What did I do wrong to this aquarius man? I need help or else i'm gonna kill myself...

He’s a smart and intellectual guy, reads books, Good at studies while me on the other hand is a Gemini (feel more like pisces and a cancer) and is Popular, smart , creative, Artistic… We both are guys…I’m a Homosexual..(I looked as identical to a girl you can check my profile 😉 )

and I am quite Feminine, soft .. emotional and cry-baby.. and too immature…I don’t act or look my age… I am Older than him a year and somehow he is seems to be much more mature.. in so many ways..

The first conversation I had with him was over a year ago.. and it was addicting..I love having conversations with him and don’t want the conversation to end…I crave for more..

Such a weird and strong connection i had there.. seems like he’s kinda like me too… at first..It was just some friend-relationship.. I didn’t even realize i like him.. he kept teasing me or arguing with me over small stuffs

but that is fun.. I love how he smiles at me… We are so close.. On christmas he gaves me a ticket to a school’s party which he couldn’t made it..so he gaves it to me instead, i didn’t attend the party but wanted the ticket anyway..

because i want to have something he once had.. (I know i sound so crazy and obssessed) indeed I am.. but i didn’t show this side of me to him.. I act strong and nasty on the outside.. you know that kind of person who is not straight forward and insincere?

YUP! that’s me…I Lied about my feeling alot to him.. I would say i hate him and stuffs like that … but i would do anything just to be with him.. How strange is that i often end up being in the same spot or same place with him…

on his birthday… I bought pair of cupcakes and light the candles with everyone help…I looked so happy and blew the candles…I too felt like we are already couple…

He would touch my forehead to make sure i don’t catch a fever each time i say something nonsense and isn’t understandable … he is friendly with everyone else.. but the way he treated me is different from everyone else

even though we are so close… he ignored me on SOCIAL MEDIA.. like facebook instagram,,.. he wouldn’t give a damn about anything i posted.. I don’t know.. I feel so down sometimes..

My connection with him is one of a kind… it’s like something i can’t find again in this world.. everytime we fought he know just something to make me stop mad.. he never apologize and i always have to do the apologize all the time (include when i’m not wrong)

on a field trip day.. i was sitting with my friend on a bus… he came…and out of all the seat he chose to sit with me and asked my friend to move to sit with his bestfriend..

he could’ve sit with his bestfriend but i don’t know why he did that… and when i feel so sleepy he lend me his bag to hug and sleep with it on the bus… We are still good

but then here comes my birthday.. I invited him to join the Birthday party… but at the last minute he had to disappointed me like that.. he didn’t come and said he was having exams.. i was so disappointed when the most people I need to see the most is not present on my

most special day… but a day after my birthday …I happened to find him with a birthday cake singing happy birthday song in front of me… I was so moved.. It felt like something out of dream..

I asked him if this is a dream and asked him to hit me to make sure i’m not dreaming… he gently slaps me.. and said that he want to slap me a thousand more.. with a cute tone voice..

he wouldn’t imitate my annoying voice.. but most of the time he just ignores me.. and my existing.. he said “I ignore you because I treated you like an air.. but air is so important to me”… i was shock with that sentence…

but after my birthday he started to ignore me once again.. but this time is a strong one.. he didn’t seen or reply my texts, he act so cold and detach… and give me one word reply when i ask him something ..or just “I DON”T KNOW” without even looking at my face…

it hurts me so much until i couldn’t take it anymore so I blocked him . . . but he then started to act like he wants to talk to me so much.. but i just ignore him back… but you know.. that couldn’t last for a day and so i apologize again…

i decided to confess and wrote him a love letter and give it to him directly… he gave me a big smile .. i was so embarrased cuz the love letter feel like a 2 papers novel .. *sigh*

then he acted cold toward me again… but the day after, i approached him.. and sat with him in the bus.. i started to be so straightforward and tell him my feeling.. he talked to me normally and say “I hate you from the beginning”

and i know immediately that he was lying.. i said “You’re lying” then he looked away and did not talk to me again. . . ?? i don’t understand.. or get this at all…

until the day that he had to depart to korea…we didn’t talk the whole day… I spent half of my day wandering around the city and bought a scarf for him to korea… I don’t dare to go back home because it already past my curfew.

my grandma kept calling me but still can’t go home just yet.. i need to sent him off.. but we didn’t talk to each other for a whole day… he wouldn’t talk to me anyway// that is what i was thinking

as soon as i reach the airport.. he waved and said hi so gently … i was so shock and said Hi back.. then i saw his parents and greeted them… they sound like they like me so much..

his parents insist on taking me back home saying that “we’re going to the same road” ofc I object to that… but i couldn’t .? could I? i got on the car with his parents and get back home.. his parents told me alot about his story

I sound so happy… i already feel like i’m his girlfriend or something…

he arrived korea but never contacted me…

I texted him alot but he never reply… he reply everyone else…

he came back 2 weeks later… and now we just don’t talk anymore… he avoided me for good…

I cried while trying to hide that i was crying.. when he's around he turn his back on me.. i bare with it.. until he disappear from my sight my tears just flow down... it hurts so much..I wanted to get ran over by a car..

I tried to talk to him in the class but he looked at me with a cold and deadly eyes...

he replied me but without even looking at my face... and my emotion is like a cotton candy , you know? cotton candy melt easily... :')

why is that..? is he done with me…?

we were fine before he left….

What did I do wrong to this aquarius man? I need help or else i'm gonna kill myself...

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