enjoy happiness that life brings. That is punishment in itself. They also get it back 3 times penance, it may come back a good decade later, so you won't see it.
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tbird
@tbird
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That's the thing about Karma hun...some karma doesn't hit you in this life. It waits until the next one or when your reincarnated into a cricket, snake or dung bettle. lol

Or you could come back as a human and just be deal the shittiest hand ever and don't understand why everything is falling apart around you...it's because in your previous life you were a douche and now your paying for it.
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Morgan89
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13 Years

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Meh I don't think I believe in karma that much. And I agree with aquaj I to have seen some people do the most evil of things and just carry on as if it was nothing sometimes leading better lives than before. I'm not much of a spiritual person I believe that my actions have consequences good or bad but sometimes I just think you do things and surprise surprise nothing happens. I'm not religious or really even that spiritual I believe there is a higher power out there and I to an extent I believe that only that power has the right to deal out judgements. I have my own moral code and set of principles and I have not met anyone that can say they hate me or even dislike me. I may have ended up in a 'scandalous' (as it was so eloquently put) situation but it was not intentional or something I sought after. I'm certain that this will not be the only time I end up in a morally questionable situation in my life.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Posted by AliCar15
Morgan- I know I came across harshly in my posts to you. I can talk about your situation because I have been intimately acquainted with very similar circumstances. I feel like the only way to really try to *pull* you out of it is to be tough with you.

It can be hard being a fire sign. We like to win the "prize". Just make sure when you go for that prize, it's actually worth the battle.

Good luck. Glad to hear that you've distanced yourself from the situation. Try to learn from it- you could very well avoid this situation ever happening again if you take away the right lessons. With age comes wisdom.



Thanks AliCar. One of my best friends who is a libra who was well aware of the situation put things into perspective and said that she doesn't know what's happened to me and can't believe the things I was saying to rationalise this. And she was right this is not my MO or who I am. And then she said 'If I had a man I would not trust you enough to bring him around you!' Now that was when the penny dropped and if my own best friend could think that I would do something like that to her, a person that knows my deepest and darkest clearly something had to give. Shit got real and the fantasy bubble burst. Trouble has a way of finding me especially where I'm temporarily living, but I'm doing my best to keep it clean.
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Morgan89
@Morgan89
13 Years

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Posted by 1urbanicblue
you do believe in a higher power, you said.

even if you do have your own principles, you arent exempt from the human race. and that's that. you can weasle your intellect, (which is by the way confusing, cause you go back and forth) but you're not god.



I at no point said I was God. I would say I'm agnostic and by my own set of morals and principles they come from various sources and many religions. I know what is right and wrong. There are some thoughts and ideologies that I feel are antiquated for todays living standards and I won't include them in how I choose to live my life. If your getting bored you are free to leave and no longer comment. I'm truly over reading your judgemental comments because you are not saying anything I haven't already heard or thought about before this thread was made.
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exam
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Your best friend is right to be worried because she doesn't fully understand your own set of moral values and she doesn't know how many more own values you have that are deviated from the norm. She's worried that you will create more principles as you go along when dealing with questionable situations. I'm glad you stopped to question here and hope you get the answers you're looking for.
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libore
@libore
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Posted by Ninjagirl
Hey girlie,

Firstly he's got a girlfriend, he was honest with you about that. Can't knock him for that. It may be wise to take a step back and evaluate the situation, he obviously wants a casual set-up with you...is that what you want? If it is, continue with him but know that you won't fully have him, he'll be swinging back and forth as much as you'll let him. You can roll around with him in your insatiable romantic bubble he's created but the reality is...he's taken.

Thing with the aqua men they can lay it on thick in the beginning, you feel like you're the only one when your with them and it's all magical and wonderful....the words they tell you, vibes they give off...it's hard to pull back when your in with em, but *sigh*

Take a step back and see things for what they really are.

Good Luck!

the problem is the girlfriend... HER SIGN!!!! u are not aware of what that sign is capable of. fake bitches
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libore
@libore
13 Years

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my advice knowing aquarians VERY WELL, is:

i know of the background their relationship etc.

so:

she will be out of the picture, but if you leave him space and time to figure HER out and u go out of the picture he will dump her in a short time i believe.

give him space, he will appreciate your good heart and values if you just leave him be. especially if you step away as you realized he has a gf.

i think he will realize the bad heart of the gf and will come back to you, do give him space.

she is winding him up. that sign is very hard to figure out, they are the fakest signs. and good at their jobs. they lack of passions for things as they arent fixed, so my advice remains the same, give him the chance to dump her and get with you, (its not HIS fault if he happened with a bitch, he is a good man). that bitch is playing with him n pretends to even be faithful... we know that sign cant be a faithful and are sluts...

they are very manipulative. dont give up but distance yourself. he needs time to realize it, he does have the intelligence. aquarius hates being forced, but they have the brains to figure people out... so keep the faith. probably things will get sorted. be careful as u are the only one who can save the guy, if she finds out about u, then she will win and good man is fucked for eternity lol- ur his only chance. dont give her another reason to manipulate his poor brain
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libore
@libore
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Posted by exam
Your best friend is right to be worried because she doesn't fully understand your own set of moral values and she doesn't know how many more own values you have that are deviated from the norm. She's worried that you will create more principles as you go along when dealing with questionable situations. I'm glad you stopped to question here and hope you get the answers you're looking for.

the aquarius girlfriend is a bitch, only reason why an aquarius cheats is the girlfriend/boyfriend being BLACK, meaning 0 good in them.

she is a bitch, i know she is, this is why he went with morgan.

morgan has to step back though and let him make his choice, he has figured the gf soon ex out already, he will play the disappearing act eventually...

the gf better behave (she wont do that, i know that sign too well)

they are fucking mental
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libore
@libore
13 Years

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Posted by AliCar15
Although you are trying to paint yourself as the victim here, Morgan, in truth, you are JUST as guilty as this Aqua. You know he as a girlfriend and yet you proceed in this "relationship". This makes you just as reprehensible as he is.

We women should be better than this.

stop being emotional. the girlfriend isnt an aries, so dont worry.

the girlfriend isnt a genuine person unfortunately it happens to aquas too that they get often manipulated used and end up with bitches.

i know her sign. wont last long. ive known that match doesnt work the other sign is very fake.

eventually aquarius finds that out... only few aquas dont find that out.