Is this normal cap man behaviour?

We started talking a while ago and he instantaneously became flirty and it was great.

He didn't ask me many questions about my personal life or my career. It was mostly flirty and short messages but he took interest in talking to me.

Then he asked me out for a date one evening (date hasn't happened yet).

He became cold after that. He does not initiate contact with me at all. I tried to initiate contact a few times and he would reply but then cut the conversation short. I questioned him about why is he suddenly being so standoffish. He apologised and said it was nothing like that. He said he thought I was busy. If I was busy, why would I try talking to him? Lame excuse to me.

I tried talking to him again and then we had a very small conversation and he told me he was going to sleep but he stayed online for hours afterwards.

He stopped flirting with me during this time and I have not initiated any contact now.

We have not spoken about the date since that day and I am presuming he has forgotten.

Why did he go from being so into me to a stone cold stranger? I am so confused.

Should I just let him go?

Well I told him how I felt and he started ignoring me pretty much straight away.

Why are they so hot and cold all the time?

First to find all info on him. Get to know him you ask questions. I been there done that wasn't a cap but a different cardinal.

I get my stubborn streak on more but after when the woman likes the man and asks questions and expects to be asked questions to get to know each other better start a friendship perhaps. And hopefully a lover out of it.

There's should be no one side friendship and that's how it is right now or he's hiding something.

And of course could be the hard worker type and stubborn themselves where you have to do everything yourself then later it's going to suck.

Posted by Cappiwoman
We started talking a while ago and he instantaneously became flirty and it was great.

He didn't ask me many questions about my personal life or my career. It was mostly flirty and short messages but he took interest in talking to me.

Then he asked me out for a date one evening (date hasn't happened yet).

He became cold after that. He does not initiate contact with me at all. I tried to initiate contact a few times and he would reply but then cut the conversation short. I questioned him about why is he suddenly being so standoffish. He apologised and said it was nothing like that. He said he thought I was busy. If I was busy, why would I try talking to him? Lame excuse to me.

I tried talking to him again and then we had a very small conversation and he told me he was going to sleep but he stayed online for hours afterwards.

He stopped flirting with me during this time and I have not initiated any contact now.

We have not spoken about the date since that day and I am presuming he has forgotten.

Why did he go from being so into me to a stone cold stranger? I am so confused.

Should I just let him go?

I wouldn't worry about it. Just let him be and move on. Since you're only in the talking stage, perhaps he has been talking to other people as well and has been on a date with someone else and has chemistry with her. You've done nothing wrong, it's just one of those things. You don't have anything invested here, so don't take it to heart.

I understand you've built up a flirtation and you're curious. When I'm in the talking stage, I don't take any of it seriously, it's just fun. So, as a fellow, cap, perhaps he didn't take any of that seriously either.

Posted by Cappiwoman
Well I told him how I felt and he started ignoring me pretty much straight away.

Why are they so hot and cold all the time?

What do you mean you told him how you felt?

Do you mean, like you like him and have feelings for him?
Or do you mean you were upset about the way he was treating you?

From what I'm hearing cap men will tell you when ready.

Posted by Cappiwoman
Well I told him how I felt and he started ignoring me pretty much straight away.

Why are they so hot and cold all the time?

Are you ever hot/cold?

Because you're a cap too and if a cap can't get/understand another cap...oh boy, we're probably just as confusing ourselves.

I don't think I am hot and cold. I get busy, yes, but I always take out time for friends and family.

This is why I am so baffled by the whole situation. I am a capricorn and i should be able to understand his behaviour but I don't.

He told me that he likes spending time with me but then disappeared soon after saying that.

I told him that I liked spending time with him as well.

I bet you my third favorite pair of socks he's researching to figure out the appropriate first date. He was probably asking that girl for advice (if he was even chatting to her.)

Keep us updated so I can find out that I'm right! 😄

Okay so there were developments today but my own Capricorn cautious nature is kicking in.

He asked me if I liked him. I said I liked him as a person and only time will tell if I like him as more than a friend (yes, I do like him as more than a friend, but I am not ready to tell him). He said he liked me.

After that point he became all hot for me again and started flirting with me.

BUT and this is a huge but, he only flirts with me on an app that cannot save messages and you cannot go back on previous messages. He says his other medium of communication, namely Facebook has poor connectivity. This makes me very very suspicious. Is he playing me for a fool?

He said goodnight to me, but I could evidently see him on Facebook.

I am very cautious in my own steps and I am questioning his behaviour.

