I NEED HELP WITH A CAPPY GUY

I am a Gemini with Moon and Venus in Taurus.I am 43 yrs old divorced with no child living with family.He is 45 yrs old, leaving alone. He has 2 kids and takes them to his house every saturday night.I am a conservative type and do not chat or meet people on the net in general, I am divorced 7 yeras ago and I did not have any relatin before and after my ex. I am quite sentimental.

I met that cappy guy on facebook, we had common friends. We started to chat about music , cinema etc. We had lots in common.He was also a customer of my company so I felt secured with him. He works a lot and late.He is an architect.
He was very secretive.He did not have a clear photo on facebook at the beginning but I felt he was a nice guy.
One month after we met, we both had tickets for a concert and said we can meet there, I said I would go with my brother and I did so.He did not say with whom he would go. During the concert I looked for him sent messages but he did not reply. At that time I did not see his face clearly but at the end of the concert I saw a man with a beautiful blond girl. I was sure it was him. Later I wrote him that I could not meet him at the concert etc. He said his phone was closed and he saw my message after. We continued to chat we had great fun.We both are full of sense of humor. One day I asked him if he was the guy I saw at the concert, yes it was him with the blond. He answered '' silence of the lambs'' but did not want to talk about it more, so I stopped. Later he called me to meet. We met after 3 months had dinner in a nice restaurant he choose the restaurant and he was very gentile, very cute, talkative ,we talked for hours to each other. It went well but very friendly.
He was divorced with 2 kids. He was married a scorpio for 17 years.She was bipolar and she wanted to divorce as he said. She was a very ambitious woman with a high career. He was not the one who wanted to divorce because he likes family status que etc.I told him I had only one boyfriend in my life I married him, he cheated me etc.I also said I do not like and I am not the type for one nite relations. I never go if I do not see a future as my general principle in life etc.

After that date I felt that he would not call me as he did not like me etc. I just texted a thank you message and some information he asked for business. He replied telling that he had a good nite. I did not call him for a few days . One day he caught me at facebook and we chated a bit. Then he called me

One day he caught me at facebook and we chated a bit. Then he called me and said. ''You dont call me so I called you''.Then I felt more confortable. We continued to chat or talk on the phone. In general he calls me. and I send him sms messages to say have a good week or weekend etc.
After 3 month he called a sarturday evening to have dinner that night. he was going to take his sons at 10 pm and wanted to meet me around 8 pm then he said it would be difficult perhaps we could do another time. Then I said dont be crazy we can meet in a mid point etc.Finally we met that night had a great time talk talk laugh laugh. He said we would be very good friends and etc etc etc. Then he said our moods are good. he also told me about his private life. He divorced 4 years ago and had 4 serious relationships wiht beautiful women havind career. But once they asked for a committment he felt bad and left them. HE says his x-wife has psycholog??cal problems and if he marries now his children will feel very bad. So he want to wait until they get old enough.( they are 11 and 16 now) His son asked him if he had a girl friend and he said he replied to have more than one. I did not understand if that was a joke or not. we stayed together until 11 pm that night.When we walk he is very kind and protective. After that dinner we kept calling each other in the same manner, jokes etc. Recently he started to make some sexual jokes , I showed I did not like them much but still can laugh.From time to time he said we should meet again. He called one night telling he bought a coffee mashine and if I canIshould go for a coffee but it was not very serious , I saidI was late andI had to sleep. For last 5 -6 days he did not call me, I messaged him 2 days ago and aske how he was. He replied he was ok and asked how I was. I send a confused smiley face. He called me and asked why I was confused. In fact I was confused with him, job and other issues but I did not tell him. I said it is just a crazy smiley etc. We spoke a bit, then he had to do something else he said he would call but did not for lat 2 days. He was more on facebook at the beginning but not much recently. Perhaps he works a lot or he has someone else. I have no idea and I do not know what to do with him. Any suggesstions.

Hi OD,

I think you are holding his interest because he cannot figure you out and you haven't given in to him. You are safe to him because you haven't shown any commitment related threat to him.


May I suggest that ...

1) you do not get involved with him unless you agree to be one of his many girlfriends (it wasn't a joke and you already met one while he was planning to meet you at that theatre).

2) you do not have sex with him unless it is to YOUR own enjoyment, which I doubt is what you are looking for with a man at the moment.

3) he doesn't promise you anything as to a relationship which he has openly told you. His wife being Bipolar is irrelevant as to why he doesn't want to have a committed relationship. I don't even believe his wife is bipolar.

4) he is not for you if you are looking for a committed relationship AND if you hope he will change for you. He will not. Full stop.


OD, he is not someone to start a fresh chapter of your life with.

