HELP! Cancer Experts....need your advice! :(

Okay I've been reading these forums for quite a while now (6-7months)and I need ya'lls opinion. I have been playing the cat and mouse game with my cancer man for about 11 months now. Everything I have read on these cancer men seem to just right on the mark. Scary but none the less it's so true. Their tuff exterior, how really emotional inside they are, coming around then pulling away. Yes, practically hiding from you!!
Okay so we started out as friends, I found out he had a fiance that broke his heart and he's been lost every since. Think it's been about 2-3 years now. Well I come on the scene and we see each other and it's on. I was so intrigued with this guy. So there's a month or so of us just hanging out and being friends......then we got drunk one night and went all the way. Okay It was great,we're still friends, yada yada, but then we hook up again at my house and I guess that's where the affair starts. It goes on and on like this for months, he would chase me around, I'd casually show up where he was at. He went from me taking him home in the morning to him just staying another day. We never said we were together, we just always were. Whether it be, I'm gonna be over here, you gonna come or him saying, hey, I'm over here, Where are you? We would get into fights sometimes, and yeah he would clam up and get quiet and distant, but as soon as I asked him to come back he would. He went to cali, to learn a job and now he is back and at first he couldn't wait to see my daughter and I. And we didn't have sex the first night. The second night we talked for a while and he said "you know I don't just want you for sex, I really enjoy being with you and spending time with you." And he wanted to snuggle!!! He never snuggles. Things where cool, and then we got in an argument. I told him that I loved him (friend thing) and that I'm never going to be anyone he would ever want, so I need to start letting him go so I could get over him... Well he said,that he thought we were just friends and that he didn't know that I cared about him more than that, and he told me to do what my heart tells me to do. I told him that my heart was with him. I later text and told him I was sorry for ruining our friendship. He has texted me twice since then, and that he misses me. Should I text back? I miss him so much!! It's killing me. Or should I just let it go?

honey please text me back...... i'm kidding, just think how funny it would be if he was on these forums eh?

it sounds like you both are being guarded and waiting for the other to show his cards. heh. sex is one thing, feelings are another, eh?

Oh okay....Thanks for replying.... um actually I forgot.... to fit this in.... um when he text me "I miss You" it was 1:45 in the morning... I didn't get it till in the morning and I did text him "I miss you too".... I haven't heard from him since. It's been 5 day's... do you think he got his feelings hurt that I didn't text him back right away?

Okay and I have to clear this up... when I told him that my heart was with him, he said (i couldn't fit this in) "well carrie I love you and I love your daughter, I love being at your house because I am so comfortable, I didn't know you felt that way but I'm good with it. "I said your good with it" he said, "i don't have a choice, so yeah. lol" I said so your good with me letting you go? It took him a long time to reply and he said " what do want me to say carrie" I said " I love you and Ciera loves you, say that your gonna be there for us. Your friendship means everything to me and I'll always be your friend."
I didn't hear from him for 3 days and then he needed a friend to talk to at 1:00 in the morning and I was asleep. but text him the next morning saying I was sorry, missed his text.
Then I sent him one days later telling him....that we missed him and I was sorry for ruining our friendship, and he sent back later that day... Hey just got your text Carrie. Miss ya'll Too!
Then 3 days later he sent the 1;00 in the morning text!! I miss you.

I don't know what the hell to think anymore...

t sounds like you both are being guarded and waiting for the other to show his cards. heh. sex is one thing, feelings are another, eh?

Well I showed my cards and he left my high and dry..... until I apologized for screwing up our friendship..... then he texted me twice after that ....

I scared him off huh?.... I think I should leave him alone... but I don't know?
Yeah sex is one think feelings are definitively another!

wineaux and pirahna are spot on.

and yeah, lose the word "friend" from your vocabulary, lol.

All he wants is sex, if he wanted more he would have made a move by now, after all its been 6 to 7 months, lol,, TRUST ME, Us Cancers KNOW what we want, if we want it we are not scared to say so, right now your just his convienient sex-friend. When he falls in love with someone though he may cut off feelings for you with a snap of his claw, so if you want more, speak now or forever hold your peace.

