It sounds like a booty call to me

This morning, I was plugging my BF's phone into his charger when I noticed that he received a text message from some random number at 2AM in the morning...it read "2 Late 2 Play?" I asked him about the message and who it was from, and he said he didn't know. I suggested that he call the number because I was curious who would be sending him a text message at 2AM, and what the message was supposed to mean. He wasn't going to, and so I asked if I could call the number, myself...(Leo's don't forget much, including random numbers) and he told me "NO!"

I called it anyway, and it was from this girl whom he said he no longer talked to. I know of her because we were at dinner a while back, just goofin off going through each others' phone, and I asked who she was...he said a friend. I asked if his girl--friends know that he has a GF, and he said yes.

Anyway, this girl has sent him text messages b/4, and late at night. She may just be a friend, but why would a 34 year old woman be texting him at 2AM in the morning knowing that he lives with and has a girlfriend? (she also and left him a message)

You know, Truthie . . for your own sake, you should NOT have called. We know, don't we? All women . . we already know that there is NO such thing as a faithful man, so, you knew the outcome before the act . . If you hadn't of called, somewhere inside of you, you would be able to believe him when he refuses to admit . . they can't admit it, Truth, probably never will . . now, that you found out . . the blinders HAVE to be removed. It's easy to hide behind something we don't know, only suspect . .

Atlas . . the deed is done.

The answer is in front of you . . a new door opens as the old ones close. But, keep in mind, for a woman MUST never forget . . to be with a male, means he's going to be male, not, female . . he's gonna stray no matter how much he loves.

Sort of makes women look better, doesn't it?
Perhaps, we should toss them all off a side of a cliff and become lesbians, lol

What we don't know, isn't going to hurt us.

An internal struggle that is unbearable . . . do we want to know and be hurt? or, do we want to ignore what we don't know?

One is painful . . one is not.

*** we already know that there is NO such thing as a faithful man

This is your truth. Not mine.

Then, for you, there is no internal struggle . . the choice will always be painful, because suspicion will be prevelant. It's within the power of one's self to have serenity in accepting what one cannot change.

A person is who a person is . .

Perhaps, what's in order is a question: What does unfaithful mean? Are there grounds in which a person can be unfaithful to their partner justifiably?

A woman feels secure in his love knowing that he is faithful to her, meaning: not sleeping with another. But, what does this mean to the man? Could he consider a form of unfaithfulness being that she stopped desiring him?

What drives a man into another woman's arms? Would he do so, if he felt secure within his woman's heart?

For me, if this situation were happening to me . . embarrassment would be too overwhelming to share this with others . . for, if my man fell into another woman's arms, then it means I've failed in keeping him. If it's just a booty-call and I knew it, I'd blow it off.

Love is emotional, not physical . . if my man were with another just to fuck, that is not love to me . . if he was glorified in the estacy of another women's heart, then I'd be broken because I broke his love for me somehow.

"For me, if this situation were happening to me . . embarrassment would be too overwhelming to share this with others . . for, if my man fell into another woman's arms, then it means I've failed in keeping him."

Gee,P...I don't know about this statement. First, if I was embarrassed, I prolly wouldn't share the story w/ others. But I'm not one to jump to conclusions, and I believe there's some validity involved. Also, people fall out of love all the time...it doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do w/ your own failure.

You are right, there are many definitions for being "unfaithful" and because of the many interpretations...it could be safe to say that everyone cheats (man or woman). However, when you are in a relationship, I believe that it is both party's responsiblity to express boundaries...what they will and will not tolerate.

I know that my bf is a charmer...we've talked about it over and over and over and over again...I can't stand it, but I know that it's innocent. I don't believe he's being unfaithful, HOWEVER, I don't like that this girl is sending him a booty call at 2AM. Also, when I think of why it is she's under the impression that she can...that makes me even more angry. My bf claims that she knows he has a gf...so either she's a shiesty
b*tch, or he's lying.

Either way, i plan to get to the bottom of it and have a nice long talk.

Thanks for the advice, P.

No problem, T . . hope it works out.

🙂

"people fall out of love all the time...it doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do w/ your own failure."

Do you think he might be falling out of love with you, then?