@Ameth I was thinking the exact same thing

I'm just wondering about why he said "4 serious relationships wiht beautiful women havind career. But once they asked for a committment he felt bad and left them"..Seems like he's implying that although they were great women b/c they wanted a commitment he chose to let it go...That alone would make me back up on his ass and reflect.

Also he has the push/pull technique down pretty good which can be very confusing to a woman, doesn't seem like he's interested in forging anything real but I don't see any reason not to date him casually to get your feet wet in the dating scene, seems you have been pretty isolated since your divorce so be careful not to lop all of your feelings onto one man b/c your attracted to him b/c that can feel pretty scary to a man and he will begin the push/pull crap that makes a woman want to pull all her hair out down to the follicles.

EEEEEELLLLeeeee! 😄

Hugging warmly...


I didn't want to say it but I think OD needs a more fun sign to get her feet wet. I'd definitely start with a Sag man. A Leo is fun too for all the lovey dovey words she may get to hear. And 3rd choice might be Libra man for Gemini woman so she gets to taste some romance and then decide later if she feels bored or not.

I'd definitely NOT recommend a CAP man for a flight of fancy.

Thank you all for your comments. I really appreciate it. After my last comment he sent me a funny video on facebook. In fact, whenever I did not text him, he sends me a message or calls me. I cannot ask anything from him because he never promised me anything, he never complimented me,he never asked about my private life. In fact, whenever I go out, I put my photos on the facebook and most of the time he can see I am with girls or close male friends.
My ex husband was a libra, in fact he is getting married this week for the 3rd time. He was a great lover but not a good husband, very irresponsible guy. I am a gemini girl but my birth chart has lots of earth signs, perhaps because of that reason I need more security in a relationship and as I am cheated in my marriage, trust is very important for me.

Here below is my birth chart
Sun 05??15' Gemini
Moon 25??57' Taurus
Mercury 27??38' Gemini
Venus 28??29' Taurus
Mars 12??28' Gemini
Jupiter 27??37' Leo
Saturn 21??32' Aries
Uranus 25??04' Virgo
Neptune 24??50' Scorpio
Pluto 20??10' Virgo


And this is his birht chart
Sun 00??06' Capricorn
Moon 27??05' Aries
Mercury 15??23' Sagittarius
Venus 10??40' Capricorn
Mars 09??30' Libra
Jupiter 02??57' Leo
Saturn 23??37' Pisces
Uranus 24??22' Virgo
Neptune 23??13' Scorpio
Pluto 20??38' Virgo


Everyday I decide to not to take him serious and look for other people that will show more interest to me etc. But either he calls me upsiding me down or I cannot take any step as somehow I feel connected to her. I believe he is also testing me if I am patient enough to deserve his love and he still have doubts about me. But of course this is just an assupmtion.
Again thanks a lot for all your comments , I feel I am not alone and they are all very helpful.

I forgot to mention one thing. When I first met him, he said he fell down at home and felt very bad being alone. He asked himself why he was alone why he did not have a girlfriend etc. He also said he liked me as a good friend and he added ''etc etc etc ''.. These 2 sentence perhaps made me feel that we might have a future, I do not know.

But again, you are right I must not count on all these. At the end there is nothing in my hand after 6 months 😢(

OD,

You will do what you feel like doing anyway, but in the back of your mind keep our suggestions handy if you feel time has come to move away from CAPman.

Obviously your expectations are not staying friends with him. Everyone on here can tell you, CAPs are addictive if they come around you. They have a serious demeanor but also much charm. The males are the old fashioned type of males. Yes, they do cry. Mine cried more often than any man in my life cried. They will get you around when THEY are ready. That is NOT on YOUR time, but on HIS time. However one thing is for sure, right from the beginning he will tell you where you stand or where his mind is. In the beginning things are pretty straight forward like he was jokingly implying to you about the many girlfriends. I will say it again, THAT was a clue, not a joke! When you get entangled with him hoping he might change, that's when the problems starts.

I'm not saying all CAP men are the same, I'm saying, LISTEN to what he says. Keep your ears open. The *etc, etc, etc* stuff you already started filling in with MORE. There is nothing more. He is just curious about you. That's all. Because you might be one of the few women around him who has not shown any indicative of relationship attention to him. You keep yourself reserved due to your latest life experience. He, conveniently, let's you slowly sail towards him. When you don't contact him, he contacts you.


OD, sometimes it is just good to experience what ever you choose to experience. Just keep your expectations lightly in this case. If you ask me, he is not there to stay. Perhaps you met him for a reason, but I believe, it is not the reason that you might think it is.

Sometimes it can be the opposite. The guy may tell us how much he cares and all the good stuff right from the start, BUT we do not want to hear him for various reasons from not being interested to not believing his intentions.

