Cancer man and I are dating each other only, but no exclusive talk. Is this a dead end situation?

Been dating for a bit over 2 months and been on 7 dates. We have a lot in common intellectually and emotionally, as well as our values when it comes to relationship and sex.

We made it known that we are only dating each other, and he wants to take it slow like only see me once a week which suits my schedule. We did it after the talk and he kept telling me how amazing it is during and after. We cuddled and showered together then we went to bed. The next day he made me breakfast and walked me to the station.

I some how have a gut feeling that he wants to take it slow is due to the instability of his career, as it might take him overseas. I asked if that's the case. He was shocked that I could sense it. He said he is not taking it slow consciously due to this reason but it make sense. He also added he's been single for 18 months so he's been in "preserved mode" not sure what that really means... he said his previous relationship was intense with lots of hot and cold from his Virgo ex, they had lots of arguments during the relationship as that's the only way she communicates, and the end was an ugly fight. I asked if they are still in touch. He said not really. As she is overseas and he cut it off when it got too much, she was going through a lot and would randomly message him just to use him to listen to all of her problems.

Perhaps that is why he said to me many times that I'm really sweet and he really likes that. As I seem to be the opposite to his ex?

I told him no one really knows what's going to happen, lets just keep getting to know each other and enjoy our time together. I'm glad we both are very open to talk about stuff. I'm glad we both have a trust foundation and emotional openness that allows us to talk.

I guess sex has more impact on woman as it makes me feel more vulnerable now... he hasn't made solid plan to see me, he only said I will meet his house mate when he is back from holiday. he also said I have to show him that photo next time. he kissed me passionately at the station before he left, I told him he should go as he was running late. haven't heard from him since.

I have been single along time too and that preserved mode is spot on for me as well. Hope it works out but really if you were meant to be together through hard ship and come back on a peaceful note since one has to leave for work or have different work schedules.

Then maybe you could continue just dating and no attachment right now both can't offer the stability or security or what ever you need to match other needs.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
I have been single along time too and that preserved mode is spot on for me as well. Hope it works out but really if you were meant to be together through hard ship and come back on a peaceful note since one has to leave for work or have different work schedules.

Then maybe you could continue just dating and no attachment right now both can't offer the stability or security or what ever you need to match other needs.

Its really sad ... as there are so much we have in common and the chemistry... just one factor is enough to ruin it.

Can you elaborate more about the preserve mode?

I told him I like to keep getting to know him and enjoy his company.

I didn't tell him this part.... If things progress I'm willing to do LDR or relocate.

If you not the type to do LDR or Skype or better yet if you do move make sure you have your own job and place don't be moving in together yet.

Too much pressure when things are okay for now. Talk about it when he actually gets ready to leave if not just keep being friends, get out know each other, hang out and don't put all emotions out on the line quite yet.

Posted by Arielle83
What's going to be different in the relationship if he says "exclusive"?

I guess it's a sense of comfort to know I didn't make the wrong decision.

I'm just uncomfortable with the whole situation. it scares me to meet someone who I'm so compatible with.

Also the question can be thrown back at him. If we are dating each other only, why can't he says we are exclusive?

Anyway haven't heard from him, it's more unnerving feelings after you did it.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
If you not the type to do LDR or Skype or better yet if you do move make sure you have your own job and place don't be moving in together yet.

indeed. I never planned on moving in togther wtih him.

I always live on my own and will only move if I find a job firt/

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Too much pressure when things are okay for now. Talk about it when he actually gets ready to leave if not just keep being friends, get out know each other, hang out and don't put all emotions out on the line quite yet.

When you said being friends it means don't sleep with him anymore?

yes i won't talk about it again. Also he is going away for 3 weeks in Aug... may be after he comes back?

Posted by Arielle83
Labels give ppl responsibility to one another.

Maybe he just wants to be free still.

The label also puts pressure because then there's expectations.

I've had my own bad experience with my commitment phobe Pisces ex. He said we are exclusive but never open up emotionally nor wanted to label it.

At the end my girlfriend found out he was on Tinder.

Deep down I know this crab is different, he is geuniue and honest. his birthday is coming up soon. I asked him what he normally do for his birthday. He said it's different every year, haven't thought about that this year. He has a friend with the same birhtday so he might join it with him.

I guess we will see if he would invite me? He did mention I should see how him and his friends act and the silly things they do. however this was before we did it.

Posted by Arielle83
Labels give ppl responsibility to one another.

Maybe he just wants to be free still.

The label also puts pressure because then there's expectations.

Free to do what? To fuck other chicks that comes along?

