lovemedead84
@lovemedead84
16 YearsCancer
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The Aries B*stard
they will actually go through a rapid growth spurt.
If you are unfortunate enough to be stuck in an enclosed space with Aries, its best just to smile as vacuously as you can and nod your head at appropriate intervals — because you won't understand a single word he's saying. English is his second language, grunting is his first. And all he can grunt about is himself, his career, his sporting achievements, and how feminists would be a lot less upright is he gave them all a good shag. Of course, good and shag are polar opposites when it comes to this rock throwing Romeo. One night with Aries is enough to get thee, Linda Lovelace, to the nunnery.
To put it as delicately as we can, lets just say that you won't actually have time to lie back and think of England. Despite his obvious lack of sexual stamina, the Aries b*stard feels biologically compelled to pursue any number of luckless ladies with a vengeance verging on primeval. His courting tactics are as subtle as a sledgehammer and not half as useful. So for goodness sake don't play hard to get — it will only encourage him. He will use guerrilla tactics to win you over. And why shouldn't you be flattered to be woken up at 3am to see his great hairy face leering through your fifth floor bedroom window? Especially when you are entertaining a guest who just so happens to be male, and totally hetero and sensitive to boot. Said guest is likely to be kicked by said boot out of aforementioned window (which is closed). Walls will be perforated, furniture dismantled and sincere apologies extracted from you, who are, by now, a sobbing heap in the corner, putting the women??s movement back centuries. As he has just proven, and which he will take great pains to point out, he's not in the least bit jealous or possessive. It's just that he likes the idea of loyalty and faithfulness, from you, that is. He??ll stay faithful as long as you stay perfect. Which you are not. Which he will tell you, ad nauseam. (Little known fact here: not only is the Aries b*stard Gods gift to women, he actually is God. And we all know what happens to those who don't believe in God. However, a few years with Aries, and hell will suddenly seem like a really inviting option.) If you want to know your hair is a mess, you can't drive your car for sh!t and you could do with a self-help course, then you can't go wrong with Aries. Funnily enough, its not the same the other way round. This hypocritical oaf is quite capabl
If you are unfortunate enough to be stuck in an enclosed space with Aries, its best just to smile as vacuously as you can and nod your head at appropriate intervals — because you won't understand a single word he's saying. English is his second language, grunting is his first. And all he can grunt about is himself, his career, his sporting achievements, and how feminists would be a lot less upright is he gave them all a good shag. Of course, good and shag are polar opposites when it comes to this rock throwing Romeo. One night with Aries is enough to get thee, Linda Lovelace, to the nunnery.
To put it as delicately as we can, lets just say that you won't actually have time to lie back and think of England. Despite his obvious lack of sexual stamina, the Aries b*stard feels biologically compelled to pursue any number of luckless ladies with a vengeance verging on primeval. His courting tactics are as subtle as a sledgehammer and not half as useful. So for goodness sake don't play hard to get — it will only encourage him. He will use guerrilla tactics to win you over. And why shouldn't you be flattered to be woken up at 3am to see his great hairy face leering through your fifth floor bedroom window? Especially when you are entertaining a guest who just so happens to be male, and totally hetero and sensitive to boot. Said guest is likely to be kicked by said boot out of aforementioned window (which is closed). Walls will be perforated, furniture dismantled and sincere apologies extracted from you, who are, by now, a sobbing heap in the corner, putting the women??s movement back centuries. As he has just proven, and which he will take great pains to point out, he's not in the least bit jealous or possessive. It's just that he likes the idea of loyalty and faithfulness, from you, that is. He??ll stay faithful as long as you stay perfect. Which you are not. Which he will tell you, ad nauseam. (Little known fact here: not only is the Aries b*stard Gods gift to women, he actually is God. And we all know what happens to those who don't believe in God. However, a few years with Aries, and hell will suddenly seem like a really inviting option.) If you want to know your hair is a mess, you can't drive your car for sh!t and you could do with a self-help course, then you can't go wrong with Aries. Funnily enough, its not the same the other way round. This hypocritical oaf is quite capabl
HOW TO SPOT ONE
Throw peanuts. If he catches them in his mouth, he's probably Aries. But if he then starts beating his chest and picking lint off your clothes, he's definitely Aries. This means that he will have a big fat (red and ugly) behind. This is to balance his big fat —ditto?? head.
WHERE TO FIND ONE
Commandeering a cave. Moving his lips whist reading The Cat in The Hat. Or
marching at a —Real Men Against Women??s Rights To Answer Back?? rally. If he's in the kitchen, he's obviously lost!
