cancer retreats and I am devastated

Dear All,

My first post here and I hope you can help me.
I have been dating the most wonderful cancer man for 3 months now. He has really swept me off my feet and where I was initially afraid, he really took my fear away and made me believe I was it for him. We had a wonderful intense time, contact every single day, whatsapping for hours and he even introduced me to his family and friends. Last weekend we had a little argument, which lasted really only 3 minutes and it was our first one, and that made him so upset that he starting to doubt. He was over with me yesterday afternoon and he cried for hours, saying he was afraid of the feelings he had for me, he felt scared. He also said he loves me and thought I was so special. He asked me if I could give him time so he could think things over, and then answered himself that he couldn't ask me that and left. I then sent him an email saying that I understand his need for space, that I loved him, that I cherished the short time we were together, and that I would wait for him as long as would be good for me. I then left it and didn't text in the evening and not in the morning. This morning he texted me that he loved my email, loves me, and doesn't want to lose me. I texted him back early evening and we had a conversation, he is still emotional and feels overwhelmed with his feelings. He thinks it is a combination of what he feels for me, and that I obviously can hurt him with almost nothing which frightens him ,and the fact the had not been single for that long when we met. He might still need to get over that loss. I asked him what I should do and he said he loves to hear from me. At the same time I think I should leave him alone.

I really want him back as he is a wonderful person, and would like to know what I should best do. I am so afraid his decision will in the end be that he cannot be with me....
Thanks
a scorpio in love

@delia25- how old are you guys?

How can you love someone in 3 months but in situations where problems arise no one accepts it and disappears? How come you apologize but he didn't?

How did you guys mess up anyways? So early in the relationship..what was the argument. Before moving in make sure you guys can handle each other behaviors, attitudes, personality, and temper..

3 minutes argument and he can't handle the emotions?
He sounds like a little boy to me..

thanks for the replies so far. It was not an argument, really. It was a misunderstanding and we both apologized for that. It was just that he actually feels so bad being hurt by something this minor. the situation was that I was going to the other house and he said he would join me fast, and the showed up 1,5 hours later. I said I did't think that that was ok as it was far over bed time by then and that's it. we didn't call each other names or anything. we are both adults in our 40ties and both also not like that at all. I would never call my partner names and as far as I know him, neither would he.

And if I had known he was recenty divorced I would not have dated him That is actually where my fear came from in the beginning when I found out about that.
he reassured me that the relationship had already been over 2 years before but that he found it difficult to break up, when he did he was done with it. he still says the same today. He says his problem is the intensity of his feelings for me, or that he might not be ready for a relationship.

We are still in contact but and he said he loves me, and says he likes to hear from me. I just don;t know what to do. Our contact is from many hours a day to just a little apping today, and we both have a day off and are alone at home. Should I send him a nice text bow and then like we used to but less or leave hime alone completely and let the contact come from him even when he says he likes to hear from me ?

Thanks again

@delia25-Do you really want to work this out tbh?

I hope he is divorced and not legally separated, as he says it.

He probably isn't ready for long term, maybe friendship working towards relationship later in life for your sake.

What's his moon, mercury, and venus? What's yours?

Can you find more pros than cons in this? Common interests? Are you emotionally, physically, sexually, and mentally attached or attentive? Can you work out problems again because he fears lots of things.

Be friends and do things fun, communication and understanding, and honesty helps..

What is important to you stability or intimacy? Trust or compromise?

my moon is Pisces, mercury is scorpio, venus is Libra his moon is Cancer , his mercury is scorpio, his venus is Leo.

He is a wonderful guy I really do not want to loose him.

and I have to say that I feel a connection with him in every way, and he says the same about me. I did feel the same initially, and also fear.
One month in the relationship I nearly stopped dating him because the feeling of : too good to be true overwhelmed me.

he than reassured me and we went on, and i actually lost my fear. And now this.....maybe I should have walked away then because now I am i so deep that i even cannot believe it myself in only 3 months. I never had this before, before things went much slower and it took time for me to feel love. Not with him.

Oh honey your story sounds very similar to mine and I'm in the exact same boat apart from mine has gone back to his ex for comfort (safety blanket)

I don't know what to tell you to do apart from reassure him that you are there but don't pressure him too much, keep it light friendly and fun. Cancers get too scared of deep intense feelings and they hide in their shell, the more you push the further away they go. You can only hope and let him know your still there.

My relationship was the exact same perfect in every way and we never argued not once. He told his ex we were together and she's done everything in her power to win him back including telling him that "I don't love him like she does"

He called it off with me last Sunday after telling me I was the one he wanted to marry.

