Strange relationship with Cancer Male, distraught

3 years ago I met a 61 YO Cancer male, we met on FB and then in person after 8 months of messaging, phone calls and texts, mainly because I was in a middle of a divorce plus lived an hour away. When I went to his house for the first date, he was all over me though I told him NO on the first date. We ended up having more dates between Feb 2013 and July 2014 and did have sex. Had a fight in July and stopped dating. I loved him so I would message him daily, he would respond very rarely back in 2014 but he always read them. Then I started bodybuilding, lost weight and started looking like I do in my profile pic, and he took notice, he started responding and flirting, and then in Mar of 2015 he started talking to me on the phone, and responding very frequently and finally started asking me out, I had also moved 10 minutes from him and think that also made a difference. Because he had hurt me and because he was still going places with this "friend", I told him I wanted to have friendship first, so we flirted and talked all summer and he kept asking me over and I said no, that I wanted to be sure he had nothing going with this "friend" he assured me she was only his friend, no sex involved and I believed him because not to be mean, she was far from what he likes in a woman as far as looks go, he is 5'3" and she was not only much taller but on the homely side and 15 years his junior, and heavy. He doesn't like heavy women. Well, he got impatient with me, I wouldn't go see him again because he was playing games with me, disappearing on me because I ruffled his feathers, jealousy over FB male friends etc... so he said he was going to stop asking me out because he felt rejected. However we remained messaging and he was obsessed with my messages, they were professing my love and adoration for him. These messages have gone on for 3 years. We racked up 20000+messages in messenger alone and he checked them like clockwork. Ok so that is a basic background, there is more to it but the main thing is what happened this past Friday night.

He had been reading messages all day but hasn't responded since 1/9, but that changed Friday. I had gone to a wedding with an old friend and he knew about it, but said nothing, and on Friday I sent him a voice message at 12 am and he came and got it, in it I admit I was telling him about my friend and how nice he treats me, went on and on. within a few minutes I saw him typing and then he said "better hold on to your "friend" I am unfriending you. I said why? Then I called him and he picked up and scolded me for an hour + and made up a crazy story of why he was mad, and then went to block me on FB and took me through the process as I cried. He has now blocked me everywh

He blocked me and all i could do was mail him a handwritten letter, he has NEVER done this. He has been an addict when it comes to my messages and I am hoping he will cool off and come back, I need advice!! We have fought before and usually over me mentioning another man, he is a jealous type and had told me a few times before that he doesn't like a woman that all the guys look at! But we weren't officially back together yet and he goes out with a friend that is female and I don't like it but why should he get mad if I do it—

He is not like other men, he LOVES texts and messages and lots of them, he seems to love drama and would start fights with me purposely so we would go back and forth. I would send more messages when we fought than we were not fighting and that seemed to help him come out of his shell. So do I do the same thing now with postal letters?? Or ignore him—? I am afraid if I ignore him he will think i moved on to another guy, he is very insecure!! When we fought on Friday he said I am unfriending you so you can replace me. I said I wasn't and that I love him but he needs to treat me like a friend first.

I pray he isn't gone for good, I miss him already!!!

By the way I think he is insecure because his ex wife of 25 years left him for another guy about 8 years ago and so i think he has some trust issues as well. He comes across like he is all confident but it is a front. We connected so well when we first met but I think when I transformed myself , he got scared, he has only 7 years on me, but i don't look 54! Wen we first met I was heavier and my hair was not the greatest, I came out of a divorce and then worked on improving myself. I think it intimidates him. It makes me sad because I feel he is the one, we both spent so much time waiting on each other, you don't do that if something isn't there. I am a Taurus sun Cancer moon.

Feby, I know he has a platonic relationship with this woman, because she told a mutual friend that that is all it is, so i do believe him. He tells me that he likes company sometimes and another strange thing happened. a few years ago he accidentally messaged something meant for his brother talking about her and the message said he felt no attraction or spark with her but she was nice and lived nearby. They have never slept together. He is a picky type with women.

