quirky cancer male

(just reposting from the astrology board) I have been talking to this cancer guy since around August. Since December, we have gotten closer to the point we communicate daily; text messages, cam chat and talk on the phone. It was strictly friendly (but flirty) at first but we mutually agreed that it has crossed the line into possible relationship material. Until recently he was working in another city but last week he returned to my city so we finally met in person on Thursday. It went great and we saw each other again Saturday. He is really huggy which is cool and we only kissed...nothing else. Unfortunately we both had other plans but arranged to meet up later that night and he was to call me. He didn't call. Sunday I tried calling him...several times...but he didn't answer. I text messaged him once saying I just wanted to know that he was OK. It was out of character for him to not call or to return a call so I was genuinely worried. Here we are today and STILL no call. I know that he has been online today so at least I know he is alive (smirk) but I don't understand why he isn't calling!! Any isight is welcome. Not sure if it matters, but I am a leo. Thanks...

He either doesn't want to take it further, he felt slighted or is very confused about the matter.

"Unfortunately we both had other plans but arranged to meet up later that night and he was to call me."

You need to really be more clear. Who wanted to arrange a new date and who was the one first to state they had other plans? Who came with the idea that he should call you?

Thanks for your reply Sam. When we spoke on Friday and were making plans for Saturday night he told me that he had a gig (he is a dj) on Saturday night but that we could see each other beforehand and that we could meet up afterwards also. So, Saturday evening when we were together, we agreed that he would come over after his gig but I told him to call cuz I might be asleep and wouldn't hear the doorbell.

This is just such a sudden turn of events. I decided to not call him anymore. In all I probably called about 7 times through out all of Sunday and I called once this AM. Maybe that alone has put him off? I think I should just wait and let him decide what he wants to do. Obviously something is up and he can't or doesn't want to talk to me.....

wow...wish I had your resolve...'cause I'm going through it and it's driving me up the wall......

So you feel my pain X— I think for me, the worst part is the lack of control I feel in the situation and the NOT knowing what is going on and why he isn't calling. Is this how cancer men do? Ugh......

yes...I feel your pain...all of what you just said......

Don't try to list men in 12 set stereotypical types. Someone's sign is not a testimony to someone's character nor justification to someone's actions.

I was thinking when Cancer men do this retreating thing I wonder how they would feel if when they decide to come out of their shell that their was NOONE to come back to...hmmmm!!—?

Leokitten I KNOW!!! Ugh...I cannot believe I let myself do that. Honestly, I was so convinced that something terrible had happened to him. Normally I wouldn't have gone so crazy. But, he never pulled that kind of crap before so I found it really odd that he hadn't called. There were NO signs that he had a problem with me and it was so cool between us that I figured the only way this man could be ignoring me is if he is in trouble....lol. I clearly was not thinking straight. So embarrassing.....

YaMama, try it. You have to make them feel what they make you feel. It takes courage to teach them life lessons. But it also takes a great deal of patience. The Cancer males I know are child-like. When you teach them, they will appreciate the lesson. Maybe not at first but they will never forget you. Also it's the only way you will be able to show them how they make you feel. The Cancer man feels and makes judgment calls with his heart. When he's just not that into you, he can be one of the coldest men on this planet. However, even if he cares for you, he can be cold and distant, at times, without any warning. Some are more courageous than others. The cowards will attempt to put you through all kinds of twists and turns. They may call them tests but I call them silly mind games. It's all about control and power. Don't be deceived by the outward appearance. There's much more to the Cancer man than meets the eye.

funny....he told me recently that he likes women who take control. So now he is acting like a little bitch and ignoring me.....what is a girl to do? Sit back and let him step up...if ever....or go and see for myself whats crawled up his a@@?

cookiemonster......LOL (just so y'all know that is NOT what I typed!) : )

you called him 7 times. no no.

come on you are a leo....make the man chase you. drop this chasing him crap. if he is not interested enough to follow up and call....well he is not worth your time. drop him

LeoKitten is right about this one! Any woman who has or has dealt with any Cancer man would tell you don't do too much initiating in the beginning or you are going to scare him off! Sit back, relax and let him do the calling and chasing on his own terms. Just don't jump and dance as quick and soon as he wants too. Yes, typically behavior of a Cancer male esp to someone new. He wants to see you are interested but don't show too much interest. Let him pursue YOU!