@poppyseeds I think he will contact you at some point when he thinks you are avoiding him or realizes you are waiting for him.

If there is no exclusive talk just date others who can treat you better. Most men knows that it's polite to message a lady within 24 hrs after doing the deed. It's not nice that he is not contacting you. Problem solved.

Posted by Arielle83
Free to not be labeled "in a relationship" due to the expectations and pressures that come with it.

He wants to make sure he puts the label on someone for the long haul.

Not give it out, then take it back a week later when the other half gets all possessive.

I wait til 6 month mark, personally.

I'm dating you exclusively, but that label isn't worthy until I've seen all sides of you. That takes averagely 6 months to me.

Not everyone's time is the same though.

Do you date or get intimate with others in that period?

I still think op should give up on this guy. He is showing absolutely no care towards her feelings by not messaging after sex.

The cuddling and breakfast don't count. He was just hungry for food and nice enough to make some extra for her.

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Too much pressure when things are okay for now. Talk about it when he actually gets ready to leave if not just keep being friends, get out know each other, hang out and don't put all emotions out on the line quite yet.

When you said being friends it means don't sleep with him anymore?

yes i won't talk about it again. Also he is going away for 3 weeks in Aug... may be after he comes back?

click to expand

Well since you already had a conversation like this with him all you can do is simply communicate and see how it pans out. Yes of you add sex to friends is that one night stand or fwb can do that but only if you can detach like that way.

Posted by Arielle83
Free to not be labeled "in a relationship" due to the expectations and pressures that come with it.

He wants to make sure he puts the label on someone for the long haul.

Not give it out, then take it back a week later when the other half gets all possessive.

I wait til 6 month mark, personally.

I'm dating you exclusively, but that label isn't worthy until I've seen all sides of you. That takes averagely 6 months to me.

Not everyone's time is the same though.

Oh you got a time line too. That's good to have tbh.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Too much pressure when things are okay for now. Talk about it when he actually gets ready to leave if not just keep being friends, get out know each other, hang out and don't put all emotions out on the line quite yet.

When you said being friends it means don't sleep with him anymore?

yes i won't talk about it again. Also he is going away for 3 weeks in Aug... may be after he comes back?

Well since you already had a conversation like this with him all you can do is simply communicate and see how it pans out. Yes of you add sex to friends is that one night stand or fwb can do that but only if you can detach like that way.

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I say she needs to fuck him off completely base on his behavior.

It's impossible to go back to no sex after you have been there and done that.

If you can fuck without strings and be that type of person then fuck whom you want to. And when it's time be like peace out. Wish you well and move on.

@arielle83 your situation sounds a bit different. You had exclusive talk and that's fine.

I'm getting the impression that the OP and the guy are not exclusive. He told her he is not dating or sleeping with anyone else to buy himself more time.

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Too much pressure when things are okay for now. Talk about it when he actually gets ready to leave if not just keep being friends, get out know each other, hang out and don't put all emotions out on the line quite yet.

When you said being friends it means don't sleep with him anymore?

yes i won't talk about it again. Also he is going away for 3 weeks in Aug... may be after he comes back?

Well since you already had a conversation like this with him all you can do is simply communicate and see how it pans out. Yes of you add sex to friends is that one night stand or fwb can do that but only if you can detach like that way.

I say she needs to fuck him off completely base on his behavior.

It's impossible to go back to no sex after you have been there and done that.

click to expand

Oh I know that's the messy situation we all have been through so what's there to do. Yeah suck it up based on experience and move on and find someone better. Timing, and right place is everything to some.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
If you can fuck without strings and be that type of person then fuck whom you want to. And when it's time be like peace out. Wish you well and move on.

neither of us takes sex lightly. We spoke about it and say we can only do it when enough trust and emotional bond has been developed.

Posted by Arielle83
We'll if he hasn't done anything to disrespect her, can't she give him the benefit of the doubt?

Going AWOL after sex is not disrespectful enough?

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by Arielle83
Free to not be labeled "in a relationship" due to the expectations and pressures that come with it.

He wants to make sure he puts the label on someone for the long haul.

Not give it out, then take it back a week later when the other half gets all possessive.

I wait til 6 month mark, personally.

I'm dating you exclusively, but that label isn't worthy until I've seen all sides of you. That takes averagely 6 months to me.

Not everyone's time is the same though.

Do you date or get intimate with others in that period?

I still think op should give up on this guy. He is showing absolutely no care towards her feelings by not messaging after sex.

The cuddling and breakfast don't count. He was just hungry for food and nice enough to make some extra for her.

I'm dating the person exclusively, but they aren't my bf/gf. I'm dating so to me that means getting to know them. I'm only doing it with them.