Thanks a lot Fum.. your comments are very helpful. They open my eyes and gives me a different perspective.
I will tell you 2 strange things that made me feel different with this guy.
I went to a fortuneteller 5-6 months before I met that guy. The fortune teller knew all the letters in his name and told me that I would meet him. 2 Monhts after I met the guy I went to same fortune teller . He told me exactly his name telling that he is tough, thinks about me but due to his past experience, he is very cautious. He has one son and thinks about him etc. ( he has 2 sons by the way, this is only thing he could not tell exact)He said I could wait 2-3 months and get rid of him. That was 4 months ago. I was really shocked. Perhaps he read my mind. I went to same fortune teller last week. He told me exactly the same thing, event the name. He said patience is the only key. I normally do not believe such things but really shocked after his guesses.I do not know how he does but he has something.

Another thing, I have more than 1000 friends in facebook ( I am gemini 🙂 ), but I know all of them from somewhere and I never add anyone if I personally do not know. That guy sent me a request we had common friends and I accepted . He has a photo with sun glasses I could not see his face but I felt something with him. He later on told me that my profile photo was very elegant etc. Most probably he liked my photo. But he has only 100 friends in facebook, I checked all of them one by one, any of them is not a potential girlfriend etc. Most of them are married or relatives.

His personality is really very complicated. I wish I could know what he thinks. You cannot meet people you like that much and having good time in life very often but what you can do. I will go on my way, if he calls I will talk and perhaps meet but I will not have any expectations as I do not want to be dissapointed again. I know he likes women with career and statute. I am that type of a woman, I have a rich family and I live in a luxary neighbourhood. I know that kind of things catches his eyes but he is not purely materialist and all these might not be enough for him.

Now its spring time, we have lovely weather, I will go out more and more, this is my only way of theraphy. Time will show us the way. Thanks again a lot.

Hi everybody,

I just wanted to keep you informed. After my last message , we continued to communicate with that cappy guy via internet or mobile.
Again, we laughed a lot. He said at the moment he had more than few jobs and extremely busy. At weekends, he takes the kids as usual.In one of our jokes, he said he was not seeing anybody a week ago. This week, I stop sending him messages for a few days and he called me . He said he wanted to say hi and see how I was etc. In general, If he sends one message I send 3-4. He does not answer or comment everything I send but it does not bother me anymore, after reading more about cappy guys, I know that. He surprises me with his calls or unexpected messages. He does everything on his time.

But I did not understand what he gets from that kind of friendship. Just to have fun on phone or net ? He is 45 years.
He does not ask for a 3rd date, it has been 3 months ( perpahs he is really busy), he does not ask any private questions . He does not mention anything about sex or women etc. But we speak for hours sometimes. Could that be only friendship ? He can spend his time with a girl asking no committment etc. He is very handsome, attractive and rich. He does not need look around much. He could get one very quickly. But he prefers to talk to me some nights. He dissapears someevenings but late at night he appears on net. I tried to tell him about my private life, having no boyfriend and being conservative etc. He replied me by jokes telling he is not believing me..Perhaps he out really did not believe me. Is it possible that he is testing me ? Does anything come out of this ? I read a lot about cappy guys. Patience is the key but how long ? Any idea ?

If he was in any way romantically interested it would be clear by now.

TBH, it sounds like you're someone to pass the time with when he's bored.

And sending you a msg/calling is just keeping those lines of communication open - you said you'll send 3-4 back and he won't respond. Sounds typical of a Cap actually.

I agree with Amethyst, quit trying to read into something that is clearly not there.

Are you really this desperate OD? Walk away from this dude already if he's not stepping up. Why drive yourself nuts over a man that can't do the relationship dance with you. I'm sure there are other men that would love to take you out and be fully present with you unless your comfortable being his mobile phone facebook buddy....He seems perfectly content not being with you...Is that what you want? Do you want a man to be madly in love with you or do you want a guy that seems to hardly be inspired by his attraction towards you? What do you want?

Damn old school players LOL

Why be patient, you would put your life on hold especially when there are other men around that would most likely love to take you out and listen to you and share with you...Try getting on with your life and forgetting about him until he can step to you correct and stop all the half ass mixed messages BS, that has to be very painful and you should be pissed at any man that play with you in this way...

Don't you deserve more than that? And life's too short to wait on a man to get his shit together. Stop listening to fortune tellers and go LIVE, LAUGH and have a fun life filled with things you love to do besides talk about some imaginary relationship and with some imaginary dream man that doesn't want anything with you but do things safe.

Thanks a lot to all of you.Your comments are helpful all the time.

