How to help a depressing Cancer male?

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Cancerian on Tuesday, July 11, 2006 and has 4 replies.

Profile picture of Cancerian
@Cancerian
20 Years

I have this friend who has a boyfriend who's a cancer.
He's a total wreck. He cuts himself and drinks a lot, apparently last night at a party she found him digging his nails into his wrists drunk and when she was driving him home he was rambling, crying about jumping out of the car.
I really want to help since she has no clue of what to do but harm herself to show how much it hurts to see him do it, but then he gets upset if she does it and falls into another fit of depression.
How can we get him to stop? how is it possible to handle a Cancer male in depression?

Profile picture of tripod
@tripod
20 Years500+ Posts

If slapping the crap out of him could work, I'd say have at it. However that would never work and only reinforce his destructive behavior. I suggest your friend is in "savior mode" and that's a very dangerous place to be. Obviously the boyfriend needs to get clean/sober in order to fix what's broken. Maybe do an intervention involving his family and/or anyone who truely cares about his well being. Writing from personal experience your friend is way over his/her head in this. He requires professional help and probably so does your friend if continuing the relationship, as the drama itself is an addiction. Good luck

Profile picture of o_O
@o_O
20 Years500+ Posts

Take him to a place where he can feel appreciated.
Make sure he gets hugs & Kisses.
When he's sitting, hug`em.
When he's in deep though looking bluntly, hug`em.
When he's sleeping, hug`em.
When it's a rainy day, calm-down and hug`em.
Relax with him.
Cook him a crab, a lobster. (Hehe)
Buy him a Fish tank with fishes that are diffrent colors; mostly red, blue, yellow. (It's soothing)
Buy a puppy.
Take him out to eat.
etc..

Profile picture of tripod
@tripod
20 Years500+ Posts

Hi C. Was my post any help? Just want to add that my son is a cancer. Normally, he's upbeat, social, creative, and generally a fun person. And yet at times would have his "darker days". Given time, usually afew days to a week, he would bounce back out of it. During those darker times I learned patience and to not take it personally. He was working things out in his way, maybe it's the cancer way, plus his moon is sag/scorpio cusp. However - he was never, to my recollection, self destructive. The behavior/acting out you described is not normal! Please for your own sake, and your friend's, find someone in your community you respect and trust to talk with and counsel you further. Life can change in a heartbeat, and best lived with no regrets.

Profile picture of mr.crabby
@mr.crabby
21 Years1,000+ PostsCancer

Time for the nuthouse, from what you're saying. I was in there for 2 months, it won't kill him, just have a couple people gently force him there. Don't take it all on yourself, you won't make it.