It's like a next step to take if I want them to have a bf/gf/partner label. To me that means I see a future longer than a year at least.

Cancers hate letting go, so that label is waited out for a reason.

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Yea I can tell he doesn't like letting go, childhood memory and other things... We are only 2 months in, even we both agree sex is never just sex. it takes emotions and trust. however 2 months might not be enough for cancer to get attached?

I know he is going to be busy with his hobby until next weekend. I think he could still invite me along like he did 2 days ago... as we both enjoyed it and I made him known that I'm glad he took me along.

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by Arielle83
Labels give ppl responsibility to one another.

Maybe he just wants to be free still.

The label also puts pressure because then there's expectations.

Free to do what? To fuck other chicks that comes along?

@poppyseeds I think he will contact you at some point when he thinks you are avoiding him or realizes you are waiting for him.

If there is no exclusive talk just date others who can treat you better. Most men knows that it's polite to message a lady within 24 hrs after doing the deed. It's not nice that he is not contacting you. Problem solved.

click to expand

We both said we are dating each other only... wouldn't it be bad to date others now?

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by Arielle83
Labels give ppl responsibility to one another.

Maybe he just wants to be free still.

The label also puts pressure because then there's expectations.

Free to do what? To fuck other chicks that comes along?

@poppyseeds I think he will contact you at some point when he thinks you are avoiding him or realizes you are waiting for him.

If there is no exclusive talk just date others who can treat you better. Most men knows that it's polite to message a lady within 24 hrs after doing the deed. It's not nice that he is not contacting you. Problem solved.

click to expand

We both said we are dating each other only... wouldn't it be bad to date others now?

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by Arielle83
We'll if he hasn't done anything to disrespect her, can't she give him the benefit of the doubt?

Going AWOL after sex is not disrespectful enough?

What do you consider AWOL?

Did she not know he had work/plans/life etc?

I mean if I have shit to do the next day, I'm not staying in bed all day.

Cancers can't date ppl with abandonment issues. If anxiety encroaches due to someone having priorities, cancer will see the whole pairing as a burden.

click to expand

It takes more than 5 minutes to write I had a great time or something along the line?

My point is he doesn't have to drop his plans to text her. Literally one minute to text her to thank her for the great night.

If he can't manage that one minute. He has some serious time management issue or he is simply playing her.

Posted by Arielle83
We'll if he hasn't done anything to disrespect her, can't she give him the benefit of the doubt?

Actually no, he is very respectful and seem genuinely caring for my feelings.

He already gave me a toothbrush and got me a new pillow.

Having said that I think @illuminati does have a point, no contact after sex is not a very nice feeling for me, especially if he emphasize how he sees sex as an act only done with trust and emotional attachment he should know to drop me a line?

He does know and he doesn't want to. This already tells his intention with you. Cut your loss and move on.

....Anyone else read, "Cancer man" and think of X-Files?

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
If you can fuck without strings and be that type of person then fuck whom you want to. And when it's time be like peace out. Wish you well and move on.

neither of us takes sex lightly. We spoke about it and say we can only do it when enough trust and emotional bond has been developed.

click to expand

Why do you like this guy?

Posted by Arielle83
Texting "I had a good time" is impersonal.

I'm sure he says it verbally.

I just read the post to double check, you're right he did say it was amazing.

My point is judge a guy when you are apart. If he is not making some sort of effort to make sure you feel appreciated after sex he is not worth it

Posted by rockyroadicecream
....Anyone else read, "Cancer man" and think of X-Files?

Stay away from cancer men

What toothbrush and pillow for what?

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by rockyroadicecream
....Anyone else read, "Cancer man" and think of X-Files?

Stay away from cancer men

click to expand

You obviously don't get the reference.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Not only can you see if these are true feelings most definitely when you guys are apart for sure top behind each other's back.

If you guys are only having sex with each other and verbally are together officially then you are exclusive right?

What did you mean by "for sure top behind each other's back"

I was saying he gave me a new toothbrush for me to use at his place, and he ordered a new pillow for my comfort.

We are only dating and sleeping with each other and no one else, this is correct. However he didn't say we are exclusive. Can I assume it is the same thing?

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
If you can fuck without strings and be that type of person then fuck whom you want to. And when it's time be like peace out. Wish you well and move on.

neither of us takes sex lightly. We spoke about it and say we can only do it when enough trust and emotional bond has been developed.

Why do you like this guy?

click to expand

I like that we have lots of common interest and values. I like that he is very genuine and kind hearted. His company has always been fun, we can talk for 6 hours straight. We can talk about anything from philosophy, history or can be fun like we are little kids. He is also respectful and never pushed for anything physical.