I wish i didn't love him! I can't explain it!!!

you're obsessed

I wish it were that easy exxtasyx, we have always had a strange pull toward each other. But if he doesn't get his way he takes offense, I know he is angry with me for not coming to see him yet, wondering if he may be trying to force me to go there by doing this. He is so immature for being 61!! He has always come back, but never blocked me before.

This doesn't sound healthy at all. Miss I don't know you but I'm telling your pretty ass right now, you can do better....WAY better.

Give him a taste of his own medicine.

IGNORE HIM!

Yeah I think i am Housecleaning, and it is crazy but there is something about him, tried to walk away but he always pulls me back and yep I come right back, but so has he, he is just bad at communication when he is angry. I sent him a letter and will just wait it out.

you're trapped in a fantasy

crabRiot thanks!!! I did send a letter and I am ignoring from this point on, letter sent Sunday, should get it tomorrow, e always makes me beg back. Afraid if I don't he will think I moved on and won't contact me again. That may be better but I can't help but miss him

does your screen name have any related meaning to this guy

Posted by HouseCleaning
you're trapped in a fantasy

Seriously, I thought only the younger crowd did this.

You live and you learn.

O.P he's a hot mess.

RUN!!!!

HouseCleaning I feel like that!!! Part of it is my fault, because I probably should have just saw him during the summer, but I was guarding my heart, maybe too much

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by HouseCleaning
you're trapped in a fantasy

Seriously, I thought only the younger crowd did this.

You live and you learn.

O.P he's a hot mess.

RUN!!!!

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its human nature

crabRiot he is an attention seeker and when i give him attention he is fine, but if I give someone else attention, hell breaks loose!! I think he is afraid of me, that I will hurt him, now that I have changed my appearance. It is stupid but he thinks that way!!!! My rejecting him as he calls it has lots to do with it!! yes it happens with us older folks. LOL I don't look old though!!! LOL he kinda does!!

its not your fault

HouseCleaning yes and no, it is a race horse and he was involved in racing years ago, but I had the name way before I met him

I will tell you he is definitely the poster child for immature Cancer males, I read that post by Moonchild and it was him all the way!!!

Posted by hulabird61
crabRiot thanks!!! I did send a letter and I am ignoring from this point on, letter sent Sunday, should get it tomorrow, e always makes me beg back. Afraid if I don't he will think I moved on and won't contact me again. That may be better but I can't help but miss him

I understand stand that you miss him but please value yourself enough to let this one go. Do you think that this will be a well balanced, emotionally full-filling relationship that you can see yourself happy and settled down with?

He's a big grown ass baby and one more thing why should you be responsible for HIS insecurities.

He knows you're not going anywhere that's why he Acts like that. You put up with his shit so therefore he won't change. You will always be there waiting for his crumbs.

Sorry if I come off mean O.P but you're pretty and pretty people shouldn't suffer lols.

exxtasyx you are right, very manipulative!! he has patterns of behavior and I learned how to deal with them but he never blocked me from everything before. I sent the letter and that is all I will send. have a feeling he is obsessed with me too because he would read my messages without a complaint, what man loves to be texted and messaged in posts that are like novels?? Most would dump me for that alone, not him, he feeds off it!!! That is my only hope, that he will miss those, he has done it for 3 years!!!! Has to miss it!! LOL I do want him back at least as a friend. Seems horrible to me to at least after all this time not to be friends.

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by hulabird61
crabRiot thanks!!! I did send a letter and I am ignoring from this point on, letter sent Sunday, should get it tomorrow, e always makes me beg back. Afraid if I don't he will think I moved on and won't contact me again. That may be better but I can't help but miss him

I understand stand that you miss him but please value yourself enough to let this one go. Do you think that this will be a well balanced, emotionally full-filling relationship that you can see yourself happy and settled down with?