Update:

That 'quirky cancer' finally contacted me; he sent me an offline message last night in yahoo saying that he had lost his phone, was too drunk to come over the night he was supposed to and was just getting his phone back today. That he would have me believe that he actually went without his phone for a whole week is a joke. Not to mention that there are many other ways he could have contacted me this past week as I know that he was online during that week. He lied and the fact that he wants me to believe that story is insulting. I will wait and see if he makes another contact and let him do all the talking. Think I will just let him know: I don't believe your BS but hey, I am glad you are alright....lata.

Is deceitfulness a common trait in cancer men?

How would some of you other cancers or cancer experts handle such a situation?

Cancer men are clever manipulators.

The fact that he has lied to you shows that he does not have respect for you. He thinks youre easy.

These men are smark tricksters. Dont fall for it.

hi ahmewzed,

I think your Cancer friend just isn't ready for a serious relationship. Cancer's do like to play the field and have a tough time committing themselves to any one person easily. Cancers have a hard time falling in love but when we do fall in love, we fall very very deeply.

His excuse is obviously BS. In his eyes, I believe he thinks of you as a friend and that's why he treated you like that. If he was interested in you, most likely, he would have made sure you two got together and made plans ahead of time. This wishy-washy stuff just isn't typical of a Cancer who's pursuing someone...

Your friend just seems like an immature Cancer...let him come to you when he's ready for a real relationship...

Thanks ellidyr...your response makes sense given what I know about this guy so far. Thanks to everyone else who took the time to repond too.

I guess at the end of the day we are all unique individuals not neatly summed up completely by astrology. There does seem to be something to it though....

"I guess at the end of the day we are all unique individuals not neatly summed up completely by astrology. There does seem to be something to it though...."

If we can all be neatly summed up by astrology, I think life would be pretty boring =)

But you know, I think that astrology tells us our basic "tendencies" (our basic natures)...but how we deal with those "tendencies" makes us who we are...

For example, astrology tells us all Leos are arrogant and bossy, but that isn't necessarily expressed or evident in all Leos. I think there are some self-actualized Leos who see this tendency to become arrogant and bossy but consciously surpresses those feelings. Though it's more difficult, Leos can be just as humble as the next person if they choose to. In the end, it's still our choices that make us who we are...even though we're born with certain natural tendencies...

I agree with El-, if he was interested he would have been there...small lies are a common trait for all individuals; but he could have contacted you when he returned.

I've had a short and long term relationship with two cancers. Two different dispositions; but commonly emotional men. They both always responded and showed desire to be with me.

The long term is current and the short term we talk weekly and are still very good friends of 12 years; and both are wonderful with some traits that I don't know if I could tolerate a lifetime(THE CRAB IN THEM I GUESS). However; it's true! When they fall? They fall hard and are always there for you and make themselves available and will make adjustments in their lives.

He's just not interested after meeting that day...

Ahmewzed,

I agree with El, first we can't be characterized by our signs. It's how we were raised and then the influences of others as we got older. That being said...

The guys a bum and gives the rest of us a bad deal. He should've been straight up with you after the first 'physical' meeting. He may have just wanted to stay friends but he should've been 'man' enough to say that.

"I lost my phone..." That may have worked before the ease of accessing the Internet. There are too many ways he could've contacted you. I hope that you're finished with him and have moved on.