I definitely like him enough to want to keep going out on dates to further explore between us.

Poppy baby you need to not lock things in like a time slot on a worksheet. Enjoy his company. Let him enjoy yours. You already stated in another post he is only interested in you. You should let it build.


My Virgo Dad said one of his mistakes with women was not enjoying the ride. He didn't realize that until after his divorce and he met my lovely angel step mom.


Enjoy the ride girl. Just decide every day when you wake up to be with this guy. 🙂

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by Arielle83
We'll if he hasn't done anything to disrespect her, can't she give him the benefit of the doubt?

Going AWOL after sex is not disrespectful enough?

What do you consider AWOL?

Did she not know he had work/plans/life etc?

I mean if I have shit to do the next day, I'm not staying in bed all day.

Cancers can't date ppl with abandonment issues. If anxiety encroaches due to someone having priorities, cancer will see the whole pairing as a burden.

click to expand

This! We have our environments to take care of. You should be taking care of your world too.

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Not only can you see if these are true feelings most definitely when you guys are apart for sure top behind each other's back.

If you guys are only having sex with each other and verbally are together officially then you are exclusive right?

What did you mean by "for sure top behind each other's back"

I was saying he gave me a new toothbrush for me to use at his place, and he ordered a new pillow for my comfort.

We are only dating and sleeping with each other and no one else, this is correct. However he didn't say we are exclusive. Can I assume it is the same thing?

click to expand

That was a spelling error. Like that's the best way to see for yourself if he is interested is give the space and see if he is faithful exclusively with you when you are not in each other faces all day along.

If he is dating other woman well then he's using you. And you can date and have sex with whomever just be safe.no prego issues need to come out. You're not ready so stay safe and protected.

She's repeatedly stated he's not interested in other women that he wants to only date her. Are you guys not keeping up?

You can't mess with other people if he really said I'm only dating you and having sex with only you right now. Stay safe still though. Go with the flow and have fun.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by rockyroadicecream
....Anyone else read, "Cancer man" and think of X-Files?

Stay away from cancer men

You obviously don't get the reference.

Cancer man was the creepy FBI dude that covered it all up.

click to expand

It's funny because when you type in "Cancer Man" into google, his info pops right up haha.

Posted by kissmygrits
She's repeatedly stated he's not interested in other women that he wants to only date her. Are you guys not keeping up?

To be honest I'm also confused by the things he said. Is that the cancer indirect way to say he only wants to date me?

What he said was "no I'm not dating or sleeping with anyone, last time I had sex was Jan. I never do one night stand nor friends with benefit, the people I slept with were the people I knew I dont want relationship with but only dating.

I stopped sex and dating since Jan because I wanted to clean my act up so I can be ready for a real partner. I said that's good to hear, cos I don't want to become FWB or anything like this with you. He said no that's not what I want either. We both put ourselves on a dating site, and we kept making time for each other to meet up so the intention is clearly there"

Posted by kissmygrits
Poppy baby you need to not lock things in like a time slot on a worksheet. Enjoy his company. Let him enjoy yours. You already stated in another post he is only interested in you. You should let it build.


My Virgo Dad said one of his mistakes with women was not enjoying the ride. He didn't realize that until after his divorce and he met my lovely angel step mom.


Enjoy the ride girl. Just decide every day when you wake up to be with this guy. 🙂

I feel a lot better today, I guess the post sex hormones has calm down a bit and also I had some good sleep 🙂

I will enjoy the ride he hasn't contacted me yet, I guess he is just going nuts with his hobby this week, plus other duty.

Or there is a chance that he already assumes we are going to see each other on the weekend and he only need to contact when it's closer towards friday or something.

We will see!

Posted by SensitiveBlues
i really can't wait till this BS is over.

All I can see is this bitterness towards Virgo. I'm not mad at you, I just feel sorry for you that your ex still has such an impact on you.

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by kissmygrits
Poppy baby you need to not lock things in like a time slot on a worksheet. Enjoy his company. Let him enjoy yours. You already stated in another post he is only interested in you. You should let it build.


My Virgo Dad said one of his mistakes with women was not enjoying the ride. He didn't realize that until after his divorce and he met my lovely angel step mom.


Enjoy the ride girl. Just decide every day when you wake up to be with this guy. 🙂

I feel a lot better today, I guess the post sex hormones has calm down a bit and also I had some good sleep 🙂

I will enjoy the ride he hasn't contacted me yet, I guess he is just going nuts with his hobby this week, plus other duty.

Or there is a chance that he already assumes we are going to see each other on the weekend and he only need to contact when it's closer towards friday or something.

