Cancer male acting like a jerk!

OK...this guy's acting like a jerk. I sent him a text and this was communication after quite a long time. So, it was meant to be a general hi/hello text, in addition to mentioning that I had a horrible week. What does he do? Doesn't respond. So, then I ask him why he's being such a jerk. What does he say? He says he's not one (which made me think he might have been offended). He adds that he hasn't gotten onto chat on msn since he can't do that at work. Ummm....he's not at work 24/7 and whatever happened to texting/email/phone call— You have to realise that this is a long-distance friendship with a 3-hour time difference...but still...so, I was hurt and shot an email conveying how I felt....how distant I felt despite of him telling me that I was one of his "close" friends.....there were other reasons too why I felt distant (which I'm not going to outline here)....

I emailed on Saturday morning....what does he do? DOesn't respond....isn't that great!

Very frustrated with this guy, seriously....he needs to grow up!

Any thoughts? what's going on in his head? do they really mean it when they say thy are close to you even if they don't really "show" it? Is he really being a jerk? or is he insecure and doesn't know what to say or how to handle somethign like this?

He might have other problems/things going on in his life.

Not everything is about you.

You appear very selfish. Maybe youre a sociopath - only caring about your own feelings.

Did you stop to even consider what might be going on in HIS life.

I think he is being very sensible by ignoring you. You seem very needy and a handful.

I can't tell you what's going on in his head but I can say that this behaviour is extremely common for Cancer men. Every argument I've ever had with my cancer bf has started over him not returning a text/call. It's extremely aggravating. I can only say that I was once advised that when he does this, it usually means that he's in his shell for some reason. I wouldn't waste time trying to figure it out why he's in there because it could be anything, work/school/home. When he does this, leave him alone. Don't waste energy getting upset because it's never going to change. It may also aggravate you enough to make you make some rash decisions that you may regret later (like dumping him and i've been there and done that and each time I regretted it)or push him even further away with your anger.

Is he insecure, absolutely. They have a huge fear of rejection that prevents them from being direct. Let him have his time alone and when he comes out of it if you have any questions/concerns voice them is a joking/indirect manner. If you come across to "strong", he'll just back off again. Frustrating I know, but once you learn to understand what he's doing you won't get quite as angry. However, I still haven't gotten used to the whole not returning my calls/text thing but I have learned to just ignore him back, mature I know but he started it 🙂. Anyway, he usually shapes up pretty well after that, at least until the next time. But what can I say, besides this issue the relationship is pretty good and I'm not ready to let it go. Be patient and don't let your anger push you to do something you may regret later.

"Maybe youre a sociopath "....LOL, I wish! I love psychology for that sole reason...MUAHAHAH....

But on a serious note, he is the one who disappears on me every now and then. Why do I have to be always the one to initiate contact if he disappears for so long? I'm tired of being the door mat and if he really cares, he needs to show it...don't you think?

Don't contact him.....do you in between his "shell sessions" he'll come around. Stop pushing... just because he doesn't return calls/txt/emails doesn't mean its about you.

Cancer men will disappear on you in a heartbeat for what ever reason...and they will snap if you push to hard. I read a post here once that gave a cancer's man list of priorities they were as follows: money/family/relationships....

Patients is key to these guys...don't ever forget it.

"are u in a relationship with him or are you just friends? if he's only your friend he doesn't owe you any explanations.."

AHHHH!!! Time for some honesty...lol....well, he knows that I like him more than a friend, but he has said that he doesn't want long term relationships and that's why hasn't thought of me like that...^-^....he says he fears marriage and all, so can't think of anyone in "that sense"....I thnk he's very insecure and honestly, undermines himself a lot of times...wehn I told him about my feelings, he asked me why him since he was "nothing"...I don't get that even to this day!

However, we decided to leave it at "friends" and he said he hoped we would be even better friends now after having had such a "frank" conversation...I always maintained the friendship side of things, or so I think...it will be difficult for me to get out of the muddle (friend/"more than a friend")...but to be honest, I don't think I'm asking too much from him....what kind of a friend wouldn't get back to your msgs? (it's not like I msg him every single day)...

I even told him if he feels I'm asking too much, he should tell me so and I would back off a little...I do understand both perspectives (his and mine), but he just doesn't seem to realize his actions...

I'm not pressuring him into anything...and I don't think he has a gf, he would have told me so b/c then, I wouldn't "bug" him ....don't you think?

I'm just upset that I have to initiate contact everytime he disappears and wehn I do, he won't get bck to my msgs...I just htink it's not fair....

What Vanessa said

''if he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, trust him he doesn't! I was in a relationship with a cancer man and no matter how much I tried, he's gonna do whatever he pleases! stop buggin the poor guy, he probably has a gf too!''

She is right!

He doesnt want YOU as a lover/partner. Youre just a friend who he sees on the side when he is lonely/bored..etc

You are NOT a priority to him.... but only an option.

