Afraid of getting hurt (Page 2)

No, she drops the baby off at his mom's which is 4 houses down from him. I told him I didn't want to be in his life unless I knew where this is going. I guess you can blame me for that one, I just don't think it would be right to bring him and us all together right now.

The thing that really pisses me off, is the only text I got from him today was " I am so bored" I did not respond and I am not going to either. It is like Well, I am glad you flippen think of me when you are bored and that is it. Am I over reacting here?

That makes sense libragal, doesn't make sense to attach yourself to him and the baby only for things not to work out...see how illiterate I am when it comes to men with babies...yeeesh lol

Am I over reacting to the text thing or to all of it? I feel like some HS girl who is crushing !

Please be careful, ..believe half of what you see and none of what you hear...that's all I have to say.

Cancer/Libra/Scorpio/bla/bla, whatever....a mans a man

Ditto to Sophie68. A man, is a man, is a man. A lot of things you've said are serious red flags. None of us know this man, so we are getting a small portion of what's going on, but reading through all this, I just hope you heed some of the advice and tread very lightly going further. I understand giving a relationship a fair chance, but somethings are too obvious to go unchallenged.

Yep, I have a lot to deal with if I want this to work, but I right now I want to bust his ex right in the mouth

LG~ ALWAYS two sides of the story...and they are bonded for the next 18 years of life with that child. there is a child involved, you are with him, you are with the child and mom as well..period.

I do not want to crap on your parade but been there, done that, more than once. Ex hubby had 2 sons, but I did not get involved in that issue at all...not my business unless it affects ME (which it did)...but at the time, was sweet as PIE to ex wifey...but she was bitter. Have to be in right state of mind to deal with that BS and turning to a child to say the correct things when you are pissed at her. She took ME to court to have her child support adjusted as he was married to me "2 income"(huh? 70% of his paycheck minus taxes and 1800 in child support/month= $ 1000 take home. Thats my heating bill. It gets pretty bad. Think about it.

You want him to spend time with his kid (of course!) But at this point..you have no idea whats really going on or what he is saying is true...

Back away...figure out what he is really about

LK~ Ufff, sounds like you are in a sticky situation. As you know, it's such a grey area in certain states when it comes to marraige to someone with kids.

And the stress, the bitterness I had that he worked to support her and had nothing to contribute to our household was a bit much.

Do not represent him, mixing the two equals problems.

"Yep, I have a lot to deal with if I want this to work, but I right now I want to bust his ex right in the mouth"

LOL! Total frustration, it takes 2 people to mess a relationship up, he's not so innocent, I'm sure he was very difficult and his ex probably feels more empowered now that the divorce is almost final and she has primary custody of the child, so yep she could be venging and still fuming over everything for all the bullshit he put her through but yet love him because she had his child, very strong bond.....I know I wouldn't get too heavy with him, he would be someone I would date on the side when I'm bored lol

It seems weird that this guy would not take some time to heal and get things settled with his ex, get into a routine were there aren't too many ups and downs in his life then pursue a relationship, I believe your not a true love interest, it's more of an escape for him because of the stress factor, tread lightly, once he gets his bearings you may not be good enough for him, I know it doesn't feel that way now but there will come a time when he just wants to be free from the pressure of being in a relationship especially if he hasn't been out in the single world that long, sounds like he's scared so he's grasping for comfort, the comfort he lost but then again maybe you both are grasping for comfort...single life is no joke d:

LK~ smart auntie :-)

Well, I am starting to wonder seriously wtf at this point. Last night I got a text " I am going to get beer and drink myself to death"..I responded 3 time. Why what's wrong? What Happened? Are you ok? Nothing back from him. Not even today thus far. Girls, I think I might have jumped to quick, and I did it with good intentions. He seemed like a sweet man, and wooing me helped. Now I feel vulnerable and rejected which does not help the situation on any aspect. I know he has baggage, and things are going on prob more so than I was able to see or was told. Still, it does not help the overwhelming feeling of all this. All a girl wants is a good man, one not to lie, cheat, play mind games. One that is a true soul. I wanted to believe that he was that. Sighs.....

"Well, I am starting to wonder seriously wtf at this point. Last night I got a text " I am going to get beer and drink myself to death"..

Been there done that, I wouldn't have reacted, to react is to give him the que to put it in his memory dex to use at intervals...this is what I was saying about flipping you into the pursuer, drop man on his head...NOW

I knew a guy that feigned...ultimate manipulator, very good at it too

"Now I feel vulnerable and rejected which does not help the situation on any aspect."

And thats exactly how your supposed to feel and that feeling if not checked quickly can easily turn you into pursuing him and making him your everything because when a woman pursues a man she is INVESTING her time, heart, energy and money and the more you invest the more you are bonding with and unwilling to lose your investment no matter how toxic it is...get out

I know I say get out a lot but I mean get out as in get out of the circle of toxic behavior, if you wanna date this kind of man then tread carefully, his BS never ends, find other men to date while your dealing with him...for me I'm done, I'm so over assclowns it's not even funny

He just text me asking what my plans were for this week. I said coming to see you, why? ...Ok Tiki33 this man has my damn head spinning right now.