We will see!

click to expand

Poppy just wait it out and see. He sounds like he is all over the place from your previous posts.

It still amuses me that people never really read the post, they apply the story they made up in their own head before they leave their supposingly insightful comment.

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by kissmygrits
Poppy baby you need to not lock things in like a time slot on a worksheet. Enjoy his company. Let him enjoy yours. You already stated in another post he is only interested in you. You should let it build.


My Virgo Dad said one of his mistakes with women was not enjoying the ride. He didn't realize that until after his divorce and he met my lovely angel step mom.


Enjoy the ride girl. Just decide every day when you wake up to be with this guy. 🙂

I feel a lot better today, I guess the post sex hormones has calm down a bit and also I had some good sleep 🙂

I will enjoy the ride he hasn't contacted me yet, I guess he is just going nuts with his hobby this week, plus other duty.

Or there is a chance that he already assumes we are going to see each other on the weekend and he only need to contact when it's closer towards friday or something.

We will see!

click to expand

From this thread and the others you're still confused. I am only suggesting to relax. And if you're still unsure I think it would be wise to ask him. Be impeccable.

Posted by kissmygrits

Posted by Poppyseeds

Posted by kissmygrits
Poppy baby you need to not lock things in like a time slot on a worksheet. Enjoy his company. Let him enjoy yours. You already stated in another post he is only interested in you. You should let it build.


My Virgo Dad said one of his mistakes with women was not enjoying the ride. He didn't realize that until after his divorce and he met my lovely angel step mom.


Enjoy the ride girl. Just decide every day when you wake up to be with this guy. 🙂

I feel a lot better today, I guess the post sex hormones has calm down a bit and also I had some good sleep 🙂

I will enjoy the ride he hasn't contacted me yet, I guess he is just going nuts with his hobby this week, plus other duty.

Or there is a chance that he already assumes we are going to see each other on the weekend and he only need to contact when it's closer towards friday or something.

We will see!

From this thread and the others you're still confused. I am only suggesting to relax. And if you're still unsure I think it would be wise to ask him. Be impeccable.

click to expand

From his actions I know he is a good man. I guess I just prefer direct message in communications.

So you're leaving it all on him while you make assumptions.


Yup this was the start of virgo and I breaking up.

Posted by kissmygrits
So you're leaving it all on him while you make assumptions.


Yup this was the start of virgo and I breaking up.

Thought you were rooting for the guy? You think he is going to dump her now?

Posted by Poppyseeds
Been dating for a bit over 2 months and been on 7 dates. We have a lot in common intellectually and emotionally, as well as our values when it comes to relationship and sex.

We made it known that we are only dating each other, and he wants to take it slow like only see me once a week which suits my schedule. We did it after the talk and he kept telling me how amazing it is during and after. We cuddled and showered together then we went to bed. The next day he made me breakfast and walked me to the station.

I some how have a gut feeling that he wants to take it slow is due to the instability of his career, as it might take him overseas. I asked if that's the case. He was shocked that I could sense it. He said he is not taking it slow consciously due to this reason but it make sense. He also added he's been single for 18 months so he's been in "preserved mode" not sure what that really means... he said his previous relationship was intense with lots of hot and cold from his Virgo ex, they had lots of arguments during the relationship as that's the only way she communicates, and the end was an ugly fight. I asked if they are still in touch. He said not really. As she is overseas and he cut it off when it got too much, she was going through a lot and would randomly message him just to use him to listen to all of her problems.

Perhaps that is why he said to me many times that I'm really sweet and he really likes that. As I seem to be the opposite to his ex?

I told him no one really knows what's going to happen, lets just keep getting to know each other and enjoy our time together. I'm glad we both are very open to talk about stuff. I'm glad we both have a trust foundation and emotional openness that allows us to talk.

I guess sex has more impact on woman as it makes me feel more vulnerable now... he hasn't made solid plan to see me, he only said I will meet his house mate when he is back from holiday. he also said I have to show him that photo next time. he kissed me passionately at the station before he left, I told him he should go as he was running late. haven't heard from him since.

Hunny. I say this without the slightest bit of shade or ill intentions.

But what the fuck happened to you that resulted in this mindset?

Posted by Illuminati

Posted by kissmygrits
So you're leaving it all on him while you make assumptions.


Yup this was the start of virgo and I breaking up.

Thought you were rooting for the guy? You think he is going to dump her now?

click to expand

I am rooting for both of them. But here's the problem with a Virgo and Cancer communication sucks balls. Lots of things could be saved if people would open their mouth. Am I right or wrong? This is for any relationship not just this zodiac combo.