CutieGirl
@CutieGirl
13 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 166 · Topics: 7
Returning all capricorn bf's stuff. Moving on.
HELLO?
If you feel its the right thing, then yes, however I get the impression from your other thread that you are hoping for a reaction. Why not just break up and be done with it? You say he's going thru something personal. The break up will be enough added to deal with, but expecting him to also fight for the relationship during this time seems a bit selfish imho.
How DARE you say I'm any where near being self centered! After all I've done to show him I'm there for him! I have done EVERYTHING I can to help this man! Did you not even READ my freakin' post. HELL YES I want him to fight! That's what this whole thing has been about! I just want him to wake up. He's not dead, he's just going through a very very treatable ailment and he's acting like it's the end of the line for him! He loves me one minute and pushes me away the next - I've taken it all and still loved his ass like it didn't hurt like hell. I love him so much but I'm tired of taking it.
I just noticed your ages. My deepest apologizes. You clearly don't have enough life experience to even know how to answer a question like this. I was wrong for asking a question that was so far above your heads and I'm sorry.
I hope you learn in life when to walk away and say "enough is enough". Even though someone is not feeling well, it's not OK for you to stay there and take their disrespect.
I hope you learn in life when to walk away and say "enough is enough". Even though someone is not feeling well, it's not OK for you to stay there and take their disrespect.
Posted by CutieGirl
I hope you learn in life when to walk away and say "enough is enough". Even though someone is not feeling well, it's not OK for you to stay there and take their disrespect.
YOU have to learn to say enough is enough first. Wanting him to fight for you and fix the relationship is not really walking away, its wanting a reaction. If you were really tired of taking his disrespect you'd be completely done. That was a nice piece of advice you gave, now follow it.
I haven't broken up with him yet; I hadn't even told him how upset I am because my girlfriend asked me to wait, but it's OK. I'm just really hurting right now and want things to be back the way they used to be when we were very happy.
Making a post to a community of people that hadn't bothered to read what I wrote is making me hurt even more.
I'll figure it out by myself.
Peace
Making a post to a community of people that hadn't bothered to read what I wrote is making me hurt even more.
I'll figure it out by myself.
Peace
Posted by CutieGirl
I'm an Aqua/Pisces cusp
There's the biggest problem!
Posted by CutieGirl
He says he loves me and doesn't want to break up, but has grown really distant. Hot one day, cold the next. He's concerned that a doctor's report won't come back OK. Unfortunately he's not handling it well.
And, yet, you want to dump his ass?
Posted by CutieGirl
Although he calls almost every day, it's been a month since he's really spent any quality time with me which is unusual for him. We were FINALLY going to hang out this weekend when at the last minute he sends a text to cancel and tells me he's gonna go talk to his sister but he'll take me to dinner tomorrow after his doctor's appt. No explanation or prior discussion at all. Well that was it! I was done! I told him I was totally busy the next day and for him to have a nice time with his sister.
Jealous over the sister much? Thinking of no one but yourself!
Posted by CutieGirl
I didn't have a problem with him talking to his sister it was just the way he kicked me to the curb to do it.
YES YOU DID! You show no sensitivity toward what he is going through. Regardless, family comes first!
Posted by CutieGirl
I've tried to be there for him 150% , be patient, be loving and supportive
Keep lying to yourself!
Posted by CutieGirl
I wrote him a letter and told him the way he handled things with the cancellation was the last straw. I see now that I'm no longer a priority in your life so I'm saying good-bye.
You apparently never made him a priority in your life or you wouldn't be acting like a selfish, immature little bitch!
Posted by CutieGirl
I know this is a difficult time for him, I'm trying to be thereclick to expand
ROFL
Posted by CutieGirl
he's acting like a disrespectful jerk. Why should I let a man treat me like that and still stay?
No, you're acting like a disrespectful little bitch. I'm surprised he wants to continue with you!
Posted by CutieGirl
Am I really doing the right thing?
click to expand
For HIM and his sanity, indeed! He deserves someone who actually cares...
I was being gentle....
I see lildol's on a role 😉
We all have our generous moments! 🙂
I won't hold it against you this time. Carry on. 🙂
"I haven't broken up with him yet; I hadn't even told him how upset I am because my girlfriend asked me to wait, but it's OK. I'm just really hurting right now and want things to be back the way they used to be when we were very happy.
