Wont Start None Wont Be None

I've read that Cancers are largely supposed to be nonconfrontational and pretty peaceable unless provoked, but it seems like my Cancer gets "off" on seeing me react to something he knows will bother me. He isn't serious most of the time he does it, like I might ask him not to call me "crazy" and he does it anyway, as a matter of fact he begins chanting it, or I tell him that something annoys me then he will do it just to see if I get annoyed, or he knows I'm very concerned about him so he'll say something crazy about himself or something someone said or did to him to see me get all flustered...well recently I told him that I'm trying to find a balance between the cookiemonster in me and the sweet woman I want to be he said I wouldnt be able to do it and since then it seems like he's TRYING to make me go off and be a cookiemonster on him. Im sure it would delight him to see this display of my darker side...any similar experiences? lol Even though the things he's doing are annoying me I cant do anything but laugh because I CAN SEE that he is going out of his way to try to make me go off...any clever advice on how to turn it on him besides doing the same thing to him (I dont think his feelings could bare it)

awwwwww lol that reminds me of my cancer friend, he would do the same things... as mcuh as i tried to turn it on him, it always came back to me, but if u learn to laugh it off, n kno they jus teasing,then its all good right.

Oh I always laugh when I see the energy and wit he puts into trying to make me act up. I know most of the time he doesn't mean any harm he's just being silly and thats how he has fun.

I am not putting advice down for the sensitive ladies.

I "read" yes, in the Cancer male manual that I did not purchase, that Cancers find happiness in making their mates miserable. The more unhappy you are, the happier he is. He uses these tactics as an anchor or feeler to see how you are going to react. Just a method to see if you will make him "safe" to be around. I READ this advice, so I don't know everything. I hope this helps. I know exactly how you feel and yes I experience the same exact behavior. I laugh it off, or change the subject completely. I let him win the whole manipulative tactic with pure silence.

ANY emotional reaction from you is good in his eyes - if you're not reacting it means you don't care - so he's happy to get love AND anger

If you react to his tactics you will simply be competing with a man. Just let him win his game! Don't compete! He is bigger, stronger and he will compete to the end. If you don't compete and let him win, he will be around alot longer than you could image. He is the man let him be the leader of the home. YOU are the WOMAN so you be the heart of the relationship. Competing should be beneath you! He will get to the honey quicker and stay around longer simply because he will love just being a man.

wow krobe03.... if i knew that THATS what hes been doing all these years maybe i wouldnt be so messed up about him... thats excatly how he is with me, always wnating the power, and i always go back to him, and he stays around. Im always left thinking if he cares for me tho.... by him wnating to be "the man" liek u said.. does that mean he does care since hes still around?
sry that message sounded scrambled

gotta love the lovies

you simply have to Angel *hugging lovies* lol. And you're right, he likes to know that I am emotional about him, love or anger. He just likes to know he can stir me up, but I want to join in the fun and stir him a bit without hurting his feelings. (Experience has shown me that Cancers cant take even what they dish out)

Krobe thats kind of blowing it out of proportion. I think the fact that I laugh at him and keep everything light about it is what keeps the air of relaxation in our relationship. I wouldn't say at all that he makes me miserable because he doesn't or that he is happy with my unhappiness because when he sees that I am taking it too seriously he lets me know he was just playing. Its rather amusing in fact that he thinks he can get a reaction out of me without me knowing that's what he's trying to do. Sometimes I do fall into it but when I notice we're going in circles or he's trying to hide a grin then I ask him why he plays so much and we both fall out laughing. I dont think its a competition by any means to see who can control who, because I know all it takes it a shake of my hips, a lick of my lips and a flirty grin and I have him wrapped around my finger (I would never use this to his disadvantage). It's just how he has fun. He's a Monkey in the chinese zodiac so he's supposedly quite a prankster at heart. But I do agree with you that sometimes I should give in and let him be amused. I have no problem with him being the dominant partner because Im more than confident that I can make an excellent vice president.

lol Moon I think so too, I called him before work and I could hear him smiling through the phone when I told him I was missing him.

*tossing lovies*

I bet he thinks you're cyte when you're angry

lol he might. He probably does. I bet he doesnt even take my anger seriously because I've already let him see the sweet side too many times. We havent had a serious argument yet tho, but if we do Im sure he'll know the difference between dust kicking anger and all out full speed ahead bull charging anger. Like I said before tho, he's good at sensing my boundaries. I'm actually a little scared to see his all out crab anger cuz I can tell its something else. God save the man who gets caught in those claws.

