asha
@asha
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 261 · Topics: 17
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How bout yall just come out and ask us a direct question if you want to know what we're thinking?
Sometimes we need to be drawn out. We're really quite honest, it's just difficult to say what's on our mind. Here a a few reasons for that:
1. If we're not secure with you we are not going to lay our thoughts out on the table.
2. If we don't trust you, we're not going to tell you our deepest, darkest thoughts (and they CAN be dark).
3. We may be afraid you will judge us or condemn us for those dark thoughts, so we are not going to share.
4. If you pressure us, we are going to go all stubborn and make a point not to cooperate (ever put a goat on a lead rope and expect him to follow?)
5. If you push us, we will withdraw.
6. If we don't feel you reciprocate or appreciate when we DO share our thoughts, we will clam up and not express any more.
7. Perhaps we are waiting on YOU to share your feelings/thoughts first, then we will feel encouraged.
8. If we say too much, we will withdraw and re-evaluate your reaction to what we said.
9. We may not have decided if you are "the one" yet - takes a lot of time to get to know the real you. Months, years even.
10. We see nothing wrong with a few days without contact. (Don't like that? Date an aqua. You'll appreciate us. lol!)
Hmmmmm.....that's all I can think of for now.
Basically, don't assume, just ask. We will tell you something, even if its not what you want to hear.
Does that help?
Sometimes we need to be drawn out. We're really quite honest, it's just difficult to say what's on our mind. Here a a few reasons for that:
1. If we're not secure with you we are not going to lay our thoughts out on the table.
2. If we don't trust you, we're not going to tell you our deepest, darkest thoughts (and they CAN be dark).
3. We may be afraid you will judge us or condemn us for those dark thoughts, so we are not going to share.
4. If you pressure us, we are going to go all stubborn and make a point not to cooperate (ever put a goat on a lead rope and expect him to follow?)
5. If you push us, we will withdraw.
6. If we don't feel you reciprocate or appreciate when we DO share our thoughts, we will clam up and not express any more.
7. Perhaps we are waiting on YOU to share your feelings/thoughts first, then we will feel encouraged.
8. If we say too much, we will withdraw and re-evaluate your reaction to what we said.
9. We may not have decided if you are "the one" yet - takes a lot of time to get to know the real you. Months, years even.
10. We see nothing wrong with a few days without contact. (Don't like that? Date an aqua. You'll appreciate us. lol!)
Hmmmmm.....that's all I can think of for now.
Basically, don't assume, just ask. We will tell you something, even if its not what you want to hear.
Does that help?
I didn't mean that to be mean or sassy or defensive, but it is true.
Oh, and I was joking when I said that about the aqua.
Oh, and I was joking when I said that about the aqua.
Posted by notJTG1984
Sorry lady I believe this was directed at the cap males. Hop book huh
Then answer her!
Posted by notJTG1984Posted by truecapPosted by notJTG1984
Sorry lady I believe this was directed at the cap males. Hop book huh
Then answer her!
I need to disappear for awhile because I need time to think.click to expand
lol!!!
Good point WL. The men and women may be different. That's an example of a situation in which I would withdraw, clam up and take my space - LOTS of space.
TrueCap, I read what you say, your space vs. your relationship. Cap`s choice..
Posted by WoundedLeo
Which situation exactly truecap?
If I were on the other end of it (where you guys have been) and the cap wouldn't communicate and act all cold or whatever. I would end up withdrawing into myself, clamming up and backing way, way off, distancing from the situation because it made me feel either insecure, not wanted, pissed off, hurt, whatever. I would have to step away, re-analyze the situation and make a decision if I thought it was pertinent or worthwhile to move forward or keep distancing from it. I would either re-group or back off more.
Posted by asha
TrueCap, I read what you say, your space vs. your relationship. Cap`s choice..
I was talking about if I were in your situation is when I would withdraw and see what happens or what I come up with after I analyze.
Earlier, I was just listing out possible reasons why a cap may not share their thoughts.
I know you were looking for male opinions, but they don't seem to want to come out and play today. Maybe some of them will come out and be frisky tonight.
😉
Maybe some cold beer will draw their attention.
😉
Maybe some cold beer will draw their attention.
Asha - the guy capi will take as long as they feel is needed for u to not bring it up the topic.
In this case it might take longer then 3 days.
Plus they will act like nothing happened on their return.
They always come back...
In this case it might take longer then 3 days.
Plus they will act like nothing happened on their return.
They always come back...
If you ask direct questions and do not get direct answers, then its time to reevaluate the worth of the relationship to you. If you are continuously being shut out or placed on ignore, its time to move on.
The only thing a cap guy will respond to and respect, IMO, is the face to face, come to Jesus, talk about your concerns. If he chooses to do nothing about it, then you know that he is not serious.
I still have issues with Cappy shutting down when we disagree on things, but he is usually OVERthinking the situation and I just confront him. He says he needs the kick in the ass sometimes.
The only thing a cap guy will respond to and respect, IMO, is the face to face, come to Jesus, talk about your concerns. If he chooses to do nothing about it, then you know that he is not serious.
I still have issues with Cappy shutting down when we disagree on things, but he is usually OVERthinking the situation and I just confront him. He says he needs the kick in the ass sometimes.
Posted by WoundedLeoPosted by SamCancerGirl
Asha - the guy capi will take as long as they feel is needed for u to not bring it up the topic.
In this case it might take longer then 3 days.
Plus they will act like nothing happened on their return.