Truthseeker, let me ask you something . . would you call an old boyfriend out-of-the-blue at 2AM? Would anybody?


Also, I'm curious if you settled the other issue we talked about with you feeling like your not sexually desiring him the same way as you did? You don't have to answer that, my curiosity isn't a question, rather, an awareness of the circumstances that concerned you not long ago about such a different in sexual tastes that it compelled you to talk about it in here.

"However, when you are in a relationship, I believe that it is both party's responsiblity to express boundaries...what they will and will not tolerate."

How many people hold theirselves accountable to their own principals?

I can't help but recall the problem you had about sex and this man . . you don't have to answer this . . I'm just talking out loud.

truthseeker is your bf aries?

It's OK, P...still not embarassed:-) The sex issue has been resolved...to be honest with you, I think i might have been going through some type of dry spell and getting all paranoid (as usual). Besides, this girl came into the picture long b/4 then. But don't think that I haven't thought about the reason for her presence, in the first place.

I am one of those people who holds themselves to principle. Without them, you loose dignity and respect as a person. I'm a very OPEN person, and i can be fair and diplomatic. Therefore, i don't think it's too much to ask for a partner who has boundaries and princples himself, and actually be able to stick to them while still remaining open-minded.

yes, my bf is aries, D.

That sucks, Roxi . . but, he is male, afterall . . they don't hold theirselves to same principals as females . . it is the way it is.

It would be nice to believe that a man would honor love the same way as women, but, they don't and they can't be changed. It would be nice to believe that men would honor his sexual commitment to women, but, they don't and they can't change.

I find it easier to change my views, for that is the only thing I really can change. Another person can only change theirself.

Perhaps, I just don't measure love the same way as everybody else. Mine isn't based on the physical coupling, rather the emotional bonding . . so, I wouldn't be suspicious over a phone call. It could be anybody, and it's really irrelevant because it's his business, it's private. So long as his love for me didn't change, I wouldn't concern myself with his business . . his personal space that he needs, I would grant because I respect him and his abilities to make his own decisions.

Men don't love the same way . . to co-exist with them in a relationship, I've had to apply thier principals into my own reasoning . . if it's just a fuck, who cares?

I want my man to love me, not fuck me . . he can go elsewhere if that's all it is, just so long as he reserves his love for me. Half the time, it's just some sleazy hussy who isn't asking any questions, will let them bang and leave, the man doesn't even want to know her name . . just shut up and bend over.

I dont' want that . . he can express that somewhere outside of my life. It's his heart and his soul that I need to love me.

Sorry for what you're going through, Truthseeker, but, the writing was on the wall a month ago. The constant battle between our brains and our hearts reminds us we're still alive in this mockery called "life".

We keep doing what we have to do to keep sane along the way.

"It sounds like a booty call to me" yep...because it is! TS...are you doubting your first instinct? Ya know kiddo - we have that inner guidence system for a reason and it is always spot on otherwise, you would not have thought it.

Life does not give up on us so....if this is indeed what you feel it to be - more will be revealed if you don't get it the first time. Pay attention to your hunches.

PA...I'm a bit curious about something you said - "I dont' want that . . he can express that somewhere outside of my life. It's his heart and his soul that I need to love me."

If you had his heart and soul why would he even have the desire to go elsewhere?

Because he's male, NOT female.

If a man is expected to love as a woman would love, then he'll be smothered until he leaves. It's not the same. A man can sleep with another and still love his woman just as much as he always has.

It's women who can't do this . . that's why they cannot comprehend. If something is not felt by a person, they cannot relate, unless they choose to.

Men HAVE desires of elsewhere . . all the time, everyday of their lives. Just because he loves a woman doesn't stop his craving, his yearning; and that is NO reflection on how he regards his woman, only a reflection of his masculinity . . that is life, that is the way it is. It's a choice . . I can accept who he is because he is male, or, I can fight against it, attempt to force him into feeling like a woman and ultimately lose him because he felt strangled by my over-bearing leash.

With my partner, I choose to let him live, in whatever fashion makes him feel wholesome. If that involves spreading his seed, so be it.