I feel like I am chasing my tail, but you are right when you say it is toxic. Why do we feel the urge to chase after them when the roles have been reversed?

it only gets worse...you can deal with it or move past him, I personally wouldn't spend my free time with him, your attractive beautiful woman, go out on a great date instead, the more you invest the harder it's going to be for you to let him go

You are chasing what he WAS, not who he is, he got you hooked on his charm, on his money or whatever it was he used to lure you in, this is what women chase, they chase the elusive dream, hoping he will be the person she met before it was flipped on her, HE WILL NEVER BE HIM AGAIN AND THE ONLY TIME HE IS HIM AGAIN IS TO LURE YOU BACK INTO THE TOXIC relationship....if you ignore your frustrations it will be the worst mistake you will have ever made

Just decide if you can deal with him as he is or leave him alone, he will never be who he was when you met him, occassionally you will see that charming alluring persona surface which is to keep you hooked but that is not who he is, who he is, is the person you are dealing with now

Oh and toxic men give women one of the highest euphoric feelings, they are good at creating soul connections, they will make you feel the highest love, chasing him is the price you pay for being with him...he will eventually stop pursuing you and you will crash from that euphoric high and when you do, the chase is on, you are like a crackhead feign trying to convince him to give you that feeling again...beware...rough roller coaster ride

you are like a crackhead feign trying to convince him to give you that feeling again...beware...rough roller coaster ride

LOL baby I think I have reached that point with him! Sad to say..

I have a plan. Here is what I have in mind.

Go over looking my best, lure him in and snag the fish hook in his ass, when I get him there cut the lines and keep him as a booty call...( sex was pretty intense)..Now if I have the courage to do this is a different story. The thing with this is , to burn him at his own game!!

Oh god ( my name inserted here) 2 wrongs doesn't make a right!

LOL baby I think I have reached that point with him! Sad to say..

It's a hard connection to break but the moment you break it, the moment you decide to see things as they are NOW, he will no longer have that hold on you, you may have to go through more frustration and pain but now your aware and thats enough to make a change either now or later...you now know what your dealing with

unusualcancer sounds mean I know, but what he is doing is mean, so I mean why not ya know?

creating a soul connection is essentially when men mirrors back to you YOU, he's mirroring back your other half the part of you that you feel is missing, he immediately lets his gaurd down, tells you he's bi-polar or whatever mental health issue he has going on, tells you all his shortcomings immediately and just an fyi, when a man says he's full of contradictions run don't walk this kind of man very very emotionally abusive, but basically he makes you feel understood 2000% , he makes you feel completely adored and accepted, he makes you feel like he is the ONLY man that understands you and you are the only woman that knows him and knows all his deep dark secrets a bond has been immediately created a bond like this usually takes years but this kind of man does it within days/weeks...I am not saying there is not a man out there that can feel this way but these men are AUTOMATIC, it's like day one he's creating that soul connectiong as soon as he lays eyes on you, it's stare, I know the stare LOL, I have experienced it, he's reading you, he's asking you about your life, gleaning information to later use it against you BUT it doesn't feel that way when it's happening, some use money, looks, charm, they are very very charming, socially charming, too charming...these are RED FLAGS, he makes you feel beyond good, it's almost like an instant bond has developed but it feels like if you walked away you would almost die, you begin to feel like you NEED him, you instantly CLING to him...these are what you call soul connections, he's not really connected but he's good at creating that connection, thus once she is hooked, the mental/verbal sometimes physical abuse begins, he begins to isolate you, make you doubt, I could go on and on about this...but that's just a piece of it.

In my experience it is deliberate and methodical....soul connections, soul mates and love develop over time, even when you feel a strong connection, it takes time to know a person in order to truly love and accept him/her completely but these men/women do this instantly and selfish ego driven kind of behavior, they usually are the kind of people that resent needing people needing love but can't necessarily know themselves, love themselves without another human being...some people call it soul snatching, enslaving souls...I have heard many many terms and stories and I have a few of my own LOL

Basically it's an addiction, these men CREATE the addiction inside of a woman, she could be perfectly healthy, great self esteem and he will chip it away SLOWLY and don't get it twisted they are experts...you can't see it, they are wolfs in sheeps clothing...you feel it, it's a gut reaction..thats all it takes and most women never listen to it, thankfully these men move on quickly to the next woman but if she's stuck with him oh lord bless her beautiful soul

i see, "love predators". hmmm. fuck that.

lmao exactly...again these are things I learned over time but not all men do this, it's just a sign to use your head as your getting to know someone and don't ignore feelings and signs...they mean something

