Contemplating or Not Interested?

Hello,

This is the first time I am actually posting something about my life online and hopefully will be able to clear some of my doubts after this.
So well I met this guy on tinder two weeks back and he we hit it off really soon, so much so that I even gave out my number in two days which is so unlikely of me. We did chat day and night for a week and never did once get bored or have to think of topics. We would even talk on call in the nights everyday for hours together. However, being a Scorpio I said I was scared as this was moving too quick and seemed very serious and he confessed that it is exactly how he felt but wasn't scared. During this week that we were in contact he would flirt a lot and even kept saying that he misses me and cant have enough of our conversations. He even asked me a couple of times why was I still on Tinder which made me feel very weird since I was just getting to know him and it was only a week.

After a week he tells me that he would be going to Florida for his higher education and dint want to tell me earlier as he didn't want to stop talking to me. He accepted that he was a bit selfish but wanted me to know all this before we could meet up. To which I replied that I am glad we didn't meet up as I do need some time to think as this is going way to fast and I needed to distract myself a bit. Listening to this he sounded a bit upset and annoyed with this situation and wanted me to come back soon.

However, I missed him and messaged him by the end of the day itself to which he seemed very cold. The next day out of no where he messaged that he needs some timeout as he felt he is getting too serious and he cannot afford to go down this path again. A bit shocked that I was I wanted to talk and clear things out but he didnt call me or text the entire day and claimed at the end of the day that he was super busy. The next day it was the same situation because of which I felt a bit insulted and messaged him abruptly that he was inconsiderate and he can enjoy his space to which he apologized and said he needs time.

Realizing my mistake after two days when I was much more calm I called him up but no answer so I dropped him a message saying I was sorry for being mean and even asked him if he needed more time? to which he said its alright but needs some more time.

After which it has been a couple of days and he hasn't contacted me yet and this has started to bother me now. I honestly do like this guy but it is so hard to know what he feels? He gave me all the attention I wanted and more for a week and then the next entire week snatched it away.. I know its kind of silly cause I have never met him and just spoken to him a lot on call but I have never felt the same way for any guy. before.

So what do you guys think I should do? And do you think he will ever come back or should I give up already?
TIA

I mean....I think he already made the decision for you

@tiziani - I was going to meet him but I usually like to take my time to get to know someone before I meet them.. To see if the wavelengths actually do match

@iroxane - What do you mean?

@Admiral and @Geminariescharmer - Honestly I texted him once after he asked me for some time so I dont think I am pestering him or being needy. Also, I am honestly not putting him on a pedestal, its just that if I have any issues with someone I rather clarify it with that someone than bottle them up.
I wont be taking any action now from my side as I am kinda hurt by the sudden distant and cold behavior but just wanted to know if is this a common Cappy thing? Will he come back at all or should forget him already?

@tiziani - True! but if I we wont click over calls and texts then we might not even click when we meet? It just saves my time by eliminating uninteresting people who don't have the same wavelength as I

You told him that you need time.... that you are scared.... that this is going too fast..... then you got offended he took your words seriously🙂 one day you need time and scared, next day you want to talk things throu..... what things? meet up or forget him

@elledumonde I am glad you understand. That was the only topic that bothered me.. I have read about the Cappy disapperaring act so you think it can be something related to that as like i said he had clearly mentioned he was getting too serious and so needed a break..

Also, he was very jealous about me talking to my ex and being on tinder or atleast he pretended to be!

@pandora101 I wanted time to clear my head and when I was done I messaged him that I want to talk about why was he jealous and hid things from me about him going away..

Next time dont say any of that insecure stuff. No 'oh thats going too fast' etc stuff. In saying such things u made it clear that u arent sure about what you want from him. I underdtand that u dont pour yourself out if u didnt even meet him yet. But that showed him enough that he could get into some emotional trouble with you. Thats why he backed off. + u still talking to your ex.

No man on earth will deal with an insecure woman who is still stuck with her ex. No offense but cappys dont have time for "ifs and coulds"

@elledumonde I would have done the same thing otherwise as I have a low tolerance for things as such but me not being able to understand him is what got me hooked.
I want to mainly understand what he wants and what he is thinking? Which is next to impossible as he is a Cappy..

@admiral thankyou I have been having the same opinion about him looking at how indecisive he was!