Update:

Well, cancer guy came back. I left it alone for a week....completely discouraged... and he called me. He apologized for not being in touch and gave a detailed explanation on the events which over the past 2 weeks had caused him to withdraw. He said he had been really messed up (over said events) and couldn't talk to anyone and I was the only person he had told. He brought up the night we had seen each other last and said he was very attracted to me, enjoyed my company and why he had disappeared had nothing to do with me. He admitted to feeling a little scared of me and mumbled something about rejection. He came over and we had a really nice evening with mostly alot of hugging....I have never met a guy so into cuddling! He said he would contact me the next day but didn't so later in the PM I contacted him and he said he was really tired, we chatted briefly and he asked me to contact him the next day (which is now today).

I am not sure how to proceed next.....cancers, cancer experts, cancer men please offer some advice....

Oh yea....forgot to mention. On his way over here he called and was going on about how anxious and excited he was to see me and his heart was pounding. Said he couldn't even remember the drive over hardly; that he felt like he was in a 'zone'. He talks alot about his feelings which I like. I feel like I am now really hooked. All that kissing and cuddling with him drew me in; it was on another level. Gawd....what to do now??

What....no body has an opinion on this? ; )
C'mon people....

ahmewzed...

Cancers love movies and a nice romantic evening on the dinner table. Yes, we LOVE to cuddle and hug...we're very affectionate that way. So don't be surprised at it...it's our specialty.

I think you hooked your Cancer...let him come to you, don't give into him too easily or you'll lose his attention.

I'm not saying to play games, but just let him open up to you and when you are both very comfortable with each other, you can slowly let him know how you feel about him.

oh, yes, ellidyr is right, take it slow, let him chase you, i know it is difficult but stop being pushy they will run a mile, he is definitely into you but let him to his walking sideways without interrupting him and then you can show him just a little to start with that you like him, they need to be clingy but they don't like others to be, they will like you if you're strong because then they know you will not be afraid of the way they approach you..........enjoy the ride

Thanks for the feedback ellidyr and scorpio978, as a Leo I find this 'dance' very difficult. The chemistry is so good between us that I want more and I want it now. I can't see how he wouldn't too.

He's a funny one though. The other night I missed his call. Normally I would have called back but didn't. So, the following night he called again; this time we spoke. The next day, what do I do? D'oh!! I text him, then follow it up with a call. Now I expect I won't hear from him for a couple days. He has alot on the go right now with his career so I know he is busy. I keep doing the asking/hinting that we should do something. Done now.....

I think I am starting to see his pattern. I have been taking it personally, thinking he just isn't into me. But if that were the case I don't think there would be any contact made from him. To make matters worse....his last woman cheated on him long before the relationship ended which was 2 years ago and I know this still haunts him. Patience is something I need to learn for real.....

I THINK YOU ARE DOING JUST THE RIGHT THING, CANCERS TEND TO KEEP THEMSELVES BUSY SO THEY DON'T TOUCH BASE WITH THIER TERRIFYING FEELINGS. YOU SHOULDN'T DO MORE THAN THAT, I WOULD SAY THAT HE IS INTERESTED OTHERWISE HE WOULDN'T BOTHER, DON'T GIVE IN THAT EASILY THOUGH, JUST HANG IN THERE.......THEY ARE VERY SLOW BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY DON'T TAKE THINGS INTO CONSIDERATION!!! AND LIKE YOU SAID....PATIENCE, PATIENCE ESPECIALLY THAT HE IS FEELING CHALLENGED AT THE MOMENT IT WOULD BE NICE FOR YOU TO SHOW CONSIDERATION AND THE FACT THAT YOU TEXT HIM MEANS THAT YOU'RE THERE FOR HIM.

Yeah, hang in there! scorpio978 seems to understand Cancers pretty well (us water signs gotta stick together). just keep him interested by giving him a little attention and then ignoring him. You'll get a much better response that way than if you hint him too much.

Cancer's are the type that they WANT what they can't have...but once they have it, they lose interest in it quickly. The only question for you is: once you have him, are you sure you want him? You seem to have doubts already about your needs and how you don't enjoy the "dance" that they do...

