Curious on the sudden actions of my male cancer long term friend (slightly graphic)

I need some insight, My male cancer friend of 13 months has recently become focused on helping me to improve my quality of life. He told me, that he is my own personal life coach. Keep in mind I have never asked for his help and I'm happy my life, career, social and personal lives are fine.

He recently has begun to point out my flaws and shortcomings and says I'm always angry, We never yell, I get frustrated when he makes snide comments about my quirks, for example, I talk to the TV during the Jeopardy show, I simply will answer aloud, answering the questions. He said this is a flaw. But he talks to his "video games" when I asked about that issue, he said it was different because he's playing a game,.. alright...lol. WTF is the difference. When I do it it's a flaw, when he does it it's normal. BUT he's only pointing it out to help "me improve"

Then he came over yesterday and mounted my flat panel tv to the wall. I cooked dinner and we decided to watch a video and out of the clear blue. He asked me if I would rather do Ben Affleck or Jesse Eisenburg, I answered Ben Affleck to which he replied, You should pick Jesse Eisenberg he has a 10 inch cock, my response was How do YOU know he has a 10 inch cock? He replied it's just the word on the street and proceeded to taunt me rather childishly that I was craving Jesse's 10 inch cock and wanted him to bang me doggy style with his massive cock. I was shocked as we are only friends, we have never kissed or been intimate in any kind of way. And he has flaunted his "flavors of the week" in front of me and it's never been an issue. Why has he gone crude on me? He's never acted that way before. Also the final thing last night as I was washing the dishes he proceeded to tell me he prefers Magnum condoms, it was a oddly timed statement considering he had been TEASING me about wanting to bang Jesse Eisenberg.....



what is going on with him?

He's getting too comfy with you that he feels he can say anything to you (out of the blue like the Magnum condoms).

Now, for the first part. He's a hypocrite (is he Piscean or Saggy)—?

The third long paragraph. Uh, he asks you a question and then he disses your choice? Why the hell bother asking you in the first place if he didn't' like your response? Again, is he Piscean or Saggy?

I'll wait for your response.

🤗 cyber hug!

Love,

Eva

Eva, He is a Cancer. I'm an Aries

First, I thought ' HE MUST HAVE SOME VIRGO IN HIS CHART' * check that out* until I came to this Ben Affleck thing...very confusing haha

I'm not sure about his chart influences, July 10, 1985. Orlando, FL. birth time unknown

Don't take any shy from him. Call him out on how he is acting, and if that doesn't work, run. This cancer is a very naughty cancer. And not in the fun way.

Shit*

I suggest taking a much needed break. You need some time apart from this guy.

I don't know your whole 13 month story but if you've been confiding in him like he's one of your girlfriends, as in talking about your life situations, talking about your problems, talking about yourself in a self deprecating, low self esteem kind of way be it past or present then this could explain one reason as to why he's attempting to fix you.

Men fix problems. They love to fix things and if you've ever come across as needing something about yourself to be fixed then he's going to do it, he's going to offer up solutions. That's what a lot of men do. The cabinets broke, he'll fix it, you got a flat tire, he'll fix it, you need advice he'll offer up a solution which is quite normal.

As for the 10 inch cock thing. Well this whole non sexual situation has been going on for 10 months and sometimes to get things out of the non sexual zone TENSION needs to exist thus him causing friction and tension can essentially turn it all around.

Him being a bad boy is a sure way to get OUT of the friendzone. A lot of women will focus on the bad boy behavior and the more we women focus our attention on one mans behavior the more sexually aroused and sexually interested we become eventually.

Negging a woman is PUA (pick up artist) techniques. It's a panty dropper and yes it works when women are UNAWARE of what's actually going on.

Google pua negging

Negging is a way to kick a hot girl off of her pedestal and is also used to get around her natural barriers to fend off men or a man sexually, but when he's pointing out flaws she's no longer guarding her boundaries if she's attempting to get his approval and once she starts to try to convince a man that she's good enough, she's worthy, then naturally sex comes into the equation.

Negging a woman, making her feel inadequate, making her feel incapable of taking care of herself and/or her life, can cause her to doubt herself, cause her to NEED the guy and CLING to the guy who purports to be able to fix her bad qualities, his approval can fix her life, some women live for a mans affirmation that she's beautiful and worthy of his love affection and attention and if he rejects her then she will chase him or convince him to get his approval.