I'm just upset that I have to initiate contact everytime he disappears and wehn I do, he won't get bck to my msgs...I just htink it's not fair....

Its only unfair if he's your bf....but he isn't so stop initiating contact. Sounds to me that you aren't accepting how he feels....and trust me, he doesn't have to tell you anything especially about a girlfriend that he may already have.

Thanks for bashing me up guys, lol!

"we're only giving you a reality check...because a cancer man will never cut you off completely so you'll end up hurting yourself even more!"

It's ok, I need it anyways=)...my bestie does that to me every once in a while...to shake me out of it all...but being a cappie...I just don't ever wanna give up...perfect example of how perseverance can be of such a disadvantage...lol

and what exactly do u mean by "a cancer man will never cut you off completely"??

Go to his shore
Take a net with you
Capture that crab
Take him home
Cut him up
Boil him
Take him apart, rip him to pieces
Cut him open...you see that soft meat? Don't feel bad, EAT IT
After that...throw the remaining pieces away for he is not useful anymore, you have gotten what you wanted and my was it pretty tasty.

lol u sound alot liek me .... and i hope u take everyone's advice here before u get in too deep like i did. luckily i got myself out of that mess.

1. he is just ur friend.
2. why should he contact u if he knows ur going to contact him
3. u want him to contact u, its a decent thing for a guy to do... problem: he knows u like him, but he doenst liek u in that way. he may not want to lead u on.try to take a hint.
4. i could care less if my friend doesnt repsnod to a text... why? becuase i dont have feelings for them. u only care so much becuase u have feleings for him. y doesnt he care? becuase he doenst feel the same about you.
5. put urself in his shoes, look at wut u are complaining about, how u are complaining, and how he may view you.
6. you are showing signs of neediness and dependance. as a gf, and as a friend, you showed be cool, calm, and collected. and then he will wnat to talk to u, and tell u things.
7. when u do talk, avoid tlaking about you, and the two of you. he will stick around longer if he doenst feel liek he is constantly being pressured into something he doenst want.

"stop creating drama"

I beg to differ! I am anything but a Drama Queen! I am not looking for a relationship here. And, I guess no one would really understand the kind of friendship we share...so you may think he owes me nothing...well, he does....the least he can do is reply to a msg I send to see how things are going....or viceversa...

I wanted to see how ppl would react on here, didn't know some would be so pathetically insensitive....geez!

alrite, i agree, we may be alittle insensitive.
in my opinion.... he may be acting sso coldly towards u becuase u may have him in a corner.
he wont wnat to talk to u, if your converstaions most of the time leads back to your feelings, or back to you.

one thing my cancer firned always said to me "everything's not always about you"
once u realizse that, the better offf ur frinedhsip will be.
dont take his mooods so perosnally, there is a huge chance it has nothing to do with u, he may just not be in the mood to talk. and that is a legit enough reason. becuase women may like to talk when they r upset, but most men do not.

"I guess no one would really understand the kind of friendship we share..."

Are you sure you understand the kind of friendship you both share...sounds to me that you both think differently about the friendship.


I do apologize for being so insensitive and possibly hurting your feelings....but don't get so defensive.....we're only here to give you another perspective on the situation...maybe its your attitude that keeps him away.

I know how you feel Sarasa and all of us do in some sort of perspective or we wouldn't be on these boards complaining about these COMPLEX Cancer men's behavior. I have learned that the no one in life owes you anything and you don't owe anyone in life (other than kids) anything either, so stop giving any man your time, attention, thoughts, effort or anything to that matter if he does not treasure or value you as the Queen that you are. Life is very short, you live once, enjoy your life filled with happiness, not with someone who gets a kick out of making women miserable.

I have seen my Cancer friend numerous amounts of time; he owes me something I gave to him! Did I feel sorry for him, NO! He asked me to be a friend and trust him and I gave him my trust before he actually earned it which makes me appear "doormatish". He has not returned the favor I asked of him. DO I want to cuss him the hell out? Hell yeah, I get very pissed at the thought of him playing me like a sucker arse wit@@. He wants me to chase him around town and "beg" him to give me back what he owes me. Every time I see him, he either waves or wants to say something and I look the other way. Me being a typical Leo that I am, will start some drama about something that belongs to me. BIG DRAMA! I hate for someone to just take from me like I "owe" them something, esp. when the person asked me to trust them and they betray me. That is a death wish for a Leo.

Last night I saw his car, which I see regularly. I usually just keep going, turn my head but for some odd reason, I turned around and he saw me and started his car up and started "running".

I didn't chase him but I was MAD as hell, I can kill this bastard! I have prayed to GOD to help me forgive this dayum fool but praying is not helping me because he took something that belongs to ME! Like he is a pimp, or I owe him something girl and my blood is boiling. In reality, I have to realize that any thoughts, logic or any emotions that I have behind him playing me, is his own little way of having control over me. I have no control over the situation and I don't chase men, period. My point is just let go of him and when he returns on his terms of course, don't give him any of your time, thoughts or emotions and think more of YOU and what you want and he will see that you are not clingy for anything from him.