HOW TO INTRIGUE ONE
This is tricky, because you need to be two things at once. You??ve got to be loud and obnoxious so he thinks he's found his soul mate. At the same time, you must show your soft feminine side so his masculinity isn't threatened. The best way to do both simultaneously is to hurl spitballs at the pavement whilst taking
care not to hit your Laura Ashley frock.
THE FIRST DATE
He??ll either take you to the zoo to meet his family, or else he??ll invite you to the annual Especially Privileged Ladies?? Night at the Masonic Lodge and tell you what you would like to eat, how much you would like to drink and be horrified when you attempt to open your mouth for anything other than eating, drinking and sucking.
WHEN TO DO THE DEED
Whenever. If he doesn't have honorable intentions, he??ll think you are a **** , but have sex with you anyway. If he does like you, he??ll still have sex with you and then wake you up to propose.
WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION
Don't. That's a man??s job. Just relax and enjoy your independence whilst you still have it. You will have years to regret giving it up.
IF HE DROPS YOU
Forget him. Since the Aries b*stard is incapable of admitting he's wrong —
particularly in front of a woman — he's hardly likely to come loping back into
your life declaring it was all a big mistake. If he does, its only because no Other woman will have him.
IF YOU DROP HIM
He??ll chase you because it won't occur to him that you can ignore his sheer animal magnetism. Keep running. He??ll trip over his knuckles sooner or later.
Throw peanuts. If he catches them in his mouth, he's probably Aries. But if he then starts beating his chest and picking lint off your clothes, he's definitely Aries. This means that he will have a big fat (red and ugly) behind. This is to balance his big fat —ditto?? head.
WHERE TO FIND ONE
Commandeering a cave. Moving his lips whist reading The Cat in The Hat. Or
marching at a —Real Men Against Women??s Rights To Answer Back?? rally. If he's in the kitchen, he's obviously lost!
HOW TO INTRIGUE ONE
This is tricky, because you need to be two things at once. You??ve got to be loud and obnoxious so he thinks he's found his soul mate. At the same time, you must show your soft feminine side so his masculinity isn't threatened. The best way to do both simultaneously is to hurl spitballs at the pavement whilst taking
care not to hit your Laura Ashley frock.
THE FIRST DATE
He??ll either take you to the zoo to meet his family, or else he??ll invite you to the annual Especially Privileged Ladies?? Night at the Masonic Lodge and tell you what you would like to eat, how much you would like to drink and be horrified when you attempt to open your mouth for anything other than eating, drinking and sucking.
WHEN TO DO THE DEED
Whenever. If he doesn't have honorable intentions, he??ll think you are a **** , but have sex with you anyway. If he does like you, he??ll still have sex with you and then wake you up to propose.
WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION
Don't. That's a man??s job. Just relax and enjoy your independence whilst you still have it. You will have years to regret giving it up.
IF HE DROPS YOU
Forget him. Since the Aries b*stard is incapable of admitting he's wrong —
particularly in front of a woman — he's hardly likely to come loping back into
your life declaring it was all a big mistake. If he does, its only because no Other woman will have him.
IF YOU DROP HIM
He??ll chase you because it won't occur to him that you can ignore his sheer animal magnetism. Keep running. He??ll trip over his knuckles sooner or later.
wow so what areis guy screwed you over well not all are like that im an aries guy and most of it seems to be from a book and well i love when the world tries to put me in a box they call normal well i guess the same goes with astrology
hmm goes to figure lets bash every one yup thats life i guess
hmm goes to figure lets bash every one yup thats life i guess
Posted by ceribdis
wow so what areis guy screwed you over well not all are like that im an aries guy and most of it seems to be from a book and well i love when the world tries to put me in a box they call normal well i guess the same goes with astrology
hmm goes to figure lets bash every one yup thats life i guess
It's o.k...it is from a book. She didn't make this up...just like the ones Venison Bull posted.
Posted by lovemedead84
(Little known fact here: not only is the Aries b*stard Gods gift to women, he actually is God. And we all know what happens to those who don't believe in God. However, a few years with Aries, and hell will suddenly seem like a really inviting option.) If you want to know your hair is a mess, you can't drive your car for sh!t and you could do with a self-help course, then you can't go wrong with Aries. Funnily enough, its not the same the other way round.
HA HA HA HA HA Ohhhhhhh now that IS comedy. VERY Blunt & Honest, Reminds me of my Aries man, mwaha ha ha ha!!!
All I can say from this is, LOL.
lmao. some of that is actually true for my aries man, but i like it........:X
there is so much truth in jest,lol..... sooooo freakin' much
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