no bday pressie from cap bf :(

Hi all, its me again, the paranoid virgo.

well last wkend was my bday and cap bf did not make any efforts at all.
he says he doesnt know what to get me cause i have everything.

Honestly, its not the present. i kinda have everything, but i really feel some sincerity on his part will help a lot to make me feel valued. and i dont need presents. even a card would mean a lot to me.

two weeks earlier i went on a work trip for 6 days and he wasnt even concern if i was safe the whole time. we texted a few times a day and had a phone call (i initiated) and all he was thinking of was whether i got what he wanted for him.

i feel disappointed.
i had the talk with him on putting in efforts before and i dont wish to have one anytime soon.

We have been tgt for 6 months.
He has introduced me to more friends and we are ok.
He doesnt seem to have any temper. has amazing patience but feels emotionally detached.

i am tired of being the constant giver in this relationship.

any insights?

Thanks you!

The part about going on that trip and him not checking in..you can take that as a compliment in a way.

Back when I was with the Cap I had a 10 day trip to a debate camp..it was one contest after another.

He didn't call. When I asked him why he said "Well I trust you to have everything together and I didn't want to take you away from all those activities you are engaging in. I knew if you'd be in real trouble, you'd call me"

I don't know, it might not be looking so grim. We really give off the impression of having it together (and sometimes really do) so a man doesn't know what to cater to with us. Same with presents, he never had any clue so he'd ask me upfront from way ahead what I wanted. I'd tell him 5 or 6 things and leave it up to him to pick one.

I think it boils down to you feeling like you give way too much..you either give without expectations or take a step back and let someone else dote on you for once. I know where you're coming from with that.

Did he do anything for you on your birthday? That might've been the present in itself. I'm all about experiences.

Posted by Nemesis
"i am tired of being the constant giver in this relationship."

I see this a lot with Virgo Women. We give our all when in love so it's easier to fall in "I am not getting anything back" mindsets. If we don't learn to give without expectations, we attach strings to people and keep score cards of "me vs you".

Posted by Nemesis
my best friend forgot my birthday last year - not because i am unimportant to her or she did not care - it was out of character so i was genuinely concerned and i was right to be worried.

yeah but sometimes life gets in the way. my friends call me to apologize but i really don't care who misses my birthday

being there for me when shit hits the fan > presents and birthday wishes

Well it goes double for Pisces.

I am amazed when they remember we're supposed to meet up. It feels like major progress lol.

Posted by Nemesis
btw - happy birthday james gandolfini.

I really really liked his acting skills 😢

Nem he played a role..I don't remember the name of the movie..

He was this gay hitman.

Amazing acting.

A lot of people just aren't into birthdays, especially men.

Men just aren't that good about shopping and remembering. He probably had intentions but procastinated until it was too late.

You can either let him know it hurt you that he didn't remember or you can blow it off as a man thing.

You clearly arent worth his $ $ or time, maybe you are his side girlfriend

Posted by tripleCap

Posted by nightvirgo8888


well last wkend was my bday and cap bf did not make any efforts at all.
he says he doesnt know what to get me cause i have everything.



i am tired of being the constant giver in this relationship.

I think he's cheap and inconsiderate.

You've been dating for 6 months and
he can't take you to a nice dinner?
He doesn't know what flowers are or a
fcuking card?

Geez,

I take my friends out to dinner on
their birthdays and it's not a big deal.

Excuses and no effort.
Sounds like he's taking you for granted.
Stop giving and yes
talk to him about it!

click to expand

Right? Wtf is all this stupid shit of "oh just lower your expectations. It's what you get for expecting too much."

To expect the BOYFRIEND to do something for your birthday isn't expecting too much.

There are two types of Caps I've experienced. Either they give enough of a shit about you to do SOMETHING for you on your birthday, or they don't because they're mooching assholes. Hell, my former Cap friend, who was a Grade A user, still covered my dinner for my birthday when we were out one night.

I'm sorry, but the fact he gave such a retarded/half assed reason as to why he didn't get you something, but wants to know if you got him whatever it was when out of town says a lot about him and his self absorbed character.

Talk to him about it. You need to find out if you've landed yourself the loser variety or not.

This is fuckin bullshit! Of course you should expect something for your birthday.

My virg gal friend really went this distance and got her leo bf some real, nice thoughtful gifts. He got her basically nothing. They went out to a club for her bday and he did end up buying a bottle that was after he threw a tamper tantrum becasue she begged him to get her sandals out the car. Me and our aries friend knew she was disappointed. She didnt even tell us about it, then tried to pretend it didnt bother her.

her ex scorp did the same shit to her. She doesnt admit it till shes out the relationship.

