INTJ emotionally conflicted virgo

coldwateryvirgo
joined March 24, 2017
23 years old femaleVirgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars •Pisces Saturn
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Posted by AbbyNormal
    I'm so sorry. Best to say something after you've really thought about what you want to say. If you want to save the relationship, you might ask what the other relationship did for him so maybe you can work your relationship. That's if he's sorry and wants to quit. My theory is tho, if he hasn't told you, he's not over it. He could be if you call him out, but then it wouldn't be bc he wanted to end it. Only to not lose you. Soooooo... think baby girl. Get 1 drink, a glass of wine, what have you. Tryyyyy to relax but plan your words and course of action. Be strong. You can do this. I'm sorry you have to, but maybe this is a turning point you needed for some reason or another... good job listening to your gut!! That would be the only time I would even think to snoop. You don't have to say hey I was snooping and found.... you could just say hey I know about her ok, what are we going to do about it? Your face and certainty should tell him it's for real and not a bluff or something...


    I still don’t know what to do . I tried to hide my crying all night .he’s not just my boyfriend ... but my best friend . My mom and him is two person in my life that means something . It’s so hard . I run scenarios of the right things to do and say but it’s all over the place .. why ?
    The saddest thing of all is he cheated .. at the same time I don’t doubt that he loves me . That’s the most messed up part of it all
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    It happened . . I flew to see him As I usually do but I had a sketchy intuition. . I snoop his phone ( I know this shows I have issues). I found out he’s cheating . I’m suppose to be here for another week .


    Now what ? What do I do ?
    I know the end game is the end it but idk how to go about it . Play dumb until I fly home , clock out mentally and then end it in a month or so out of nowhere ? End it on the last day before I leave ?

    Deep down I wish there was something he could say that fix this but I know nothing in the world can .
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Posted by lisabethur8
    Posted by coldwateryvirgo
    Or both

    My personal opinion from experience = not good


    Aqua mom or dad I’ve seen seems to love significant other or the opposite sex , more than their kids ,

    As if those relationship are more fulfilling to them than raising children

    But that’s just my experience, what was yours


    i dont think it is the same with all of them..

    i mean christie brinkley is a 5 stellium aqua, with sun and moon and venus juptier merc ect


    and she has been divorced a couple times and not married anyone...single for a long time and she's a mother.

    it does not seem she is interested in a partner and she had problems with one before.

    it sounds too that your mother chose ur father more than u and the rest of the children, thats what i get from this post and it made u hurt alot.


    click to expand
    click to expand


    My father was not in my life . Mom never married . And im an only child .

    Childhood affected me tho . You got that part right
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    I’m mon and Thai

    But no one knows what the mon people are anymore since they lost their territory to what is now the Burmese .
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Posted by heliumfiasco
    Posted by coldwateryvirgo
    Posted by heliumfiasco
    Also, your friend is gross for even entertaining a man that is capable of that. Just saying....


    They both believe that since the kid is so young , if the ex marry a new guy , that guy would feel like the father to the child and the child wouldn’t really be affected because to him , that would feel like his dad and not his birth dad


    Yea , I don’t think it works like that click to expand


    What in the actual hell? So, basically... hopefully someone else comes along and does what he should be doing. That is the craziest rationality for being a deadbeat i've ever heard. She sounds selfish for going along with this, its easier for her if he has more money, no baby drama etc. Get yourself a new friend. Her loyalty will be zero towards you, if this is any example. Trust that. click to expand
    click to expand


    We’re not as close anymore since her relationship with this guy . He gets irritated if she doesn’t spend one day with him to go out with her friend instead . I think they have some form of codependency going on . I’m completely open to making new friend these days and been trying to expose myself to new people in order to make friends .

    But watching people and seeing how their relationship plays out help me see what I want and not want for myself . Their dynamic is an odd one and I spot a troubling future .
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Posted by heliumfiasco
    Also, your friend is gross for even entertaining a man that is capable of that. Just saying....


    They both believe that since the kid is so young , if the ex marry a new guy , that guy would feel like the father to the child and the child wouldn’t really be affected because to him , that would feel like his dad and not his birth dad


    Yea , I don’t think it works like that
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Posted by heliumfiasco
    Yeah, I wont get into details but my mom was very selfish and submitted me to lots of terrible things revolving around her and men that left me deeply wounded. She would steal money from me, shes stolen numerous peoples identities. Has a loyalty to NO ONE. All kinds of crazy butter that would take me an hour to write out.

    Shes calmed down in her 50's.... but she at her core is capable of extremely selfish behavior, and lying so intensely that it can be frightening.

    I never felt like I had a "mother".... I had a roommate. Even her "love" comes from a self gratifying place. No one knows her.....except probably, me.


