Does this Cap woman like me or not?

I feel like I've gotten very mixed signals from this Capricorn woman, so I'm hoping you guys can help me figure this one out.

I've known her for about 5 years. I stopped talking to her a few years ago; she invited me to go clubbing with her and her friends for her birthday, but then when the day came she never told me when or where to meet them. She never apologized or gave a reason for ditching me, which really hurt my feelings, so I just stopped talking to her for about a year.

Close to 2 years ago, we ran in to one another and started chatting again (but I never mentioned her hurting my feelings or why we stopped talking).

She left her ex about 18 months ago because he was a drug addict, and maybe a dealer. They weren't married but did live together and have 2 kids. We talked a lot through that time, mainly me trying to be an emotional support system for her. But she was also pretty flirty, I thought.

About 13 months ago, I asked her on a real date. She said that she didn't feel like she was ready to date yet and was really just focused on working, but didn't mind if I kept talking to her and flirting.

Since then, I've invited her to countless platonic group dinners, movies, and bar get-togethers, but she always replies that she wishes she could but has to work. Which is a lie in a least some of the cases, since her job closes at 9 and some of these get-togethers have been after 9. Once, I just said "this weekend", and she said that she had to work before asking whether I meant Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.

She's also never suggested an alternate day.

As far as I know, though, she hasn't gone out with anyone else, either.

A few months ago, we ran in to one another by accident at a mutual friend's party; it was truly an accident, because neither of us knew that the other even knew that mutual friend. The whole evening, though, she sat beside of me, we shared a few drinks (drinking from the same bottle), and I noticed that she constantly touched my leg or arm to get my attention. Then the next morning she sent me a message that said, "Good morning!" So the body language was all there that she was interested.

A few weeks ago I asked her on a date again, but again she said that she was busy. I replied with, "so be honest... do you WANT me to keep messaging you and flirting? Cause I kinda get the feeling that I'm just making a fool of myself. I'd much rather you just tell me to stop than be embarrassed."

Her reply:

"You are a friend to me and I couldn't see you more than that and I don't mind you messaging me"

Now, to me that's pretty clear: she's not interested in me physically, and just thinks of me as a friend. Which is fine, I appreciate the candor.

But then about 2 weeks later, she sent me an out of the blue message, saying, "so what's the wildest thing you've ever done?" (meaning, sexually). And then we spent about 9 hours chatting about our sexual experiences and fantasies!

(more in a second post...)

That confuses me, because I would have never had a conversation like that with someone to whom I wasn't pretty attracted. If any other girl had sent me that kind of message, I would have taken it as a clear sign that she wanted to share some of those experiences with me.

Except that, a few weeks ago, she clearly said that she's not attracted to me.

So how do I take this? Is it common for Cap girls to be a little indecisive on things like this? Or is it just common for her to flirt sexually with someone she's not really attracted to?

Her birth chart, according to cafeastrology, is:

Sun Capricorn 7°16'
Moon Pisces 0°14'
Mercury Sagittarius 22°40'
Venus Aquarius 23°03'
Mars Cancer 21°38'
Jupiter Libra 13°12'
Saturn Aquarius 16°01'
Uranus Capricorn 17°29'
Neptune Capricorn 18°15'
Pluto Scorpio 24°32'
Lilith Pisces 8°11'
Asc node Sagittarius 21°26'

Some of these imply an attraction to "perversion" (whatever that is) and a strong, but well hidden wild side. Which makes me wonder if she's fantasizing about just being FWBs with me?

Not to sound rude, but if you were really hurt over being "ditched", you should stop being so emotional. She probably forgot, or maybe didn't follow thru with her plans, OR she probably didn't think you were too interested in going. But it's never that serious to get your feelings hurt over.

Us Caps are blunt, she said she sees you as a friend, so that's how she feels. You're reading too much into things.

Idk about other caps but I always ask about sexual things, I'll even ask guys their penis size.

But she was leading you on, she knew you were interested and never told you. I suggest you stop talking to her.

She's using you as an emotional bandaid. Your attention helps her feel wanted and worthy, but she has no intentions of ever pursuing anything further with you.

When she feels you may be pulling back she'll reels you back in by making you think she could be interested in more (sexually texts).

^^ that

I agree with the others, too. Nothing more to add.

How long was her relationship with her ex?

"You are a friend to me and I couldn't see you more than that and I don't mind you messaging me"


^^^ there's your answer.


With her asking sexual questions...

She see's you as a friend, and probably just curious about men in general and their thoughts on sex. Maybe shes curious to see your POV.

My guy friend and I talk about sex in a general sense, but there's nothing there for me, or between us. She's just comfortable talking about that stuff with you perhaps.

She shouldn't though, bcuz there's feelings there on your end for her.

Posted by BadGrlCapi
Not to sound rude, but if you were really hurt over being "ditched", you should stop being so emotional. She probably forgot, or maybe didn't follow thru with her plans, OR she probably didn't think you were too interested in going. But it's never that serious to get your feelings hurt over.

I'm not hurt NOW, but I was then. Like I said, it was a few years ago. And I'm a Virgo, so I get hurt easy and over-analyze... well, everything.

At the time, she sent me a message and invited me to go clubbing with her and her friends on a Monday (in a nearby city, so it's a big trip), for the upcoming weekend. I was flattered because I don't really have a lot of social friends, and excited because she and her girl friends are hot and I was newly single, so her inviting me was a big deal to me and I felt honored. I replied with something like, "sure, I'd love to, just let me know which day and time". Her birthday was Sunday, so I didn't know if we were going on Friday or Saturday.

By Thursday evening she still hadn't replied, so I sent another message, asking to let me know when and where to meet. Still, no reply.

Then on Friday, she posted a bunch of pictures on Facebook of them at the club, so they definitely went. But for whatever reason she decided to rescind my invitation. So I waited a week or so for an apology or explanation, and when none came I just unfriended her on Facebook, deleted her number, and forgot about her.

I only brought it up here to show her history of mixed signals. For the record, though, if you invite a Virgo to your birthday party, and then ignore him and refuse to tell him when and where, then you're going to hurt his feelings.

How long was her relationship with her ex?

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I'm not sure, really. Less than 2 years, I guess? She wasn't with him when she invited me to her birthday party, and we reconnected at the end of the relationship, so start-to-finish was less than 2 years... unless they dated before she and I met and later reconnected.

I'm going to take all of your advise, though, and assume that she's just leading me on for her own purposes. Which I do think is messed up, since I've recently made it clear that I'm in to her. There's no need to stop being her friend, but I'm going to proceed under the assumption that she thinks I'm an ugly ogre.

I think the platonic dates were turned down because we can be socially awkward at times and quiet so I think it's best to get her on a one-on-one date.

Maybe after spending time with you at the party she saw something that sparked her interest. Instead of asking about a date first, maybe ask her when her next day off is going to be. Then ask her to coffee, lunch, dinner, walk in the park, or whatever it is that she's into.

I was inviting her to friendly group outings because i didn't want to come across as too aggressive. I've invited her to dinner and drinks with friends twice in the last month; both times she replied immediately asking what time to be there, but then later said that she had to work (with a bunch of :'-( emojis, for whatever that's worth).

This last time, we chatted a little after, and I ended it with inviting her to lunch one day this upcoming week. That would be one-on-one, and I left it open on the day. She hasn't replied to that, though, so I would normally take that as "I don't want to go but don't know how to tell you, so I'm just going to leave you hanging and let you figure it out on your own".

She wants friends with benefits but nothing more.

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Which would be fine, since I'm not exactly looking to get married anytime soon, either. I just don't know how to get from point A to point C.