cancer girl testing sagittarian impatience

she's a double cancer. sensitive, complicated, mysterious -> sexy as hell. we've known each other for about two years - until recently she was in a relationship. they broke it off, because he cheated on her. long story short: i've had a "crush" on her for over a year now, but never made an obvious move, because i respected their relationship. every time we hang out we have a blast. infact we get along so well it's ridiculous. we can talk philosophy, we can talk weather, we can talk academics, we can talk simpsons ... i never get bored listening to her and she has the most amazing eyes.
ever since she's single i've made it quite clear that i'm interested in her. usually i'm straightforward and persistent when it comes to pursuing someone (i'm a sagittarius) - but with her i'm trying to go extra s-l-o-w because i sense she might freak out and just disappear when i push her too much.
one night we hugged and shared this immensely crazy, magnetic moment of "completeness", the next day she's distanced herself again, crawling back into her shell. yes, i do understand that she's been hurt and betrayed and that might be the single worst thing for a sensitive person like her to go through - yet i feel like she is playing mind games with me by giving in one moment and completely withdrawing again the next, as if nothing ever happened. it is frustrating. even though my birth chart says that my moon is in cancer, i cannot "read" her behaviour at all sometimes. she's the type of person to call and cancel a date one hour prior to meeting - how can someone so sensitive be so oblivious to other people's feelings?
i'm having a hard time letting go, because when we're together it just feels "right". like i said, it's been over a year now, i've carried these feelings for her with me all along - i did try seeing other people while waiting for her to finally come around and break it off with that guy - but i came to the conclusion that she's "the one" i want. "over a year" translates to "half a lifetime" for a sagittarius. now that she's finally single, i really want to make it work. how do you give a woman like her enough attention to keep her interested, while maintaining enough distance so she doesn't get intimidated by the thought of having her trust abused again? she means a lot to me, i just don't know how much longer i can stick around ... will her behaviour ever change? will this ever work?

frustrated archer

Wanderer my Sag brother (I'm a Sag female with Cancer Moon) where do I start with this. So far nobody else on the board has provided you with some assistance so bare with me while I attempt to convey my experiences from a Sag point of view dealing with a Cancer male. I will stick with generalities as I cannot get into specifics about Cancer women as I don't know any and don't know any Sag men that have dated Cancer women.

I know all too well about the Sag patience factor. It is imperative that you do not pressure her because of your desire to be with her. Cancers move at their own pace and there's nothing that you can do about it but slow down and just be a loyal, steady, understanding, patient friend. Your expectations and her ability to meet those expectations are in direct conflict right now. Even though you've been carrying these feelings for her over a year she's been in a relationship with someone else. She just got out of this relationship with someone who was unfaithful. She's questioning everything, she's hurt, she's confused, she's pissed, she's sad?she's going through a lot of emotions and if you can tap into your Cancer Moon you may be able to tune into what she's going through.

When you are overwhelmed with things in your life do you sometimes not answer your phone or emails and just don't want to be bothered with anyone? Somebody can call you a million times but it's still not going to make you answer the phone?matter of fact it probably just irritates the hell out of you. It's not until you can get a handle on everything that you start socializing with people again. If you answered yes, then you recognize that you indeed withdraw from people and come out of your shell (Cancer Moon) when you feel like you are in control again. This is the same thing as what a Cancer does?this is where your understanding and patience has to come in. It's nothing personal when you do it is it? It's not personal when they do it either. I had to really think about this myself and realized that I did the same thing as my Cancer did.

As a Sag we can analyze every word, every action of a person to the nth degree like there's some hidden meaning. What you see as playing games is just a part of the Cancer personality. It's a way of protecting their sensitive hearts and it's what she feels she needs to do right now for herself. You have to respect that or otherwise you will scare her away and she will see you as pushy and not caring about her feelings. You've made your interest known so it's best to back off and let her come to you. No pressure or else she will run and run fast. There will be this push/pull thing for a while. If she pulls you close to her then be there and enjoy her company with no pressure and when she pushes you away don't take it personal just give her some space and when she's ready she'll come back.

When she called to cancel your date that was great that means she respects you enough to call and cancel. She could have just not showed up. Appreciate the little things right now. When she called to cancel I would have just said it's okay I understand we can hang out another time. Slowly but surely over time if you can be understanding and patient she will see that you are not pressuring her and she may open up to you with her true feelings.

Sags want what we want and we want it NOW. What we need to accept is that others do not operate on the same emotional plane as us. What we want is not necessarily what another person needs at a particular time. If you are frustrated she will be able to sense that and may disappear for fear that you want something from her that she just cannot give to you.

Cancers take relationships seriously and she's been betrayed by someone whom she trusted and loved. If you don't want to be just a rebound then give her time to heal her heart and protect your heart at the same time. Make sure that she's sure that her relationship is truly over. Time, patience and understanding are the keys here. Let go of your anxiety and let the situation be what it's going to be for now. In the end you may get what you want.

"She just got out of this relationship with someone who was unfaithful" bingo..wanderer you are looking at things from your own perspective and not hers. i think what yamama said pretty much hits the nail on the head..give her some time to get over her last relationship and just continue to be there as a friend for the moment..

Wow, first of all thanks for actually reading through my erratic post!

And your response ... well, what a response, YaMa :-) Your advice and insights have certainly helped me to look at things from her perspective. cansir, you are right to say that I was merely seeing things from my point of view!

Guess I'll have to slow down my pace and appreciate the little things (her responding to text msgs or picking up the phone when I call her every now and then). I'm afraid she's not over her last relationship yet, so I wasn't sure how to approach this. I want to be there for her, showing her that I care, but I don't want to drift off to "friend zone". She has assured me that she likes me more than just a friend, yet her ambivalent behaviour suggests she's really not sure about what or who she wants.

Good things come to those who wait, right? Guess I'll have to sit on the dock of the bay and wait some longer for the next tide to roll in.