I've heard that - been lucky enough though to never expecrience the cancerian anger first hand

Thank you for the pointer Moon. *adding to list*

Krobe thats kind of blowing it out of proportion. I think the fact that I laugh at him and keep everything light about it is what keeps the air of relaxation in our relationship.

Well I did not say this, so I did not throw it out of proportion. I read it in the Cancer man manual. Yes, I think you are right about, just not letting it get to you. I don't know, I just bust out laughing most of the times when I catch him doing things similiar to what you are experiencing.

Now, let's get to the fact on the competition. No, I don't mean compete with dominance. I mean compete with him being a man. Men are born competitors! They compete with other males, sports, cars, etc.....So, they have the world to compete with. Most men don't want to compete with their women or woman. That is why most of them run from an arguement and walk away. And you still won't get to say what you have to say because his arse walked away.

So, I am saying, let him be the head of the house, and you be the heart of the house. If you sense he is trying you. You simply say, hey, I don't compete. I am a woman. Especially if he does something you don't approve of! So, I am saying, if he is doing things to make you upset.....you could laugh it off, walk away, or if he is really annoying you, do the silent hot cold treatment.

Example-if you are both talking on the phone and laughing and cutting up and out of the blue he tells you to shut up let him talk....LOL! If, you get upset or you don't take to people telling you to shut up....You could say, hey let me call you back and cut the conversation short. Or he calls you up and says he is mad about something you did or did not do. I would be polite but end the conversation or say something like let me call you back. That way you will be avoiding confrontation with him instead of just getting upset and letting your feelings take over which in return can cause you to blow up! Let him win his game. Don't compete! I know with my experience, it will keep him around more because you are not blowing negative energy back to feed him.

And no Sweets, I am not trying to tell you what to do. You asked about similiar experiences and yes, I know exactly what you are going through!

lol we tell each other to shut up all the time but we're so country I sound more like "shette up" and he says "hush yo mouuuuf", thats how we talk sweet to each other when we want the other person stop making us blush.

I never compete with my men. I used to because I was the smarter more dominant one, but when I have a man that is smarter than me that can responsibly take the reigns and steer the ship I let him because truthfully thats what kind of husband and home I want. lol Don't forget I'm a Taurus, the traditional old fashioned woman with the independant flair.

We did have one disagreement and we had to step away from the convo for alone time because he was annoying me and I was hurting his feelings. I think that disagreement taught us that even when we dont agree we have to try our best to keep things light because we have what it takes to rub one another the wrong way and thats not what we want to do.

Thats another thing about this relationship dance...we're both perceptive so we can firgure out the vulnerabilities of the other, and we know this...I think he knows what would hurt me just as much as I know what would hurt him and as much as we know we wouldnt use it against the other person we have to wonder if they would use it against us. And I know my words and actions (I see you mentioning the silent/hot/cold treatment, but I know that would cause ache to his little heart)would hurt him thats why Im asking for advice to find something more lighthearted to turn his lil manipulation game back on him.

lol SoNot...such are the things that love is made of. Imma start telling yall to shette up on the boards.

i think us cancer males like to see how far we can take our women and we also try to find your weakness. once we know your weaknesses we will not forget and in the event you get to experience our rage don't be surprised if they come up. we will make you hurt as much as we are hurting so just be prepared. but i do love teasing and joking around which sometimes can go to far. usually if i went to far and can sense it i will aplogize. not sure what else is in his chart but i have an aries rising which helps me stir the pot even more..can't stand to be bored :-)

lol I'll keep all of those things in mind Cansir. I acutally mentioned those weaknesses and using them in another post :o/

i think us cancer males like to see how far we can take our women and we also try to find your weakness. once we know your weaknesses we will not forget and in the event you get to experience our rage don't be surprised if they come up. we will make you hurt as much as we are hurting so just be prepared. but i do love teasing and joking around which sometimes can go to far. usually if i went to far and can sense it i will aplogize. not sure what else is in his chart but i have an aries rising which helps me stir the pot even more..can't stand to be bored :-)

Sweets Cansir could have not said it any better!

I know my Cancer friend tries to push every button I have in my body. I don't let it bother me. The more I don't let it bother me, the more he comes around. Dayum, this can be a bit overwhelming if my day is messed up. At some point, I have to snap just to get him off my back. And remember, Cancers don't like confrontation, so that is why I just use hot and cold treatment to get him to stop harrasing me. It usually works. LOL! He will stop, but, whenever he thinks I have made him mad. OH yeah, he will throw what he "thinks" that I get mad about right back in my face. That is why, I just don't let him read me. He does not know what gets me upset and if he does not know, he cannot use it against me. I don't use the hot cold in a manipulative way. Usually, I am really calm and he cannot tell whether I am mad or not. I let it be a mystery! I am just ending the call like I have something else to do at the moment. I talk to him when he calls back.

