about a boy :(

so, here it goes. after months of back and forth, i was due to see my Cancer guy this weekend, to stay with him on a trial basis before possibly moving in. he lives 7 hours away from me, so this plan has been in the making for several months.

it gets to the day and off i go, excited and everything. my coach gets in for 16.25, so i text him when i'm close enough. no response. which didn't exactly faze me. i get to the bus station, grab my bags and call him. no response. by now i'm starting to panic. i call his house, he picks up. i say, 'where are you? you're still meeting me, right?' on the phone he sounds panicked and awkward, stuttering even. mumbles indistinctly, something like 'yeah' or 'why'. then he puts the phone down.

and here's the weirdest thing of all. i call back, he answers and doesn't say a word. for a full 5mins (i know, i timed it. just to see who would crack first). so i hang up, call my mum and try to arrange a coach back home. NO COACHES BACK UNTIL MIDNIGHT. my phone battery's low. it's pissing with rain. i find a bar, charge my phone and call him a couple more times, so does my mum. still picking up and not talking. so i have a one-sided conversation with him and say, 'this is really messed up. if at any point you had second thoughts about me staying with you, why not say? and this business of not speaking. don't you think you owe me an explanation? at the very least? this is too weird for me and i can't take it.' still no response, i can hear him breathing down the phone though.

i wait all that time for my coach, just about get onto it because my ticket was open-ended and you need to book the return journey, which i hadn't and luckily one person hadn't shown up. so i get home in one piece. sent him this text-'i'm on my way home now. it's a real shame how today turned out. guess you had your reasons. and maybe someday you'll let me know them.'

my mum reckons he got cold feet (she also thinks he's a loner and a recluse). but, really. what am i supposed to do from here? i have literally NEVER been so bewildered, aggravated and disappointed in my life >😢

@amethyst2002, no this would have been the first meeting.

@Pandybear this guy's 24 next month -_-

he crossed the line. and yeah, proved himself to be immature and spineless...no great loss to me. however, i know he will cotact me again at some point. hopefully by that time my feelings would have switched off and i get the explanation i deserve. it's the least he can do.

Yikes!! that's messed up....

I could not handle traveling for 7 hours to be stood up. I'd take some time to cool down and ignore him for a while. Let him know he messed up. If he ever did care about you, he'll do something. If he doesn't, move on, before you waste more time and energy.

Crab perspective... however, this does not excuse his behavior:

Shared living space is a biggy. Even inviting someone of significance to the Crab Cave can bring on extreme anxiety so he was probably super spooked. If this was your first meeting too, there is just so much to adjust to in a short amount of time. It sounds like he short circuited cause things were moving at light speed. The fact that he answered the phone, whilst just sitting there, probably means he knew his behavior was terrible and you could have torn a strip off him and he'd sit there and take it.

He SHOULD have suggested that you find other accommodation when first visiting him, so he would have plenty of space to get to know you in the physical without the pressure of housing you at the same time. Silly Crab went along with it, hoping his feelings would eventually catch up and sync with the reality of it... but it didn't happen.

sucks...

Posted by Pandybear
Hey Blingster 🙂.. If a man wants something he will stop at nothing to get it..

I hear women say this all the time. Guys.... not so much

So glad it went down the way it did. No one was seriously hurt and the situation presented important life lessons for them both.

Women forget that men have insecurities as well, so even if there is someone or something they really want... there are many factors that will stop or slow them down in achieving their goals. Not just with women... job positions, travel, etc.

It would be great if we were all warriors who charged into the unknown to obtain our wildest desires... but if it was that easy, wouldn't more people be doing it?

Posted by shellshocker
Crab perspective... however, this does not excuse his behavior:

Shared living space is a biggy. Even inviting someone of significance to the Crab Cave can bring on extreme anxiety so he was probably super spooked. If this was your first meeting too, there is just so much to adjust to in a short amount of time. It sounds like he short circuited cause things were moving at light speed. The fact that he answered the phone, whilst just sitting there, probably means he knew his behavior was terrible and you could have torn a strip off him and he'd sit there and take it.

He SHOULD have suggested that you find other accommodation when first visiting him, so he would have plenty of space to get to know you in the physical without the pressure of housing you at the same time. Silly Crab went along with it, hoping his feelings would eventually catch up and sync with the reality of it... but it didn't happen.

sucks...

That makes it easier to understand his pov. But the whole not talking on the phone thing? That was a little ridiculous. If he had at least talked to her they could have come up with a more comfortable situation; like her going to stay in a motel or something, until they were better acquainted.