''sending you a msg/calling is just keeping those lines of communication open''
I think that was the answer I was looking for. I was trying to find a logical answer and that made my mind clear.


''I'm sure there are other men that would love to take you out and be fully present with you unless your comfortable being his mobile phone facebook buddy''.

I also liked that comment very much.At the moment , I have no will to look for someone, I am like that for a long time, in general. I go out with friends, have fun and that's all. I am really scared and do not want to have the same problems I had in the past, I was injured badly .Because, when I have a boyfriend , I dedicate myself, become the sattelite..and never paid back. Perhaps due to my moon and venus that are in taurus. If someone comes to me, I will look of course.But no big expectations...

I will keep you informed ..Thanks a lot for all the comments again..

Well find the will....Stop being lazy or your going to end up with some sociopathic assclown that can't do real relationships but always mindfucking you every chance he get, you set yourself up to fail "YOU" the most important person in your life and settle for whatever shows up when you behave the way you are with men. Your already "dedicated" to a guy that clearly isn't interested in you as a person and that's what emotional laziness invites into your life, men that don't care about you and gets you into imaginary relationships with men that clearly are lazy themselves, toxic, mentally imbalanced, insecure users that take take take and it's very painful to go through such a long process that you don't have to endure if you only you made an effort to sort out your relationship life instead chasing men (a man) that don't want you or a real give and take relationship with you.

LOL@Ameth

Hid prior post...too many typo's

Hi everybody
I was a bit busy and could not write you to thank you for your comments.

What happened with my cappy ?
Until last sunday everything was the same, messages, calls, jokes etc.
Last sunday night he sent me a message asking if ''I was in love with someone'' He said I looked like sending messages to someone through the songs I shared on my wall in facebook. I replied no. But I was so stupid to write him 'you are a stone head'. After hearing that he called me, we had a stupid conversatheion. I think by telling stone head I opened up myself.
He said he would not marry anybody again, he prefers living together. Despite he knows my conservative life and views, he suggested me the same thing.Then he said of course you cannot do that as I am a women etc. He said he was seeing 3-4 girls at the same time. I was listening, and he asked why my voice changed, why I was not talking. I think he thought after what he says I was shocked etc. ( Sometimes when he calls me he asks if I am excited as he calls, or if my hearts bit fast like a joke so I do answer with a joke )


I had told him I was going to be promoted soon. He said he would be very happy with that as I am a good friend of him and he wanted to celebrate with me. I asked we can go out with a few friends but he said he prefers to see me alone.
Then we hang up and I sent him a text telling that his mind is a bit confused. ( I did not say to him but in my mind I meant , if he had asked I would say so -> Last time he was talking about family life, he was married for 17 years and the only one in the family divorced etc. Now he is against marriage, family life etc ) He asked what the different was , I said he did not remember even what he said, perhaps due to heavy traffic. He replied ''there is no traffic in my life.'' He said lets finish that conv here , I said ''ok you are tight, sorry'' and send me good by kiss.I did not reply anything, normally I was the one always sending the last message.That was 2 days ago, I did not contact him after that.
I really did not understand what he thinks ? He wants to see me, he does not push me for anything. He says we are friends etc but he also goes private sometimes. But what can he gets from that ? It does not have any sense..and I am loosing my enthusiam as I really hate that type of man seeing 3-4 women at the same time ( if this is correct because he says that like a joke, then he says he does not have any traffic) Any idea ?

wow..interesting story
I would say run baby run...but your birthcharts dont say so...
I had a similar story.back & forth, it took me over one year to be his girl
we spent 2 years together. Believe it or not I left him...arrogant, boring,boring,boring, self-centered..and lot more
do you still talk to him ? keep us informed..I wanna hear how it will go, really very similar to mine
take care OD..

Thank you for the comments .
We continued talking on the phone or net.
But last night I noticed that one of his friends in the facebook was her ex girlfriend, a doctor.
She created an event , invited him to a concert and he confirmed. Previously, he had told me that he left her as she asked committment.I thought they can go out just as friends. But, then I looked at ther profile photo , there was a note there, written last night. She said she changed her photo as her boyfriend asked so. If she has another boyfriend, why she invites her ex to go to a concert. I needed to figure out.If I loose him, that was ok with me as I do not want to go on like that.I am effected badly and it is getting worse.

This morning I texted him and congradulated him for his relationship. He asked ''which one?'' I replied ''more than one?''I said I meant the doctor. The he said. '' H??mm, 3,8 years.'' It was like a joke. I did not say anything just said congradulations and added, ''then please do not complain being alone, you have a girl friend enyoy it''. He said ''thank you'' and wished the same for me. I said thanks.