I told my Cancer a while back that I wasn't going to let things in our relationship make me mad because I spent too much time in my last relationship mad. I had been mad enough for a lifetime. Of course this was my declaration that I would let small things roll off my back and keep stepping...I think he took it to mean that he isnt worth getting mad at or about...that's not at all what I meant. I just realize that I have to be more flexible, more stress-free, and more optimistic in my relationship instead of being controlling, inflexible, and stressful. In my last relationship I would get mad when things didn't go my way then calm down when I got the reason, since then I've decided I'll wait to get mad until I actually have something to get mad about. I dont want him to do something really detrimental to the relationship just to feel like he's worthy of my anger. I wasn't at all saying "well nothing you do or say is really worth getting mad at anyway" but I think that's what he might have heard...I did tell him that we need to sit and talk asap so maybe he'll make time when his scheduel is slow. :o(

that probably is what he heard.even cansir has said that they [cancers] analyze eeverything - and sometimes maybe too much..... I don't know about you, but when I over analyze things I usually come up with negative answers...

Hmmmmmm our anger is not nice taurus have anger but at times they act on it seen it and felt it first hand .But get a cancer angry it i have to admit can get even worst.we definietly act out . That is why i take a deep breathe and listen to some bob marley junior gong- in too deep, any song dat can calm me cause we have a very nassssssty rage. I think is because alot of people take us for granted and take advantage ,push the buttons and all the patience that a cancer have will go out the door. Nevvvvveeer eveeeeeerr tease a taurus. I cussed my boss and almost beat him tuh hell up with regards to my pay to my surprise he aint fired me cause i was da best worker from that day on not a dammmmn soul ever pushed me over. ANd tuh tell u the truth i was not afraid to get fired cause was multiskilled to get any job i wanted. BUt Miss fatale he loves u babes cause he kinda wanna see dat lil anger...wait wait hold up dat is make up sex he wanst dammnit,lol.

Well thank you BlackKnoxx,

All he has to do then is asked me for one thing, MONEY? I will clock the hell out! But I have been on the boards long enough to know NOW that this is a makeup test! Ooh! I will have to just laugh it off!

lol Aight BK. I know he's trying to change from going off on people to just walking away and breathing out, and I have seen the results of his anger more so than him being angry (I know he's a beast when he's mad). lol I guess its like me, few people have actually seen me go off, but no one doubts that it can happen. lol@ Make up sex...yeah that might be what he's after, but I think that even if that is what he thinks he wants, what he really wants is the emotional euphoria of being mad then being so deeply pleasured...sounds like a gateway drug...passionate and intense. I have read that Cancers like things to be that way (for oh how they hate boredom lol)

sounds like a gateway drug...passionate and intense. I have read that Cancers like things to be that way (for oh how they hate boredom lol)

LOL! Oh, it's the boredom huh?

lol after reading Cansir's comments and some other topics on here...I'm thinking its the boredom or rather the quest to avoid boredom

Yeah, Cansir has admitted a trillion times that Cancer men get bored really quick. No wonder why so many women have problems understanding these men. They love excitement and we just may be a bit boring at times so we vent. LOL! Gotta get some excitement going on here. Gotta love it!

lol Krobe I guesss as long as I keep reacting (even if its a laugh) to his tactics to start something then things won't get too boring. I've found a lot of times that if I just give my Cancer a stage to perform (whether he's singing, dancing, pretending to be hurt, staging a dialouge, role playing or telling a story..and yes he does all these things) and I am an active audience then he's occupied and satisfied. And I've learned that if he's unhappy with me then he won't put on a show for me :o(.

And I've learned that if he's unhappy with me then he won't put on a show for me :o(.

Yeah, it seems like Cancer men get really unhappy about something you do really fast and quick. In my mind, I think dayum what did I do! But after reading the subgroup post I guess they dwell on the old and new at times.

"I think is because alot of people take us for granted and take advantage ,push the buttons and all the patience that a cancer have will go out the door"

the irony in that is that you cancers never give your trust to the right people...it's almost like you think there is something dishonesty about honesty and the people who are blatantly honest and trust worthy are the ones you push away the most

"people who are blatantly honest and trust worthy"

in our minds that sounds to good to be true..okay maybe just in my mind lol..

no you're right...it's in ALL of your minds...or at least all the cancers I know....

I wont say its all of you but you certainly aren't the only one Cansir.