I don't know what I want I guess.... I want him but right now he is drinking a lot more than usual and that is scaring me. I also found some texts on him phone about a week before all this happened and he had naked pictures of girls and a text from a girl asking when he was gonna come see her. He responded with something about sleeping on her big huge bed. I don't know.... I just wanted to know if I should text him back or leave him alone... I do love him, maybe we are just supposed to be friends..... I did finally text him today and told him that I was thinking about him and missed him. He responded right back with a "hi miss carrie. miss ya! I told him "miss you too... terribly, how are you doing" he said "good" been busy, gonna start a second job. and we text for a while.
I talked to his brothers girlfriend at lunch today, she lives with him. She said, "Ha! Busy Brewing!" and that he's been asleep on the cough all day! 😢 😢 😢 then she looked at me and said "he's been drinking every day except this past Monday night." I'm so sad.... When he was in California he had stopped drinking working with his uncle and doing really good!!! I said I haven't called him or texted him much cause I don't want to bother him. She said "carrie I don't think you'd be bothering him, I think he is just hurt" I don't know what to do. Should I reach out to him , or leave him alone? I don't really think he wants a future with me but I could see him missing our friendship... we were I guess as close as he was willing to get with a girl at the time. I just don't want to fall, well I already did, but I don't want to be used.

If he didn't want me to let go he would have said so! Seriously!!! Don't you think? I think he's just mad at me cause I screwed the friends with benefits thing up! He's just potting and throwing a fit! And Yes, I do believe he is already punishing me.

wineaux (I don't know how to respond like ya'll yet so I have to copy and Paste) LOL 🙂
Posted by virgolioness
I said so your good with me letting you go? It took him a long time to reply and he said " what do want me to say carrie" I said " I love you and Ciera loves you, say that your gonna be there for us. Your friendship means everything to me and I'll always be your friend."

why did you ask him if he was good with letting you go? he never said 'carrie, i don't want this. it's best if you let me go...' or something to that effect. what DID you want him to say? don't leave? you didn't give him a choice...you just said are you ok with it. meaning YOU ARE LEAVING
* I said so your good with ME letting YOU go? * he could have said no I am not!!! If he wanted to. Right?
and
where's the trust doll? were you going through his phone in front of him for fun or behind his back? i mean, it's good you found this beforehand, but since you weren't in an exclusive relationship, he can have all of the naked pics he wants on his phone. did you call him out on this?
*yeah I did this behind his back* and I did that before he left to cali.....he likes attention, I know! but he's was always with me* *and no I didn't call him on it this last time, the first time I did it he OF COURSE got MAD!!!✨ 😢

I love your .02 cents and I love bluntness.... I still think if he wanted me enough he would have done or said something.,... or he could just be toooo scared! CANCERS!!! I would love a freindship with him but I have to get over him first... I still get butterflies when I see him and mind you I haven't seen him since this happened!! July 8th! 😢 I don't really know if I could handle it anyways... not if its cat and mouse constantly! Him and Ciera get along GREAT! If he had a permanent job and quit drinking that would be GREAT too! He hasn't even talked to my daughter... he mush be mad or really hurt huh? I just thought that if didn't want more than friendship than if would make sense that I get over him so that we could be friends... real friends... not this sick game stuff... ya know?

wineaux, you are blunt without being insulting and most people will be open and appreciative of that. 🙂

virgolioness, I may be wrong, but based on everything I read, I don't get the feeling he's into you on a romantic level.

okay 🙂 🙂 What do you think guys—

He called me last night 5 times in a row!!! It was 10:30... not really that late for me so I finally answered. He wanted to know if him and a friend could come crash at the house cause I live fairly close to the bar, and they were not in a condition to drive. So of course i said yes, especially after he said, Carrie, it's good to hear your voice I want to see you. (heart melted)
He got there and he just hugged me.... and it was all about me....I kinda got scared, but he was soooo sweet!!! We still have yet to establish anything but he kept saying how much he missed me. I told him I was sorry for arguing and He said I didn't have any reason to be sorry, and that he was sorry, And that he loved me. He would just look at me and smile... and flirt with me. Said he was sorry that he argued with me, That he was sooo happy to be here. He said he thought about me everyday and he was gonna be by my side and be here for Ciera and I. He has Ciera with him right now as we speak... they are at a bar b q.... I didn't want to go. 🙂 I wanted them to spend time together.... 🙂 He kept putting his hand on my shoulder, leg, hand... he was always wanting to touch me some where... and when we went to lay down her actually spooned with me... we NEVER have spooned!! We spooned ALL night! He kept saying how much he missed being here. He still called me friend though and I of course did too.... so I don't know..... this morning he of course wasn't touchy or feely but he was constantly smiling, as I was too.... and happy. Not distant, would always look at me and wonder what I was doing.... I don't know if I should ask him anything.... or just go with the flow. Gosh, I don't know!!! I Just Don't know.
Okay Cancers!!! And cancer spouse people!! What do you Think—?? Be HONEST! 🙂 Is he just pulling me in... messing with my head. Did he do all that just for sex? Cuz of course we did!!!🙂 (for hours) Should I push anything, should I leave it along..... ride the wave.... go with the flo... the one thing I am doing different now is I'm not drinking anymore. I stopped the day I pushed him away... that was 18 days ago.... Anyways (just thought i'd throw that in there) 🙂
Anxiously awaiting!!