He's a big grown ass baby and one more thing why should you be responsible for HIS insecurities.

He knows you're not going anywhere that's why he Acts like that. You put up with his shit so therefore he won't change. You will always be there waiting for his crumbs.

Sorry if I come off mean O.P but you're pretty and pretty people shouldn't suffer lols.

Well, by that logic, I sure as hell will suffer the rest of my life!! Boo hoooooo....

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Lol that's just my conceited girly girl Leo Venus talking.

crabRiot I get what you are saying, I have wanted to be done with him because his crabness drives me nuts as a Taurus, but I can't explain my feelings for him, I do cater to him and shouldn't, I have tried to date others but they just don't do it for me, there is something about me and him that really clicks when things are good but he gets his feathers ruffled so easily and then does do the shell thing.

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by crabRiot
This doesn't sound healthy at all. Miss I don't know you but I'm telling your pretty ass right now, you can do better....WAY better.

Give him a taste of his own medicine.

IGNORE HIM!

Yeah, damn right!!!

Will ignoring him make him crazy for her—

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It will make him realize that she is not putting up with his bad behavior/grown man tantrums.

Take stock of his actions and if she holds out long enough he will start chasing HER!

He'll be so glad when she starts giving him the time of day again.

do you want him back or do you want to leave him

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by hulabird61
crabRiot thanks!!! I did send a letter and I am ignoring from this point on, letter sent Sunday, should get it tomorrow, e always makes me beg back. Afraid if I don't he will think I moved on and won't contact me again. That may be better but I can't help but miss him

I understand stand that you miss him but please value yourself enough to let this one go. Do you think that this will be a well balanced, emotionally full-filling relationship that you can see yourself happy and settled down with?

He's a big grown ass baby and one more thing why should you be responsible for HIS insecurities.

He knows you're not going anywhere that's why he Acts like that. You put up with his shit so therefore he won't change. You will always be there waiting for his crumbs.

Sorry if I come off mean O.P but you're pretty and pretty people shouldn't suffer lols.

Well, by that logic, I sure as hell will suffer the rest of my life!! Boo hoooooo....

Lol that's just my conceited girly girl Leo Venus talking.

Oh, did you write something? Because all I read was excuses!!!

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Don't start your shit now this is a serious topic. No derailment.

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by HouseCleaning
do you want him back or do you want to leave him

I believe she wants both!

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women

YourFavoriteDXPMember I kind of agree with some of that!! But he also is a bit damaged after his ex wife left him for one of his friends and so i think he has a hard time trusting. But he really exhibits Cancer traits, reading stuff about cancers has helped greatly in understanding why he gets like he does

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by hulabird61
crabRiot thanks!!! I did send a letter and I am ignoring from this point on, letter sent Sunday, should get it tomorrow, e always makes me beg back. Afraid if I don't he will think I moved on and won't contact me again. That may be better but I can't help but miss him

I understand stand that you miss him but please value yourself enough to let this one go. Do you think that this will be a well balanced, emotionally full-filling relationship that you can see yourself happy and settled down with?

He's a big grown ass baby and one more thing why should you be responsible for HIS insecurities.

He knows you're not going anywhere that's why he Acts like that. You put up with his shit so therefore he won't change. You will always be there waiting for his crumbs.

Sorry if I come off mean O.P but you're pretty and pretty people shouldn't suffer lols.

Well, by that logic, I sure as hell will suffer the rest of my life!! Boo hoooooo....

Lol that's just my conceited girly girl Leo Venus talking.

Oh, did you write something? Because all I read was excuses!!!

Don't start your shit now this is a serious topic. No derailment.

I was joking! Lighten up, or I will put rubber bands on those claws of yours!!

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😆 only you.

HouseCleaning I want him back so we can actually get together again and go from there and see, just not sure how to get him back now, he always has come back but that was when I wasn't blocked, though he can just unblock me. I am hoping he will come back, it has 3 years, I can't see him just being done when he never has been! But there is always a first time!