Making a post to a community of people that hadn't bothered to read what I wrote is making me hurt even more.
I'll figure it out by myself.
Peace"
Things will never be the same again, he's attempting to cope with his illness the best way he can and yes he's going to be selfish, that doesn't mean you have to be second, of course not, and yet you're expected to find balance between allowing him space to deal with his ailment and yet also finding space to be together when the elephant of sickness is in the room hogging up the time you have with him.
It's best to move on if you feel neglected, you're not doing him any favors if you feel resentful, you're just adding stress to both of your lives, he doesn't need the stress and I'm sure he's not neglecting you on purpose so yes move on if it's not working for you, yes he'll feel the loss of losing you but he's mostly concerned with not losing his quality of life, there will be no fighting for you, he's fighting for his life through an illness, that's the biggest fight of his life, he won't fight to keep you when he's fighting to save himself.
Making a post to a community of people that hadn't bothered to read what I wrote is making me hurt even more.
I'll figure it out by myself.
Peace"
Things will never be the same again, he's attempting to cope with his illness the best way he can and yes he's going to be selfish, that doesn't mean you have to be second, of course not, and yet you're expected to find balance between allowing him space to deal with his ailment and yet also finding space to be together when the elephant of sickness is in the room hogging up the time you have with him.
It's best to move on if you feel neglected, you're not doing him any favors if you feel resentful, you're just adding stress to both of your lives, he doesn't need the stress and I'm sure he's not neglecting you on purpose so yes move on if it's not working for you, yes he'll feel the loss of losing you but he's mostly concerned with not losing his quality of life, there will be no fighting for you, he's fighting for his life through an illness, that's the biggest fight of his life, he won't fight to keep you when he's fighting to save himself.
I actually think some of you are trying to sound ignorant.
I have been the most loving, supportive woman to him that he's ever known. I know because he tells me I am. I cook his meals, I attend support meeting with him, build him up, offered to go to his dr's appts with him, comfort and support him in every way I can.
I love his family, and they love me. I didn't have an issue with that, but we just had plans to spend quality time together after not seeing each other for a month. Our communication had already been very strained. With everything being so tender the least he could have done was let me know before hand and not spring it on me; I'd never do that to him. We discuss everything else, this should have been no different.
He can find time and money for all the things he wants to do for people that don't give him nearly as much as I do. He can at least fill me in on what's going on. Ypu guys act like he's about to die! He's not on his death bed and he won't be anytime soon, but I've still been there for him no matter what.
If you're simply riding the bandwagon of "let's all piss on her 'cause I can't really understand what she's going through" then I don't think you'll ever have the capacity to understand and I don't consider your answers as quality responses.
I am not insensitive to what he's going through, never been insensitive for one day, but if I'm going to go through this with him, he's got to LET me because I've been there for him over and over again. We've talked about him being so distant and he knows how it makes me feel. If you want me to stay so bad, why are you pushing me away when you know you need me the most right now?
When he blew off our time together and didn't call later that night that was just the last straw.
So if you can't really understand fine my position. Fine. Just keep the sillyness to yourself.
I have been the most loving, supportive woman to him that he's ever known. I know because he tells me I am. I cook his meals, I attend support meeting with him, build him up, offered to go to his dr's appts with him, comfort and support him in every way I can.
I love his family, and they love me. I didn't have an issue with that, but we just had plans to spend quality time together after not seeing each other for a month. Our communication had already been very strained. With everything being so tender the least he could have done was let me know before hand and not spring it on me; I'd never do that to him. We discuss everything else, this should have been no different.
He can find time and money for all the things he wants to do for people that don't give him nearly as much as I do. He can at least fill me in on what's going on. Ypu guys act like he's about to die! He's not on his death bed and he won't be anytime soon, but I've still been there for him no matter what.
If you're simply riding the bandwagon of "let's all piss on her 'cause I can't really understand what she's going through" then I don't think you'll ever have the capacity to understand and I don't consider your answers as quality responses.