That is the last communication we had this morning.I am pretty sure he will call me but to say what!
I am really very dissappointed. Because I hate lies.
I knew and I could accept he has other girls but not a serious one. He never promised me anything but always treated me more than friend, not verbally but actionwise.
But he recently told me he was not seeing anyone and for that doctor lady, he had said it was over. But today when I asked he answered 3,8 years.
It is getting really confusing and I do not understand what he tries. If he thinks me only as a friend, why he hides his girlfriend being there 3,8 years, if he wants more with me, he should have asked long ago, it has been 7 months but he is not asking a date etc. Is it all just to have fun on the phone once or twice a week..I cannot really understand.
But today, I really felt pissed off..Stupid me!!!

OMG

I'm pretty sure he will call you.
He wants to keep u in his life. From what you wrote, I can see that you are attracting him. He may even think a serious relationship with u. B/c even after what you told him about yrself, he stayed with u. If he only sees you as a friend or fwb he would behave different, he would ask more. I do not think any cappy would spend so much time with a girl, if she was not meaning anything to him. He might also be confused with his life issues, ex-wife, children, women around.

Be strong and cool..perhaps other girls may say something else that I missed.But it does not seem to me so simple, you say 7 months, only 2 dates ?? not asking more?

Hi OD,

all I can say I'm sad reading your story. I can tell for sure he's playing with you. It would be best if you just forget about him and move on. Try to find something else to do. Go out, take a vacation to Hawaii, have fun.. Or just begin your stamp collection.. Anything's better than being a puppet for this guy. Seriously. Just move on. Good luck honey!

thanks for the comments.After our last communication this morning-that is 8 hours ago; he sent me an sms now telling my little?! (in our language); I used to call him sometimes like that. Most probably he will call me later today. He might not even touch the girl friend issue, or he might have an explanation acc to him. Now I opened all his cards, why he tries to keep me around. He can easily find girls to chat to call and even more. God help me! Help me to be strong.

Sweet&sour and amethyst have good points here, although I think he likes you very much. It seems you also like him very much. It's a situation.
H??mm..I would say to ignore him. But you have already replied him with a question mark ( I got it from your private message) Now you are waiting to hear from him. Do not reply to all his messages. Let him wait to hear from you. I do not think that he will let it go with you, unless you say so. You can take the control by not answering him each time he calls or sends a message.So that you can figure out what you mean to him. So far, you had no complaint being his facebook buddy. Then, he can come more or withdraw. But he is not yours anyway and he knows you like him.
Good luck sweatheart. You are a good girl, you deserve a better relationship. With this guy? God knows!!! But I do not see you strong enough at the moment to stop it. My best advise would be to go our more and find another guy and have a real realitionship. Take care!

OD, I have one more advice that could help you..

Divide a piece of paper into two columns. To the one column you should write down all the negative thoughts about your friendship with this man, to the other the positive thoughts. Try to be as objective as possible to write down every thought and feeling you have felt. Then look at the results. Did he make you feel more good than bad, or vice versa? Then you know the answer if you should go on with this friendship or to try to find something that makes you feel better.

There's nothing bad with having a friendship with him if it is 100 % friendship from both sides and you both get something good out of it.

How sweet you are, sweet&sour.
I will certainly do that and share with you.
When he calls, if he does not say anything I will not mention about the other woman or his relationships in general.
He says we are friends , so do I.
But if he opens the subject, I will say I just expected him to be honest and open with me as we are good friends.
We will see...

POSITIVE
He found me
Handsome
Attractive
Hardworking
Intelligent, smart
Responsible to his children
Single
2 yrs older than me
Polite
From the same neighbourhood
Educated
Good family
Funny, sense of humor
Gentleman
We both like music , movies and sailing
We both like to stay home and watch tv, listen to music etc ( although I like to go our as well)
Good income level
Pays the bill when we go out
Respectful
I like to talk to him
I love to dine with him, sit& talk
Very thoughtful , protective and kind in public

NEGATIVE
Reserved
Do not tell much about his privatelife and his life in general
Works too much
Statue oriented
No regular correspondence
Witty jokes sometimes
Arrogant sometimes
He wants to tell the last word
Dissapear / appears
Do not respond messages sometimes ( I do not know phone calls as I do not call him at all)
Too much self-confidence
Uncertain'ty with relationships
Do not ask much about my private life ( but I told everythin already)
No plans for me for the future
Very rare compliments
No touch in special days ( valentines, new year, birthday)
Unplanned appointments
He likes the same type of girls all the time( blue eye, blond like the x-wife; but I am brown hair green eye)
I am not sure why he divorced
I am not sure if he is honest
I am not sure if he has other girls
I am not sure if he has a serious relationship
I am not sure if he is conservative or modern
I am not sure if he takes me only as a friend
I am not sure if I am important to him as a friend or something else or only someone to have fun with.
I cannot call him whenever I want. This is not b/c of him , I dont feel comfortable to call him.
Very slow