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember

Posted by hulabird61
YourFavoriteDXPMember I kind of agree with some of that!! But he also is a bit damaged after his ex wife left him for one of his friends and so i think he has a hard time trusting. But he really exhibits Cancer traits, reading stuff about cancers has helped greatly in understanding why he gets like he does

Yeah, just keep your cool and try to date other men. I would not hold my breath waiting for this guy if I were you.

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Real Talk

High five my Camp 3 Fish!

Guys I am 54, I never wanted to go back to the teenage crying and stuff, but that is exactly where I have been the last few days!!

Posted by hulabird61
Guys I am 54, I never wanted to go back to the teenage crying and stuff, but that is exactly where I have been the last few days!!

Yea that was what I meant at that age. Never meant it in a rude way or nothing I was just shocked by both your behavior.

You're both codepent.

Put your big girl panties on.

Cut the chord and go do what's best for you which is leaving him alone..trust me he will notice your absence at some point and try to weasel his way back into your orbit.

Posted by hulabird61
He had been reading messages all day but hasn't responded since 1/9, but that changed Friday. I had gone to a wedding with an old friend and he knew about it, but said nothing, and on Friday I sent him a voice message at 12 am and he came and got it, in it I admit I was telling him about my friend and how nice he treats me, went on and on. within a few minutes I saw him typing and then he said "better hold on to your "friend" I am unfriending you. I said why? Then I called him and he picked up and scolded me for an hour + and made up a crazy story of why he was mad, and then went to block me on FB and took me through the process as I cried. He has now blocked me everywhere.

you're willing to accept this much?

Give him space and stop trying.

Put all that focus on yourself.

Find a new hobby....Invest in YOU.

When he does resurface put some boundaries in place, this man needs to learn that his actions WILL have consequences.

Train him in how to treat you.

my patience runs thin. whoever this guy is seems to be just as wounded as you, too possessive. it seems sadistic with a lot of revenge involved to listen to a person cry on the phone as you go through the whole process of cutting communication with them. let go of him for a little. focus on other things, find something to do, masturbate, anything. reflect back on your relationship with him while you're at and think if you want to continue the fantasy. who know maybe he'll calm down and come back when you least expect it.

crabRiot I agree and I know I have to do that, I wish i could just say hell with it, because i know i deserve to be treated better, but yet i still have feelings for him. I have always been bad at letting go, but this time it is even harder and I don't even know why!! I get lots of male attention, better looking younger guys, but there is something about him that draws me even when i know i should RUN the other way!!!

HouseCleaning I am a Taurus. overly patient!!!!! After my divorce I planned to not get involved again, but I met him and we hit it off so well, ad so much in common both being in the horse racing industry, but he does have issues, he is so insecure, if I could get him over that somehow, maybe it would be ok. He takes the word no as a rejection of him, and that isn't true, I was just trying to set my boundaries and what i wanted before I went to see him again. He is impatient. I am opposite!! Plus I was a little chicken, I should have just gone when he asked, but he was not speaking to me for such a while that I didn't want to jump because he suddenly wanted me back! I wanted him to prove he could be a friend first, he sees it different, he thinks we should continue where we left off at the end of 2013!!

Posted by SensitiveBlues
What's his ex sign— I bet Virgo! They hoez

I have no idea, never asked him. But Taurus female and Cancer male are supposed to be a great match, and we seem to be when he isn't being overly sensitive and insecure!!

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by hulabird61
Guys I am 54, I never wanted to go back to the teenage crying and stuff, but that is exactly where I have been the last few days!!

Yea that was what I meant at that age. Never meant it in a rude way or nothing I was just shocked by both your behavior.

You're both codepent.

Put your big girl panties on.