I need some advice like really soon!!! 😢 😢

lol Pande,
My thoughts exactly

K I read most of your posts. This is what I honestly think but it's just my opinion: It looks like he's happy with the way things are. It's a bit more than sex but he can still do what he wants with whoever else and be with you when he wants and take off when he wants be nice when he wants be distant when he wants. If you want more you won't get it with him. The way I see it Cancerian Goddess told you the truth of the matter.
To answer your question I don't think he's messing with you. How would that be? He's not your boyfriend he can do what he wants with other women. He probably does love and miss you it's just that he probably feels the same and says the same to others. As far as what you should do, forget him if you want better/more from him, if not then enjoy. I personally don't think this type of thing works if one is exclusive(you) and the other one isn't.

Posted by virgolioness

We still have yet to establish anything but he kept saying how much he missed me. I told him I was sorry for arguing and He said I didn't have any reason to be sorry, and that he was sorry, And that he loved me. He would just look at me and smile... and flirt with me. Said he was sorry that he argued with me, That he was sooo happy to be here. He said he thought about me everyday and he was gonna be by my side and be here for Ciera and I.

Dear sweet virgolioness... it just reminds about how once the cancer came after about a month period without meeting, and the first thing he said when he saw me was "I missed you so!". I was playing with his hair and all he kept saying was things that he felt while I was not around him, and asked me to keep playing with his hair until he stops missing me (yes, while I was there next to him). Of course, I was messed up about the avalanche of emotions and feelings coming both from inside of me but also from him and all the words expressing his feelings and his body language. From my opinion he was sincere with you.

Posted by virgolioness

I don't know if I should ask him anything.... or just go with the flow. Gosh, I don't know!!! I Just Don't know.
Okay Cancers!!! And cancer spouse people!! What do you Think—?? Be HONEST! 🙂 Is he just pulling me in... messing with my head. Did he do all that just for sex? Cuz of course we did!!!🙂 (for hours) Should I push anything, should I leave it along..... ride the wave.... go with the flo... [...]
Anxiously awaiting!!

click to expand

So many questions... once again.. the virgo comes out! Very characteristic! Especially when you have to take care of your daughter too. I understand you pretty well. First of all, what stops you from loving him? from letting him into your life? About the asking problem... if you feel like it, then do it! Talks and sincerity will do you good, tell him that the only thing you ask from him will be to be sincere. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Just make sure you're just the two of you when you talk, and find the proper moment! I would recommend to do it when he starts talking about himself or he expresses his feelings/ good moods about you.(him: "I missed you!", "Why would you miss me?","Is that what I feel","Where does that feeling comes from?","From my heart..."

"Is there anything else in your heart for me?") - you get the ideea, small steps that will lead you to all your answers.

the last thing I want to say is: stop pushing him away if you have feelings from him and if you feel that there is something inside of him for you, give him a chance!

p.s. cancerian males are all messed up about our virgoush way of being, they can't read our feelings, our reactions, our mind, unless we let them, and they know that they find something about us ONLY because we let them know it! they consider us very difficult!

you shouldn't give up the kitty to a cancer unless they are committed to you. we love sex. we chase sex even from our partners. so once you give it up and it's no longer a 'challenge'?(maybe a bad choice of words) then our interest can drift.

honestly we can have good sex with anyone, meaning the sex for them is great because we aim to please but if it's not mind blowing, spiritual, earth shattering for us, well... you get the picture.

what you should have done was let him come over but not let him hit it because in doing so you were essentially a booty call. you've told him you're letting him go but still letting him come over and sleep with you? i'm confused...

women say that men are game players and don't know what they want but everything from virgolioness has been pretty much mixed messages and signals. how can he take what you say seriously if you don't even do that?

anyone will respect the truth... and you must serve it in order to get it back. say what you mean and mean what you say. if you don't know, then don't say anything...

Everytime he tries to make you feel secure and good in his care for you .. you push him away.


What do you expect of him?