@foreverloveme i am not planning on contacting him unless he initiates a conversation. I am sure he wanted this as well as he clearly said it while taking his break that he is getting serious and cant go down that path again. Also, how can he even be serious when he knows he is going to move soon to Florida.
And me talking to my ex was a big deal to him but on the other hand he was still in contact with his ex

Posted by TrulyScorpio
@foreverloveme i am not planning on contacting him unless he initiates a conversation. I am sure he wanted this as well as he clearly said it while taking his break that he is getting serious and cant go down that path again. Also, how can he even be serious when he knows he is going to move soon to Florida.
And me talking to my ex was a big deal to him but on the other hand he was still in contact with his ex

@aquanextdoor

Posted by libraqueen
Two things
1. Men on Tinder are usually looking for ____
2. He was moving away but didn't want to tell you because he wanted to ___ you but didn't want to make it obvious.

I've been on tinder before and WTF. Low tier men with vulgar intentions. Has he taken you out on a date like a man is supposed to? If not he doesn't seem worth it, girl. Remember what your daddy told you.

To be fair he wanted to take me out on a real date but I wanted to take my time and know for sure he wasn't a jerk and then go out.. Also, he had specified that he wanted me to know about him moving away before we met up..

Posted by libraqueen
Wait a minute..what's his sign? If he's a Cancer I understand his actions but besides that not really and my original comment stands.

He is a Capricorn.. One of the most difficult to read people I have come across

Posted by TrulyScorpio
@pandora101 I wanted time to clear my head and when I was done I messaged him that I want to talk about why was he jealous and hid things from me about him going away..

and now he is taking his time to clear his head...... and thinking, if he want to deal with all your "drama" (sorry to say this, I cannot think of another word)

you took your time to clear your head, he was offended, and now you are back in full force and are surprised, that he is not liking your controlling ways..... you didnt even met and you are talking jealousy etc? meet up or forget

Posted by ElleDuMonde
...and even though he asked her about her account still being active....that just means he doesn't want to share.

For a noncommittal and slightly controlling capricorn man.....tinder is like a convenience store....riddled with double standards. He can shop but you will be expected to wait in the car.

That is one hell of an apt example.. Cause he still continued to be on tinder and asked me questions on the contrary..
When I asked why was he on tinder he gave me the lamest excuse that he likes to read our previous chat occasionally

Posted by Pandora101

Posted by TrulyScorpio
@pandora101 I wanted time to clear my head and when I was done I messaged him that I want to talk about why was he jealous and hid things from me about him going away..

and now he is taking his time to clear his head...... and thinking, if he want to deal with all your "drama" (sorry to say this, I cannot think of another word)

you took your time to clear your head, he was offended, and now you are back in full force and are surprised, that he is not liking your controlling ways..... you didnt even met and you are talking jealousy etc? meet up or forget

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Yes i didnt meet him cause I wasn't sure of him being a decent chap.. And he was the one being jealous all the time and asked me about me being on tinder rather than me..

Do any of you'll think this has anything to do with the famous disapperaring act of Cappy men?
Also, how should I handle it once he is back? ie if he comes back..

Posted by Admiral

Posted by libraqueen
Two things
1. Men on Tinder are usually looking for ____
2. He was moving away but didn't want to tell you because he wanted to ___ you but didn't want to make it obvious.

I've been on tinder before and WTF. Low tier men with vulgar intentions. Has he taken you out on a date like a man is supposed to? If not he doesn't seem worth it, girl. Remember what your daddy told you.

So if a man wants sex he's low tier? I honestly think man that lies about his intentions and leads a girl on is much worse. Guys really need to say clearly in the beginning that they don't want a relationship so they don't waste the girls time and there own time. Need to leave no room for confusion.

And how typical you attack a mans sexuality just because he only wants sex. it's the same thing for girls that only want sex. Why do you need to shame or make fun of them? It's none of your business. You don't know them. These type of people just have to give people a hard time for whatever reason.

This is a case of mismatched needs. What he needs and what she needs are different, but he being the genius he is forgot to tell her that they weren't compatible and the girl starts the endless questioning to find something to validate way she feels about the relationship. Not good for the ego.

click to expand

amen.

at least some men are HONEST, they tell you upfront, "I want sex and sex only," ...well only the ones that HAVE to tell the woman.

it's the woman who wants MORE, when clearly he didn't. Like trying to prove to him you are "the ONE".