I am not insensitive to what he's going through, never been insensitive for one day, but if I'm going to go through this with him, he's got to LET me because I've been there for him over and over again. We've talked about him being so distant and he knows how it makes me feel. If you want me to stay so bad, why are you pushing me away when you know you need me the most right now?
When he blew off our time together and didn't call later that night that was just the last straw.
So if you can't really understand fine my position. Fine. Just keep the sillyness to yourself.
Posted by tiki33
"I haven't broken up with him yet; I hadn't even told him how upset I am because my girlfriend asked me to wait, but it's OK. I'm just really hurting right now and want things to be back the way they used to be when we were very happy.
Making a post to a community of people that hadn't bothered to read what I wrote is making me hurt even more.
I'll figure it out by myself.
Peace"
Things will never be the same again, he's attempting to cope with his illness the best way he can and yes he's going to be selfish, that doesn't mean you have to be second, of course not, and yet you're expected to find balance between allowing him space to deal with his ailment and yet also finding space to be together when the elephant of sickness is in the room hogging up the time you have with him.
It's best to move on if you feel neglected, you're not doing him any favors if you feel resentful, you're just adding stress to both of your lives, he doesn't need the stress and I'm sure he's not neglecting you on purpose so yes move on if it's not working for you, yes he'll feel the loss of losing you but he's mostly concerned with not losing his quality of life, there will be no fighting for you, he's fighting for his life through an illness, that's the biggest fight of his life, he won't fight to keep you when he's fighting to save himself.
Finally an intelligent response!
THANK YOU TIKI33!!!!! I needed to hear that!
He prolly won't fight. Caps will surround themselves with busy work and focus on self after a break up. That's what my ex cap did. But, good luck.
Tiki said basically the same thing as all of the Caps and our friends who responsed to you, she just put a nice, sugary coating on it. You came here seeking reinforcement; instead of receiving this, your were challenged. Your defensiveness suggests that you feel you are making the wrong decision. It would likely behoove you to invest some thought into why you are doubting what you intend to do before taking any action.
@OP, Let me reword your original post from a Cap standpoint (MAYBE it will simplify things for you).
This is at face value, mind you... we don't read too much into anything.
He is going through a difficult time and has been somewhat withdrawn (normal). You are too self centered to recognize his personal struggles. As a result, he turns to his family. You, in turn, react in a jealous manner and intend to shut him out all together thereby showing your true colors.
I think that about sums it up...
This is at face value, mind you... we don't read too much into anything.
He is going through a difficult time and has been somewhat withdrawn (normal). You are too self centered to recognize his personal struggles. As a result, he turns to his family. You, in turn, react in a jealous manner and intend to shut him out all together thereby showing your true colors.
I think that about sums it up...
Thanks EusiveSoulll,
the "Hello" at the beginning was because I didn't think anyone saw the post, I'm new here and I really needed some feedback.
I did need to settle down emotionally so thank you for reminding me to do that and thank you for breaking it down so throughly. It helps that you are an Aqua/Pisces cusp like me.
I am very classy it's just that I don't do too well with responses that don't seem to be intellectual or genuine.
Anyway, the truth is that I do love him dearly, I just didn't see any other way to protect my heart. I am over 40/he's over 50 so our connection was very quick and very intense. I don't think you always need years to know you love someone even if it's only for a season.
This whole situation has reminded me how intouch I am with the fact that real love means you're willing to let go. Letting go means walking through feelings of fear and hurt that takes alot of courage sometimes.
Anyway, I'm still trying to be a friend to him. Fortunately, I was able to maintain enough composure to not call him and let him know how deeply hurt I was or that I was on the brink of ending it all. I felt very disrespected by what he did but he has NO idea the melt down I've had in the last 24 hours.
I left him a message to let him know I was in a meeting but that I WAS calling to check on him and see if he's OK. I'll reach out to him once more before I go to bed and if we don't connect, I'll wait until he decides to reach out to me. If he doesn't, so be it. I have loved freely and with my whole heart. I have done all I can to show him that I am a good woman and a good friend, but that good friends is something to be honored and not taken for granted. I have enjoyed many moments of happiness while he was in my life and for that I am grateful to God.
the "Hello" at the beginning was because I didn't think anyone saw the post, I'm new here and I really needed some feedback.
