Help a Cap

I have this odd feeling that my Cancer's mother doesn't like me. I'm almost certain that she has resentful feelings towards me, and has a for a while, seeing as since her son met me he's been away from home and with me very often, on a regular basis.

She doesn't have any other children, and really only socializes with her husband. She's a Virgo, and seems to enjoy the extreme solitude (she doesn't drive or entertain, she has little to no friends as far as I know). But, like any mother, when her son isn't around she misses him. Any time I go over to her house (which recently has been rarely), she's always talking about how busy the both of us are, and how she never sees her son anymore. She's still polite, and always asks me how work/school is, how my family is, etc. but she's often making comments like "My son is always at your place, so I don't get to see him much anymore."

Now, this weekend my Cancer's family is throwing a party at a hall for his aunt's 60th birthday. Keep in mind, I've spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holidays with his entire extended family, and have also been to tons of other family gatherings. I have a relationship with his aunt. But I wasn't invited. The fact that I, as a 21 year old, am upset that I wasn't invited to a 60th birthday celebration may seem a bit petty, but I think family is very important, and have always made an effort to be involved in my boyfriend's family. He had been mentioning the party for a couple weeks now, and I just assumed he would invite me, or his mother would, like it's happened in the past. But no one said anything, so last week I asked my boyfriend wether I was invited or not, and that I would love to catch up with everyone. He said that he thinks it's "just a family thing", and that was it. I have no idea what to think of this. I don't know if I was intentionally uninvited. I'm 100% sure my mother-in-law's husband will be there, and he's not family, and I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's cousins' partners will be there as well. I'm hurt that I wasn't invited. Plus, it's not like it's an intimate dinner. There's going to be upwards of 25 people there.

Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

Side note: My Cancer and I are moving in together in April. I don't think she's taking the news well. My boyfriend mentioned that she was apprehensive when he told her, and that she was asking him things like "Are you sure you're ready for that?" "How do you feel about that?" "Do you think it's a good idea?", and wasn't all that supportive. When he told me, he tried to make it seem to me as if she was just making sure it was the right thing for him, but I feel like he didn't tell me everything she said. I think she's upset he's moving out, and might be blaming it on me. We're also moving closer to the city, about 35 minutes away from where we live now, so he won't get to see his mom as much anymore. I understand that she's his mother, and she's protective, and wants what's best for him, but I've always been extremely nice with her, so I don't understand why she's acting so standoff-ish towards me.

Invite them over or out for dinner. Ask her advice on something that she is knowledgeable in. Get her opinion on something that's going on with your life. Virgos like to feel needed and she's probably going through that empty nest syndrome where she doesn't feel needed anymore. So, let her know you need her knowledge, her wisdom, etc and that her opinion is important.

My aqua has a virgo mom and I adore her! We get along great and enjoy talking with each other. I just chalked it up to that cap/virgo thing.

Posted by Bells93
I've always been extremely nice with her, so I don't understand why she's acting so standoff-ish towards me.

Yet as a cap we come across as guarded and a little bit distant. She may sense that. She may feel like you're being fake and insincere. Playing nice, in other words. So, she's probably just subconsciously mimicking that. Just try to get to know her as a person. Ask her what your man was like as a child, ask her how she met her husband, anything to get a genuine conversation rolling.

Oh, I'm not saying you're doing that, but she may interpret it that way.

Posted by truecap

Posted by Bells93
I've always been extremely nice with her, so I don't understand why she's acting so standoff-ish towards me.

Yet as a cap we come across as guarded and a little bit distant. She may sense that. She may feel like you're being fake and insincere. Playing nice, in other words. So, she's probably just subconsciously mimicking that. Just try to get to know her as a person. Ask her what your man was like as a child, ask her how she met her husband, anything to get a genuine conversation rolling.

Oh, I'm not saying you're doing that, but she may interpret it that way.

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I get what you're saying. We we're closer over the summer when I had a less hectic schedule, but now with my boyfriend working all the time, and my schedule being busy too, we haven't had time to connect. I used to go shopping with her, and we've had tons of great conversations. It's just as of late, since she found out we're moving in together, that she's been a bit weird.

I'll think of something we can do together, and then bring it up to her. I'm sure she'll say yes. There's no established problem between us, I can just feel negative vibes from her and it sucks because I've always made an effort to have a relationship with his whole family.

Posted by caliber
i had issues with my exes mother...

elle is right, you HAVE to talk to her. tell her you know what's up and you really would love to come to an understanding and have an open, honest relationship with her. tell her you love her son very, very much and want to do right by him. if she feels she's missing time with her boy, then you need to get them together... and make sure she sees that from you.

trust me. did that with the exes mother and she relaxed BIG time. things were muuuuch better from then on out. in big families like that, you want as many people on your side as you can get. that way, you're always included and appreciated.

I think I'll also talk to my man about him spending time with her. Because although I do love being with him all the time, he's the one that initiates. That's why I feel that's it's unfair for her to be holding that against me, since he makes the decision to be with me. Even when he's home, he'll go in his room or in the family room in the basement and just be by himself and relax (in his crab shell haha). He doesn't go out of his way to spend time with her, even in her house. I could figure out something fun for us all to do (including her husband), that should also help. We went on a few day trips together over the summer, she seemed to enjoy that.

It may be that she doesn't approve of "shacking up". I know my bf's mom would not approve.