People on dxp are so back n forth. One minute the tide says to put your foot down and expect more dont be a doormat. The next they call you selfish because you have expectations.

you know whats up virgo, dont settle for this medicore shit. You can serve a better master. A master who will appreciate you.

Posted by tripleCap

Posted by nightvirgo8888


well last wkend was my bday and cap bf did not make any efforts at all.
he says he doesnt know what to get me cause i have everything.



i am tired of being the constant giver in this relationship.

I think he's cheap and inconsiderate.

You've been dating for 6 months and
he can't take you to a nice dinner?
He doesn't know what flowers are or a
fcuking card?

Geez,

I take my friends out to dinner on
their birthdays and it's not a big deal.

Excuses and no effort.
Sounds like he's taking you for granted.
Stop giving and yes
talk to him about it!

click to expand

+1

Posted by DMV
This is fuckin bullshit! Of course you should expect something for your birthday.

My virg gal friend really went this distance and got her leo bf some real, nice thoughtful gifts. He got her basically nothing. They went out to a club for her bday and he did end up buying a bottle that was after he threw a tamper tantrum becasue she begged him to get her sandals out the car. Me and our aries friend knew she was disappointed. She didnt even tell us about it, then tried to pretend it didnt bother her.

her ex scorp did the same shit to her. She doesnt admit it till shes out the relationship.

People on dxp are so back n forth. One minute the tide says to put your foot down and expect more dont be a doormat. The next they call you selfish because you have expectations.

you know whats up virgo, dont settle for this medicore shit. You can serve a better master. A master who will appreciate you.

I brought her flowers and she was so excited. He said I was trying to make him look bad. Dude you did that by yourself. I didnt reivent the wheel.

Some men are friggin lazy

My friend has been seeing a cap for many years. He won't even get her a birthday card, never mind the gift. He tells her they shouldn't splurge on stuff like that. His idea of special is for them going away somewhere and says that should make up for it.

Posted by gvccihvcci
You clearly arent worth his $ $ or time, maybe you are his side girlfriend

Caps can be extremist imo. It's not that simple at all.

I know two Caps, one married to a Libra and the other an Aries. They spoil their wives rotten, neither want or need for nothing. Vacations, jewelry etc is given to them on their birthdays and throughout the year. BOTH men cheat though...and I mean multiple side chicks smh. It's a little tricky with Caps when you are worth the $ $ .

My mothers co worker is a Cap though...25yrs old and IN LOVE with a Virgo. He spoils her, bought her a designer dress for her bday and earrings to match. I don't think he would cheat, but I don't think she's a Virgo that's impressed with material things. I think the issue comes in when the women expect something grand. The Cap will deliver but vent his frustrations on how high maintenance his woman is to another woman.


Don't expect, but at the same time, he needs to acknowledge your bday. Make him do something! Even if it's make you a card.

why?

Because he's in a relationship and he needs to learn how to step it up. This is the basics...like extremely simple stuff that is no harm for him to do. She's not asking for anything grand or everyday of the week, just something sweet on that one day that rolls around ONCE a year. He is being selfish. I bet since he is with her, he expects her not to be seeing anyone else...so expectations are and will always be there for both parties. If he is not willing to do simple things that will make her happy then he is useless imo.

Then he has the nerve to make sure she gets him what he want smh.

@Nemesis, I do see where she says she doesn't plan on bringing it up again, which I personally think she should let him know how she feels. She is aware of what he likes and what will put a smile on his face, so I don't fault her for wanting someone that's willing to be as kind as she is. Maybe like LeoVeen says, it's a lack of compatibility because she will eventually hold a bit of resentment if she continues to give and not receive.

My sister is a Virgo and just the other day I was telling her about my issues in my situation and how I let my friend know every single thing that bothers me. She told me that I shouldn't do that. She was disappointed a whole lot when she was with her Taurus but only voiced it once. She said that you don't want a guy to feel like you will bring drama to his life by always complaining about something. And if it ends, you will be the one that got away because he will remember how cool and easy you were to deal with. Is this Virgo logic? btw, not saying it's right or wrong...what do I know about relationships?! I just wonder OP if this is a similar reason why you won't voice your disappointment again.

Posted by lnana04
why?

Because he's in a relationship and he needs to learn how to step it up. This is the basics...like extremely simple stuff that is no harm for him to do. She's not asking for anything grand or everyday of the week, just something sweet on that one day that rolls around ONCE a year. He is being selfish. I bet since he is with her, he expects her not to be seeing anyone else...so expectations are and will always be there for both parties. If he is not willing to do simple things that will make her happy then he is useless imo.