Cut the chord and go do what's best for you which is leaving him alone..trust me he will notice your absence at some point and try to weasel his way back into your orbit.

click to expand

Yeah we both seem to be addicted to each other, you don't hang on 3 years like this if you aren't!! And I HATE that i can't stop thinking about him, but likely he is punishing me and in a huge way. I could easily go over there if I want, but I am angry that he did this. I don't want to be forced to go and beg. He loves that!!! He always came around when I begged and told him how much i loved him, well this time he gets a letter, ONE and no more, so maybe he will thaw out when he realizes he is not getting the attention he craves from me! I can't give him that if I am blocked.

Posted by SensitiveBlues

Posted by hulabird61
YourFavoriteDXPMember I kind of agree with some of that!! But he also is a bit damaged after his ex wife left him for one of his friends and so i think he has a hard time trusting. But he really exhibits Cancer traits, reading stuff about cancers has helped greatly in understanding why he gets like he does

This would be extremely devastating! For one of his friends! The disloyalty omg

He needs therapy! The thoughts going through his mind

That's the absolute worst

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I can't ask him his ex's sign because I am blocked!! LOL and being loyal is HUGE to him and I have been loyal until I went out with an old male friend from HS a few times last week. I threw it in is face because he was in ignore mode and I was angry. I do feed into the drama, and I shouldn't

well if you send him a letter you can have it set up to be verified

Posted by SensitiveBlues

Posted by hulabird61

Posted by crabRiot

Posted by hulabird61
Guys I am 54, I never wanted to go back to the teenage crying and stuff, but that is exactly where I have been the last few days!!

Yea that was what I meant at that age. Never meant it in a rude way or nothing I was just shocked by both your behavior.

You're both codepent.

Put your big girl panties on.

Cut the chord and go do what's best for you which is leaving him alone..trust me he will notice your absence at some point and try to weasel his way back into your orbit.

Yeah we both seem to be addicted to each other, you don't hang on 3 years like this if you aren't!! And I HATE that i can't stop thinking about him, but likely he is punishing me and in a huge way. I could easily go over there if I want, but I am angry that he did this. I don't want to be forced to go and beg. He loves that!!! He always came around when I begged and told him how much i loved him, well this time he gets a letter, ONE and no more, so maybe he will thaw out when he realizes he is not getting the attention he craves from me! I can't give him that if I am blocked.

Sounds like a Scorpio moon

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His moon is in Pisces and mine is Cancer

Posted by HouseCleaning
well if you send him a letter you can have it set up to be verified

I sent it already, that he can't block, and I am sure he will read it because I am sure he is dying to hear me grovel!!

so whats holding you to this guy other than his profession

Posted by HouseCleaning
so whats holding you to this guy other than his profession

I can't explain it, it is one of those things. I met him and w clicked and he makes me feel, when we are actually speaking, awesome, we have passion even when we fight! I feel drawn to him and you would think it was because he was some super handsome guy, but he is average and he is short, i usually go for tall guys! So i was socked that I fell for him and that he has me this in love, I mean it still feels like the day we met as far as my feelings for him, still have that infatuation feeling about him, that should have ended a long time ago! Some things just can't be explained.

Posted by SensitiveBlues
I have a different take! He really needs therapy! I don't think you can help him

But on the other hand how often do we find love?

I hope he gets his act together

For both your sakes

You have to be honest with what you want and consistent

.
I agree on the therapy because he really is insecure and has trust issues. I am wondering if he blocked me to mess with my head because he is afraid I am liking someone else and that hasn't happened since we met, but I don't like someone else, I just let him think it, and then he blocked me!! He said "I will block you then you can replace me" so i know this is all about jealousy. He won't admit that, he made up some excuse that someone on FB that he doesn't even know, told him I was telling this person stuff about him, but that is a lie because I have never talked to anyone on FB about him!! But that was his excuse for blocking me.

you tolerate too much

Posted by HouseCleaning
you tolerate too much

I know I do!!! I do that when i love someone. I really do love unconditionally.