IN DIRE NEED OF KNOWLEDGE & WISDOM FROM FELLOW ASTROLOGY ENTHUSIASTS. NEED PEOPLE TO CHAT WITH BADLY

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FireLion
@FireLion
8 Years

Comments: 3 · Posts: 9 · Topics: 5
♈♌♉Aries Asc. Leo Sun & Taurus Moon guy here who just turned 36yrs old on 7/25 this past Tuesday at 11:51pm(haha- sorry, Venus in Virgo = overanalyzing about the 9 different sides or more that I notice in any given situation) - I'm currently going through a tremendously trying & very difficult situation- and with studying my astrological chart and all the planets/signs/houses/aspects trying to search for clues, answers, guidance- anything, I'm not coming up with anything nor am i sure what's up or down & I've lost my usual every-day optimistically happy-go-lucky demeanor ever since my younger brother died on 10/10/16 last year. It rocked me to my core and apparently it also has knocked my ass to ROCK BOTTOM- I don't know ANYTHING ANYMORE and I'm at the lowest point in my life, spiritually & all-around. I feel absolutely no joy anymore...and that is so incredibly NOT who I am, that's NOT the kind of person I've been my entire life and I'm sick of it all not to mention I'm clueless as to what to do with LIFE AGENDA?- Of course my 26°Taurus moon/2nd house being DIRECTLY opposite my 26°Scorpio Uranus/8th house natally, that in-born aspect only exacerbates my literally almost neverending erratic state of conflicting, hostile, chaotic & confusing thoughts & managing my deep well of intense emotions(with lots of anxiety/nervous energy and also PTSD)- that's an every day battle which I unfortunately have to remedy with a lifetime prescription of benzodiazepines! Cancer IC forms kind of a wide conjunct to Mercury/4th house and also IC is in close conjunction with Mars Cancer- THANK GOD FOR MY couple of ARIES/LIBRA/CANCER/CAPRICORN T-Squares which fuels me with a relentless spirit that doesn't give up & tenaciously persistent determination(also have another T-Square between my Moon/Venus/Uranus all in FIXED houses- change my mind easily about stuff? Ha. lol). Those aspects along with my fiery Leo sun conjunct the 5th house cusp which is accompanied by Aries rising- that Sun/Ascendant combo is my SAVING GRACE which evens out all of those deep watery sensitive 4th house/Cancer influences & my emotinally raw 8th house Uranus tendencies...

So yeah, as you can probably tell, if somebody is still actually reading this, I'm simply and desperately so damn LOST & have no idea WHAT TO DO with myself or my life anymore- especially coping with the fact that I'll never be in the presence of my younger brother ever again and that is just too damn heart-wrenching. We were inseparable from the get go, just 3 years apart in age. We did everything together, countless memories...up until the past several years when he got extremely bad off suffering from the horribly destructive disease of hardcore drug addiction- that's what caused ALL of the huge problems/fights/arguments between he and I, especially the last time in particular where it nearly came to blows between us & there were so many mean and hateful things said- that happened only a few days before his accidental overdose and I'll never be able to forgive myself for letting his disease get the best of me that last time I saw him and because the content was so ANGRY & volatile(Mars in 3rd squares Saturn- ouch!). But we were eachorher's best friend and rock growing up while living in a traumatically violent-toned, traumatic & dysFUNctional family of 6 together...

So I'll shut up now, but if ANYONE can offer me ANY KIND OF ADVICE, KNOWLEDGE or WISDOM(or anything) as to what I should start doing as my life purpose or cause to conquer this intensely empty & very sad feeling that I now have when I used to be filled with nothing but joy, happiness, love & humor........

My email address is FireLions33@gmail.com, feel free to write anytime! 

Thank you....☮??