I did need to settle down emotionally so thank you for reminding me to do that and thank you for breaking it down so throughly. It helps that you are an Aqua/Pisces cusp like me.
I am very classy it's just that I don't do too well with responses that don't seem to be intellectual or genuine.
Anyway, the truth is that I do love him dearly, I just didn't see any other way to protect my heart. I am over 40/he's over 50 so our connection was very quick and very intense. I don't think you always need years to know you love someone even if it's only for a season.
This whole situation has reminded me how intouch I am with the fact that real love means you're willing to let go. Letting go means walking through feelings of fear and hurt that takes alot of courage sometimes.
Anyway, I'm still trying to be a friend to him. Fortunately, I was able to maintain enough composure to not call him and let him know how deeply hurt I was or that I was on the brink of ending it all. I felt very disrespected by what he did but he has NO idea the melt down I've had in the last 24 hours.
I left him a message to let him know I was in a meeting but that I WAS calling to check on him and see if he's OK. I'll reach out to him once more before I go to bed and if we don't connect, I'll wait until he decides to reach out to me. If he doesn't, so be it. I have loved freely and with my whole heart. I have done all I can to show him that I am a good woman and a good friend, but that good friends is something to be honored and not taken for granted. I have enjoyed many moments of happiness while he was in my life and for that I am grateful to God.
I don't think he wants you around...
I don't think he wanted to see you...
Ontop of it all he is going through, you are always around, as you say, to 'support' him, but it's STILL all about you. You talk about him like he owes you something...
Kinda like 'okay since I did this and this for you, you should do this for me!' Its not about that. I feel like you are suffocating him and are basically making all these demands.
Love is not about being owed or entitled to something which is what you feel, now that you are not receiving the attention you feel you are entitled to, you wana leave.
You know what, you should leave.
Love and giving are supposed to have no conditions, no extra terms and you my friend don't love him unconditionally, you have certain conditions he must meet.
To get into your shoes, I would also be very upset if my bf cancelled on me last minute to talk to anyone! But the focus of hurt would not be 'AFTER ALL I DID FOR HIM,ThIS IS HOW HE REPAYS ME??'
It would be focused on ' I've missed you terribly throughout the month and now I won't get to see you?' But in the end, you calm down about it, and you understand.
Its as if he has a debt to pay everytime he comes to see you, its how you feel, and caps pick it up, its all written in the way you do things for him.
He knows you are not doing it from the heart. Leave him and let him be.
Since your precious loving self has been taken for granted, leave.
I don't think he wanted to see you...
Ontop of it all he is going through, you are always around, as you say, to 'support' him, but it's STILL all about you. You talk about him like he owes you something...
Kinda like 'okay since I did this and this for you, you should do this for me!' Its not about that. I feel like you are suffocating him and are basically making all these demands.
Love is not about being owed or entitled to something which is what you feel, now that you are not receiving the attention you feel you are entitled to, you wana leave.
You know what, you should leave.
Love and giving are supposed to have no conditions, no extra terms and you my friend don't love him unconditionally, you have certain conditions he must meet.
To get into your shoes, I would also be very upset if my bf cancelled on me last minute to talk to anyone! But the focus of hurt would not be 'AFTER ALL I DID FOR HIM,ThIS IS HOW HE REPAYS ME??'
It would be focused on ' I've missed you terribly throughout the month and now I won't get to see you?' But in the end, you calm down about it, and you understand.
Its as if he has a debt to pay everytime he comes to see you, its how you feel, and caps pick it up, its all written in the way you do things for him.
He knows you are not doing it from the heart. Leave him and let him be.
Since your precious loving self has been taken for granted, leave.
I don't think he wants you around...
I don't think he wanted to see you...
Ontop of it all he is going through, you are always around, as you say, to 'support' him, but it's STILL all about you. You talk about him like he owes you something...
Kinda like 'okay since I did this and this for you, you should do this for me!' Its not about that. I feel like you are suffocating him and are basically making all these demands.
Love is not about being owed or entitled to something which is what you feel, now that you are not receiving the attention you feel you are entitled to, you wana leave.
You know what, you should leave.
Love and giving are supposed to have no conditions, no extra terms and you my friend don't love him unconditionally, you have certain conditions he must meet.