"Cancer's are the type that they WANT what they can't have...but once they have it, they lose interest in it quickly."

That's a little disheartening. How long does one have to play the cat-n-mouse game? That can't continue indefinitely. Cancer has to give in at SOME point. I don't mind the dance if I feel certain that there is a level of interest on his part. Actually, the anticipation is HOT and the tease is fun. Just not foreverrrr.......

Leokitten,

....that is more my style ; I am very straightforward. I think I will try that approach when we talk next. I know he can handle that cuz in the past he has said he liked when I asserted myself....and he also didn't mind it when I got a little bitchy. I normally would persist until I get the answer I like but with this guy i think I will just back off as you suggest and what others have said too...so its a happy medium of both style s and I can deal with that.

When you say you called him on crap do you mean you got confrontational if you sensed he was f'ing with your head?

leokitten:

You should tell your Cancerian man that the Cancer mantra should be:

"I am in control of my emotions. My emotions are not in control of me!"

When emotions get the better of a Cancer, look out! Logic and rationality goes RIGHT out the door! Doh! 😢

ellidyr,
"When emotions get the better of a Cancer, look out! Logic and rationality goes RIGHT out the door! Doh! "
that attitude will definitely put me off.......i prefer that he is in control. i cannot be attracted to a person like that!!!

I had a conversation with my cancer friend last night. I asked if he found me too pushy and he said no, my assertiveness excites him. He said I should be myself; if someone can't take it they aren't the one for me. If I scare someone off then good...let them go cuz they aren't a good match. This is promising I think cuz there is nothing I hate more than feeling like I have to censor myself for anyone; at home, at work, anywhere. I can be tactful but must always feel free to speak my mind. He still seems slightly evasive though, and always busy. Nothing concrete has been planned but I am sure we will get together sometime this week. Its ok...it gives me a chance to sit back and observe.

So what is the exact problem here ahmewzed?

You come across as very boring to me. The typical catty girl. Your Cancer has sensed this and is leading you on...he is playing with you.

You care TOO much what he thinks and he has picked up on it. Gosh youre a fool.

i am assuming that AHMEWZED is a scorpio, whaterver sign you are please do not be boring, once the cancer sees through you, he loses interest......you need to give him a taste of the scorpio attitude and then let him go into his shell, if he comes out to chase you then it's all good, if not ....you have your answer

Scorpio - you wouldnt have put it better!

This tactic works. Just BE YOURSELF around Cancers. They can sense fake attitudes and superficiality.

Still trying to figure this cancer man out. We have seen each other a couple times in the past few weeks but he continues to be very busy with his 2 jobs. Wednesday night we had a conversation. I told him I would like to see more of him. He said he would too but asked that I let him get this work stuff behind him. I asked if he wants to take our relationship to another level or just stay friends. He said, lets see if we can make it work. Well, so far nothing has changed; I haven't even spoken to him since that conversation.

I believe that actions speak louder than words regardless of astrological sign. But, with all these mixed signals I am not sure what to think. Apparently cancers like to KNOW where they stand due to fear of rejection. Well, now he knows for real where he stands with me. SO, shouldn't things be moving in the right direction already?

Does anyone have any input?

dear ahmewzed, i am afraid things will not progress until your cancer guy decides to, they want things on their terms when and how they want it, and you cannot do anything about it........give him time, now, all you can do is keep yourself busy and wait, if he comes around chasing you then you know that he wants you, if not then you know what to do. sometimes cancers focus so much on what they are doimg that they forget that we exist and then when they remember about us, they panic and they want our attentions and love straight away, there and then.....
at the moment i'd say that you should go with the flow...

I was married to a Cancer and don't know if it matters but I'm moon in Leo. In my experience when they are into you, there won't be any doubt what so ever..