Then he has the nerve to make sure she gets him what he want smh.

exactly. Its selfish on his part. Id make it known to him. I dont believe in nagging him, but ffs let him know where he fell short as a boyfriend.

how else are we supposed to learn?

Posted by Nemesis

Posted by lnana04
why?

Because he's in a relationship and he needs to learn how to step it up. This is the basics...like extremely simple stuff that is no harm for him to do. She's not asking for anything grand or everyday of the week, just something sweet on that one day that rolls around ONCE a year. He is being selfish. I bet since he is with her, he expects her not to be seeing anyone else...so expectations are and will always be there for both parties. If he is not willing to do simple things that will make her happy then he is useless imo.

Then he has the nerve to make sure she gets him what he want smh.

it should not be an issue - i mean yeah it's the basics and it's something you should do voluntarily no? it's a special gesture for a special day i get that - but she is putting up with it? as i stated, the b-day present was just the icing on the cake - it's stands as a symbol for the dynamics (re the other stuff she complained about) - in any case it's presented very onesided - ohh poor me after all i do for you - look how you thank me sort of attitude? does he KNOW how she feels about this? or how she sees this at all? i??d wager he is fucking clueless. further i think she does not complain about getting him stuff and does it with a smile and hence giving him a wrong/false impression.

click to expand

which is where virgo women fall flat imo. As a mars in virgo, I get it. We put up and settle for much less than we deserve. We trick/convince ourselves into believeing this is how things are supposed to go.

But it aint.

Imo, this ismwhere we can all learn a lesson from arian women. Put your foot down!

Posted by lnana04
@Nemesis, I do see where she says she doesn't plan on bringing it up again, which I personally think she should let him know how she feels. She is aware of what he likes and what will put a smile on his face, so I don't fault her for wanting someone that's willing to be as kind as she is. Maybe like LeoVeen says, it's a lack of compatibility because she will eventually hold a bit of resentment if she continues to give and not receive.

My sister is a Virgo and just the other day I was telling her about my issues in my situation and how I let my friend know every single thing that bothers me. She told me that I shouldn't do that. She was disappointed a whole lot when she was with her Taurus but only voiced it once. She said that you don't want a guy to feel like you will bring drama to his life by always complaining about something. And if it ends, you will be the one that got away because he will remember how cool and easy you were to deal with. Is this Virgo logic? btw, not saying it's right or wrong...what do I know about relationships?! I just wonder OP if this is a similar reason why you won't voice your disappointment again.

my vrig friend said that 2. But dont let her fool you, she was disappointed every time. But she took it like a soilder and wore a smile. Beyonce in the elevator is a case example.

Posted by LeoVeen

Posted by lnana04
My sister is a Virgo and just the other day I was telling her about my issues in my situation and how I let my friend know every single thing that bothers me. She told me that I shouldn't do that. She was disappointed a whole lot when she was with her Taurus but only voiced it once. She said that you don't want a guy to feel like you will bring drama to his life by always complaining about something. And if it ends, you will be the one that got away because he will remember how cool and easy you were to deal with. Is this Virgo logic?

Okay, that is 100% Cancer moon logic. It's part of how we get revenge.

click to expand

My sis is a Cancer moon too lol.

@dmv, yeah, my sis was disappointed, but that's what I feel...she wouldn't even express it to me. I think she won in the end on many things, but then again, I do wonder at times if she would have gotten what she wanted had she spoken up. idk.

Posted by LeoVeen

Posted by Nemesis
silent expectations are killers ....

It's a good thing they're killers. It shows you arent compatible with each other. Just let the relationship die... I have no idea how to deal with Capricorns.

+1

Cool friends, but some are just strange as fuck when it comes to deeper emotions beyond that.

I'm also thinking about what kind of person doesn't automatically find it appropriate to celebrate someone close to them's birthday? Like what kind of family life did they have growing up, what other difference in values do you guys have, etc. I just see this sort of thing snowballing. I'd walk, but when it comes to relationships, I'm a quitter. Why waste time on someone who doesn't get you? You really can't even get that close with someone like that. I don't see the practicality in that unless you're dependent on them in some way.

click to expand

Right?

And if you have to shape and mold someone into being a decent person in a relationship, chances are that it wasn't really compatible to begin with. It seems as if people confuse "relationships take work" with "you have to practically teach them how to not be a dick head." It should be more "they did this that I was not cool with, I brought it to their attention that I'm not cool with it, and they adjusted their behavior accordingly" and less "They did this that I was not cool with, I brought it to their attention, they barely did anything about it/shrugged it off/blamed me, and continued. So here I am babying the fuck out of them to get them to change."