    It scares me a little that my friend feels the kind of relationship she wants with her kids is to be their best friend so they would tell her everything. Especially after hearing experience like you from the child perspective one too many times
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    The reason I ask is . I have and aqua friend dating an aqua guy . This aqua guy ( 21 years old ) just gave up how biological child with his ex away like it was nothing . Even before he gave up his rights, he just saw his son as a burden to pay child support . He never tried to befriend or be in the child life though his parents are really active as grandparents. He has zero connections with his own son nor feels a lost according to my friend .

    It’s none of my business but having an aqua dad myself it makes me wonder .
    Supposedly he said he would love the kid if he had the child with my friend though

    Why does who he have a baby with determine how much you would love a child

    So what he said bothered me a little but I didn’t say anything , none of my business . I asked my aqua friend how she felt about that statement and I think she actually didn’t see anything wrong with it . As if it was good that he must love her a lot saying that

    So now I’m just interested to see how the future turns out . For the future kid sake , if they have one , I hope it’s good
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    My aqua dad was also controlling and abusive . I wonder if it’s a common trend

    Oh no I have a strong aqua moon , I need to be cautious of that
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Despite their push and pull and moodiness .

    If cancer man love someone , do they ever just leave

    Ive been in the detach and attach motion with my man for the some years now . HE ALWAYS go back to normal . But even after years , it’s always a thought in my head , what if one day he pulls away and go in his shell and never come back .
    As an easily bored virgo , I think this is a large part of why I have never gotten sick of him.
    Has that happened to anyone . ? Where they leave or pull away deep into the relationship n never come back .
    I’m not talking about brand new relationship. But steady relationship that you’ve been in for some while
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Sit there silently and be there . Don’t ask about the problem. Just be there . Better if you know how to. Be there without acting any different than what you normally would
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Or both

    My personal opinion from experience = not good


    Aqua mom or dad I’ve seen seems to love significant other or the opposite sex , more than their kids ,

    As if those relationship are more fulfilling to them than raising children

    But that’s just my experience, what was yours
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Kitty photo shoot lol
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    162 cm 5’3.5”
    Question if I’m 162 cm am I more 5’3” or 5’4”

    N I normally weigh 122lb

    But lately been 129
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow
    Posted by coldwateryvirgo
    So I don’t know if this is normal in other people family

    I was raised by a single mom .... and when she gets mad , have migraine , gets headache , is sick , late for somewhere or whatever ... my whole life she lets it off on me. She’ll blow up because I’m breathing too loud or some random stuff that has nothing to do with why she’s frustrated.


    I’m scared I’m picking up her behavior now that I’m older . Is this normal frustration behavior or do “normal” people don’t really lash out on others .

    That's not good. If she's not well she needs to get the appropriate help to relax. Lashing out and taking it out on others isn't normal. Definitely not if it's happening regularly.

    Ideally if someone were to lash out, I would walk away from that spot and give them breathing space. But if it's a habit and gets abusive and starts to affect me, I won't come back.
    click to expand


    Unfortunately I don’t think this is something my 50 year old mom can change about her self not wants to. Too stuck in her ways .
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    So I don’t know if this is normal in other people family

    I was raised by a single mom .... and when she gets mad , have migraine , gets headache , is sick , late for somewhere or whatever ... my whole life she lets it off on me. She’ll blow up because I’m breathing too loud or some random stuff that has nothing to do with why she’s frustrated.


    I’m scared I’m picking up her behavior now that I’m older . Is this normal frustration behavior or do “normal” people don’t really lash out on others .
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    I don’t think asian men are great at all . Just that there is more emphasis on chivalry that is taught openly by society and culture .

    How some asian men become abusive husband and cheater is a different issue .

    But in school there’s actually classes that teaches you mannerism and such at a young age . Same for women although its teaching are ancient such as flower arranging and cleaning are mandatory.

    So western men I’m guessing the gentlemanlike ones have families that puts emphasis on it while the one that isn’t have family that didn’t .

    And with American culture , since there’s great emphasis on self sufficiency and independent.... maybe some of that chivalry is lost to some.
    American are much more proactive in providing equality for everyone than other culture but what I’m talking about is “chivalry” instilled by parents and society that sees such trait as valuable .

    I don’t think it’s a valued trait in western society as much anymore.
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    People you take this the wrong way , not all men and I don’t hate men .

    In asian society men are taught to help elderly,pregnant and younger person .

    So I’ve noticed for sometime now that on airplane , and older short person can be struggling with luggage on the overhead bin and fully grown , healthy men rarely gets up to help.
    Someone can clearly be struggling with lifting or reaching something and the person can see it but you have to literally asked to be helped instead of people offering .

    Physically western men are much more “manly”.... but mannerism wise I think manners aren’t taught well

    Or maybe the word I’m oooking for is gentlemanly
  • coldwateryvirgo
    Virgo Sun •Scorp Asc •Aqua moon •Scorp Venus •Libra Merc •Cancer Mars
    23 years old female
    so tireddddddddddddddd