I mean just stay away from those men if women don't want PLAYERS.

but those players are soooo irresistible I bet.

for this they need a FEMME FATALE. (A dangerous woman who will destroy him) lol

...

well, in all seriousness, player men are not really something anyone should be playing around with anyway.

and I love this site!!! I never knew about tinder at all honestly. I didn't even know about that site. This site also made me learn about the craigslist too.

online information about sites like Ashley Madison really is eye-opening.

Posted by libraqueen
@admiral funny, you say I'm wrong for judging promiscuous men and you claim it's "same as women" ummm no buddy. I'm not a feminist so you're talking to the wrong girl. It's NOT the same and it isn't any better if women were to do it. It's absolutely nasty. With all the STDS going around people still think it's OK to sleep with complete strangers. LOL. keep telling yourself that.

I didn't even get to the point that most of these men will lead girls on (like OP) and never admit they just wanted sex in the first place. you see how naive she is? men on tinder PREY on girls like that.

I have my own standards and if a man has to go on the Internet to get laid I'm just going to assume something is off with him and I'm going to stay away. There's no reason you can't go to a bar and meet people that way.

By the way, I only had tinder as a joke and my fiancé wanted to look at some of the messages to see what it's like to be a girl on the dating site.

lol you went on tinder as a joke?

you and your man like practical jokes huh?

OP, my only advice is....

be a FEMME FATALE....

you want this man—

get 'em tiger! destroy him. make him LUST after you, and ball him up like a little boy.

be a JESSICA RABBIT....

Posted by libraqueen
Jeez do we have to spell it out for you. He just wanted you for sex. Why the hell would a guy look for a "relationship" when he's moving away. He probably swiped yes for everyone like all guys do. He didn't pick you. It was coincidence.

Now I feel mean, but it's for your own good.

nothing wrong with wanting somebody for sex, because its always a two ways street, you know....... and maybe there was a connection, if they talked all those hours on the phone.... albeit for 1 week..... maybe he felt the connection (caps are cold, scorpios intense, its understandable, he and she felt connected) but you blown it with your I need time etc.... you should have met him immediately, and see, what is it about

see how Lauren Bacall "caught" her Capricorn man??

soooo suave, so sophisticated. 😆

this is HOW you catch this type of man....easy peasy...they love the femme fatale.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
People, this is tinder. It's a hookup site.

You do not find long term serious partners on Tinder.

All you find is a sea of fuck boys tying to get their dick wet with the least amount of effort.

Thankyou @foreverloveme @ellycakes @elledumonde @libraqueen
Well i am glad you all were very blunt & honest with me and maybe that was something I already knew but just didn't want to accept as a possibility considering the sweet talker that he was!

Posted by lisabethur8
OP, my only advice is....

be a FEMME FATALE....

you want this man—

get 'em tiger! destroy him. make him LUST after you, and ball him up like a little boy.

be a JESSICA RABBIT....

Sure! I am not certainly going to take your advice on that if he ever decides to come back...
As for now I have deleted his number as a symbol of me cleansing myself from this drama..

Posted by Ellycakes

Posted by ElleDuMonde
I am most definitely not a femme fatale.....

I am just an asshole naturally....which seems to work just as well on capricorn men 😄

Earth sign men in general tend to like that lol. And scorpios men of course.

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He is a capricorn and I am a Scorpio but honestly he is one hard to read person

Have not read through all the post just yet.

Isn't Tinder a hook-up type of site?

None of this online stuff is real until it's real so why spend so much of your precious time on something that is NOTHING.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of any of it. Either you're hooking up on tinder or your not, it's not that complicated.

Go on with your life. Give it a break. Give him some space then reach out if you want to in a few weeks or just let it rest and move on to something a bit less complicated.

But on particular post stands out. ElleDuMonde +1 on everything.

one particular

Posted by Vixen2
I think you can have whatever you want if you set your intentions hard enough...

My intentions were clear enough till the time this guy came along and decided to sweet talk me making me believe he wasn't into hookups either but just interesting convos!!

Posted by TrulyScorpio
@iroxane - What do you mean?