To get into your shoes, I would also be very upset if my bf cancelled on me last minute to talk to anyone! But the focus of hurt would not be 'AFTER ALL I DID FOR HIM,ThIS IS HOW HE REPAYS ME??'
It would be focused on ' I've missed you terribly throughout the month and now I won't get to see you?' But in the end, you calm down about it, and you understand.
Its as if he has a debt to pay everytime he comes to see you, its how you feel, and caps pick it up, its all written in the way you do things for him.
He knows you are not doing it from the heart. Leave him and let him be.
Since your precious loving self has been taken for granted, leave.
I don't think he wanted to see you...
Ontop of it all he is going through, you are always around, as you say, to 'support' him, but it's STILL all about you. You talk about him like he owes you something...
Kinda like 'okay since I did this and this for you, you should do this for me!' Its not about that. I feel like you are suffocating him and are basically making all these demands.
Love is not about being owed or entitled to something which is what you feel, now that you are not receiving the attention you feel you are entitled to, you wana leave.
You know what, you should leave.
Love and giving are supposed to have no conditions, no extra terms and you my friend don't love him unconditionally, you have certain conditions he must meet.
To get into your shoes, I would also be very upset if my bf cancelled on me last minute to talk to anyone! But the focus of hurt would not be 'AFTER ALL I DID FOR HIM,ThIS IS HOW HE REPAYS ME??'
It would be focused on ' I've missed you terribly throughout the month and now I won't get to see you?' But in the end, you calm down about it, and you understand.
Its as if he has a debt to pay everytime he comes to see you, its how you feel, and caps pick it up, its all written in the way you do things for him.
He knows you are not doing it from the heart. Leave him and let him be.
Since your precious loving self has been taken for granted, leave.
Posted by leilaxxlovez
I don't think he wants you around...
I don't think he wanted to see you...
Ontop of it all he is going through, you are always around, as you say, to 'support' him, but it's STILL all about you. You talk about him like he owes you something...
Kinda like 'okay since I did this and this for you, you should do this for me!' Its not about that. I feel like you are suffocating him and are basically making all these demands.
Love is not about being owed or entitled to something which is what you feel, now that you are not receiving the attention you feel you are entitled to, you wana leave.
You know what, you should leave.
Love and giving are supposed to have no conditions, no extra terms and you my friend don't love him unconditionally, you have certain conditions he must meet.
To get into your shoes, I would also be very upset if my bf cancelled on me last minute to talk to anyone! But the focus of hurt would not be 'AFTER ALL I DID FOR HIM,ThIS IS HOW HE REPAYS ME??'
It would be focused on ' I've missed you terribly throughout the month and now I won't get to see you?' But in the end, you calm down about it, and you understand.
Its as if he has a debt to pay everytime he comes to see you, its how you feel, and caps pick it up, its all written in the way you do things for him.
He knows you are not doing it from the heart. Leave him and let him be.
Since your precious loving self has been taken for granted, leave.
He knows I'm not doing it from the heart—? Girl I don't think you know what the hell you're talking about! I don't make him feel like he owes me anything but respect. We didn't have to go out that day, he just should have discussed it with me. Everything we've done has been centered completely around his illness in an effort to help him get back to normal, but a person still has to communicate. He is no where near being on his deathbed. You can't be a jerk to people that love you just because you're not feeling well. Maybe he didn't want to see me, that's OK, but maybe it was for all the wrong reasons. Maybe he thinks he can do this thing all by himself - I don't know, but if I DO let go it's not because I'm thinking of myself and what I want, (I WANT to be with him), it would be because I'm seeing what he's communicating with his actions.
Posted by 3588PISCES
ooops sorry ^^^^
Hey woman because you are not a girl anymore.
A few years ago I was feeling very sick, and the last thing I wanted was someone bitchinnn for every single thing. There are moments people don't want to talk or just not feeling good and he said to you he couldnt see you that day but he invited you the next day. Those were very good indications. Now if he had ignored you the next day with no explanation after he said he would take you out to dinner then I would understand your dissapointment.