You look through his texts, and the only reason to do something like that is for the reason of trying to find something to "catch" him on .... and quite frankly, you're pushing him away = you giving him the right to seek out other woman who might actually want him.



If your feelings are hurt, then you deserve them to be.

Okay, I really really appreciate all the advice everyone. There are so many things that have happened in these 11 months it's hard for me to tell ya'll without it becoming a book and I AM SO SO Sorry about that... truly am.
Virgodreaz/Wineaux: When we first got together I told him if he was sleeping with other people that I would not slept with him agian, and to please be honest with me because I can't do that, and I think it's gross. He assured me he had no need to sleep with anyone else and everyone he knows, plus his brother has told me in different ways the same. I would have not gone on like this if there was any incling that he was... I just checked his phone that first time because he checked mine and then after that I kinda got addicted. I'm not going to do it agian because you are all right. I need to trust him. Yes he likes attention from other girls, I know this, he flirts...I am not officially his girlfriend, so you are ALL right!
Shellshocker: he says "Carrie sex is Amazing". "I love having sex with you",and he has also said, "I want to make love to you" "Carrie,I love making love to you"

To most of you: I have sent mixed messages, especially when he would pull away, but I'm also thinking that's why we have been doing this, this long. I don't think he knows what the hell to think. Neither do I. In the begging he told me he would never date me, I said good, cuz i'd never date you. 2 1/2 months later he told me he had fallen for me, after I told him he was just scared and I told him I was scared too.(we were drunk never talked about it agian) 1 1/2 months later we got in a fight and he said we could never be together,(and he couldn't tell me why cause he didn't want to make me mad)and I got the 'well to hell with you attitude".
We kept being friends, I think, because we didn't want to let go....but I think we call it friends because we are both scared. (I could be totally wrong)
Or he really does, just wants to keep me around for sex or until something better comes along, like canceriangoddess said. or he is doing this thinking it's going somewhere maybe eventually, and he's seeing if I am worth it... like wineaux said.

But I will probably never know because I think I'm in "way over my head" and I am scared to ask or tell him because I am scared he is going to reject me.

And that is going to kill me..... 😢 but then again, some of you would probably say, "U deserved it" 😢 or "That's what you get!"

P-Angel: That was hard to hear: I push him away because he push's me away, so I counteract with pushing back.
I have been sooooo good to him in so many ways, it hurts when he push's me away... I practically spoil him, just like I do my daughter, and I've told both of them that. Ya'll are spoilt!

But through these forums I have learned that you can't do that because they are just moods, and their emotional moods and you have to give them space and give them time to work through it. But I do totally understand what you said. it was hard to digest but I did. 🙂

and as for the phone thing you are right!

Posted by Let*It*Be
" 2 1/2 months later he told me he had fallen for me, after I told him he was just scared and I told him I was scared too.(we were drunk never talked about it agian)"


^^^again, he tells you he has fallen for you while drunk. What does he tell you when he's sober?

That a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.....

Posted by virgolioness

I practically spoil him, just like I do my daughter, and I've told both of them that. Ya'll are spoilt!

But through these forums I have learned that you can't do that because they are just moods, and their emotional moods and you have to give them space and give them time to work through it.

You are terribly confused about people, it appears .. which isn't surprising since you're a Virgo.

First, to spoil someone and to tell them they are spoiled ... is for yourself, not them. Most people find satisfaction in life when they have to work towards something, so if you rob them of having to put forth effort in their lives, so you can satisfy yourself in feeling like you are a giving person ... then you are actually robbing them of valuable life lessons .... and the only person that benefits is you.

And then this benefit, in which has escaped your awareness ... is actually an injury to yourself, because as you spoil, you also expect appreciation. The Virgo is notorius for feeling like people are taking advantage of them, and in most cases, the other person didn't even ask for you to spoil them ... so the only person hurting your feelings in this taking advantage of yourself is you.

Then the last sentence you say you've learned why to not do that, saying it's their feelings they need to have space to figure things out ... and that's not even true, so I can't fathom how you have come to the conclusion that this was an accurate lesson.

The things you do, is YOUR feelings to work through, not the other persons. If you feel compelled to do something - this is YOUR mood, this is you who has to work through why you feel the way you do ..... and not the other persons duty to sift through it all and come up with a resolution for them to live their lives according to how you feel.

Hopefully you got all that .... I am a fierce advocate of self accountibility, as you can tell.

If you hold yourself to everything you've said in here .... then all of your worries and confusion would vanish because you would then realize that the only person who can approve of you for you .. is you.