It sounds like he may be using some form or variation of PUA. Whatever you do don't rely on his advice or support to define yourself. You are enough. Your life is your own to fix, that's if it needs fixing.

I'm not saying he's 100% negging but IMHO it sure seems that way.

So there are a couple of scenarios that's being played out here....

He is from Orlando. That's enough right there. 😛

Posted by tiki33
I suggest taking a much needed break. You need some time apart from this guy.

I don't know your whole 13 month story but if you've been confiding in him like he's one of your girlfriends, as in talking about your life situations, talking about your problems, talking about yourself in a self deprecating, low self esteem kind of way be it past or present then this could explain one reason as to why he's attempting to fix you.

Men fix problems. They love to fix things and if you've ever come across as needing something about yourself to be fixed then he's going to do it, he's going to offer up solutions. That's what a lot of men do. The cabinets broke, he'll fix it, you got a flat tire, he'll fix it, you need advice he'll offer up a solution which is quite normal.

As for the 10 inch cock thing. Well this whole non sexual situation has been going on for 10 months and sometimes to get things out of the non sexual zone TENSION needs to exist thus him causing friction and tension can essentially turn it all around.

Him being a bad boy is a sure way to get OUT of the friendzone. A lot of women will focus on the bad boy behavior and the more we women focus our attention on one mans behavior the more sexually aroused and sexually interested we become eventually.

Negging a woman is PUA (pick up artist) techniques. It's a panty dropper and yes it works when women are UNAWARE of what's actually going on.

Google pua negging

Negging is a way to kick a hot girl off of her pedestal and is also used to get around her natural barriers to fend off men or a man sexually, but when he's pointing out flaws she's no longer guarding her boundaries if she's attempting to get his approval and once she starts to try to convince a man that she's good enough, she's worthy, then naturally sex comes into the equation.

Negging a woman, making her feel inadequate, making her feel incapable of taking care of herself and/or her life, can cause her to doubt herself, cause her to NEED the guy and CLING to the guy who purports to be able to fix her bad qualities, his approval can fix her life, some women live for a mans affirmation that she's beautiful and worthy of his love affection and attention and if he rejects her then she will chase him or convince him to get his approval.

It sounds like he may be using some form or variation of PUA. Whatever you do don't rely on his advice or support to define yourself. You are enough. Your life is your own to fix, that's if it needs fixing.

I'm not saying he's 100% negging but IMHO it sure seems that way.

So there are a couple of scenarios that's being played out here....

Negging just makes me want to get *away* from what's making me feel shitty, not get *closer* and fuck it for approval.

"Negging just makes me want to get *away* from what's making me feel butterty, not get *closer* and treetrunk it for approval."

I know right...

Something I had to learn is to not get so caught up when a guy seemed interested in me. Stop needing a man's approval, stop approval seeking, stop needing a man to affirm my worth. Stop wanting it and stop needing it. I had to really do some serious inner strengthening, self help, self work, whatever they call it these days.

Even if he was the one doing almost all of the initiating I made sure not to create an illusory relationship at what appeared to be genuine interest. Some men appear interested, will call as if he's not calling anyone else or will initiate interest as if he's not initiating interest in other women because a lot of women will easily let there guards down with this behavior.

No matter how interested a man may appear---you just never know his social habits with other females.

Don't give up. I eventually married so I know that there are genuine good men in the world but you have to be AWARE of what's going on in the world as well.

Thank-You for all the helpful replies. I'm supposed to meet with him tonight at his house. Dinner and a movie in. It's strange to me that all of our phone communication is normal and respectful. When I'm alone and in person with him, it seems the "trashy or sexual innuendo talk begins" I wonder exactly how to ask him if he may be feeling sexual tension between us and why he's talking in that fashion. Or simply say nothing and take a break from hanging out with him going forward. In our friendship, when he got accepted into his Masters degree program, after calling his mother, I was the next call for him to share his happy news. I'm the one he confides in alot, sometimes more than he should, for example last summer he had a case of jock itch he had seen a doctor for and felt the need to share that information with me. Thanks for the overshare.....lol I guess in our friendship I'm grateful he feels he can share things with me. I have family and friends to spend time with. As a cancer male in the 13 months I've known him he's never hung out with other friends, I'm not sure if he has any, he's hung out with family members but no friends from his past and I've only seen him briefly with his female hookups, none of which he's introduced to me and they do not seem to last beyond a couple dates it makes me wonder why. He even told me last week that he told a random girl that I was his wife. I said why would you tell a woman that I'm your wife, he said....to see her reaction. WTF?