Freebird, I don't value love the same way as others, that's just me. Sex isn't love, only an expression . . sex, I can do by myself . . I don't need that to tell me that I can find security in his heart.

lol, so you have it, Truthseeker . . . "BUT IF YOU LET URSELF GO TO HELL...
AND HE CHEATS...THATS UR PROBLEM!!!"

Seriously, the truth of the matter is . . the only way this lady could have thought it was appropriate to phone him is by him giving her that impression. I read what you wrote on the Leo board and this is true of all Aries . . they're the biggest flirts on the planet, but, usually too wussy to respond if a lass takes him on . . so, put those together and you have your answer.

He's strayed, if he hasn't, then he tried to . . it's not a matter of what he did, or why he did it, or who's fault it is . . what's important is . .

. . you. Your focus is on him . . what about you?

Sometimes, when I think about cheating . . if my husband is doing me and I'm fantasizing about someone else doing me . . still, how pure can my love for him be if it's another man I'm envisioning?

I guess the same could be for porn. If he's watching a bimbo, stroking you . . isn't he really thinking about what he's seeing on TV and not his partner? Is that still cheating?

I dunno.

Hours? Geeez . . . I'd be lucky if it got up.

2 minutes . . tops

He made it to his destination, before I even got in the car. I wonder if I had fun, is what I often think . .

Well, it's a good thing that "fantisizing" isn't cheating because if I can't do that the hour or so, BEFORE we start . . mental stimulation . . yeah, sex with the Virgo sucks bigtime, lol

2 minutes . . . . . .

LOL...U sure aint listening to what DY has to say...Rox ?

geminifox, in my situation . . the sex was a failure from the beginning because he's closed, prudent . . where, I'm wide-open and ready to try anything that sounds pleasurable.

But, you know . . you love someone, so you stick it out.

What do you mean by vocal?

Groaning and panting, or, talking?

See, you have to explain this to me because my man of 24 years is completely quiet, not a sound . . do you mean dirty talk?

"Have you set your foot down about the sex thing? Does he know how you feel?"

It's not that simple. To know how one feels about something, doesn't bring change, especially in the Virgo who resists change. I'm not a believer of putting my foot down with my man, I've no interest in controlling him . . I want him to want to be with me because he loves me and wants me, not because I am commanding him to do so. This also goes with telling him how I feel about something. To lay ground rules would make me feel like my aim is in making him succomb to my wishes, instead of relating to him why something is important to me. But, communication with my man is NOT an issue . . we talk about everything.

"if he knows that you are unhappy with the sex with him., he may want to improve things?"

First, acceptance has to be in place . . the male pride in his sexual prowess is sensitive territory. Virgo's, by nature, have an adverse reaction to failure in a situation that he thought was running correctly . . under no circumstances am I going to hurt his pride in any way, so, it's not so easy . . he knows how I feel, I've been with him a long time and STILL, he is chewing on how to deal with the feelings.

This isn't new to him . . he's known for a long time . . he's Virgo . . it may be he's 80 before he decides what adjustments are in order.

"I am sure your man doesn't ever stray"

I'm sure he does, he has to, it's in his chromozones. Actually, I feel thankful that I'm female and don't have to deal with this kind of urgency to find relief on a daily basis. Our marriage isn't built on possessiveness.

But, what i was asking was about the Aries being vocal. I've been with a couple and they were quiet . . except just the normal groans. The impression I'm left with when you and Roxi talk about being vocal . . I'm thinking like wild animal yelps,lol

Hmmm...He adores his wife and is in awe. Perhapz itz overly infalted at times. Every thing seems to be perfect/best in his world.

Good that itz U whoz playing that role...For others may not be equally fiesty and rightly positioned as well.

"but it makes me yearn more for that "completion" in my life."

Which comes from within.

"'m just screwing with ex aries' head........and that's not really satisfying either one of us!!"

What do U seek ?

'U're not happy"

I have to deal with my cravings...perhaps.

"a life outside that of being wife and mother.."

At least you had the guts to try to find a life outside of marriage . . with little kids in tow . . well, they're not really little, any more.

I'm too much of a wuss . . losing the security would be too devastating at this middle phase of my life.

You did it, Roxi . . or, working on doing it.