I'm equally as devastated apart from I can't see a way back for us as he's gone back to her ¢

Really hope you sort it as I feel your pain xx

And...THIS ...is why I stay away from Cancer men...too much emotional drama, they're like little kids.

well, I don't know. Maybe I should just run away. being a scorpio i actually realize I cannot handle this. I am even on a board here to ask for advice while the only one who knows is he.

Maybe I should just tell him that and go on. Maybe he will come out of his cave and maybe it is done when i do that.

If he doesn't want to have mu heart than probably I should give it to somebody else. right ?

Leave them to the Virgos, they like to fix things. Caps don't have time for that bs. We like people who have the majority of their shit together.

Posted by dalia25
He might still need to get over that loss. I asked him what I should do and he said he loves to hear from me. At the same time I think I should leave him alone.

My advice to non-water signs is generally to give cancers space when they do stuff like this, but to water signs especially one as watery as yourself, with sun and moon in water sign, I say talk to him. Even if you say nothing, you are still saying something, besides, scorps can heal wounds like no other.

OP the majority of the people that answered here are non Cancers except for one. I urge you not to listen to them.My man is a Scorp sun and Pisces Moon/Libra Venus like yourself and I am a Crabette with Taurus moon, Rising and Leo Venus. Girl when you described him..you described me. We get scared sometimes because our love run deep and is strong. I felt the same way as him at times. I do believe he loves you.I loved my man the first 2 months of dating him..maybe even less.Sighs,lol.The Scorp/Cancer connection is serious business. Don't give up on him or your relationship just yet and for heaven sake do not listen to these single earth women on here that knows nothing about the special that you two share.

It's a TRAP!!!

***special bond that you two share.

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by Greentea
It's a TRAP!!!

click to expand

Ctfu

Well I dunno but for me I've never run from my feelings when it came getting into a relationship... Anyhow guys are different so I would say maybe the best thing is to let him know you will be there if he needs you and that's it. Maybe a good morning text with a smiley € Harmless. No pressure, just there. If he wants to continue convo he can let him take the lead into something a bit more substantial. Play it by ear and just go with what you feel from him. If he's not responsive to the morning text then I would stop until he reached out. This sucks, I hope he can get over this fear and be back like things were.

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Wait, so you are suggesting that only water signs should speak to Cancers when they are in turmoil?

Generally yes, when cancers shell up, I think other water signs are better at navigating the tumult whereas the cold hard reason of air would miss the subtle cues, the brashness of fire would talk over the person and earth would stumble. I think the water signs with a good measure of intuition would be able to coax the crab out of his shell.

^^ but the keyword is coax, not force, manipulate or subdue.

Girl I feel ya.and I'm sorry. Typical cancer. He'll prolly be back...just be patient and strong.

He sounds like an emotional cancer I'm not I guess its my Taurus moon, Cancer Scorp relationships are intense as it is two emotionally driven people together I laughed when you said little fight there is no such thing as little fights with Scorp Cancer usually the Scorpio is the one that starts the fight you Scorp women like the drama you say you don't like drama but 99% of the time you start it.

Scorpios get comfortable with Cancers fairly quickly so your walls fall down to the ground like a pair of pants so now you are even more intense, more so than you are with anybody else. With Scorpios what you see isn't what you get, you see what they want you to see until they are comfortable with you.

I imagine this Cancer guy she's talking about got a little overwhelmed with the Scorpio intensity he started to get scared. Cancer guys don't handle moving too fast too quickly you Scorpio women get really clingy and possessive. Its hard to explain but I've said this before it can be like walking on eggshells with Scorpio women. When a Scorpio woman is comfortable with you she starts showing you sides of her you've never seen before it can make you say holy schitt what I'm I getting involved in. Then the Scorpio starts getting scared when the Cancer starts backing off now her mind is going 100 miles a minute.

The Cancer man will be back let him process what you've put on him he's got to get his ducks back in a row we don't run away for very long we just need time to straighten things out.

Thanks everybody for your help. Unfortunately it does not really make me feel better. I slept it over and think I should end it for my own sake.
he is contacting me still, sending me little notes but it is very different compared to before, quantity wise, and it just makes me feel alone and vulnerable, having to wait for what he decides. For example, new year is approaching and we were supposed to celebrate that together. I feel bad with the idea that he might decide he is not ready for that and that would really really hurt me, as that day is the day of a happy new future so to speak. I don't want to be alone that evening so I have to make plans in stead of waiting for him.