Eternal do you want a guy that's a girlfriend---does all the girlfriend behavior with you? Or do you want a lover, a confidante, someone you can make love to and share intimacy with?

How you're behaving is confusing. He's doing the sexual negging to get you sexually interested in him because most men don't want to be a woman's friend unless he has ZERO physical attraction and/or is Gay.

So he's not Gay, he's a hot blooded heterosexual man that is reaching his fed up point with you. He's been in your life for 10 months or more and NOTHING has shifted beyond friendship.

If he's the random hook up type of guy then he most likely has the playa pua qualities that don't make for a good boyfriend.

Not certain what you're doing or what you're trying to accomplish, I sense a little be of self denial, self dishonesty on your part.

If you don't want sex then what do you want from this guy?

@ tiki33: Truthfully since we started out as simply friends. A physical and emotional attraction has always been there And since he's never initiated a kiss or made a move. And since he makes it a point to reveal his sexual conquests to me. The only thing that made me think he may want something more is the recent negging he had started and that was ONLY after you had explained what he was doing. There are definate differences between him and I, When I want a sexual relationship with a man the last thing I'm going to tell him about a hookup or parade another man in front of him, He's done those things so I assumed him to be unavailable or uninterested in anything beyond a regular friendship.

Understandably I'm hesitant, as if I am wrong, I risk losing him as a friend. I would like to get closer to him, we are fairly close now, the physical/sexual component, is the only missing factor, .he's already a confidante, I would like to take things to the next level. It's obvious for that to happen I'd have to make the move since he clearly has not.

Damn ilthis sounds familiar but if you stay in you end up hurt not him.

" And since he makes it a point to reveal his sexual conquests to me. "

" He's done those things so I assumed him to be unavailable or uninterested in anything beyond a regular friendship. "

He's revealing that he is DESIRABLE. Social value is very important to a man that conquer women sexually, mentally and emotionally.

Some women want what they can't have so if he can make it appear that his social VALUE is very high then he can create intense feelings of need and want in a woman.

If he can demonstrate HIGHER VALUE than the average guy then your interest in him sexually will increase. When he's being the perfect friend his VALUE increases in your eyes b/c now he's not just the average guy anymore, he's a friend that you've prioritized in your life.

PUA is mostly mental as well so if repetitively talks about sex over and over again then your subconscious mind will pick up the sexual ANCHOR he's instilling and then you begin to think about him and sex, being with him sexually etc...

Since you're not falling in line with the NORMAL behaviors that most women display for example needing him, wanting him, wanting to tame him, conquer him and keep him pent up in the backyard with a leash around his neck thus he's now up'ing the behavior to intensify the reaction he's looking for.

"Understandably I'm hesitant, as if I am wrong, I risk losing him as a friend."

You've projected the word friendship onto him but he's not your friend, far from it. You may be his friend but he's just being friendly, appearing to be your friend to CONQUER you.

Men that brag about the women they've conquered sexually are CONQUERERS and they are only interested in conquest and if appearing to be a woman's friend gives him an edge well so be it.

He's made the move but those moves do not resonate with you. The dirty talk is getting you READY and PREPARED to be conquered.

If you know he has player habits then he will not stick around after the sex has happened.

He is growing impatient because he's put in way too much time and is now speeding up the seduction process as to not be in this situation with you for a year or longer.

You just decide if you can be okay with being conquered sexually and lose what you perceived to be friendship because he won't be around much more after having sex with you. He may stick around for a little while as to not appear to be a complete douchebag user but eventually he'll fade away from your life.

I'm not against PUA techniques if both people are winning but most time the women find themselves on the losing end of the situation which is why there is so much female aversion to the behavior.

Update:My male cancer friend has told me we need to keep things strictly professional between us and not even 3 minutes later The sexual teasing (about wanting Jesse Eisenburg's 10 inch schlong) and innuendo has continued again and he asked me Friday night if I had ever let anyone pee on my face and I said no, and immediately said you have never had anyone pee on your face, again I said "never". This is beyond anything I've ever gone through before.



Does he want to control me? I'm wondering what to say to him to require an explanation on his part.

@notsosure He had said these things to me in person at my house Friday night. It's not he's high at work. He was hanging out on my sofa when he said these things to me. He was not high