But that's all in the past now.

To the OP, did you or he suggest you visiting? My guess is you. My relationship with a Cancer works out worlds better because I let him make all the moves. But it takes F.O.R.E.V.E.R. sometimes. However, it makes me all the more grateful as time goes by... he's more comfortable, open, and honest; when he's deciding the pace.

Posted by LoveBucket
Based on what I've been reading lately on these boards, ladies are making their self look quite desperate and then, because that egg is ugly on their face, they avoid the mirror and blame the guy.

@OP, you poor thing, you didn't know this was going to happen and, I'm sorry you were a victim of your own madness.

lol at your piss-poor attempts at being patronising and belittling. i was actually diagnosed with bi-polar disorder last summer...and, no. i've never been desperate over a guy. impulsive? yes. gullible, maybe. desperate, hell no.

Posted by Claire
Nimbue, did your mum have any reason to think he was a loner and a recluse before this happened?

yes, i guess so. she did like him. i think she was making that assumption based on him being a homebody, slightly antisocial and very shy. not exactly a critcism, more of an observation?

Posted by Nights22
I dont see how this was the OP's fault at all. Pussy boy shouldnt have agreed to this whole thing if he was gonna chicken out at the very last minute.

exactly! he had ample time to back out. i was never pushy with him.

Posted by shellshocker
Crab perspective... however, this does not excuse his behavior:

Shared living space is a biggy. Even inviting someone of significance to the Crab Cave can bring on extreme anxiety so he was probably super spooked. If this was your first meeting too, there is just so much to adjust to in a short amount of time. It sounds like he short circuited cause things were moving at light speed. The fact that he answered the phone, whilst just sitting there, probably means he knew his behavior was terrible and you could have torn a strip off him and he'd sit there and take it.

He SHOULD have suggested that you find other accommodation when first visiting him, so he would have plenty of space to get to know you in the physical without the pressure of housing you at the same time. Silly Crab went along with it, hoping his feelings would eventually catch up and sync with the reality of it... but it didn't happen.

sucks...

thanks shellshocker...my mum basically said the same. and, for my part, i would have been happy to stay at a hotel nearby. unfortunately i felt he was genuine and his invitation to stay at his place seemed heartfelt. plus, he was pretty insistent about it...and then there were times he seemed anxious i was changing my mind. BIG lesson learned.

Posted by DoubleGem2
Sorry to hear that..maybe he should have come to you first. Did u meet on-line?

thanks DG...yes, we met online. it was on the cards for him to come to london initially, but after my father passed away earlier this year...i wanted to get away. i'll be honest, it seemed like a really good distraction, lol. hanging out in the countryside with a guy you like? why not? but i think sunday's events answer that question perfectly 🙂

Posted by AiryBri

Posted by shellshocker
Crab perspective... however, this does not excuse his behavior:

Shared living space is a biggy. Even inviting someone of significance to the Crab Cave can bring on extreme anxiety so he was probably super spooked. If this was your first meeting too, there is just so much to adjust to in a short amount of time. It sounds like he short circuited cause things were moving at light speed. The fact that he answered the phone, whilst just sitting there, probably means he knew his behavior was terrible and you could have torn a strip off him and he'd sit there and take it.

He SHOULD have suggested that you find other accommodation when first visiting him, so he would have plenty of space to get to know you in the physical without the pressure of housing you at the same time. Silly Crab went along with it, hoping his feelings would eventually catch up and sync with the reality of it... but it didn't happen.

sucks...

That makes it easier to understand his pov. But the whole not talking on the phone thing? That was a little ridiculous. If he had at least talked to her they could have come up with a more comfortable situation; like her going to stay in a motel or something, until they were better acquainted.

But that's all in the past now.

To the OP, did you or he suggest you visiting? My guess is you. My relationship with a Cancer works out worlds better because I let him make all the moves. But it takes F.O.R.E.V.E.R. sometimes. However, it makes me all the more grateful as time goes by... he's more comfortable, open, and honest; when he's deciding the pace.

click to expand

you guessed wrong 🙂 we talked about it back in march, but i had just lost my dad and was being a real homebody. so i said we'll see how it goes. looking back, he did seem very eager to have me there. and i could have exercised more caution in the long run. but, i don't know...travel always tempts me. what a bloody wasted journey though!

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by nimbue

Posted by LoveBucket
Based on what I've been reading lately on these boards, ladies are making their self look quite desperate and then, because that egg is ugly on their face, they avoid the mirror and blame the guy.

