20 years between Cancers. Are we over? Losing a friend?

I’m a cancer and so he is he, born the same year. We met in Jr high, where I liked him so much I obviously could never talk to him all through high school too! Turns out he liked me then too I moved we separated but social media had us be friends again and that’s what we’ve been for about 10 years now.

Thing is half the time our messages get really flirty and eventually sexual. We sext for months on end and say we want to see each other. But over the years we never have. Bad timing sometimes but usually because he flakes. I’ll give an example. Last month he asked me to come stay with him for a weekend, I bought the ticket he cancelled and apologized (refunded my money) and said he really should have checked in with his own personal needs. Not the first time. The time before he told me he is terrified of disappointing me and it causes him major anxiety.

He tells me he loves me all the time. We talk pretty regularly, daily when things are super hot and intense and every few weeks when we are living our lives. We’ve kissed once in life before and it was like wow.

This last time he cancelled on me was because “feelings are hard, and I actually like you” he needed to admit that himself before he could see me. I should say he and I are currently both in long term open relationships but it’s been the same dance when we have both been single. His partner totally fine with it same with mine but it requires a level of honesty. So I was ok with another flake (there’s been a handful over the last 10 years).

Finally, he’s close to me and we want to see each other after like a month of ya being in mega flirt mode. It’s 1 am and he sends a Lyft my way so we can meet in a hotel (insert a lot of sexy talk). I’m super nervous but pushing through it. Knock on the door he opens it and looks super uncomfortable. We hit day hello. Really weird kiss. And I get so nervous I start to babble about random things.

So we are laying on the bed and kind of shit chatting I ask him about what he’s thinking and he basically says we aren’t clicking. He looks so uncomfortable and keeps apologizing. I don’t want him to feel bad. I tell him we are cool and remind him I made him promise to always be my friend and if he hasn’t broke that promise we are good.

He insist on driving me home. I really wanted to Lyft so I can process but I’m an awkward human so I say sure. He drives an hour out of his way to listen to my nervous word vomit. We hug I go inside.

I let things process and I start to feel guilty, like I somehow magically pressured him into being there with me when he didn’t want to me. So I message him and tell him. He says “ I'm so happy to have given you a ride! Thank you for everything and you also don't have anything to apologize for!! You're still great and super cute and that won't change!“

We’ve chit chatted online a bit since, basic how are you’s and I had a few tech issues I asked him for help with. He mentioned having a weird week a few days later, and I was asked if it was because of us and he said “truly unrelated”... so on the surface he seems ok.

We haven’t spoken in a few days which isnt weird looking at the last 20 year but it feels weird because the last few months it’s been basically daily. I don’t know if I’m being weird or if he’s being weird? I feel awkward but I can’t tell if he is feeling awkward?

I’m still not sure if we just don’t click for him? Like all this time and energy to se robe another all the time. Could it be that he just flaked when I got there instead of before?

Heck maybe I’m just a big disappointment to him in person? I have no idea what really happened. But I’m afraid of losing him or changing what we have. I’ve mentioned it a few times since like saying our friendship is important to me and how grateful I am to have him in my life “especially since I brain dump on you a lot” and he was all “ I'm glad I could be there for you to dump on me”



Is it me the awkward cancer female or him the awkward cancer male that’s the source of the awkwardness? Did I just blow my friendship up? Can he just stop loving me, just like that?

And what about all the steamy convos and kids? Like we have chemistry just not that night. Something happened and I don’t know what I did wrong.

I’m a cancer and so he is he, born the same year. We met in Jr high, where I liked him so much I obviously could never talk to him all through high school too! Turns out he liked me then too I moved we separated but social media had us be friends again and that’s what we’ve been for about 10 years now.

Thing is half the time our messages get really flirty and eventually sexual. We sext for months on end and say we want to see each other. But over the years we never have. Bad timing sometimes but usually because he flakes. I’ll give an example. Last month he asked me to come stay with him for a weekend, I bought the ticket he cancelled and apologized (refunded my money) and said he really should have checked in with his own personal needs. Not the first time. The time before he told me he is terrified of disappointing me and it causes him major anxiety.