"complaining about these COMPLEX Cancer men's behavior"

LOL. What makes them complex is the over analyzing everyone does on these boards.

LOL! I don't think it is over analyzing them, these men are have very COMPLEX personalities and any zodiac author will tell you this. LOL! This man is complex, he has a very complex personality.

Sorry but, there are many women who aren't Queens.

I personally all woman are Queens or she can become a Queen if she presents herself in that manner, esp to the "right" man.

I can honestly say one thing about myself, I am glad I am more emotionally mature now as I was when I was younger because I would have slit tires, broke out car windows and did some damage. The sad part is as a younger woman, men became more attracted and attached to me when I acted that way. Weird!

I have to interject.....cancer men are not complex - they want very simple things: love, trust, and loyalty...the problem is that the rest of the world is so completely complex, and has all these ideals and expectations, that it is easier for them to stay safe inside their shells.....that makes the rest of think they are so damn complex because we can't get inside those shells...and many of us think they "owe" it to us to let us in...they don't. Those are THEIR shells and for the few lucky people who are let in....don't abuse the privelage....that's really all there is to it. They really aren't complex at all.

Their emotions are very complex - but only for THEM. For the rest of us - they only show us what they want us to see. Nothing complex about it.

no cancerbuddy, I'm a bull

Everyone person is not the same, you have the good healthy Cancerians and you have bad apples in the Cancerian male bunch and ANY bunch of men for that matter. Some people want love, attention, affection, companionship ALL of the healthy things in being in a relationship. If you say EVERYONE in the whole world wants the same things then you are generalizing everyone in the world. You have healthy men with healthy attitudes about love, relationships, life in general but just like ALOT of women on the boards are clearly saying NOT everyone wants the same things.

I have read these posts long enough to know that you have some GOOD Cancer men and you some Cancer men are don't want love, affection, attention....blah...blah...And it is not about respecting their shells because alot of women have claimed to give these men love and once they show love or concern for some odd reason, they are pushed away.

ALL HUMANS are not the same and don't view life at one angle. You can't just generalized Cancer men and say ALL of them are good men and want love.

Cancerbuddy, you are a mature Cancer male and at this point in life, you know exactly what you want! Good for you!

its true, my cancer male firned is one of those very bad apples.... and its not becuase he is just being a cancer... he is just an ass.

you can make these excuses for them for awhile, but after a year of this negative behaviour, which keeps on gettin worse and worse, there are no more excuses. That is who he is, how he is with u, and there is no changing that.

bahh, it sucks.

it's not making excuses - people are saying don't judge all cancers by the good ones...yet the same people want to judge all cancers by the bad ones....sorry you got stuck with an anomolie......but there are far more WONDERFUL crabs out there than there are bad ones....

but there are far more WONDERFUL crabs out there than there are bad ones....That is why those crabs (the men) on these boards, the good ones get praised. Bad apples are not just crab men they are in every bunch in the zodiac. Crabs should not be generalized.

I think we need not to forget regardless of sun sign.....some MEN can be brutal.

This isn't a cancer thing.

The guy isn't in to you and doesn't owe you anything.
Everyone has had that one person that liked them, but you weren't really interested in them.
You don't want to be mean and tell them to piss off, but you aren't interested either.

Its just that simple hun. Nothig to do with the cancer psycho bable crap.

you are right cute crab - this particular issue is not just a cancer thing.

My comments were directed at the cancer bashing comments and all the crap about how complex they are. What people are like regardless of sun sign is irrelevant to my comments because I WAS talking specifically about behaviors associated with cancer men.
As soon as you say something that refutes negative comments about cancer men everyone starts ranting "it has nothing to do with sun signs" funny...it DID when THEY were talking about sun signs...

Just FYI that wasn't a shot at libradiva or cute crab, just a response to comments about whether I can talk about "all" cancer men or men in general...

The guy isn't in to you and doesn't owe you anything.
Everyone has had that one person that liked them, but you weren't really interested in them.
You don't want to be mean and tell them to piss off, but you aren't interested either.

This is exactly my point and it doesn't have to do with any crab men or men in general. NO one else owes you anything in life, the only person that owes you anything is yourself.

A new year a better, stronger person ignores misery!

Oh and for "all" you wonderful, good men whether you are crabs or not you are truly appreciated and admired for being just "you". In regards to any so called bashing, the behavior that crab men have is not just a crab man thing, to be specific and generalize ALL complex men have this type of behavior....To clarify out the so called Cancer man bashing other men in the zodiac have the same behavior characteristics and ANY human other than yourself is COMPLEX because all humans have a complex personality to some degree.