Posted by TrulyScorpio
However, I missed him and messaged him by the end of the day itself to which he seemed very cold. The next day out of no where he messaged that he needs some timeout as he felt he is getting too serious and he cannot afford to go down this path again.

The next day it was the same situation because of which I felt a bit insulted and messaged him abruptly that he was inconsiderate and he can enjoy his space to which he apologized and said he needs time.

Realizing my mistake after two days when I was much more calm I called him up but no answer so I dropped him a message saying I was sorry for being mean and even asked him if he needed more time? to which he said its alright but needs some more time.

click to expand

his actions and words are showing you hes not interested. According to you, you had a great one week, just leave it at that

Hello OP.

Met an Capricorn female.. Even made her my GF fro a day.. next day she said don't speak to her. When i asked for clarification, she said every time i am contacting her, her life is becoming hell lol.

After a week she came back as friend. Again went to exile after 3 days of well talking.

Cappys do not worth it unless you have lot of patience and time in your hand... Then also you can never guess what will happen in next moment.

By the way she also wanted to move to another country it seems.

Posted by AquaNextDoor
Next time dont say any of that insecure stuff. No 'oh thats going too fast' etc stuff. In saying such things u made it clear that u arent sure about what you want from him. I underdtand that u dont pour yourself out if u didnt even meet him yet. But that showed him enough that he could get into some emotional trouble with you. Thats why he backed off. + u still talking to your ex.

No man on earth will deal with an insecure woman who is still stuck with her ex. No offense but cappys dont have time for "ifs and coulds"

And in my case this cappy girl is stuck with her ex too. Even though she say she is single, she can't lose someone "special" like him.. lol

Posted by Foreverloveme

Posted by TrulyScorpio

Posted by Vixen2
I think you can have whatever you want if you set your intentions hard enough...

My intentions were clear enough till the time this guy came along and decided to sweet talk me making me believe he wasn't into hookups either but just interesting convos!!

And you believed that why?? What gave you that impression besides him telling you that?

How old are you guys? I'm guessing 18/19 if you talk about him going off to school

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I didnt believe him cause he said so but I believed him cause of his persistent nature that wanted me to believe he was a nice guy.. Also, the unending convos for a week inspite of me telling him I am not into hookups..
Btw I am 24 and he is 26

Posted by ariesdaredevil
Hello OP.

Met an Capricorn female.. Even made her my GF fro a day.. next day she said don't speak to her. When i asked for clarification, she said every time i am contacting her, her life is becoming hell lol.

After a week she came back as friend. Again went to exile after 3 days of well talking.

Cappys do not worth it unless you have lot of patience and time in your hand... Then also you can never guess what will happen in next moment.

By the way she also wanted to move to another country it seems.

After a point I am not even sure if its the sign of the person that influences him/her but rather its their own basic nature

Posted by Foreverloveme

Posted by TrulyScorpio

Posted by Foreverloveme

Posted by TrulyScorpio

Posted by Vixen2
I think you can have whatever you want if you set your intentions hard enough...

My intentions were clear enough till the time this guy came along and decided to sweet talk me making me believe he wasn't into hookups either but just interesting convos!!

And you believed that why?? What gave you that impression besides him telling you that?

How old are you guys? I'm guessing 18/19 if you talk about him going off to school

I didnt believe him cause he said so but I believed him cause of his persistent nature that wanted me to believe he was a nice guy.. Also, the unending convos for a week inspite of me telling him I am not into hookups..
Btw I am 24 and he is 26

Ok so you both had good conversation for a week...I wouldn't read any deeper into it at this point. You also said you would be blocking him & not making anymore contact, which imo is in your best interest.

It's possible he could have been being honest with you if all you were looking for is conversation and he started to like you. We really wouldn't know that, only he would know that.

Please don't use tinder to find people to chat with, just for future reference.

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The point of me posting this article was to get a view on whether this guy was genuine or was I played.. But you are so right that is something that I don't think I will ever know!
I have already deleted my tinder account after this incident..

Get off Tinder if you're not into hooking up. It's a hook-up site. There are exceptions that happen after 2 people hook-up and never leave each others side but you can't count on being the exception.

If you would like a more traditional dating situation it's best to move on to the sites that cater to that.

He's there to hook up and he moved on because for whatever reason the hook up wasn't happening. Move on.