He tells me he loves me all the time. We talk pretty regularly, daily when things are super hot and intense and every few weeks when we are living our lives. We’ve kissed once in life before and it was like wow.

This last time he cancelled on me was because “feelings are hard, and I actually like you” he needed to admit that himself before he could see me. I should say he and I are currently both in long term open relationships but it’s been the same dance when we have both been single. His partner totally fine with it same with mine but it requires a level of honesty. So I was ok with another flake (there’s been a handful over the last 10 years).

Finally, he’s close to me and we want to see each other after like a month of ya being in mega flirt mode. It’s 1 am and he sends a Lyft my way so we can meet in a hotel (insert a lot of sexy talk). I’m super nervous but pushing through it. Knock on the door he opens it and looks super uncomfortable. We hit day hello. Really weird kiss. And I get so nervous I start to babble about random things.

So we are laying on the bed and kind of shit chatting I ask him about what he’s thinking and he basically says we aren’t clicking. He looks so uncomfortable and keeps apologizing. I don’t want him to feel bad. I tell him we are cool and remind him I made him promise to always be my friend and if he hasn’t broke that promise we are good.

He insist on driving me home. I really wanted to Lyft so I can process but I’m an awkward human so I say sure. He drives an hour out of his way to listen to my nervous word vomit. We hug I go inside.

I let things process and I start to feel guilty, like I somehow magically pressured him into being there with me when he didn’t want to me. So I message him and tell him. He says “ I'm so happy to have given you a ride! Thank you for everything and you also don't have anything to apologize for!! You're still great and super cute and that won't change!“

We’ve chit chatted online a bit since, basic how are you’s and I had a few tech issues I asked him for help with. He mentioned having a weird week a few days later, and I was asked if it was because of us and he said “truly unrelated”... so on the surface he seems ok.

We haven’t spoken in a few days which isnt weird looking at the last 20 year but it feels weird because the last few months it’s been basically daily. I don’t know if I’m being weird or if he’s being weird? I feel awkward but I can’t tell if he is feeling awkward?

I’m still not sure if we just don’t click for him? Like all this time and energy to se robe another all the time. Could it be that he just flaked when I got there instead of before?

Heck maybe I’m just a big disappointment to him in person? I have no idea what really happened. But I’m afraid of losing him or changing what we have. I’ve mentioned it a few times since like saying our friendship is important to me and how grateful I am to have him in my life “especially since I brain dump on you a lot” and he was all “ I'm glad I could be there for you to dump on me”



Is it me the awkward cancer female or him the awkward cancer male that’s the source of the awkwardness? Did I just blow my friendship up? Can he just stop loving me, just like that?

And what about all the steamy convos and kids? Like we have chemistry just not that night. Something happened and I don’t know what I did wrong.

You in person = too real

You via social media and long distance = the fantasy he likes

Talk is cheap. Actions are where it’s at and he’s shown you time and time again his actions don’t match up to the game he talks. Up to you if you want to waste another 10 years on this goof.

Posted by LadyNeptune

You in person = too real

You via social media and long distance = the fantasy he likes

Talk is cheap. Actions are where it’s at and he’s shown you time and time again his actions don’t match up to the game he talks. Up to you if you want to waste another 10 years on this goof.

👏 Bingo! #this

I don’t really want to be with him.... I just want to know if we can manage to go back to our regular friendship. He’s been someone I can talk to and depend on for over half my life and that’s the part I don’t want to lose.

If the fantasy is broken will we just be cool? Will he want that part back?

I’ve never had a “messy” relationship with a cancer.

Posted by LadyNeptune

You in person = too real

You via social media and long distance = the fantasy he likes

Talk is cheap. Actions are where it’s at and he’s shown you time and time again his actions don’t match up to the game he talks. Up to you if you want to waste another 10 years on this goof.

But like what about the friendship? That’s the most important part to me

Posted by LadyNeptune

You in person = too real

You via social media and long distance = the fantasy he likes

Talk is cheap. Actions are where it’s at and he’s shown you time and time again his actions don’t match up to the game he talks. Up to you if you want to waste another 10 years on this goof.

But like what about the friendship? That’s the most important part to me