Stihl46, you are not completely right with your scorpio observation. I was not the intense one, he was. He really swept me off my feet while I kept my guards up. I was not the clingy one but he, he was the one that took it fast, meeting his parents and friends, I did not introduce him to mine yet, for example.

You are right about the fact that I am scared now that he backs off. Afraid of losing him but also afraid of the rejection. Than a typical scorpio action is to end it herself,to prevent further damage. And for me I can just close off everything, erase his phone number and continue with my life. I will be extremely sad for some time but then the situation is also clear, which is now not the case. And like I said before, if he doesn't want my heart I should take it back I think.

Greentea your so right the Virgo/cancer match is Defo the best only because they constantly play this cat and mouse game and can't let each other go, when the rest of us would just think fuck that and walk away. I'm quite a warm Aqua girl but all this moodiness drives me mental. Too much drama for me

Diva1, I somehow feel, that your story is a bit different from the OPs story..... I dont know why, but I feel it...... your cancer guy is quite imbalanced IMHO..... this car business with the ex sounds like a BS, sorry.....

So, if the OP doesnt omitted some crucial facts, they maybe stand a chance.....

I agree, eart or other signs without water act differently, as they cannot really understand the intensity

well, it seems he is back ! Just as I am about to choose for myself he is his old self again, apoing me constantly and teling me he loves me.
Also quite embarrassed with his emotional outburst.

he did not talk about meeting up again but i had a good morning app today and later we chatted in the same lovely way as we used to.

So I am very hopeful and will leave the initiative to meet again up to him.

Thanks guys for your thoughts and mental support !

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember Hmmm.

And if those attempts at simply communication are ignored, and the Cancer responds by demonstrating subtle signs of interest, only to ignore simple attempts at communication yet again?

If you've tried and are completely roadblocked then give up for a bit.

Update : We met and it all looked wonderful. He was his old self again but I was and am so hurt that I just ended it.

so sad.....

Still very sad. I am still hoping he will come to his senses when he has worked on his issues and has dealt with his old relationship.
We only exchanged new year wishes through whatsapp and since then silence. I actually would have expected him to contact me as his new year wish to me was so sweet, calling me sweety and saying he was so happy he met me in 2015, and giving me kisses. As I was the first to send him a new years wish I did not reply to his text, which was s reply to mine.

I want him to contact me really realizing that he misses me and doesn't want to lose me despite me ending it because of his issues, which are hurtful to me.
When I ended it he said he understood and thought that maybe in couple of months he would be ready. I stupidly replied that that wouldn't work for me, but I did tell him in that conversation I loved him so much.

What do you guys think ?

I have no plans of contacting him, because I really think that if this relationship will be successful it will only be so when he is ready.

Thanks for some moral support and tips !

Hi, I really need help with my cancer boyfriend (I’m a virgo), it is a long story but I will do my best to shorten it for you guys.

It started 3 weeks ago when he was being a bit distant because of work pressure (he runs his own business) and other factors contributing to the stress, i.e family expectations and family problems. I didn’t say anything but it really got to me when he would ignore my messages and following that he didn’t message me for a whole day, then the next day he messaged me as if nothing had happened. I became angry and critical being a virgo. I know I shouldn’t have but I at the time I was so upset everything in front of my was a blur and I couldn’t see whats in front of me. What I did after that was become really cold and distant and almost sarcastic when I replied to his message, asking me how I am. I know that’s wrong and I shoudnt criticize because of their sensitive nature, I didn’t mean to but I’m human I learnt from my mistakes.

After sensing my distant cold responses he stopped replying just read my message and left it as it is. The next day I sent him a message explaining that him reading my messages and ignoring them then disappearing for a few days hurts me and makes me feel neglected. I told him he can message me saying he’s busy it doesn’t take long to do so. I also told him im upset and want to talk about this face to face. His reply was short, cold and distant like my attitude the day before, replying “ok sure” to my lengthy message. It upset me even more.

For the pas few weeks he has messaged me once or twice asking how I am and checking in on me and saying we will meet in the next few days to talk and patch things up. Its been almost 2 weeks and we haven’t even spoken I’m so emotional I miss him so much.

I’ve got a feeling he is testing me or something has happened for retreating for this long. I understand I hurt him by critising him but is it possible he is still hurt because of that? It happened 3 weeks ago, surely he must have got over it by now. I don’t know what to do. On one hand I don’t want to message him and cause him to retreat even further and on the other hand I don’t want to not message him and show I don’t care. What is the best approach to take?

