How can I be there for him? / Am I being selfish?

I'm a Cancer woman. I'm 23, and he's 38. Background: We've known each other since I was 20 and dated briefly when I was 21. Things ended because he thought I wasn't that into him. A year later (after no communication) he asks me to go to Coachella with him which is basically a road trip to the desert. I couldn't because I wasn't in LA at the time. We agree to meet up once I was back in town. Now we've been talking since June with no sex and nothing has progressed. He was my valentine this year. The next day we meet up with his graduate program friend and her husband. She asks him how his mother is doing with chemotherapy. I was so shocked!! I had no idea his mother had cancer, but I didn't want to act like I didn't know in front of her. He recently found out his father has lung cancer 😢 We had a falling out about a month after valentines day. He called me Hollywood for not asking him how his family is and how he's dealing with it, but I did! I told him if he ever needed to talk I was here for him. Keep in mind he didn't even tell me his mom had cancer. I had to find out from someone else and he expects me to ask him about it constantly after not even telling me? We make up. Now I'm feeling frustrated that we haven't progressed into a relationship. He said he hasn't pushed me for sex because he respects that I haven't had sex with him. I told him it's because we're not exclusive. He broke his arm last weekend and said he wanted to postpone our date. I told him I still wanted to spend time with him even though as he put it he'd be pretty worthless with his broken arm. After I said I still wanted to spend time with him (it had been about 3 weeks since we last saw each other) he said I was welcomed to come over. I said it was fine because I'd feel like I was invading or unwanted since he said he wanted to postpone. To wrap this up am I being selfish for feeling like he's not paying enough attention to me? He used to send me texts saying that he was thinking about me every other day. Now I'm lucky if he texts me once a week. I'm not someone who needs to see a guy every week. I'm busy, but I want to know you're at least thinking about me. Also, how can I be there for him through this? Obviously saying I'm here for him wasn't enough.

Of course his parents, but how do Cappies handle this? Do I give him space? If I do and other guys approach me I'm going to continue with them. I don't think it's fair for me to wait around on someone who hasn't made me his after a year of being back in contact. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but it's how I feel.

I don't think he's all that interested in dating you. Go out with other people.

Doesn't mean you can't be his friend and be considerate and ask about his parents. You not asking makes you appear very selfish and immature. Me, me, me is all you seem to be saying.

The cap is better off without you. You're not even a good friend and being friends with our significant other is very important.

Yep, go out with someone who can dote all their attention on you, someone who doesn't have any responsibilities.

Sorry so blunt, but that's the way it reads to me.

@truecap maybe I didn't add the part where I DID ask him about his family and said I'm here if he needs to talk more than once. Even though I really like him. I think I'm hanging on to our memories more than our current situation. I'll continue seeing other guys and lending my support without being too emotionally involved anymore. He's a great guy, but I do think it's a red flag that he's never been married and he's almost 40.

Posted by CancerAries
@truecap maybe I didn't add the part where I DID ask him about his family and said I'm here if he needs to talk more than once. Even though I really like him. I think I'm hanging on to our memories more than our current situation. I'll continue seeing other guys and lending my support without being too emotionally involved anymore. He's a great guy, but I do think it's a red flag that he's never been married and he's almost 40.

Good to know you did ask. 🙂

Honestly, I think you'll be happier in the long run with someone closer to your own age.
In my mid 40's, I still like going out and doing stuff, though not as much as I used to and can feel things slowing down and actually enjoying the slower pace. If I were with a guy in his late 50s, early 60s, they'd be ready to go to bed at nine and I'd be still wanting to go do things that require someone stay out past ten. It is a natural occurrence and you'd feel trapped, bored and frustrated later on when he starts wanting to slow down.

Posted by Arielle83
wouldn't it also be a red flag if he's 40 and has been divorced??

I think it's more a red flag to be 40 and never married.