No. Just no.

I have noticed that virgos get payback in other ways...

Nvm, just took a gander. I see one other instance where he was being a user.

Put that foot down, chica. When you come across a Cap like this, he'll just take and take. Less analyzing about his behaviors, in the zillions of posts you've made, and more action about the bad behaviors you've experienced so far.

Posted by DMV
I have noticed that virgos get payback in other ways...

Yep, that's my sister. She's having problems with her Libra right now because he's always going out. She spoke to him about it, and he hasn't changed so she is "doing her" smh lol.

Call him out on his crap. Caps expect that. I, for one, respect you more if you do. A cap will run all over you if you let them, so it is your responsibility to speak up for yourself. Otherwise, the behavior will continue and he will lose respect.

Some caps are just users. Their motto is "I use". 😄 That's the way cap is. If you want someone who remembers your b'day and who will dote on you, don't date a cap. If he treats you like this now, imagine how he will treat you when you both are married. Yikes!

Posted by VirgoDragirl
Some caps are just users. Their motto is "I use". 😄 That's the way cap is. If you want someone who remembers your b'day and who will dote on you, don't date a cap. If he treats you like this now, imagine how he will treat you when you both are married. Yikes!

Actually, caps do dote on the ones they love. If they really love you, you would be amazed how we look after you, spoil you, dote on you, and we will very generous with you with our time and money.

Posted by truecap

Posted by VirgoDragirl
Some caps are just users. Their motto is "I use". 😄 That's the way cap is. If you want someone who remembers your b'day and who will dote on you, don't date a cap. If he treats you like this now, imagine how he will treat you when you both are married. Yikes!

Actually, mature/evolved caps do dote on the ones they love. If they really love you, you would be amazed how we look after you, spoil you, dote on you, and we will very generous with you with our time and money.

click to expand

Fixed. :p

Posted by FVME
I think a lot of people on dxp either just suck at judging someone's character and pick shitty mates or suck at communicating. None of this should be an issue.

I think the most common, and notorious issue, is the lack of communication. I'm sure we've all been guilty of it, but some people just suck at it. Society is breeding people to be scared of discussing things in situations like this.

"Omg, I'll look crazy/sound stupid/some other form of judgement if I bring it up. So I just won't say anything and hope they get the hint with my overly subtle clues."

Conflict and confrontation! ohnoes!! This is what happens when so many generations are raised coddled and sheltered...

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by truecap

Posted by VirgoDragirl
Some caps are just users. Their motto is "I use". 😄 That's the way cap is. If you want someone who remembers your b'day and who will dote on you, don't date a cap. If he treats you like this now, imagine how he will treat you when you both are married. Yikes!

Actually, mature/evolved caps do dote on the ones they love. If they really love you, you would be amazed how we look after you, spoil you, dote on you, and we will very generous with you with our time and money.

Fixed. :p

click to expand

I agree. Thanks.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by FVME
I think a lot of people on dxp either just suck at judging someone's character and pick shitty mates or suck at communicating. None of this should be an issue.

I think the most common, and notorious issue, is the lack of communication. I'm sure we've all been guilty of it, but some people just suck at it. Society is breeding people to be scared of discussing things in situations like this.

"Omg, I'll look crazy/sound stupid/some other form of judgement if I bring it up. So I just won't say anything and hope they get the hint with my overly subtle clues."

Conflict and confrontation! ohnoes!! This is what happens when so many generations are raised coddled and sheltered...

click to expand

Yep! There's a way to address it without being confrontational and creating conflict. It's called rational, logical conversation leaving drama and emotional at the door.

Posted by March8Pisces

Posted by CluelessCancer
to the op why did you make a thread about a cancer male? are you double dipping, or looking for an exit?

looks like she is rotating, cc.

click to expand

moreso getting back at her partner in a passive aggressive way.

Posted by M

Posted by truecap

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by FVME
I think a lot of people on dxp either just suck at judging someone's character and pick shitty mates or suck at communicating. None of this should be an issue.

I think the most common, and notorious issue, is the lack of communication. I'm sure we've all been guilty of it, but some people just suck at it. Society is breeding people to be scared of discussing things in situations like this.

"Omg, I'll look crazy/sound stupid/some other form of judgement if I bring it up. So I just won't say anything and hope they get the hint with my overly subtle clues."

Conflict and confrontation! ohnoes!! This is what happens when so many generations are raised coddled and sheltered...