They always come back...
I don't know if they always come back but the rest of your statement rings way true to my ears...
i.e. "Don't talk about what I don't wanna talk about and when I do wanna talk, let me choose the topic."
All-in-all...pretty self-centered.
Now it may be true that this involves a certain "species" of male Cap, but there do seem to be just enough of these around to keep this board full, dontcha think??click to expand
WL - they defo are selfish/ self centred, my capi always came back, by that time I usually got over the mood I was in as I moved past it and got on with living my life..
Posted by CanceritaBonita
If you ask direct questions and do not get direct answers, then its time to reevaluate the worth of the relationship to you. If you are continuously being shut out or placed on ignore, its time to move on.
The only thing a cap guy will respond to and respect, IMO, is the face to face, come to Jesus, talk about your concerns. If he chooses to do nothing about it, then you know that he is not serious.
I still have issues with Cappy shutting down when we disagree on things, but he is usually OVERthinking the situation and I just confront him. He says he needs the kick in the ass sometimes.
This is what I was trying to say, but from another point of view. So glad cancerita chimed in! She explained it much better!!!
I suppose the cap men are too scared to comment! lol!!
Posted by SamCancerGirlPosted by WoundedLeoPosted by SamCancerGirl
Asha - the guy capi will take as long as they feel is needed for u to not bring it up the topic.
In this case it might take longer then 3 days.
Plus they will act like nothing happened on their return.
They always come back...
I don't know if they always come back but the rest of your statement rings way true to my ears...
i.e. "Don't talk about what I don't wanna talk about and when I do wanna talk, let me choose the topic."
All-in-all...pretty self-centered.
Now it may be true that this involves a certain "species" of male Cap, but there do seem to be just enough of these around to keep this board full, dontcha think??
WL - they defo are selfish/ self centred, my capi always came back, by that time I usually got over the mood I was in as I moved past it and got on with living my life..click to expand
Ha! He acts like nothing happened because he's just as moody as you are as a Cancer. Caps have mood swings too lol. By the time he comes back around you are both over it.
WL, there's no news to a Cap being self centered. I say that all the time, and I think that speaks for the majority of Caps. It just is what it is when it comes to that *shrugs.*
i.e. "Don't talk about what I don't wanna talk about and when I do wanna talk, let me choose the topic."
All-in-all...pretty self-centered.
Now it may be true that this involves a certain "species" of male Cap, but there do seem to be just enough of these around to keep this board full, dontcha think??
WL - they defo are selfish/ self centred, my capi always came back, by that time I usually got over the mood I was in as I moved past it and got on with living my life..
Ha! He acts like nothing happened because he's just as moody as you are as a Cancer. Caps have mood swings too lol. By the time he comes back around you are both over it.
WL, there's no news to a Cap being self centered. I say that all the time, and I think that speaks for the majority of Caps. It just is what it is when it comes to that *shrugs.*
Inana - hes defo very moody almost as much as me, I find I'm more willing to give up. Plus when's he's ready he'll come back with the puppy eyes.
acting as if nothing happened. It is what it is, can't change a self centred guy.
When he does come back he's usually back to happy normal cappy
Posted by WoundedLeoPosted by lnana04
WL, there's no news to a Cap being self centered. I say that all the time, and I think that speaks for the majority of Caps. It just is what it is when it comes to that *shrugs.*
You know what lnana? I'm beginning to think that the self-centered side only comes out in love and war, not in friendship and in family relations. So moral of the story, better to just stay friends and leave the love story to someone else who can handle the roller coaster.click to expand
Personally, Im self centered with everyone. I dont discriminate. Family, friends, love interests..it doesnt matter. Its just me. I think its why many can be loners too.
"Inana -hes defo very moody almost as much a me, I find I'm more willing to give up. Plus whe he's ready he'll come back with the puppy eyes acting as if nothing happened. It is what it is, ca change a self centred guy. When he does come back he's usually back to happy normal cappy"
LoL, Im glad you see it for what it is. Caps can be very moody. Its all about mood with us imho. Whenever he's acting weird just keep that in mind because we usually bounce back from whatever weird mood we are in. Its rarely anything to take too personal.
LoL, Im glad you see it for what it is. Caps can be very moody. Its all about mood with us imho. Whenever he's acting weird just keep that in mind because we usually bounce back from whatever weird mood we are in. Its rarely anything to take too personal.
Posted by lnana04
"Inana -hes defo very moody almost as much a me, I find I'm more willing to give up. Plus whe he's ready he'll come back with the puppy eyes acting as if nothing happened. It is what it is, ca change a self centred guy. When he does come back he's usually back to happy normal cappy"
LoL, Im glad you see it for what it is. Caps can be very moody. Its all about mood with us imho. Whenever he's acting weird just keep that in mind because we usually bounce back from whatever weird mood we are in. Its rarely anything to take too personal.
It's taken a really long time for me to get my head around it but like u say u don't discriminate 🙂
I used to get soooo wound up n take it personally and then I'd get all moody n sometimes even resentful
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For me it is like: you are either in a relationship and find ways to talk to the other person in this same relationship and get things straight OR you are out of it and then you do all the thinking you need but do not expect the other person to hang about waiting for your thinking process to possibly come to an end and for a verdict to be passed. In which latter case you clearly demonstrate that neither the relationship nor the other person are actually so important to you as you take the risk of losing them.
As simple as that. Thinking with no contact for more than 3 day means ending the relationship.
Any other thoughts on this?