Tiki33 I think you have described what has just happened to me...( Stands back with mouth open going OMG wtf) ..With this man it was a instant connection, or so he made it seem one. He went on about it was love at first site, and that he knew he loved me the minute he laid eyes on me. Ok I am not one to believe in that, but I fell victim to it, b/c I needed it I guess. Mind over matter, heart makes mind believe in something when gut knows it does not feel right. Then it continues on with romantic gestures, making love like he meant it, candles lit everywhere. Roses come to work out of nowhere, sweet texts like no other has sent before. Telling me ( making love) how much I mean to him, and just walking through a store he grabs my waist and whispers " I love you" in my ear so softly. Me doing something and looking up and there he is staring at me, when I look at him he goes " Do you have any idea how beautiful you are" with a look on his face that would make a Nun melt. I could go on with all this that made me fall. Yes I said girls, I fell. Now I am paying for allowing myself to be "swooned". I never met a man so sweet, and deep down I knew it was to good to be true, but like I said I wouldn't listen to my gut. Cutting ties with someone you have let your guard down to is easier said than done.

He text me earlier, asking me what my plans were for this week. I said I was coming to see him. Then I ask him what was with the " I'm going to go get beer and drink myself to death" text and his response was I was lonely.

I'm going to hide that post, I don't wanna scare the hell out of women LOL

leokitten~ I know it can not be actual love, that takes time. What it is I am feeling is merely mirroring love, and sometimes that can be just as bad. Lust? Yes I am lusting, but he has screwed with my emotions , which is my own fault I admit. I allowed it, b/c I wanted to believe it might be something "real". For what ever reason. IE Holidays, not use to being alone, missing arms to hold me at night, hell missing that special person being around period. I know I am not use to this whole "dating" thing, and that takes time. Deep down I wanted this, and I subjected myself to the things that are now taking affect in this. I know I should have not said I am coming to see you, but my fingers did it's thing before my brain could catch up. regret it after I sent it, now trying to figure out how to save my ass on that one. Right now I am sitting here trying to figure out how to save face and my dignity lol.

tiki33~ don't hide it. Let women know what they might have to deal with, and might be dealing with. I am glad you posted it. Maybe it will save some poor beautiful soul before she is where I am sitting!

leokitten~ Your right about changing my mind. I sat here thinking...What if I told him I could not make it and had to do something, but you know what happens with that? My heart takes a hold of my mind- saying " What if you lose him when you do this? What if he takes that as you are not into this as he is"

My girls, and that is what you esp lK & Tikii33 have become. After hearing my wonderful beautiful mess, with such heart felt advice which is very appreciated. I just want to say thanks

LOL LK I hear ya girl all they way. He picked his son up today at 3pm. He did not have him last night, and he asked me what my plans was to see if when would be a good time to swap him out to his mom. I know that it is insecurities, and it sucks. Mr Virgo left me scared

He cheated on me with a 21 yr old who he just had a baby with. After 14yrs of being married to him that was my present. And really was my anniversary present actually

No he has him all night tonight, I was suppose to go over tomorrow

leo u two crack me up and you 2 are my fav's..Seem a lot like me. I have that blunt, sarcastic way about me as you 2 seem to have. && When I want advice I expect the cold hard truth, hell don't sugar coat it ya know?

but my stupid ass can't put it into affect b/c I still want to believe in this fairy tale sugar coated 10x over mess I allowed myself to be in. I know I can get out, but when you are shaking like a dog shitting razor blades at the thought of doing it, there is a problem. O_o

LMAO! I know that exact feeling and LK's right, you can create an imbalance with this kind of fear, you will find yourself appeasing and giving out of your fear of loss, you lose anyway if your not honoring yourself, you will be slapping your face everytime you do what he wants and not honor what you want, not honoring your own feelings, being too anything, too nice etc creates imbalance, if he makes you feel guilty for doing you...RED FLAG and not one to excuse either

I didn't ask to many questions on as to why, but I found it strange myself. I thought if it was my son I would have him every other day or something worked out to where I was spending time with him and making a impression in his life

You guys are going to choke on your coffee on this, or maybe fall out of your chair when u read this but I am hiding this once u guys have read it so pay attention let me know u read it ok?

NOW what kind of crap IS THAT

I don't know, it was like a look that made u fall for he meant it

Oh I have been there before, I need to post some things that went on with me and my ex. I was thinking of evil things every sec

Wtf girl, he just text me it's a good time and I am just missing you

I need a good stiff drink right about now, Hell I might go to see some guys take there clothes off and spend a few well earned money

daymit you hid it! What did it say? LOL

Its unhid but hurry LOL

libragal he doesn't even know you like that, hmmmmmmmmmm strange for sure, red flag for sure, you can hide it, I read it....ewww

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh girls you would be proud of me!

tiki33 lmao@ ewww

He text me with that and I said well I some times I dont know if its that u miss me or u have something else going on with you, and I DO NOT Like trying to guess at it, and will not put up with it, and OH yea by the way I cant make it tomorrow!

Well, other than work, it would be tanning bed, and home. Might call a Aqua I have had my eyes on here at the base, he does look good in those camo's...LOL...Which I prob won't do. I am to shy for that!

It will be a fun filled night of watching the notebook, throwing popcorn at the screen and cursing numb nuts