Sometimes facebook shows you're logged in when you're not. Happens to me all the time. People say they see I'm on line and IM me, but I'm not. Might be an issue with the app. I wouldn't put a lot of thought in that.
Also, I've forgotten to close the app on my phone and that will show you logged in when you're really not.
I've also fallen asleep with the app open.

The problem I see here is you need to be confident and assertive. If you like him more than a friend, tell him. Since you're both capricorns, you're both scared of rejection, scared of putting yourself out there, scared of being honest. This is an issue with cap/cap relationships. One of you is going to have to be direct otherwise it's not going anywhere.

Instead of sitting around waiting on him, just tell him "I don't want to date anyone else but you". See what he says. It's not talking about feelings. It doesn't put anyone on the spot. Sure, you put yourself on a limb, but so what. You might just get a positive reaction and things get better. I used to be scared too, but I learned it only makes things better.
Doing it this way is direct (and you know as well as I do that capricorns appreciate directness). It's more about you and what you want rather than hum halling around trying to figure out what he wants and much better than putting him on the hot seat by asking him what he feels (you know as well as I do that capricorns don't know how or like putting their feeling into words).
If he agrees, great! You know where you stand.
If he dodges, then you have your answer that he's not on the same page and you can move on.

If one of you isn't direct, then all both of you are going to do is pussy foot around. That gets you no where and you two will do this dance and waste a lot of time (and us caps HATE wasting time).

Wait...I forgot you two haven't even been on a date yet.

So you can just phrase it "I don't want to talk to anyone else but you". See what he says to that.

And if you haven't been on a date yet, you are putting WAY too much thought into this. Be careful that you don't fantasize too much and build him up too much in your mind.

Posted by Cappiwoman
Well I told him how I felt and he started ignoring me pretty much straight away.

Why are they so hot and cold all the time?

He's just not "that" into you.

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by Cappiwoman
Well I told him how I felt and he started ignoring me pretty much straight away.

Why are they so hot and cold all the time?

He's just not "that" into you.

click to expand

That's why I asked her if she told him how she felt as in "feelings" and he ignored her meaning he's not into her. However, if she was upset and told him how she felt as far as pissed because of how he's treating her, then he could be giving her a cooling off period, avoidance of that emotion kind-of-thing.

Yeh true!!!

Okay so this happened.

We were discussing when to meet since I am only in town for a few days. He wanted to do dinner but I have a my mothers 50th birthday celebration at home and I can't miss that. I asked for lunch but he has a study group meeting so he turned me down. I tried rescheduling again for Sunday but he said he can't because he has an important exam on Monday. I leave on Monday as well. I have to admit I was really sad about being rejected and now I don't want to contact him again coz I really did put myself out there for him.

Posted by truecap
Wait...I forgot you two haven't even been on a date yet.

So you can just phrase it "I don't want to talk to anyone else but you". See what he says to that.

I would love to ask this but I think I got my message. There were so many ways around what he said. He could have offered to have brunch or something, but he didn't. I just said no to dinner and then he completely shut me down. I even explained why but it meant nothing to him.

I told him I was a bit upset about not being able to see him and then he said 'see you do have feelings for me' but he did not sound upset or anything about not being able to see me. He wished me goodnight and was back online. He told me he liked me yesterday but his actions are proving otherwise.

I agree with you 100% . I have been really hurt in love before which is why I am very very cautious. You are correct. This is 100% my fault as I set the tone.

He told me that he liked me as more than a friend but I am definitely not seeing that through his actions. I said no to dinner but made two alternatives available, both of which he turned me down for. He went cold not shortly after I said no to dinner. I am really tired of being the one initiating every conversation and trying to see him. I am a really busy person myself but I was taking time out for him. I guess the ball will be in his court now but I am backing out.

Nobody is forcing you to read it mate.

Posted by Cappiwoman
I agree with you 100% . I have been really hurt in love before which is why I am very very cautious. You are correct. This is 100% my fault as I set the tone.

He told me that he liked me as more than a friend but I am definitely not seeing that through his actions. I said no to dinner but made two alternatives available, both of which he turned me down for. He went cold not shortly after I said no to dinner. I am really tired of being the one initiating every conversation and trying to see him. I am a really busy person myself but I was taking time out for him. I guess the ball will be in his court now but I am backing out.

Foreverloveme is right. He said he likes you as more of a friend. You said you like him as a friend....now, he's backed off because he, too, is cautious and doesn't want to get hurt.
That explains his going distant.