I have to add my comment that when I like someone I make it obvious as quickly as I can. It doesnt have to be instant serious but a simple "I like you and I want to be with you so let's stop seeing other people and enjoy this courtship" type of attitude.

lol, it feels very much like my cancer guy, my dear CombatingMyGeminiSister! he is not caring at all and very rarely shows that he is jealous and that he cares....we have been together for 3 years and outside the bedroom he is too cold for me, no cuddles at all, he loves money more than anything. the chasing thing he enjoys very much but one day he is so sweet and the next he is completely different(just the opposite)...i cannot explain it, he once said to me that he can never trust a woman(he is almost 40, never been married)...what do you think?

Wow, combatingmygeminisister.. I did the exact same thing your cancer boy did. I broke up with my boyfriend only to change my mind a couple of weeks later. But... now we're just in a complicated, undefined relationship.
For me, I don't feel like I say things I don't mean.. they're just things that have mattered to me at some point or still do.
I think some cancers tend to break up from fear of their own feelings. We're well capable of leaving a relationship if we don't care about the other person. It's when we start caring and begin feeling attached.. that's when we start playing "games." ..even if we don't intentionally mean to do so.

sorry crabcake, but why would you play games with someone that you care about? my cancer has a detached attitude and he will not define our relationship, and i just hang in there, i am going to confrunt him asking him to man up ....if he doesn't love/care why does he get so desperately clingy when i ignore him or when i tell him it is over—

yes luckystar, can you believe it!!!! he cannot stay without me yet he will not decide to commit!! no more of that crap....i told him i was unhappy and now he is in his shell....as soon as he comes out i am going over to his house and have a proper adult conversation, and i think he senses it coming.....i bet you now he is asking all his friends what to do and how to approach me!!! my cancer guy will be on the spot, something taht i was waiting to do for more than a couple of years!!!!how do you put up with yours luckystar?

yes i can see everything you say but life is not as easy as that, i have things to do at the moment and cannot concentrate on him and the talk so i prefer to have it when we are both ready and able to give understanding and attention 100% ....i do not like being impulsive and i know how difficult i can be and also how or what kind of a person he is....there is also a matter of background here which i like to respect and to be honest in this situations all factors need to be taken into account!!!

omg

"sorry crabcake, but why would you play games with someone that you care about?"

It's not so much a game for most of us than it is a way of protecting ourselves.. I'll admit it's a stupid way of doing so, but it's what makes us feel secure.
See, in my past experiences, I'd always give a guy the cold shoulder when I'm not sure about his feelings for me. Like, if I felt my feelings were much stronger than his or if I felt he was taking advantage of me I'd pull back, because I wouldn't want to risk getting hurt. Even if it was with someone I deeply loved I did it.
The only reasons I ever came back to a guy was because they simultaneously gave me space and clarified their feelings for me-- causing me to see what I've lost and reassuring me that they're not just in it for the physical, or whatever.
For me, a detached attitude either means two things.. 1) I'm scared of my strong feelings for you, because I don't feel assured about our relationship. or b) I'm not interested in a relationship with you.

Ultimatums definitely get cancers thinking.. it's a good way to tell whether your crab wants to be with you or not. Cause sometimes, it's a decision for them to decide to give you up or not; which is great cause cancers almost always have a terrible time giving up something they hold dear. An ultimatum got me to stick with my scorpio ex for a whole year.
can't say an ultimatum will work with every cancer (might even scare some!), but if you feel like you're at an end.. it's worth a shot.

yes luckystar, i will let you know how it goes and what he said the whole thing.....but i will wait till he comes out of his shell as i need some space as well, i think it will be the most interesting conversation ever....till then i am sure he got all his friends to give him advice as how to handle the situation......well, i am a scorpio, too strong to be intimidated, also very good with my strategies!!!(i think he feels me at the moment that i need space as i was very angry and upset last time we spoke, he may even see it coming knowing him...lol)

thanks crabcake, i am sure you are right, very useful insite....
i do not like ultimatums, i just want to have a conversation where we both state what we want or need and where we can decide to stay together or move on, for me that decision is almost taken, i just need to let him know in a very nice open way!!!