What brings Crabs out of their shell?

What brings Crabs out of their shell?

1. Persistence
Showing a genuine interest in me and for my well being will bring me out of my shell.
Keep asking, but be sensitive, kind and appropriate. Don't be a bully, offensive and mean.

2. Fun/adventure
If you present a fun activity I am up for it.

3. Grand romantic gestures
I love flowers. So sending me a bouquet will brighten my day.
Taking me away for the weekend or to a nice restaurant.
Take me along on a trip you have planned.
Even if it's to the next town. As long as you are driving. 😛

4. Spontaneity.
Go ahead, pick me up and throw me over your shoulder. 😉


Anyone else have ideas of how to coax a shy Crab out of their shell? 😄

1) patience

2) patience

3) more patience

But I like your ideas too _??

Oh wait, I forgot..

4) a lot of patience _??

Yes I forgot patience. Definitely

Cancer rising reporting for duty

1. Be nice to me, all the time
2. Grand gestures
3. Kidnap me and take me on an adventure
4. Dont take no for an answer
5. Food
6. Patience, although not too much. Confidence over anything.
7. Authenticity

Food should be top of the list!

Feed me and give me affection and compliments

Ask about my family, childhood.... Or talk about yours

Posted by CluelessCancer
I would say Security and trust.

+1000

The other stuff i.e. food, etc will only work after the crabs trust and feel secure with you.

Why do you want the crab to open up to you?

Posted by CluelessCancer
I would say Security and trust.

+1000000

You need patience in dealing with the crab because its like talking to a wall when they are in their shell, and I give mine credit for trying to be "normal" for my benefit, and to soothe my bruised ego lol. He actually told me yesterday "sorry you feel neglected." Aww. I know its hard for them to be civilized when going thru that phase, but acknowledgement makes a world of difference, vs the tendency to go MIA.

But yes, patience. The cancer needs to know that after their childlike sulking mood, you're still going to be there and not hold it against them. Patience and perseverance go hand in hand.

And you need patience in order to build that security and trust _??

The best thing to get a cancer out of the shell or to understand why he/she is in there is healthy communication in the relationship.

Someone who is thoughtful and understanding will definitely bring me out of my shell! Making me laugh is also a plus _??

You have to vibe and find their comfort zone, let them find yours and then get used to communicating on a basic level, then a deeper level, then a soul level. When you can accomplish all three, I don't think a cancer will ever shell on you (well at least not long periods of time). Really get to know them for who they are on the inside. Be proactive. Ask questions. Offer your own stories. Bond.

Meh! Once me and u can play ms pac man, competitively halfway there. Don't ask too much personal questions. I would sense u trying to go chat behind my back. Finally once me n u can go out comfortable. Very good.

And if you can do this im all yours he he he he

or this

finally this mm mm mmmmm

Posted by phEnyxBull876
You need patience in dealing with the crab because its like talking to a wall when they are in their shell, and I give mine credit for trying to be "normal" for my benefit, and to soothe my bruised ego lol. He actually told me yesterday "sorry you feel neglected." Aww. I know its hard for them to be civilized when going thru that phase, but acknowledgement makes a world of difference, vs the tendency to go MIA.

But yes, patience. The cancer needs to know that after their childlike sulking mood, you're still going to be there and not hold it against them. Patience and perseverance go hand in hand.

This is a question for you and for all cancers, I get the patience thing... at first i didn't get it, trying to coax them out it just makes it worst, they are indeed as you said like talking to a wall, the shut down completely, no way to even try to communicate they wont listen... so who the hell do we know if they are ever going to come back (i never ever experience this before)... in my case is been two months of silence treatment and cold shoulder... every time I feel tempted to break the silence I remain myself, its a matter of time... I'm losing hope... no positive sign of any change, she seems so cool, relax, aloof, cold is like she has move on... some days I remain myself is just her way no to show weakness...

I've try before but I am afraid if I try again is gonna take even longer... I wonder if you guys (cancers) are aware how hurtful is when you do this... it leaves the other person feeling confused, abandoned, etc... I mean only to the people who really cares...

Posted by fullwaterpisces

Posted by phEnyxBull876
You need patience in dealing with the crab because its like talking to a wall when they are in their shell, and I give mine credit for trying to be "normal" for my benefit, and to soothe my bruised ego lol. He actually told me yesterday "sorry you feel neglected." Aww. I know its hard for them to be civilized when going thru that phase, but acknowledgement makes a world of difference, vs the tendency to go MIA.

But yes, patience. The cancer needs to know that after their childlike sulking mood, you're still going to be there and not hold it against them. Patience and perseverance go hand in hand.

............. I wonder if you guys (cancers) are aware how hurtful is when you do this... it leaves the other person feeling confused, abandoned, etc... I mean only to the people who really cares...

click to expand

Sorry to say this but Crabs are self absorbed when it comes to our pain.
We don't even consider your pain at all.
Seems cruel but it's not about you, it's about us.

If I'm buried that deep in my shell the only thing that will get me out of it is someone being VERY forthright about how my behavior makes them feel. Then I will try.
Ignoring and mirroring me will not work.
I will just assume you have moved on and I will work toward letting my shell heal me and help me move on too.

+1000

LunarMaiden hit it on the head. Combatting with mirroring doesn't work... They take it for what it is. Ignoring. Even though thats what they're doing (and just rude), but they just dont see it that way. They think you can see the "occupied" sign above their head.

As much as I hate to constantly have to reach out (gets easier over time), I know it makes a difference. And before my Cancer was my guy, it was worse. When we were getting to know each other (over the course of years, which are only months in Cancer time lol), he would disappear for months for a variety of reasons that I learned later on.