How can I make him come out of his hell? Shall I message him or leave him to it?

Also, note I did not apologise when he did, I know I should have at the time, but I’m thinking to add a message saying “I’m sorry if I upset you in any way”?

I appreciate your advice and your time

Posted by virgo9188
Hi, I really need help with my cancer boyfriend (I’m a virgo), it is a long story but I will do my best to shorten it for you guys.

It started 3 weeks ago when he was being a bit distant because of work pressure (he runs his own business) and other factors contributing to the stress, i.e family expectations and family problems. I didn’t say anything but it really got to me when he would ignore my messages and following that he didn’t message me for a whole day, then the next day he messaged me as if nothing had happened. I became angry and critical being a virgo. I know I shouldn’t have but I at the time I was so upset everything in front of my was a blur and I couldn’t see whats in front of me. What I did after that was become really cold and distant and almost sarcastic when I replied to his message, asking me how I am. I know that’s wrong and I shoudnt criticize because of their sensitive nature, I didn’t mean to but I’m human I learnt from my mistakes.

After sensing my distant cold responses he stopped replying just read my message and left it as it is. The next day I sent him a message explaining that him reading my messages and ignoring them then disappearing for a few days hurts me and makes me feel neglected. I told him he can message me saying he’s busy it doesn’t take long to do so. I also told him im upset and want to talk about this face to face. His reply was short, cold and distant like my attitude the day before, replying “ok sure” to my lengthy message. It upset me even more.

For the pas few weeks he has messaged me once or twice asking how I am and checking in on me and saying we will meet in the next few days to talk and patch things up. Its been almost 2 weeks and we haven’t even spoken I’m so emotional I miss him so much.

I’ve got a feeling he is testing me or something has happened for retreating for this long. I understand I hurt him by critising him but is it possible he is still hurt because of that? It happened 3 weeks ago, surely he must have got over it by now. I don’t know what to do. On one hand I don’t want to message him and cause him to retreat even further and on the other hand I don’t want to not message him and show I don’t care. What is the best approach to take?

How can I make him come out of his hell? Shall I message him or leave him to it?

Also, note I did not apologise when he did, I know I should have at the time, but I’m thinking to add a message saying “I’m sorry if I upset you in any way”?

I appreciate your advice and your time

Post this on the cancer board by itself to get insight

Posted by SensitiveBlues
We're not that weak. He's just busy. Stop over thinking

were you responding to me? 🙂

Posted by happyface1

Posted by virgo9188
Hi, I really need help with my cancer boyfriend (I’m a virgo), it is a long story but I will do my best to shorten it for you guys.

It started 3 weeks ago when he was being a bit distant because of work pressure (he runs his own business) and other factors contributing to the stress, i.e family expectations and family problems. I didn’t say anything but it really got to me when he would ignore my messages and following that he didn’t message me for a whole day, then the next day he messaged me as if nothing had happened. I became angry and critical being a virgo. I know I shouldn’t have but I at the time I was so upset everything in front of my was a blur and I couldn’t see whats in front of me. What I did after that was become really cold and distant and almost sarcastic when I replied to his message, asking me how I am. I know that’s wrong and I shoudnt criticize because of their sensitive nature, I didn’t mean to but I’m human I learnt from my mistakes.

After sensing my distant cold responses he stopped replying just read my message and left it as it is. The next day I sent him a message explaining that him reading my messages and ignoring them then disappearing for a few days hurts me and makes me feel neglected. I told him he can message me saying he’s busy it doesn’t take long to do so. I also told him im upset and want to talk about this face to face. His reply was short, cold and distant like my attitude the day before, replying “ok sure” to my lengthy message. It upset me even more.

For the pas few weeks he has messaged me once or twice asking how I am and checking in on me and saying we will meet in the next few days to talk and patch things up. Its been almost 2 weeks and we haven’t even spoken I’m so emotional I miss him so much.

I’ve got a feeling he is testing me or something has happened for retreating for this long. I understand I hurt him by critising him but is it possible he is still hurt because of that? It happened 3 weeks ago, surely he must have got over it by now. I don’t know what to do. On one hand I don’t want to message him and cause him to retreat even further and on the other hand I don’t want to not message him and show I don’t care. What is the best approach to take?

How can I make him come out of his hell? Shall I message him or leave him to it?

Also, note I did not apologise when he did, I know I should have at the time, but I’m thinking to add a message saying “I’m sorry if I upset you in any way”?

I appreciate your advice and your time

Post this on the cancer board by itself to get insight

click to expand

I already have, thanks