@OP, you poor thing, you didn't know this was going to happen and, I'm sorry you were a victim of your own madness.

lol at your piss-poor attempts at being patronising and belittling. i was actually diagnosed with bi-polar disorder last summer...and, no. i've never been desperate over a guy. impulsive? yes. gullible, maybe. desperate, hell no.

Don't beat on yourself with stuff like that, I'm the ripe old age of 30 and I'm not that far from the funny farm (no offense), what you've done is pretty brave/bad-ass really, if a little frightening because you're a girl haha ! Yes I don't care I'm a chauvinist at times, but I'm a right chauvinist I'd like to think 🙂

click to expand

there's nowt wrong with being a chauvinist :p it counts for alot! especially when you think...jeez, if the guy had been more of one, he could never have allowed me to be in his home town and stood me up.

i'd like to think madness is a perception. everyone's so different, who's to say anyone else's modus operani is more 'normal' or 'sane' than another's? so yeah, my fingers were burned but no real harm done 😄

Posted by nimbue

Posted by AiryBri

Posted by shellshocker
Crab perspective... however, this does not excuse his behavior:

Shared living space is a biggy. Even inviting someone of significance to the Crab Cave can bring on extreme anxiety so he was probably super spooked. If this was your first meeting too, there is just so much to adjust to in a short amount of time. It sounds like he short circuited cause things were moving at light speed. The fact that he answered the phone, whilst just sitting there, probably means he knew his behavior was terrible and you could have torn a strip off him and he'd sit there and take it.

He SHOULD have suggested that you find other accommodation when first visiting him, so he would have plenty of space to get to know you in the physical without the pressure of housing you at the same time. Silly Crab went along with it, hoping his feelings would eventually catch up and sync with the reality of it... but it didn't happen.

sucks...

That makes it easier to understand his pov. But the whole not talking on the phone thing? That was a little ridiculous. If he had at least talked to her they could have come up with a more comfortable situation; like her going to stay in a motel or something, until they were better acquainted.

But that's all in the past now.

To the OP, did you or he suggest you visiting? My guess is you. My relationship with a Cancer works out worlds better because I let him make all the moves. But it takes F.O.R.E.V.E.R. sometimes. However, it makes me all the more grateful as time goes by... he's more comfortable, open, and honest; when he's deciding the pace.

you guessed wrong 🙂 we talked about it back in march, but i had just lost my dad and was being a real homebody. so i said we'll see how it goes. looking back, he did seem very eager to have me there. and i could have exercised more caution in the long run. but, i don't know...travel always tempts me. what a bloody wasted journey though!

click to expand

That IS really strange. He must have just impulsively invited you and then gotten scared when it got real.

@AiryBri, you're probably right. it's something i could never do to someone, though. gotta marvel at his lack of guts :/

Posted by nimbue
@AiryBri, you're probably right. it's something i could never do to someone, though. gotta marvel at his lack of guts :/

Yeah, like I said earlier, he really fucked up.

Now he might have just been scared at the prospect of spending time with a girl >_> which means he is immature and not worth any more thought.

But if he got scared about spending time with YOU, that MIGHT be a different story (nerves). So ignore him and let him know he FUCKED up. If he comes after you, it might be worth a second chance. But he'll only do that if he has balls at all.

@annabeIIsxo aww thank you sweets

Posted by AiryBri

Posted by nimbue
@AiryBri, you're probably right. it's something i could never do to someone, though. gotta marvel at his lack of guts :/

Yeah, like I said earlier, he really fucked up.

Now he might have just been scared at the prospect of spending time with a girl >_> which means he is immature and not worth any more thought.

But if he got scared about spending time with YOU, that MIGHT be a different story (nerves). So ignore him and let him know he FUCKED up. If he comes after you, it might be worth a second chance. But he'll only do that if he has balls at all.

click to expand

so true. i'd like to be friends, at least. maybe. but for the now, my pride is damaged. and i'd need a good explanation from him, which he might not be capable of. so for now, it hangs in the balance!!

hey, Skylark. wow, what happened to you is fucked up. how much of a loser do you have to be to invest that much time into a girl when you're MARRIED? well, engaged. ouch. i'm okay about it, every so often i go into a rant. i feel cheated. i am a genuine girl. took a chance and it didn't play out.

thats not something to beat myself up over. yes, there's no exact closure at the moment. but, his actions say everything. whatever the motivation behind them. i'm way too cool for this shit 😄

just out of interest, how did you find out he was engaged?