POSITIVE
Responsible to his children
Polite
Funny, sense of humor
Gentleman
We both like music , movies and sailing
Respectful
I like to talk to him
Very thoughtful , protective and kind in public

NEGATIVE
Do not tell much about his privatelife and his life in general
Works too much
No regular correspondence
Witty jokes sometimes
Arrogant sometimes
He wants to tell the last word
Dissapear / appears
Do not respond messages sometimes ( I do not know phone calls as I do not call him at all)
Too much self-confidence
Uncertain'ty with relationships
Do not ask much about my private life ( but I told everythin already)
No plans for me for the future
Very rare compliments
No touch in special days ( valentines, new year, birthday)
Unplanned appointments
I am not sure why he divorced
I am not sure if he is honest
I am not sure if he has other girls
I am not sure if he has a serious relationship
I am not sure if he is conservative or modern
I am not sure if he takes me only as a friend
I am not sure if I am important to him as a friend or something else or only someone to have fun with.
I cannot call him whenever I want. This is not b/c of him , I dont feel comfortable to call him.
Very slow
You feel confused
--------------------------------------
Hello OD,

I removed from your list the facts that are either materialistic ones or doubles. Materialistic ones don't matter when we think of how he makes you feel, good or bad. I could say objectively that he makes you feel more bad than good because you are here asking questions and it obviously bothers you. That is the reason why I added one thing to your "Negative"-list: "You feel confused". That is not a good thing in any relationships, not even with friends if you feel confused. You should always try to find friends and loved ones that make you feel good with them and bad without them. If you feel bad with them, that is a sign that there is something wrong with the relationship.

Try to think about it again. Does he make you feel good? If he does, you should not be here asking questions but enjoying of your life with him. If he doesn't, that means that you two are not meant to be and there should be someone better waiting for you. 🙂

thanks you sweet&sour...
I think most of my questions are due to the fact that I see him more than a friend, I like him very much.
If it was just a friend, I would not bother why he divorced, if he is conservative, if he has other girls etc.

It has been 2 days without any contact and I feel better. His absence is the best cure for me, I guess...

I think you need to look at it from the angle that you are spending time wondering what is going on with this man when you could be meeting someone that you DON'T HAVE TO SPEND TIME WONDERING ABOUT! Not when you could be missing the opportunity to meet someone who can offer you a straightforward, stress free relationship with. I am pretty sure your Capricorn friend isn't asking anyone for advice about you so why waste time? Don't bother answering his calls or texts every single time he contacts you. Take control. Phase him out and get on with finding a man who doesn't have ex girlfriends on Facebook inviting him to places :-)

thank you MissBizarre... I am trying , I will try 😢

I know it's easier said than done OD. Believe me I do. There really are lots and lots of wonderful men out there though :-)

thanks MissBizarre, I feel I am not alone 🙂

So OD, have you heard from your Capricorn friend again?

Yes, I heard and it looks like better for me. Sorry for my english, it is not my mother language and hope I can explain well.

I did not call him, did not send any message and I also dissapeared on facebook for last 3 days.
I only put the song ''Spooky'' from Dusty Springfield last night.
He called me late last night. He said he is listening — Spooky??. He told me recently he was paying attention to the songs I hang on my wall.
We spoke as if nothing happened, as if I did not ask him anything about the other lady etc.
But his voice was a bit different when I answered the phone.After hearing my answere as if nothing happened he turned normal.
He talked a lot about his job problems, how busy he was for last couple of days and he was a bit sick. I listened to him and advised to rest or take of a few days as he was not having holidays at all. He said it was impossible he could not give initiative to anybody else.

We were to hang up saying goodbye and I was not planning to mention anything but somehow the subject came to relations and I asked him what was going on with the prof lady. He said he told me about his private life before. I said —??yes you did but you told me you had 4 serious relationships and they were over.It seems one of them is not over—?. He said, —??yes she comes in and goes out.I said she wrote on her page—? my boyfriend asked me to change my photo as he did not like him etc, it is obvious that you are her boy friend. He said, oh I did not see what she wrote, let me call her and tell her to remove it , he was laughing .

I said,—? if we are friends I do expect openness, in any relationship openness and honesty is the most important thing—?. He asked —??if I mean he is not honest, if I plan anything with him in the short or long run—?. I lied-and said NO. But I said, —??we have been talking to each other for 7 monhts, we tell a lot about our lives , would it be fair and nice if I tell him know I am married. He said, it would not be nice.
I said, he told me he feels alone at home, most of the time. He laughed and said look, I am alone now. I replied perhaps you work 6 days and rest now. He laughed again.