Now, he'll go MIA for about a day - no heads up, just poof. There may have been signals leading up, they dont usually go from tremendously happy to gone. There will be a gradual depression into the shell. Then after about a day, he'll return to replying to texts, but its very short responses. If I wasn't his gf and hadn't called him out a couple of times abt going MIA, he wouldn't do this...so I know he does it for my benefit. But this is all after the connection we've built over close to 6 years (5 as friends > FWB, 1 as serious bf/gf).


Keywords: call them out on it BC otherwise they don't get it.

If you haven't heard from your cancer in 2 months, either A) you haven't been with them long or its not a full on relationship, or B) something happened in the relationship that has majorly turned them off.

Either way, you won't know unless you speak up. The cancer won't reach out, and you'll be waiting forever.

(Example: my cancer told me he "broke up" with a pisces gf years ago by just by no longer talking to her. Granted it went both ways, but goes to show you how they work in a nutshell.)

Posted by MissGemmi
You really need to be determined to be patient and not give it time. It could take a long time before they open up or come out of their shell and not always the way you want it or expect it, especially if they have a lot of issues going on. They could ignore you and find comfort with others during shelltime. This shouldn't bother you (eventhough it does hurt, I know).

You need to go on with your life and if you want to keep them in your life, try to have light conversations with them, have them feel comfortable with you. Don't PUSH or nag. If they go into their shell and it's because of you, I do think you might take that as a compliment. As they care enough for you that what you do or say is important to them to feel hurt.

I think you should just 'ignore' their shell time and proceed with what you're doing and be there for them when they come out. Act like you don't care about the shelltime, but you do care for them. Back off and they will come to you. If they don't, then you need to get on with it. Give what you got and if someone doesn't want it or goes into their shell, the best you can do, is go on with your life with no hard feelings.

absolutely love and agree with everything MissGemini said!

The part about them finding comfort with others (i.e. Facebook, etc) is especially true - it hurts because if you're in a deep committed relationship, you feel you should be the one to be able to bring them out, they should want to talk to you about it, you will make it all better (i feel this especially as a taurus and a mother). and it hurts to not be the one they want to speak with at that time - but realize those interactions are superficial and just to make them feel good while going thru their shell phase. they are NOT talking to others to try and resolve their problems/issues. they are distracting themselves and pumping up their ego until they are ready to come out. 🙂

Omg-phenyxbull and MissGemini, these are excellent answers!!

Fullwaterp, find an event or something she (or he? Sry I forgot) really likes and gently invite him. Maybe a text that says, hey it's been awhile. Anyway, I have an extra ticket to blank (this awesome event I know you would love). It would be cool if you could join me, I know how you like subject blank. If not, I'll catch you another time.

Wait...scratch that. It's been 2 months. I think you should just call and be direct about everything that's on your heart. But still gently.

I have too much horse in my cancer. No time to sulk ,time for workin and monnneeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy. CREAM( Cash rules everything around me. I prefer directness.

I don't know much abt Pisces, but I feel like their "superpower" is to be able to pull from their experiences with different people and wear that skin as it suits the. (I could totally be wrong lol) if that's the case, now would be the time to pull out that strong mask and make the first move...cancer will never do it. But 2 months is significant, so don't let that slip past and act like its OK if she responds. Gently let her know that you can't tolerate that often, but If its something she needs, you should work together to make it work for both.

Or, gently push her to explain what made her distance herself. Be prepared, cus if there's some major event that happened where u lost her trust and made her uncomfortable, she may never tell you this to ur face... They'd rather run and just cut you out.

Wither way, if u need an explanation, understanding, closure, take it upon yourself, put urself out there and be prepared for anything. Good luck! 😉

Haha EITHER way!

Man!! great advice!... im going to work on that in the upcoming days... ill keep you guys posted...

Posted by ReddmannScorch
I have too much horse in my cancer. No time to sulk ,time for workin and monnneeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy. CREAM( Cash rules everything around me. I prefer directness.

dollar dollar bill yall

trust

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by fullwaterpisces

Posted by phEnyxBull876
You need patience in dealing with the crab because its like talking to a wall when they are in their shell, and I give mine credit for trying to be "normal" for my benefit, and to soothe my bruised ego lol. He actually told me yesterday "sorry you feel neglected." Aww. I know its hard for them to be civilized when going thru that phase, but acknowledgement makes a world of difference, vs the tendency to go MIA.

But yes, patience. The cancer needs to know that after their childlike sulking mood, you're still going to be there and not hold it against them. Patience and perseverance go hand in hand.

............. I wonder if you guys (cancers) are aware how hurtful is when you do this... it leaves the other person feeling confused, abandoned, etc... I mean only to the people who really cares...

Sorry to say this but Crabs are self absorbed when it comes to our pain.
We don't even consider your pain at all.
Seems cruel but it's not about you, it's about us.

If I'm buried that deep in my shell the only thing that will get me out of it is someone being VERY forthright about how my behavior makes them feel. Then I will try.
Ignoring and mirroring me will not work.
I will just assume you have moved on and I will work toward letting my shell heal me and help me move on too.

click to expand

Finally...THANK YOU forever for putting this in writing. I'm glad it comes from a cancer. I always know that cancer is very self-absorbed. This is why you have all that emotion which is mainly for your benefit.

dmv u a saggi ,mmmmmm saggisssss. dollar dollar bill yall, dats right

For our benefit? How's that?

If I get a gut feeling from a person that I can't trust them I won't come out of my shell. I can get gut feelings from a person soon as I meet them.