Posted by Skylark

Posted by nimbue
hey, Skylark. wow, what happened to you is fucked up. how much of a loser do you have to be to invest that much time into a girl when you're MARRIED? well, engaged. ouch. i'm okay about it, every so often i go into a rant. i feel cheated. i am a genuine girl. took a chance and it didn't play out.

thats not something to beat myself up over. yes, there's no exact closure at the moment. but, his actions say everything. whatever the motivation behind them. i'm way too cool for this shit 😄

just out of interest, how did you find out he was engaged?

Well, this was back when Myspace was cool and I found it suspicious that he would never add me as a friend. So being the Scorp that I am I tried to hack into his page.....yeah, not the best thing for me to do and I still feel guilty about it years later. Anyway, it wasn't hard for me to get logged on because he used the same password that he used to log on to his gaming site. He gave me his gaming password so that I could play his character anytime I wanted. Well I got logged on to his Myspace page and I found all these pictures of him with this girl and all these "I love you" messages on his page. I even found a message that he wrote to her on her page which was a message I sent to him in a card. He copied the same damn message and sent it to her. asshole....I mean he can't even be original. He found out I logged on to his page and flipped out. He said to me..."I hope you can live with yourself, God will judge you for this." You have to understand I was hurt, angry, embarrassed, disappointed etc. Had all these emotions running through me so I did another stupid thing and contacted the girl. I found out she was his fiance and they were actually just about to get married in just a few short weeks! I felt bad because now here she was crushed and angry. They eventually made up, but then she found out about other girls he was messing around with and she called off the wedding. Her and I still talk sometimes to this day. I feel more bad for her and can only imagine the pain she must have felt being so close to marrying this guy.

click to expand

nice one! you should feel great about screwing this guy over and saving his fiance! you're my hero!! 🙂 🙂

Posted by Skylark
Shell...do you know any guys who need screwing over? I may be able to help. I'm thinking of starting my own business.

LOL! I'll start compiling a list...

Posted by wineaux
@nimbue - i will say that i've had experiences with my crab in where he writes, produces and acts out our future in his mind, just like a movie. and with all of that fear of rejection and what may not be paralyzes him and makes him run into his shell until he's calmed down. i'm not excusing his (your crab's) behavior by any means...his cowardice is/was contemptible. the confrontation was way too much for him to handle so he silently dealt with it with gripping anxiety and trepidation. next question is...do you want to hear from him again?

wineaux, i really don't know 😢 i go between ranting about him...then putting him out of my mind. but then since sunday i've downlloaded two of his songs. so i'm not as 'over' him as i think i should be. he's still on my fb. really don't know how i feel...

Posted by Pandybear
Nimmy, glad you're ok sugarcakes 🙂 Also I noticed you liked cats... If you need any cheering up at all I hope this does it 😛

Pandybear, you're a doll 😄

change the vid to 'whack-a-man and i'm in :p

Posted by Pandybear

Posted by shellshocker
Women forget that men have insecurities as well, so even if there is someone or something they really want... there are many factors that will stop or slow them down in achieving their goals. Not just with women... job positions, travel, etc.

It would be great if we were all warriors who charged into the unknown to obtain our wildest desires... but if it was that easy, wouldn't more people be doing it?

Every man is a warrior Shell 🙂 I do admit; doubt *is* a pretty stifling feeling to endure at times, I try to pull myself out of my comfort zone constantly and when I do I announce HERE I AM WORLD, take it or leave it suuuuckaaaahs! 😛

No matter what the end result is, remember you have the ability to rise after you have fallen 🙂 Just gotta get that dirt off your shoulders and keep trying 🙂 Youll be surprised how far you can get 🙂

click to expand

Your words are kind Pandybear but I'm afraid you have misunderstood me... and my gender 😉

Wow what is with all the cancer men acting like dicks lately. Must be something in the water :o

Posted by happykitsune
Wow what is with all the cancer men acting like dicks lately. Must be something in the water :o

what, this is some kind of epidemic? huh!

Posted by dreamer23
Wow this is extraordinarily fucked up. Why did he let you go all the way down there! Man! And whats with the breathing in the phone? That is so dumb its comical! Like a 12 year old. Yea..step back. Step waaay back. In fact never speak to him again.

i know, right? just...too..weird.

Posted by Nights22
Have you talked to this douche yet?

he's been in touch twice, and i don't know what he wants!! i can't be arsed with the mental gymnastics. i was going to try and do the 'lure the explanation with sweetness' thing, then do a 360 on him. but that was last week, and now it just feels like game-playing.

BEST UPDATE EVER...........................................................................................................


he's in a relationship.



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