Confused and hurt

Hello i am a capricorn aquarius cusp and i have been dating my boyfriend for 1year and 1month he is a pisces and i love him so much i would do anything for him,when we first meet it was heaven i loved him so much and he was my first boyfriend too. now in are 5th month he cheated on me with his ex and i took him back and i forgive him then we started arguing alot i cryed so much and i was so hurt he abuse me in every way hits me and screams at me and i feel stupid because i keep taking him back and i just want a true honest relationship well now everything is geting hard 1year have passed and cheated on me agian and hit me a lot more and i don't know what to really do i am lost withing my own mine i want him to go back to being the person i first meet but now he is different with me and i am hurting so much! now i just don't know what to do i am tired of always trying to fix everything he likes making everything my fault when is not. Please Help.

The help you are asking for is someone to tell you how to make yourself believe once again that he isn't a cheater and abuser like you used to believe when your blinders were on.

Nobody can make you believe that once again .. your blinders are indeed off and you now see him for who he is.

Nobody can help you so long as you are focused on the blinders and how to improve them so that you can no longer see his true colors.

Once you make the decision that you want to focus on your own well-being ... then there are plenty of people who can help you.

Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
You can't fix this and you can't fix him. You have to leave, Now.

+1

I would add that if there was any hope at all within him to change, it sounds like it'll only happen when you break the old relationship patterns and stop taking him back.

I see now i tryed all that but my heart just doesn't want to let go i have tryed all that but i can't i feel like everything is hard.

Posted by extempjunk

I would add that if there was any hope at all within him to change, it sounds like it'll only happen when you break the old relationship patterns and stop taking him back.

:::: shakes head ::::

Don't misunderstand, OP, I'm not suggesting that if he were to change, that change wouldn't just be temporary, as another poster has said. I am also not implying that you should get back with him, as evidenced by the fact that I said to separate yourself from him in the first place. Rather, I am pointing out that in your original post, you say taking him back reinforces the same behavior. So I don't think it's out of the world in terms of possibilities that the first step this guy needs to take towards getting help involves you not taking him back.

you are right he knows he have me in some ways not in a lot of his ways and i do need to break free from him,all he does is hurt me and make me feel pain and anger.

Posted by extempjunk
Don't misunderstand, OP, I'm not suggesting that if he were to change, that change wouldn't just be temporary, as another poster has said. I am also not implying that you should get back with him, as evidenced by the fact that I said to separate yourself from him in the first place. Rather, I am pointing out that in your original post, you say taking him back reinforces the same behavior. So I don't think it's out of the world in terms of possibilities that the first step this guy needs to take towards getting help involves you not taking him back.

I believe you are right and that is true i just need to get away and not take him back.
Thank you for your great advice 🙂

I hope you stay safe. 🙂

Off-handedly I should say that occasionally, people do concern themselves with the situations of other people, whether it is warranted or not. However, that was not what I said. It would be nice if this guy, being an abuser, would not continue to abuse this person or move on to abusing someone else. The phrase "what's best for him" is yours, and has nothing whatever to do with anything I said. Him getting help is a good idea in general, although it's also true (if redundant) that her getting help sounds like a good idea too. Probably the reason she posted this thread.

Posted by Nights22
Well lets face it. You have two options.
Stay with him and continue to get beat and cheated on and feel like crap forever. Where you'll eventually lose yourself completely and prolly end up dead one way or another..

Orrr take back you own life. Live for you and not this scum bag. Being on your own and away from this guy will make you stronger but you have to want it. You have to want it more than the beatings and the hurt and the masochism. Do you want it more than that?

I agree. I've seen my mother get beat up and my father cheated on her so many times. He actually gave her a STD.

Honey I am so so so sorry about what is going on. I understand that you love him and you don't want to let him go. But if he loved you he would NEVER put his hands on you. This behavior is destructive and will destroy you in one way or another.

You must love yourself first and foremost. I had to learn this and it's hard, but you will be so much stronger and better in the end for it. If you love yourself you wouldn't endure his treatment. You must stay safe and leave him be. Tell him you had enough of his behavior and you want nothing more to deal with him. If he doesn't adhere to your wishes that is when the police must be involved. It is your right as a human being to not deal with abuse. He will say his sorry and be sweet and promise not to do it again, but be careful this is only a ploy to get you back and once his anger comes into play again so will the abuse.

You must stop the cycle yourself but you have to be ready to do it. Your heart will hurt but that hurt will cease after time. In time you will realize you did the best thing for you. Don't worry about him. This is about YOU! It's about you being safe, unharmed, properly loved, and happy. You cannot be this way with such a man.

I hope with every fiber of my being that you find the courage and willpower to do so. Nothing but love.

Anybody will do what you allow them to do. Take him back time and time again and you will continue to get burned, point blank period. Dont you want to be happy?

He has hit you??

He is a waste or space.

Listen to what you would tell your sister or best friend if they told you this.

Act on it.
Walk away and don't ever go back.

gazerukii, has anyone else in your life abused you? It sounds like you self-hate which is why you are putting up with this sick man's behavior. Please get away from this man and seek counseling to restore your self worth. You also sound rather young...

Maybe I'm not seeing something that's now hidden from the OP's second post, but she does say in the first that she's actually tired of putting up with his behavior and "fixing" things...

Posted by aliennation

What are they teaching girls these days?

They?

Posted by gazerukii
Hello i am a capricorn aquarius cusp and i have been dating my boyfriend for 1year and 1month he is a pisces and i love him so much i would do anything for him,when we first meet it was heaven i loved him so much and he was my first boyfriend too. now in are 5th month he cheated on me with his ex and i took him back and i forgive him then we started arguing alot i cryed so much and i was so hurt he abuse me in every way hits me and screams at me and i feel stupid because i keep taking him back and i just want a true honest relationship well now everything is geting hard 1year have passed and cheated on me agian and hit me a lot more and i don't know what to really do i am lost withing my own mine i want him to go back to being the person i first meet but now he is different with me and i am hurting so much! now i just don't know what to do i am tired of always trying to fix everything he likes making everything my fault when is not. Please Help.

work on your head skills.

thats the key to having a great,everlasting life and relationship.

im sure you probably suck at sucking penus, which is why he's acting all crazy..i use be like your boyfriend, but when my gf learned how to deep throat,keep that gag reflex in check, use no hands, etc, i've calmed down a great deal and now im as docile as a baby deer.

WTF? This girl comes here for advice and you basically tell her to brush up on her oral? Wow, and holy shit all in one. Yeh, stay with a cheating man who puts his hands on a woman, oh and by the way "put yo' mouth on it". Fabulous advice there. Aces.

im only giving my advice, just like you two ladies above me..

and its obvious she's sprung on the guy, so instead of telling her to leave (which is always the easiest thing to say,but isn't always the easiest thing to do), im helping her by telling her to improve on herself..whats the big deal?

Think you need to work on your delivery method der dude. A well meant pat on the back and 'look out for yourself' usually don't equate to aspirations of Linda Lovelace.

And OP? Leave him. No one has the right to make you feel a lesser human being. No one has the right to open handedly or with fist put their hands on you. It'll hurt, and it'll suck, but you cannot allow this to continue. By staying you are perpetuating his behavior. He can keep you low so you feel powerless and inept. Don't buy into that. Not for two seconds. If you cannot do this on your own power, rely on family and friends. Call the police if it's that serious. Do not give him that power over you. Find your own.

ZOMFG when I thought I heard it all.

So if you had a sister or a daughter who was getting beat by her boyfriend would your advise be deep throat him?

Jesus H Josaphat Christ