Oh yes & like Tiki said to you before, I was fighting to keep myself alive (ok, no, I wasn't dying), but He was nothing but a dramatic annoying needy person.. so I ended up telling him to please go away.
you are too old for this shit. fix yourself.
Im sorry but I had to say it.
I've tried to reach out to him. I've called 2x and left a text asking him to talk. He's not responding and it's really becoming hurtful to me.
Cutie Girl sounds like a saint. Don't you all hear her saying how awesome she is to him?
OK - I'll give you one on returning the gift. I won't do it. I'll admit I considered doing it because I thought that it was quiet some of the pain if I didn't see his things laying around. I was in a lot of sorrow and my motives weren't right.
I texted him and reminded him that I do love him, but I don't know what he needs from me right now. I would give it to him if I knew. I told him I don't know if he even wants me in your life anymore, and that I'm trying to be there for him all I can. I told him I know he's going through a lot right now, but I need you to let me know what's happening with you.
Finally he responded to my text and said: If you're not to BUSY, I'll call you after my Dr's appt.
All this sulking was because he couldn't have me on the ONE EXACT day he wanted me after HE unexpectantly blew off our date. This is the kind of stuff that really pisses me off. One phone call to let me know what was going on would have avoided all this confusion!
I texted him and reminded him that I do love him, but I don't know what he needs from me right now. I would give it to him if I knew. I told him I don't know if he even wants me in your life anymore, and that I'm trying to be there for him all I can. I told him I know he's going through a lot right now, but I need you to let me know what's happening with you.
Finally he responded to my text and said: If you're not to BUSY, I'll call you after my Dr's appt.
All this sulking was because he couldn't have me on the ONE EXACT day he wanted me after HE unexpectantly blew off our date. This is the kind of stuff that really pisses me off. One phone call to let me know what was going on would have avoided all this confusion!
All I still hear is her screaming ME, ME, ME, ME...
3588PISCES - Thank you Lady. I will do as you command. You haven't steered me wrong yet.
lildol - I don't know Hun. Men may not admit it, but they do appreciate women who know their worth and command SOME form of respect of themselves. I love that man to pieces, but I don't make laying down like linoleum a life style , esp when he pulls something disrespectful like that, so I'm sorry, if you're still hearing ME ME ME ME - Maybe you should clean out your ears.
lildol - I don't know Hun. Men may not admit it, but they do appreciate women who know their worth and command SOME form of respect of themselves. I love that man to pieces, but I don't make laying down like linoleum a life style , esp when he pulls something disrespectful like that, so I'm sorry, if you're still hearing ME ME ME ME - Maybe you should clean out your ears.
CutieGirl, you're very annoying. He's probably debating if you should be in his life. By the sounds of it, he is pulling back... he is using this sickness to rid himself of you, because you are right, in his time of need it's you he should be talking to, not his sister.
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He says he loves me and doesn't want to break up, but has grown really distant. Hot one day, cold the next. He's concerned that a doctor's report won't come back OK. Unfortunately he's not handling it well. Although he calls almost every day, it's been a month since he's really spent any quality time with me which is unusual for him. We were FINALLY going to hang out this weekend when at the last minute he sends a text to cancel and tells me he's gonna go talk to his sister but he'll take me to dinner tomorrow after his doctor's appt. No explanation or prior discussion at all. Well that was it! I was done! I told him I was totally busy the next day and for him to have a nice time with his sister. I didn't have a problem with him talking to his sister it was just the way he kicked me to the curb to do it. I've tried to be there for him 150% , be patient, be loving and supportive, give him his space but I can't keep feeling like I'm being taken for granted.
So I pack ALL his stuff - every present he ever gave me, all his personal items left at my house and put them in a box. I wrote him a letter and told him the way he handled things with the cancellation was the last straw. I see now that I'm no longer a priority in your life so I'm saying good-bye.
My girlfriend talked me out of delivering the box until a few more days, but I feel too hurt. I don't think leaving will make him wake up and fight for the relationship because he's a Capricorn, but I don't need his stuff around to remind me of him.
I KNOW he's not cheating on me. He's been loyal to a fault.
I know this is a difficult time for him, I'm trying to be there, but he's acting like a disrespectful jerk. Why should I let a man treat me like that and still stay?
Am I really doing the right thing?