I said —??You have a relation and you are hiding it from your friend—?. I asked if he tells about me to his girlfriend , he said no. I asked if he would introduce us as I am his friend, he said yes but why. I asked what he says to her when we go out togehter , he said he wou

I did not want to push forward, as he told me —??we are friends so many times—? . I said, you are not much different than the guys at the market. I said now I am nett about him. He asked what I meant by being nett. I said I know his private life and real thougths etc. Then we said lets talk later, I said go to bed early and I would call him later tomorrow to see if he is ok ( I tried to behave as if I am his good friend, taking care of him and not changing our communication even after hearing his intentions about me)


I think I put him in the corner but I am pretty sure he sees other girls that do not mind him having an unstsable relationship like that. also felt that he is not serious with the doctor lady, otherwise they would have been married or living together. 4 years, back and forth!

I do not think that - although he says so- he sees me only as a friend, why is all that hiding issue then. Perhaps he could not figure out me at the beginning, perhaps expected a fwb relation etc I do not know. Perhaps , he wants to see my reaction after telling he has a girl friend and I should accept that and continue like that.
But it looks like he wants me to stay in his life, we will continue to chat, once or twice every 3 months we will do out for dinner. I should not expect anything from him other than being friends etc. If I see him more often, will it change anything ? Will I do all these ? I really do not know.

the belwo paragraph should be at the end of first message but gone 🙂

I asked what he says to her when we go out togehter , he said he would say I am a with a friend. I said it is not fair for her as well. I added, ok we are friends but I feel unconfortable to spend so much time with you on net or on phone knowing you having a girl friend who does not know me. He said, why not, can't people be friend like that. I said being friend ok but I do not see any reason to hide your relationship. He said I do not lie most of the time,if there is something I dont want to answer, I just keep quiet. I asked why he does not marry her or give a committment etc, he said, he does not want to go into such a thing. I said —??perhaps you do not fell % 100 ok with her—?. He said —??may be—?.

OD ,I read yr last messages. I also think it is better for you this way.
You will be in his life as a friend. He will be more open to you now.You know what you are dealing with.No surprise, no expectation.You will have an answer to all your questions now. If he dissapears at weekends you will know where he is etc.

I am pretty sure he likes you but from what you wrote he is not ready to give any committment to anybody and you are not the type to go forward without seeing the light. From all the photos and talks , he figured you out very well. He knows you are single for a long time and cannot be in a relationship without committment. You are an attractive lady for him but he knows he cannot committ now.He wants to keep you in his life, perhaps you give the impression that you will be ready for him anytime he comes with a committment. Of course , there is a risk of loosing you if you find smb else, but it does not bother him.

Only question in my head is what he gets from such a relationship? There are bunch of fwbs around, he is seeing other girls most probably, he has a relationship.There must be something you are telling him or giving him that others cannot.
He feels good with you. Perhaps, the way you approach him. You are not pushy, you do not call, you do not ask more , you listen to him all the time etc.

Anyway, If you cut him from ow, you will suffer. Stay in touch with him, by knowing him better in time , you will figure out your feelings for him. I am pretty sure you will get away from him slowly slowly.
Take care, keep in touch.

Thank you moonlight. That's what I am trying to do now.

I texted him this morning asking if he fells better. He said I do not feel ok.
Then I called him asking if it is because of the headache he had yesterday night.
He said not only that, he said in general he felt depressed and tired.
I advised to rest a little bit and recommended the doctor my mom sees for the headache.
He said he would wait until tomorrow and we hung up the phone.
I feel more comfortable now.
As you said perhaps he will be ''only'' a friend for me if we keep the communication like that.
I will keep you informed if anything changes 🙂

OD
R u ok ? What happened with the cappy guy ? You do not write here anymore. I hope you feel better now.

Thank you for asking Moonlight 🙂

I asked him for 3 days how he was feeling by sms messages. He replied he was not god for first 2 days, the last day he said he would feel better if he could rest on Sunday. That was last saturday and I have not heard from him since then. Normally, I would send him ''have a good week'' messages evrry monday morning,but I did not this time. I am not also on Facebook for last few days. I try to give him the impression that I am still his friend and take care of him althoug he lied me and he was not open to me.