Yep! There's a way to address it without being confrontational and creating conflict. It's called rational, logical conversation leaving drama and emotional at the door.

True. Yet it fails in the face of someone who keeps impossible definitions of people. Bring something up/ go off script and watch how quickly they write others off.

click to expand

This is so true. It took me 3 serious relationships to realize you need to respect yourself. Some women just want to take control and constantly give in a relationship. Its in their DNA. It's okay to stop giving and recieve.

My cap and I have been together for almost three years. It took a lot of trial and error but I can't help but be so thankful I waited the hard times out. He used to ignore me, have me do his homework, borrow money...etc. I wouldn't get anything in return. But I was giving it up and letting those things happen.

I truly believe caps act a certain way towards you because they want to find out if your loyal and trustworthy. It's kind of crappy because my cap didn't realize how much he hurt me. But we have come so far and he is no where near like this person anymore.

Maybe because he has a successful career now, and we live together. A lot has changed and we stuck it out. I was patient with him. Ask yourself some questions.. What's he going through? Is he getting where he wants to be

***continued***

Is he getting where he wants to be? Does he show his affection in different ways and you don't notice?

It's been 3 years since we've been together and around our one year mark I wouldn't have imagined I would be coming home to someone so caring and thoughtful. The other day I came home from work and he had chocolates and an expensive gift for me. Completely out of the blue. That's just an example of how much has changed.

I meant to quote march8pisces about giving/receiving in a relationship.

hihi 🙂
it's me!!!

sorry been busy lately and came up to see so many updates.

so cap and I we r still together.

still no bday present after 2 months. nagged at him a little and he says he would get but I kinda dropped the expectations.

I have also been v vocal w how I feel about us. while he didn't indicate he would try to be more involved, he seem to be processing what I said. whether he puts any change into action I think too soon to tell.

other things I like about him include his amazing patience, and when he cleans his room n wash the dishes... haha.

we haven't gotten into any serious fights yet, it's been 9 months n counting.

he seems to be more generous lately, ( after I got so mad at him for constantly taking advantage of others when it comes to paying).

he also suggested introducing me to his extended family.
we should be okay for a while, thanks for all the concern.


regarding cancer guy.

so I have this cancer friend.
( at this pt in time I really hv no clue his relationship status)

cancer guy seems very disapproving of my cancer guy, saying how much cap bf is taking me for granted, blah blah blah. concurrently, cancer guy has been very sweet to me and planned a belated bday celebration for me.

cancer guy is nice guy, but he gets so mad and angry at me for all the smallest things that our frendship is affected too.

I asked in the hope of understanding any ways I can help
our friendship.

nothing much and def I am no two timer.

of course, the difference in his style and my cap bf style is really distinct. I shall start a post on this for general discussion and to listen to ur insights!

thanks 🙂

* I mean cancer guy is disapproving of my cap bf.

Posted by tripleCap


I think he's cheap and inconsiderate.

You've been dating for 6 months and
he can't take you to a nice dinner?
He doesn't know what flowers are or a
fcuking card?

Geez,

I take my friends out to dinner on
their birthdays and it's not a big deal.

Excuses and no effort.
Sounds like he's taking you for granted.
Stop giving and yes
talk to him about it!

I agree! I've been with my Cap for about 6 months as well. He's out of the country, so he won't be here my birthday, but he's always bringing it up, asking me what I want.

You could get a card for 99 cents.

Glad things are going better as of late!! Good thing you stepped up hope it stays like this. I'd be exhausted having to call out on men all the time. I'd end things with Cancer though. And work things out with Cap. Goodluck!

Things are not better for Nights, she's just over compensating for the shitty behavior she's experiencing by him, basically spraying perfume on shit, attempting to hide the obvious shitty smell.

The guy tolerates her. He feeds her crumbs. The fact that she idolizes, worships the ground he walks on keeps him around which also keeps him this selfish narcissist space with her.

Also the sex is what he's sticking it out for. It's most likely available and plentiful so to keep it flowing he'll throw more crumbs at it.

A man that does not do anything on a woman's birthday is not that into her.

A woman that gives and gives even after she witness the lack of love and attention in her relationship has some serious self esteem issues and will live in a loved starved situation, fight and fight for a crumb of love and affection and then whine and whine about the lack that's evolving in her relationship. It never occurs to this type of woman to leave, to save herself from the deep deprivation she's experiencing.

He is not the problem, she is, her self esteem is the tremendous issue, no one can really help her until she helps herself.

It's okay now until...Until he's back to being apathetic and absent. New thread will be written again.