I also checked the doctor lady he is dating. She was at facebook all the weekend nights, obviously they were not together. There is no clue of being together neither a photo. Only the comment '' my boyfriend told me to remove this photo'', which he accepted he told that on phone. As he is a reserved type and told me that she comes and goes out perhaps that's how they live their relation. She is an Aquarius..capricorn and aquairius...no idea

Time will help me. On one side I want to keep him in my life, my heart says so. On the other side, I feel abused and I feel like having a hidden affair with a married man, like a mistress etc. I do not.
Thanks for your consideration again


I keep you posted if anything happens.

By the way, the doctor lady is not beautiful at all. She looks much older than him and has no style . Only attractive part she is a professor and doctor. He likes women with career 🙂

OD
From what you wrote, I assume the other relationship does not look serious. I do not know if their horoscopes makes a good match either.
But you cannot have any expectation from him based on that assumption.
Live your life, if he comes and if you are available you can give a try.
But as you are a gemini, I do not think you will wait for him forever 🙂 DON'T !!!
I do not know what the other girls would say, I wish a cappy guy would comment for your situation, as well.
He can see the whole picture differently and can tell you from a cappy guy's point of view.

Take care!

After 8 days of silence, he caught me on facebook chat on Saturday night. I was adding some photos of mine from a wedding.
He asked how I was. I said ok and asked about him. He said I dwas not looking fine ( perhaps I was a bit colder then usual) I was not cold by purpose but somehow I lost my enthuiasm, there are other things going around in my life, my mom is sick etc. Perhaps because of that I did not talk very joyful. Anyway, I replied him telling perhaps, the life was not easy all the time,etc .He said he looked at my last photos and asked if I lost weight. I said yes. I asked about his kids, he said they were together for the weekend. He said it was 3:00 a.m and he had to go for sleep. He said to meet and have dinner and talk in a convenient time for me. He also said to keep my face smile... I replied ''ok, hopefully''. That's it for the moment. I have no feeling to call him or send messages, at the moment. I do not know if it will be like that or I will change. Time..only time...
Take care !

OD

I sent you a private message perhaps you did not see it. I was not here for a while as well.
Anyway, it's good to hear from u. I hope your mom gets better soon. It's hard, I know.
I am happy that you're moving away from him.
It's so clear that he wants u in his life. He will chase you as you keep yourself distant like that.
But, you should keep the control, all the time. So that, you can see things more objective.
I hope everything goes well with you. Keep in touch !!!
Take care..

that's because we are from the same nation and speak the same language 🙂
I write in English here to make everybody understand. I write her in private as well
but she also needs to hear others here.
Is it clear now ?

Lol

I don't want to offend you or hurt you in anyway but after reading everything you wrote, I unfortunately speak from experience when I say this and have only your best interest in mind.It will never work out the way you want. Some Capricorn men I am sure are WONDERFUL men. Some though, are not. Some Capricorn men are just Users. Some are Liars. Some are Cheaters.The worst are a combination of the three. Very sad, but very true. He is a User. The situation you fall into with them reminds me of when one has invested so much time and money in a slot machine at a casino. You know you should give up and MOVE on, but you can't. You have invested too much. Deep down you know...GAME OVER... but you have the sad hope everything will work out the way you wish for it to. But it won't. I speak from pain when I say this. You cannot win with this type of capricorn man. It is true... when they want something, there is NO force that can get in their way. The rest is just wishful thinking that is in the long run going to make you SICK. Save yourself. I mean this with all of my heart.

Is OD and moonlight really the same person? Please tell me I did not read ALL of this for nothing!

OD and Moonlight75,

I think the Cap guy likes you, but in a different way than what you are probably use to. Unfortunately, I don't think you are "the one" in his eyes, but that doesn't matter. He will keep you near and use you for whatever he's getting out of you for the moment, whether it's an ego boost, a verbal release(since he seem to talk about himself constantly), a laugh, a potential fwb relation, someone to hang out with every now and then etc...

I don't think he is intentionally using you, I just think he is self-centered and extremely unaware of his inconsideration towards your feelings and the confusion he's caused. If you want to continue this way, then go ahead, but if you want to cut loose then make sure you make him aware of the confusing manner in which he presents himself and the affect that his actions has had on your feelings. Give him something to think about for once.

He can say that the two of you are friends forever, but the friendship lines are definitely blurred, and they can be blurred all the way to the bedroom, for all he cares, but he will always go back to what he initially said the two of you were, and there is hardly any moving past that.

I hope you do what is best for you in the end, and goodluck!

I don't think it matters so much if Moonlight and OD are the same person. I think it matters if she feels so confused and hurt and lonely and hopeful of a happy ending, all at the same time. I've been there. It's horrendous. OD, you get through it and I would love to be able to say 'in no time you will be feeling better' but I know it doesn't happen that way. I wish I had a magic wand to zap the unevolved type of Capricorn male, on the head - which made them feel how they make others feel for a few weeks or months or years.